I haven’t done one of these in a while. But this one isn’t from a cookbook. But I’ve made it several times and it’s a passed down recipe.
Easiest Applesauce!
First quarter the apples. Remove just enough of the cores for no seeds.
I just took my 5 squishy Fuji apples and got 4 nice honey crisps apples and mixed them. Honey crisps were cheaper than fuji yesterday…awesome! But weird…
Add water. Leave about 1 1/2” from the top so that when it boils you don’t make a mess. Believe me I have. Haha!
To be honest. This is actually 8 3/4 apples. The honey crips looked so delicious that I split a quarter with my kiddos.
Place lid on. Turn to medium-high heat. And start timer for 30min.
When it begins to boil teeter the lid so that some steam can escape.
Memory Lane: Realizing my pot lid is a bit smudgy. We got this pot from my husband’s grandparents good friend. So I’ve had it about ten years. It’s a great pot!
Once timer goes off. Turn off heat. And straighten the l lid and keep covered at least 1 hour. You can wait as long as you want. I think today I started the applesauce at 2:30pm and finally milled it at 6:30pm.
Next. Mill
I already took some apples out, but this is what they should look like. You will get the most applesauce this way. Use a slotted spoon to move apples. I like the old school mill. It’s what my mom had; it has memories.
When you let the apples sit, it helps them to break away from the peels. It makes the milling process so easy. And you get so much more applesauce this way!
That’s all the waste.
I didn’t dump out anything. This was all that was not used in all of those apples. Another big thing was it took me 6min to mill all the apples.
Look at all that applesauce!! So yummy!
Sadly we didn’t get to eat anything today. I froze it all in 2 1/2 cup amounts. I made 9 cups of applesauce!!
When winter hits and apples become more expensive, we will have applesauce made up already. Planning ahead. 😏
And you can definitely add sugar and cinnamon. You add it into the milled applesauce. It will still be warm enough to melt. My kiddos just don’t need any more extra boosts. I don’t know the measurements. Maybe sprinkle until you think it’s good…or ask google. Haha! Or you could sprinkle personal amounts on your personal bowl of applesauce when you go to eat it.
But I just wanted to share the simplicity of this recipe. With the trick I have figured out through the years.
Funny enough it was an accident. In the past… I had boiled the applesauce around 10am. And I left it on the stove. Got busy, and completely forgot about it. I think I remembered it around 6pm…it was cooled but it milled easily. And I got the most applesauce that day.
Share a few recent shots from your camera roll, no context needed.
#1 I think my daughter got a hold of my phone and took this. Haha!#2 A painting I started about 2 weeks ago. I haven’t done much to it since.#3 I’m realizing that most of my pictures are of my kids. But again. I think someone got a hold of my phone…#4 1st day of one of my newest paintings. I’m really loving it. Sky and trees!#5 It’s Fall! I love living somewhere where the trees change color.#6 Saw this on Pinterest and thought the idea was awesome 😎 #7 Clouds. I like clouds!#8 Beneath a tree…#9 Same tree. Just extra happy#10 I made thin mints. But I didn’t want to do all the work, so I made them squares. So easy and still so delicious 🤤
I skipped the pictures of my kids and art I’ve posted. But I did the last 10 pictures I took. Very interesting and different.
“She said what?” I was completely blindsided as we went for our pre bedtime walk.
“Dad said, that mom said she is afraid for her safety while you are there at the house.”
“What?! What does that even mean,” I was at a loss.
Yes, living with our in laws was never my decision. When we moved down here we had meant to stay in our tiny home. But due to mold, that quickly resulted in us homeless. So we were in preparation to move back home, however, surprisingly enough our in laws invited us into their home. I was not a fan of the idea, but I was willing to make it work so that my husband could change his career.
And yes, it was a struggle. But I worked with her. I worked around her schedule. I worked with her nitpicking attitude. I worked with her condescending tone. I went above and beyond to accommodate and respect that this was her home. But now to find out after seven months of living uncomfortably and stressed out, she randomly decides that she wants us out of the house because she’s afraid of me. I’m at a total loss.
About to speak my mind, Hank inturpts me, “I know. I know. It’s completely ridiculous. She just wants us gone. And she had to make up something drastic enough that Dad would gently tell us we need to leave.”
“Yeah,” I was fuming, “She can’t be the bad guy and tell the truth; no she had to lie to her husband and make him the bad guy. And make me the bad guy. Does she not realize how I’ve been living. Does she not understand that everything I’ve been doing is because she can’t compromise!” I was screaming this in my head, but I let it come out controlled and calm, because our children’s ears were around us.
“She asked for no toys to be visible in the house. That she wanted everything to be clean and neat. Which I did. All toys and chaos was in our room.” Mind you a back room with only a bathroom. “But I did that,” even after all my sacrifices and accommodations…
“Yeah. Funny thing about that one,” Hank cut in, “she claims that you don’t want her to be around the children because you don’t let them play in the house.” Hank chuckled.
“How am I supposed to let them play in the house, when toys are not allowed, yelling is not allowed, running is not allowed, let’s be honest our son is not allowed.” Not a laughing matter. Because it was true. My daughters were allowed to be playing, dancing, singing, giggling, but my son was not allowed and seemed almost not welcomed. ‘So was I supposed to listen to her demands and alienate my son…? Of course not! She didn’t want his high energy, so they stayed in the room to play. Siblings stick together.’
“She wanted a clean spotless kitchen; so I have been spending a good portion of my day doing what she asked. But it’s nitpicked. I’m not cleaning up their dishes. I’m only doing the bare minimum. I’m spending about three hours of my day cleaning the kitchen,” all my feelings were surfacing. All my emotions from these seven months have been bottled, and now are flowing downstream.
“But why does she say that she is afraid of me? That makes no sense to me at all?”
“What Dad was saying, mind you I’m just the messager; I don’t support or agree with anything they are saying,” Hank reassured me. “She feels like you don’t like her. You’re bullying her out of her home. You don’t talk with her, enough. I think she just doesn’t understand that, that is your normal personality.”
“That I’m an introvert,” I laughed because that statement explained it all. “I wonder if this all just steams from the fact that she doesn’t like introverts. Charles is an introvert, and she has always had issues with your sister’s husband. I think she just doesn’t associate with introverts enough to know that unless we feel the need to talk we won’t. Unless I’m asked something I’m not going to engaged in gossip or meaningless conversation. Your mom likes to gossip about everyone, including you and your dad; and I don’t find a desire to do that. I’ll give it to her, I’m not a huge fan of her either, but I’m at least civil. I’ll be polite, courteous, etc, but lately I’ve been feeling so depressed and stressed that I prefer to just stay in the room. Venturing out into the house can just open a can of worms that I don’t want to deal with.”
“Yeah. She has been getting more and more ridiculous. And the fact the Dad has to come talk to me, is annoying. Just say what you need to say to my face. But then it’s her having an issue with us, not your issue with her. I’m just so tired and done of the drama from her,”
I glanced towards Hank and he seemed to have aged five years in a conversation. ‘My poor husband.’
“I think we should really work at going home. Even if we are homeless up there. Even if I don’t have a job. I think it will be better for us to be struggling up there, than being slowly suffocated here.” Hank continued to push the stroller.
That thought terrified me. Being homeless with three kids, but the thought of not living here, was more appealing. You know things are bad when you will be purposely homeless to escape a living situation.
.-.-.-Three Months Later-.-.-.
“What!? They said what!?” I stopped washing the dishes to look at Hank.
He was laughing holding his phone, “they have asked if they could come up for Christmas.”
“HA!” I laughed out loud and loudly. It was hilarious. We moved up back home and have been living peacefully for two months. And now, the in-laws that so desperately wanted us gone, want to visit. The in-laws that made eight months of my life the worst I’ve ever felt, want to come here. My mother-in-law that said she is afraid to be around me, wants to enter my domain and see me. “This is ridiculous right, it’s not just me?!”
“Yeah. It’s pretty ridiculous. They made it truly awfully to live there. They made me so angry with how they treated you, our kids, and even myself. And now they’ve forgotten everything or twisted the past and want to come see us. Dad even said that he misses us and wonders why we had to leave. It is pure ridiculousness.”
“She said she’s afraid of me. If you are truly afraid of someone you don’t ask to be invited into their home. Like I’m afraid of my dad; I’m not going to call him up and ask if I can come to his home for the holidays. Being afraid of someone you feel suffocated to be in the same room as them, let alone, in their home. His home would be worse, because he has the higher ground, if something was to happen. Did she forget that she said that about me. How can she say something so hurtful, and then pretend nothing happened; that all is sunshine and rainbows.” Hank scooped me up into a hug; he understood me.
“So what do you want to do. I didn’t say yes or no. I wanted to ask what my beautiful other half thought.”
‘I didn’t know what I thought. I wanted to say no, because of the turmoil and sadness they caused me. But was that selfish of me? These last two months I’ve worked through my anxiety towards them. The thought of them being here doesn’t send me into panic mode. But I do know that I don’t want to have one and one time with her yet. I want Hank to be present the whole time. But is that wrong of me to put all of that on him? We need him to work extra shifts; if I say he needs to be home, then he will be stressed about supporting the family. I know that my kids would love to see them. I wish it was my mom, but that’s not feasible right now. We did the right thing and kept all the drama and hurtful things they did to us from our kids. They don’t need it in their lives.’
‘But can I be selfish and say no? Would that be the Christian thing to do? You should forgive others, because God forgives you all the time, every day. It just still baffles me that she said three months ago that she was afraid to be in her own house with me. That doesn’t just magically go away. So it just goes to show, that she didn’t want me in her home anymore and she said whatever she needed to, to get us out. But then with that thought…do I want all that around my kids. She already brings out the worst possible attitude in my daughter. It’s actually horrifying to witness. So do I want my happy holiday to be filled with uncertainty? I was looking forward to a holiday with just my husband and kids. But again am I being selfish?’
‘Another factor is, I know my husband wants to see his dad. My father-in-law is a good man. But he is allowing his manipulative wife to control him, which makes him less of a good man. But he’s still Hanks dad. So can I selfishly deny my husband, spending time with his dad. Can I be selfish and deny my husband a relationship with his dad currently?’
This hug was a lot longer than I anticipated, but my thoughts were wrestling with me. Instead of suffering alone I voiced them to Hank.
“I totally get where you are coming from. And I don’t know what the answer is,” Hank loosened his hold on me and pulled me away to look in his eyes. “Yes, I can say I would like to see my dad, but I don’t know if I really want to after how he treated us. And now it is apparent that they believe it was all our fault. But for me the big one is do we deny our kids, to not have a chance to spend Christmas with their grandparents. When I was a kid, having family around on Christmas made it extra fun, but I was also looking forward to having a holiday just to ourselves. I didn’t want to be social. I wanted to be just a lump and enjoy the holidays the way we used to. I don’t know the answer either…” Hank pulled me back into his arms.
“They can come,” I felt God place that on my heart. “I want to be a better person. Forgiving someone even if they don’t truly deserve it, is the right thing to do. I don’t want to say no and this be a stain in our lives. Because they will twist it to being my fault and that I don’t want your mom here. And when our kids grow up and they asked me why Mema doesn’t like me, I can tell them honestly that I tried everything in my power to make that not the case. I don’t want there to be something Mema could use or say in the future that she then won’t have to accept her actions. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but this is what I’m feeling right now in my heart. And when you don’t listen to the Holy Spirt, things happen. So they can come,” I released my tension into Hanks arms. He caught me.
“Okay,” Hank cradled me closer. “You won’t be in this alone. As much as possible, I will be home while they visit. And if I’m not, they can spend that day going out themselves to explore. We are not going to magically change our habits because they are here; they are grown ups and they can spend some time to themselves. I’ll try and make their visit as least stressful as possible for you.”
My body melted farther into his embrace. My safe haven was his arms. He was my rock in all moments of life. “I love you,” I whispered into his neck.
“I love you too. As our son always says, I love you from the moon and back.” Hank kissed my cheek and continued to hold me.
No matter what happens in our lives, hugs and love from this man can get me through it all.
What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?
No teenager listens to their parent’s advice. “Don’t date young.” I wish I had listened. But also I’ve learned so much now that I will definitely tell my daughter. Like…
Don’t date without the intention of marriage.
If you have this mindset, then you know already that fifteen is too young to date. You can’t get married any time soon.
So maybe be good friends with the intention to date when age appropriate. But you can still do several of the parts. Spend time with each families. Get to know friend circles. Spend time doing activities. Go to church together. But do all this without the contact of dating.
This is something all young girls need to know. Get to know the guy. Take the time to really know him. The first guy to approach you might not be the one. (Some are lucky). But most, he’s not.
Crushes are the way to go. Have a crush on someone but don’t tell anyone. Write a diary. Because unless you have vault friends, the crush always finds out.
Find a guy that treats you as well as your dad does. This doesn’t work for all girls, myself included, but you can find a guy who is the complete opposite of your dad. Which I did! He cares about me, he listens to me, I can always get a hug, I can always confide in him. You can dream about the dance at your daughter’s wedding. (My Uncle danced with me on mine, that was a teary eyed surprise) You can dream about your dad approving of him, because you want your dad’s approval. (Again not me, but I’m dreaming these things for my kids. Because they will grow up with a great dad, and all these things can come true for them.)
That song lyric from ‘Cleaning This Gun’ “she’s her daddy’s girl, her mama’s world, she deserves respect, that’s what she’ll get,” is what I want for my daughters.
And my son has a great role model to look up to. He gets to see how his daddy treats his mama. He sees that daddy cares for me, loves me, helps me, hugs me, etc. The first example he will see of how he should treat a girl, then future woman.
My mom did tell me not to date early. I just was under peer pressure, and I dated because everyone else said I should. Peer pressure is the one good thing to grow out of.
Just take away from this: be friends with an intention to date; and date with the intention of marriage.
I’m not ready for my daughter to be so grown up, but I know it’s coming. So I’m trying to store up as much knowledge and an easy way to talk to her, because it’s coming. As much as my husband says it’s not going to happen; it will. Haha! So cute 🥰
I finished my painting maybe a week ago. But what do you think? I’m loving it!! And amazingly enough it looks so much better in person than in a picture. Which makes me happy. 😊
“Last Light” Oil Painting By: emily2jane
If you remember the first day…
Pretty crazy the contrast!
Enjoy your Tuesday. Mine has already been a handful. making bagels and chicken currently. But already made banana muffins and still have to think of something for lunch and dinner. Haha 😂
“And what is your celebrity crush?” The MC thrusts the microphone into another woman’s face.
‘Why am I here?’ I know why I’m here, here. My husband is a groomsman in his friend’s wedding. I’m not in the wedding party, but I was invited as his plus one. Which is fine, its all good. It gave me a chance to wear a beautiful dress. But sitting here in the dining hall, at a table alone, because my husband has to sit with the wedding party; I’m questioning why I’m here.
The MC has been trickling between tables trying to break the ice. And the question he has been asking all the women present is, “who is your celebrity crush?” But I mean everyone; not just women who might appear single. But women who are obviously sitting next to the husbands or boyfriends. And the crazy thing to me is, these women are actually answering. “Brad Pitt, Chris Evan’s, Zac Efron, etc…” and the men they are next to don’t look anything like their so called crush.
It’s appalling to me. How could these women say these things in public, but most importantly in front of the men they love.
That MC better not come near me. Because I’m not going to play along. I’m going to say what needs to be said, and I will probably be asked to leave or I might just leave voluntarily.
Instead I watched in horror, as the MC walked right over to the bride and groom’s table and asked that awful question, “so bride, who is your celebrity crush?”
And she blatantly says, “Chris Hemsworth, of course!”
I looked right at the groom and he grimaced. Everyone knows what Hemsworth looks like; but the groom was nothing like him.
‘Poor guy.’ That groom is no longer going to enjoy his wedding; instead he is going to be debating on whether his bride truly loves him or not, or if she is settling.
This is why I’m wondering why I’m still here. Because I know what’s going to happen. And just as I had that thought, the MC shoved the microphone into my face.
“So pretty lady! Who is your celebrity crush?”
“No one.”
All talking and laughter silenced. All eyes were on me; which I truly despise. Why does God keep putting me in these situations?
“Come on! Don’t be shy. Who is it?” The MC kept getting closer and closer. Invading my space.
‘Don’t do it Katherine…’ I grabbed the mic from the MC, stood, and moved away from my chair. “Do you really think this is something you should be saying? Ladies. You are sitting next to your husbands, boyfriends, or potential ones, and you are saying you have a crush on someone else!? I can understand this behavior in high school, maybe even college. But the moment you started dating someone, you should have thrown out all ideas or crushes. The only crush you should have is your spouse or boyfriend. They should have all your affection and love.” I wasn’t done, but the eye rolls were starting.
“Let me ask you this, what if your man tonight said he had a crush on a celebrity. A woman who was in great contrast to you. Would you be giggling and laughing along? Would you be fine with the idea of your man looking and thinking about another woman? I surely wouldn’t. I would be constantly worried, terrified, and angry at myself for not being enough for him. That he had to look elsewhere with some of his affection or desires. Why is it that when a woman does this it’s innocent, but if a man does it he is cheating. It should go both ways.” I had said my piece. The look of annoyance and anger was beginning to appear on almost every woman in the room. I handed the mic back to the stunned MC, grabbed my purse and jacket, and made my way to the doors closest to me.
“Really no crush?” The MC yelled out to me.
I was pissed. But sure I’ll answer, I turned around and with a huge smile on my face, “Nathaniel Carter. If he ever becomes famous in the future,” I didn’t wait for anything and I left that unfortunate celebration.
As grand as my exit was; I couldn’t very well leave. My husband was still here, and I didn’t want to leave him stranded at this dreadful wedding. So instead I sat at the free bar, and had a practically fruit juice drink. Waiting somewhat patiently for my husband to be done.
…
“Dude. That’s the woman. The one who stood up for all us guys in there.” A couple of men had come out of the hall and spied the woman that caused a huge stir and uproar.
“Yeah. She was amazing! As soon as my girlfriend said her crush, I knew that my relationship was over. There’s no way I’m staying with someone who is looking elsewhere. There’s no way I can possibly live up to her unrealistic standard. Let’s go tell her that we are grateful for what she said.” They moved towards the courageous woman.
“Miss?” One man tapped the woman on the shoulder. she turned to look at him, but her face read that she was expecting backlash.
“Thank you. What you said really got through to my wife tonight. She realized that she was wrong for joining into the game. That what you said really gave her insight to my perspective. So thank you so much.”
Shock was on my face. I was so surprised that I actually made a difference with my outburst, in someone’s life.
“Yes. Thank you for what you said. The moment my girlfriend said she practically fantasizes about another guy, and was incredibly angry that you called out all the woman essentially. I knew that the relationship was over because our values didn’t line up. So thank you for saying what you said.”
I am so glad that someone appreciates the sacrifice I made tonight. Because it was truly a sacrifice. These people would never want me around again. Another friend circle gone. But honestly, I didn’t think anyone here would have been my friend. Considering, we also went to the wedding of the brother of this groom. At that wedding, the bridesmaids and friends of the bride were truly unkind to me. They mocked me for being a “plain Jane” also that I was simple, quiet, and boring; all said through whispers. At least I knew going into the wedding, my husband would be my only companion for that evening.
So I was quite surprised and truly happy that my outburst helped someone tonight. I gestured to the seats next to me; and the men took up residence next to me.
…
Nathaniel
“What happened? I left to use the restroom, and when I came back everyone was growling and some people were glaring at me. What did I miss?” Nathaniel sat back in his seat. He glanced to the table where Katherine was sitting, and was confused at why she wasn’t there staring back at him.
“Bro. Your wife is a truly amazing woman. She just says what needs to be said, and doesn’t care about the repercussions. She caused a major shift in the wedding.” He explained what had happened.
I chuckled once he finished. ‘That’s my Kathy. Always standing up for the little guy.’ She has always spoken when someone needed to be jolted back to reality. She believes that this is what God uses her for. I looked out into the room. Several seats were empty. Actually most of the men were gone from the room. So hopefully what she said helped people tonight.
However, I knew all too well that she was probably hiding somewhere just waiting to leave. Because every time she questions people, she always loses them.
“Jasper, I’m going to go search for my wife, want to tag along?” Nathaniel grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair as he stood.
“Sure. The atmosphere in here has fizzled. I don’t really want to be present for some of the backlash or drama,” Jasper too stood grabbing his belongs.
We exited to the doors and I was astonished at the sight we saw as we came to where the free drinks were. There stood a massive crowd of men; and they all stood around a figure I knew completely, my wife. She was mesmerizing. She was laughing and smiling along with all the men around her. This was the first time my wife wasn’t hiding; instead she was glowing.
“Bro,” Jasper brought me out of my admiration for my wife, “your wife is incredible. She not only spoke up for the men; but she has actually captured the attention of all the men she defended. And is it just me or is she beaming?”
“She is.” I was so proud of my wife. So many times she has had these outbursts that need to be said; but they always have huge repercussions. She’s always alienated. It wears on her; it has been tearing her down. But she continues to speak up. So in this moment I have so much pride for my wife. That she is getting all this positive attention.
“Bro, I know you are dazzled by your wife, but are you not at all worried, with her being surrounded by all those men?” Jasper brought me out of my daze.
“She practically told everyone in that room that she was taken. And then that she loves only me; if what you told me was accurate.” I looked at Jasper and he nodded, “so no. I have nothing to worry about.”
Two men came out the doors behind us. “Jake don’t. She practically declared herself happily married. She’s not going to look twice at you,” a young man had grabbed the arm of another man now walking past us.
“So what. She was so attractive when she spoke earlier. And look,” he pointed over at the crowd, “she won’t even know what I’m thinking. With all those other men around her; they will be a great cover for me. I’ll slip in next to her, and start working my magic.” He wiped his friends off of him and started towards the bar.
“So…Nathaniel, are you still calm about all the attention your wife is getting,” Jasper turned away from the two men, but as he looked back, all he saw was Nathaniel’s back disappearing into the sea of men surrounding his wife.
…
Katherine
I didn’t expect this to happen. The first two men became four, then eight, then twelve, then twenty. To now, I have no idea how vast this crowd of men is. I didn’t expect my words to truly help so many relationships. About eighty percent of the men had come up to thank me. That their wives realized their mistakes and apologized. Sadly the other twenty were men that were planning on ending their relationships with their dates. Because their dates became angry at the men because they couldn’t take a “joke”. But I felt truly honored that I had helped.
But suddenly the good feeling left. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it wasn’t my husband, I swirled in my chair to be met with a younger man staring at me intently. I didn’t trust those eyes.
Thankfully a hand came and swatted the unwelcome hand off my shoulder and grabbed my waist. I knew that touch. I turn and see my husband standing there. “Hubby!” I stood, but only to fall into my husband’s arms. My legs had gone numb.
Nathaniel
I caught my wife swiftly, but the sea of bodies surrounding her reacted to catch her too. I was grateful towards them, but I also didn’t want any other man touching her. Married or not; especially the not. “Thank you everyone for being so kind towards my wife tonight.” I cradle the almost sleeping Katherine in my arms. “But I think we should take our leave. My wife is slowly drifting off. Anyone know how much she had to drink?”
“We don’t know how much, but she was only drinking that,” they pointed to the bottle of the juice wine (what Kathy called it) that she always drank way too much and would get tipsy.
I shook my head and wrapped Kathy in her jacket, draped her purse around my neck, and scooped up my now snuggling wife. Kathy nestled her head into my neck.
I nod to the surrounding men, and leave the hall with my greatest treasure.
“I love you, Nathaniel,” Kathy whispers into my neck in her adorable drunk voice.
“I love you too,” I kiss her as we continue our trek to the car.
If you had to switch lives with a fictional character for a week, who would you choose?
I thought this question was going to be easy. But I’m actually struggling to pick a fictional character. Like ten years ago I probably would have had an answer. aim a different person now. But at this moment I’m at a loss. But I know for a non fictional person. A person from our past.
Non fictional. Truth: Any person who was around Jesus. Someone just in the crowds listening to His teachings, seeing His miracles, watching Him among the people. How amazing and awesome would that have been!?!
Fictional: I’m truly struggling to pick one. Because I’m happy with my life. And I don’t want to have anyone else’s life. I guess, I would say I could spend a week as a princess from the live action Cinderella, Belle, or Jasmine. But just for the clothes! Cinderella’s wedding dress was so beautiful. Belle’s yellow dress, classic. All of Jasmine’s clothes were beautiful. So maybe I’ll be a side character that sneaks into the princesses’ room and tries on their clothes. Haha!
But the idea to be among the people watching Jesus is more exciting! Life changing and life inspiring!
I recently heard when trying to write a song, you write a very descriptive scene or memory. Every moment and emotion captured.
Meeting My Now Husband.
…
This girl I see looking back at me,
Just wants to meet the man,
That God made for her to understand.
I do my hair,
I glance another stare.
If he doesn’t like me,
I’m done searching this sea.
Instead I travel the distance,
I go the mile,
Wondering if he will smile.
No confidence, no pride;
Trying to take all the past rejections in stride.
.
-Chorus-
I hope and care,
But should I dare?
Will he truly care?
Is he the one for me?
Will I ever be happy?
All I want is love that is true,
Please God! Let him be my something new!
.
My eyes cast down,
Why do I frown?
My fear is tenfold,
What if he treats me cold?
Few minutes early,
Inside I scurry.
Will he like what he sees?
Or will he just leave?
My phone blares into the still air,
The screen glows and shows.
He is here.
He’s outside! He’s waiting.
I walked right by him and he’s staying.
I step outside into the bright sunshine.
There he stands before me,
Truly handsome as can be.
.
-chorus-
I might just dare,
To hope and care.
He stares at me,
With smiles and curiosity.
God can I understand,
That he is the man in Your plan?
In this moment I’m happy,
Can this feeling be true?
Has love approached me through someone new?
.
No lies or deception,
He must be the exception.
His voice engulfs and embraces,
Not usually the cases.
Hours pass, but still he stays with me.
Can I believe he is the one to my future we?
Sun has fallen,
Homeward bound is callin’,
He offers a ride,
God reassures me no need to hide.
He so genuine and kind;
Already seems to read my mind.
This man takes the lead,
Planting a love seed.
At my door we stop,
Worried that this bubble of love might pop,
What should I do?
A kiss is too much, but a hug might just be too new.
Silence lingers between us two.
He takes control!
Side hug for the win in this strange ending pull.
.
-chorus-
No longer a dare,
More of a confirming pair.
My smile just beams,
Excited for the rushing love streams.
This is the man,
That God had planned.
Love that is true,
Comes right on cue.
My love story is starting new.
…
I don’t know if this could actually become an actual song, but that worked so well. Breaking down a story does wonders. Even if it’s just a poem. It was way easier for me to write about a real memory. I used my true emotions I felt in that moment. Probably why it flowed so easily.
This was a lot of fun. I’ll definitely do this again.
.-.-.-.
What some people don’t know, is I always thought about becoming a singer. I loved and still love to sing. I had thoughts about going through this with a singing coach. And actually pursing this idea. It occasionally would creep into my life through the years. But sadly I was discouraged or mocked.
An early memory I have is when I was maybe nine or ten years old. A child. Someone who should be confident and not self conscious yet. I think I was in the backyard of my childhood house. And I was just singing. Singing songs I loved. Just having fun singing. And my dad I guess heard me and said something like, “Maybe you should just focus on swimming. Something you are actually good at. Something that can give you a future. Let’s stop now so that the neighbors don’t have to listen.” Harsh. So harsh. I wasn’t belting or anything, I was just quietly singing to myself we while playing outside. My Dad has always been cruel with his words. But at the time I listened, mostly because I was more embarrassed. Now I realize that if I had, had a different hobby other than swimming I might have ruined his pride plan. He took great pride in my swimming abilities.
Another time, I remember when I was maybe thirteen. I wrote a song (I don’t remember any of it. But I was singing in my grandparents house. I have never been, but definitely I was not confident enough back then to sing in front of anyone. So I was just messing around trying to discover my sound. And my uncle came into the room suddenly saying something like, “hopefully you are not thinking about pursuing this. You sound awful,” and he fully laughed at me. Like full on mocking. It hurt me so much and made me extra self conscious. Even more so than I already was.
There were other small times too. Singing my heart in church and maybe missing a note and being gawked at. Singing obviously badly in the car, and I think my sister thought I sang like that normally, because she would always take the singing chances and tell me she was doing it for me. Trying to play a Christmas song while singing and my younger brother laughing at me.
I must say, for the times with my siblings, I don’t think they meant to be come off mean. I think my sister truly thought she was protecting me, because she knew I was so shy. And I think my brother was just at the age where he must make fun of sister. Programming of a teenage brother.
And I don’t know if I could have sang. Because of the embarrassing past memories and discouraging moments. I don’t know if I could have sung publicly.
Like even now. I can’t sing in front of people. Like I would love to sing in church. Or sing in the car with my family. But I think I terrifies me. My kids hear me sing, my husband occasionally, but not fully. I think the only person I have ever sung in front of was my older brother. I think I was sixteen. I remember he was playing Desperado by the Eagles on the piano and I sang along with him. There was no judgement, only encouragement. It was really nice, but now thinking about it, I was probably still holding back. But that’s a good memory.
I think I could do it if I could be anonymous. Like wear a mask or something. Or not face the camera. I think I could do that.
All to say. Don’t be discouraged. If people you know are awful and cruel, and say awful and cruel things to you, ignore them. And if you want to pursue something go for it. Living in a state of wonder or regrets will always make you wonder “what if?”
What’s one thing you wish you had started doing earlier in life?
I know it’s not great to look back into your life and wish you could’ve done things differently. It just makes you frustrated. But I’ll think of it as things to teach my kids so that they start out better.
But saving. I wish I had started saving money earlier. I started working when I was thirteen. It wasn’t a crazy amount of money, but I never had savings. If I had started at that time, saving half and spending half I would have been better off. Because let’s be honest a kid wants to spend money. This money was my fun money. If I wanted to go see a movie, buy a movie, buy extra clothes, etc. Self explanatory; anything extra.
Thinking back, it wasn’t a huge amount of money back then. I only worked Wednesday and Friday. But still.
When I was eighteen/nineteen I also didn’t save. All my money went to food, clothes, or dvds. Instead of bringing a lunch I would buy lunch at school. I was constantly eating out on my off days. Almost every Friday I was going shopping for clothes. I didn’t have a life. I did school, swam, and shopped. But again I never had savings.
I think it was halfway through my nineteenth year that my mom suggested I start saving. Starting late is better than never starting. I wished I had saved more. Because the action of saving, kickstarted my need and desire to save. Maybe just having savings.
Because these last few years we haven’t been able to save. We’ve made some bad purchases. $500 there, $1k here. Not huge amounts of money, but still we could have just saved it instead.
So I’ve started a new saving way. Each week we take out $20 and I’m hiding it away. I only started this five weeks ago. But my thought process is we will have a large amount of money by Christmas time. So it won’t be a sudden “ouch”. It will be an “okay, this is not too bad”. Because we have a birthday before Christmas, Christmas, and a birthday after Christmas. So December is an expensive month. So if we have $340 dollars set aside it won’t be so difficult to buy gifts.
Just an easy way to save. If you do the $20 for 52 weeks that’s $1040. So by Christmas time we would have a large chunk ready. depending on your paychecks you can decide to set aside more. But at least do $20. Like if you start out doing $50. And then in June you want to go on a trip, switch to $20 a week. Then September comes and you can save more, you set aside $50 again. And then when it becomes November you discover a perfect gift so you set aside $75 a week until December’s third week. That is =$2300 roughly. Having $2300 set aside already makes all holiday expenses easier.
Sorry. Didn’t mean to rant. Just I feel better when I have savings.
So save. No matter the age. Whether you are an adult or teenager. Save! And you can do it in a bank account instead. Make a savings account that you don’t look at, just start setting aside money each week. Even if all you can save is $15. It’s still something. Something is more than nothing.
