Me.

He wants me to be me!! That’s the best thing I have ever heard. Me. I have constantly, throughout my life tried to be me but I am never accepted. Never wanted, unless conformity was in my near future. And now I find the one that wants me to be me…

Except today we had an unhappy moment…I know that is a pathetic thing to say about a newish relationship but I still feel the magical romance of my guy. 

And it doesn’t help that today was day 2 of the wonderful week in this month…πŸ˜‘

But we were listening to a song that I said, “when I hear this song I think of you”πŸ’•

Cute right…instead we get to the middle of it and he snaps, “please stop the song.”

I stop it, worried that he was offended or hurt by the song. Worried that me opening up more of my heart would make him wake up and realize I’m just me and I won’t be anything more. Within the 3 seconds that passed many more thoughts ran through my brain.

The song reminded him of his ex girlfriend…I died inside…he wasn’t hearing the sweet lyrics or the fact that the song is called ‘shotgun rider’ and I’m his shotgun rider…the fact that the song is about not wanting someone else…instead he thought of a girl who broke his heart and not me who now has attained his heart.

I know it’s a small useless thing to fret about but it hurt me. Especially since he said, “this is why I don’t like some country music, remember I told you.”

I don’t want to remember everything that reminds him of his ex…I don’t want to hear, see, smell something; tell him; and have his first thought be of her. 

I’m not someone who has only dated one, but instead of making one memory be just that, a singled out memory I prefer to replace bad memories with new better ones. I’ve been places, heard songs, eaten food that, before my guy, I had experienced them with others. But now I want all the old out and only him in my mind.

So I guess what hurt me is the fact that he praises me about being me but he asks me to remember things that will upset him, even if they are a part of me too.

I know it seems like I am mumbling or venting but that is what my blog is for. A place where I can write and discover my own feelings. 

And now some pictures because art always makes me happier.

Photo by emily2jane

Photo by emily2jane

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