‘Why won’t he notice me? I’ve done everything possible.’ I made sure to be in his classes. Made sure to be his desk partner. I help him with assignments; but I don’t think he actually sees me, just my answers. I try to sit nearby him at lunch; a couple tables away, but he can still see me. I joined a swim team to share his sport; I’m not really a sport person. I’ve attempted to learn about cars and hockey to share his hobbies; that’s not going so well either. But still, nothing. ‘Why not me?’

Instead it’s Lucy Marshall. The popular girl in school. She’s perfect. She has the looks, the smile, and I guess the personality. A personality that doesn’t care about a guy’s preferences; one that is all about me, me, me. But here I am trying to be the perfect girl. But no, I’m not at all on his radar.

Jordan Johnson. That’s his name by the way. He’s the most popular guy at school. He is every girl’s fantasy. But anyone who is not Lucy Marshall has no chance.

‘Here I am daydreaming about my desk make and I’m not at all paying attention to the teacher. Doesn’t really matter. I ace all the tests anyways.’ Probably a result of being homeschooled for my freshman and sophomore years. I think my mom taught me everything I needed to know in two years…

But at least I get to eyeball Jordan at swim practice. Finally the season is here! Three months. Only three more months of junior year. If I don’t get noticed; it’s never going to happen. I’ll have to try now, as I step back onto the pool deck. The pool deck is where dreams are started.

I peek over at Jordan. ‘Wow. His body was made for swimming. His body seemed to be sculpted to perfection.’ Thankfully I was in a pool or people would see the drool running down my chin. How was it possible to be so lost in someone? Especially someone who doesn’t know you even exist. ‘Right. I was going to make that change. But how?’ WHACK!

Throbbing pain! My forehead was on fire. Before I could think to ask a question I just heard laughter. Laughter around me…? No it was directed at me. When my eyes began to focus once more, I could see everyone staring at me. Pointing. Laughing. Everyone. Even Jordan was snickering. ‘That hurt.’ But being hit in the forehead wasn’t enough to cause this reaction…until I felt it. I had reached up and felt where my forehead had been; instead a large goofball sized bump had formed. I knew I probably looked ridiculous, but I was still in pain. Didn’t anyone care that I might actually be hurt?

Suddenly I was scooped up under my armpits, and out of the pool; steadied on the deck, and then pick up by someone. My head was spinning and I couldn’t concentrate. But I did hear the name calling.

“Yeah take away the eye sore.”

Also, “Egg head! Let’s call her egg head!”

I passed out to the giant eruption of laughter. ‘I want to go back to homeschooling.’

.-.-.Senior Year.-.-.

Well I did just what I wanted. It was the first thing I told my mom after I had recovered from my concussion and three day coma. And it being the first thing out of my mouth; my mother did not argue with me. I finished out my junior year being homeschooled. I know I shouldn’t care, and that they are just a bunch of dumb kids; but I reinvented myself. I was no longer the scared, quiet, intimidated girl.

After quitting public school and also the swim team, I realized how much I actually enjoyed swimming. So I have to thank butthead for making me try out something, I originally wouldn’t have tried. I love it! ‘Yes. His name is butthead now. After I saw him snickering at my pain, that was it. The thought of him now disgusted me.’ Also now that I’ve joined a private swim team, and I’ve swam all summer; I’ve met better guys. Not that I’m instantly attracted to them or anything, but that they are actual decent human beings. Even one of them is the reason I have ventured back into public high school. ‘Yep. That’s right. I’m back.’ Because Charlie, my new guy friend, challenged me to go back and destroy the girls records. Which I’m excited to do. Swim season starts tomorrow!!

But school. These last six months have flown by. It’s amazing when you don’t focus all your energy on one outlet, that you can do so much more. I’ve gotten A’s as always. But I’ve been apart of different clubs. The dance club, art club, ceramics club, radio club, etc. I thought I might as well try everything before high school is over and done.

I have seen him. Occasionally. Not that I’ve been seeking him out, but that we have crossed paths. The first time I saw him, I got sick to my stomach. Happy to know that the sight of him still made me feel disgusted; how did I ever like him? And I would like to say that my lack of presence around him has not phased him one bit. Thankfully I was not on his radar last year; or the probable constant tormenting would have been unbearable.

Let’s start fresh.

.-.-.-.

Swim season has been underway for almost a month. I’ve gotten better and better. Enough so, that I’m in the second fastest lane. The only people faster than me is: Jordan, Michael, Miguel, Nathan, and Charlie. ‘Yep. My friend Charlie. I don’t know why I didn’t know he had been on the team all four years. I’m blaming it on my lack of good visibility. Haha. That’s a real thing.’ But yeah, I’m the fastest girl on the entire team. And also yes. I’ve been chipping away at the records. I hold four of the eight. I just all depends on what our coach allows me to swim. Or if he is wanting to win the meet; then he puts me in my fastest events.

But I’ve been flying! Really. Swimming has made a huge difference on my life. I’m so happy I started when I did. Because there has already been offers from several different colleges; with full scholarships. ‘I’m stoked!!’ I thought this was just going to be a hobby; but I’m happy it is going to be a life altering thing. And I’ll be possibly going to college with Charlie. He has been an amazing friend through all of this. I don’t know what would have happened to me if Charlie hadn’t been in my life. I’m so happy I met him officially the day I joined the private team.

“ Sarah,” my friend Joyce called out to me.

“Yeah. What’s up?” I was finishing up showering after the grueling practice.

“You’ve been hanging out with Charlie a lot. Anything happening between you two?”

I felt my face flush, but I quickly pushed it aside. Im not saying I want something to happen. But I wouldn’t be apposed to something happening. “No, nothing is happening” I try to play it off cool. “Why do you ask?”

“Well I thought after last year, and now; that something was happening between you two.”

“What do you mean last year. What happened last year?”

“You don’t know? He’s the one that carried you to the nurses office that day. He carried you clear across campus in just his speedo. He was made fun of for the whole junior year. Everyone called out at him like, “Nice diaper.” He was diaper boy for the last three months. Didn’t you know?”

‘He carried me? He was made fun of. He was the one who helped me? No way! Why hasn’t he said anything.’ I needed answers. I didn’t wait for Joyce; I grabbed my gear and ran out of the locker room. Right smack into Charlie.

“Ouch!” I had run into his shoulder with my nose. “Watch where you are going.” ‘That was a stupid response.’

“Sure. Here I was standing still until something flew into me. But sure I’ll watch where I’m going next time.” Charlie turned walking away.

His sarcastic tone told me I could follow. So I did. We walked in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me about last year? I didn’t know anything.”

“Oh. I. Umm.”

Charlie stumbled around with his words. ‘This was not like Charlie. Charlie didn’t stumble. Charlie was perfect. He was a perfect gentlemen. He was a prefect teammate. And he would be the perfect boyfriend. But how do I bridge that subject.’

“I didn’t really know how to bring it up. I know it was not a good memory for you. And since you never brought it up, I just assumed you didn’t want to talk about it again, or that you didn’t remember it at all. Either way I was okay. I was going to be your friend no matter what. You are pretty cool. Even still when your eyes were glued to Jordan; I still thought you were a pretty cool girl.”

Charlie wasn’t really talking towards me. But I knew he was talking about me.

“You just had a bad taste in guys,” Charlie smirked at that last part.

‘Did my heart just flutter? At Charlie’s smirk? Oh no. It’s happening again. I’m going to go boy crazy again. Must distract myself.’ I just start walking forward. I needed to…I don’t know. But staying there looking at him was not the right answer.

“Hey wait,” Charlie grabbed my hand.

‘He’s holding my hand!?!’

“I’m sorry if I made you angry. I just know that Jordan is not the right guy for you. You deserve better. You deserve…”

‘I deserve…? Charlie just stopped talking. Could he mean? No don’t be ridiculous. Focus elsewhere. But not on the hand that still is holding yours. Oh, great. That’s all I can think of now!’

“Anyways. We should get going,” Charlie says as he drops my hand.

‘No.’ I don’t know what I was doing but I reached out and grasped his hand again. Then realizing what I was doing I dropped it quickly. My face was going to turn a bright red color here in a moment. ‘Walk away, Sarah. Before it’s too late.’ “You are right. Yeah, we should get going. Let’s go,” I quickly dashed off. Not really a run, but fast enough that I knew he wouldn’t follow me. He lives in the opposite direction.

I almost collapsed as I made it to the park besides my home. Running after a grueling workout was not the best plan of mine, but I needed to be anywhere away from…

“Why did you run off?” Charlie came running up too, just minutes after me.

‘Oh no. He would see me scarlet face.’ I threw up my hands to shield my face from his eye-line. My feelings would stay hidden. This was mot the smartest idea on my part.

“What are you doing?” Charlie probably thought I looked ridiculous. “Hey. Talk to me!”

His hands were holding my hands. ‘No. He’s stronger than me. He’s going to see.’ My hands were instantly brought down to my sides. His hands still held them in place. He was just looking at me in silence.

I couldn’t take this anymore and I decided to look up into his face. But what I saw, I wish I hadn’t looked. He was smirking at me. ‘Agh! He’s probably laughing at me. And here I am thinking his smirk is so cute. Ahhhh! Kill me now!’ I looked away. I tried to free my hands but to no avail he kept my hands prisoners.

“Sarah. Look at me.”

‘Nope. You might be fine with this, but I’m dying inside.’

“Sarah. Just look at me.”

“No.”

“Sarah” Charlie’s voice was pleading but kind.

I had to look. I had never heard Charlie’s voice like this before. I wanted to see the expression that went along with it. I slowly raised my gaze to look at his face. The smirk was gone. Instead I saw a smile. But then Charlie was stepping towards me. I couldn’t move, especially since my hands were still captured. And then…

A kiss. Only for a quick second. But still my first kiss! ‘He kissed me! So it does mean!!!’ I stepped towards him and gave him a kiss too. I wasn’t the same girl as before. I was more daring. I could kiss… ‘I kissed him!?! Why did I just do that. Oh my gosh that was so embarrassing.’

When I looked into Charlie’s eyes that smirk was back. I desperately tried but failed once again to be released from his hold on my hands; I wanted to run away. But instead I was held in place.

“You kissed me back. You know what this means right?”

I could hear the smirk in Charlie’s voice now. “No. What does it mean?” I looked back into Charlie’s eyes confidently. I was not going to cower. I could be brave.

“Your mine.” And Charlie kissed me once again.