Julie
Tonight is going to be the night. He’s been single a bit of time. I’m going to confess to Jake Hagen again. I confessed to him about five years ago; without knowing him at all. And he was actually in a relationship at the time. A secret one.
He told me, “you can’t just confess to someone because you like them. You have to get to know that person first. You have to observe and figure out if they are a match for you. You can’t just dive into a relationship to see if you are compatible.”
So I knew we were opposites from the get go. I fell in love with him at first sight. I knew in that moment that I could like him, no matter the difficulties, differences, or challenges we would face. I just knew in an instance that I liked him. It was one of those storybook moments. He saved a kitten from a tree, he kicked a soccer ball back to a group of kids, and he helped an older woman cross a street. I knew in that instant we had similar ideals.
And I haven’t been stalking him this entire time, or anything. Yes, I’ve been instigating random appearances into his life. And again we have so many things in common. He loves sports. I love sports. He loves chicken. I love chicken.
But now it was finally my chance to confess again. It has been five years. Five years since that first attempt. But hopefully this was going to be my final confession.
Jake excused himself from the table to use the bathroom. We were out to dinner in a group of about twenty. This was my moment. I wanted my confession to be private. Intimate. Just us. I excused myself too from the table to follow after Jake. ‘This is my chance.’
I jutted behind a pillar. Peering around the edge, I see Jake and Patricia facing each other in the courtyard. My heart dropped. Patricia, Jake’s ex girlfriend six years ago. All our friends say that Jake became closed off more after his breakup with Patricia. I’ll help Jake out and end this unwanted meeting.
“Can we get back together? I miss us?” Jake grasped on Patricia’s hand.
My dropped heart now shattered as it hit the floor. ‘What!?’ I stepped back behind the pillar. Hugging myself. Controlling my tears. ‘Keep them at bay.’
“Oh Jake. No,” Patricia brushed Jake’s hand off of hers. “We were not good together. Anyways you should find someone more in your own social circle. Our compatibility is miles apart.” Patricia dug her phone out of her purse, “Hey I’ve got to go. My boyfriend is looking for me. Goodbye.” She walked out, back towards the restaurant.
Jake just stood there defeated. Whereas I still hugged myself behind the pillar. I was less upset about Jake’s outburst and more about how cruel Patricia acted towards him. She just let go of a great amazing guy. ‘Let’s still try this. Maybe I can mend his heart with a heartfelt confession.’
I stepped right out into Jake. We collided. Falling backwards I reached out for Jake. He caught me thankfully, “thanks Jake.”
“No problem. What are you doing here?”
“Umm. I came to talk to you. Do you have a second?”
“I guess I have all the time in the world. What’s up?”
I glanced at Jake. He was looking at me, but he was looking past me. Zoning completely somewhere else. ‘Just go for it. The worst he can say is no.’
“I like you Jake! Will you be my boyfriend?!” I shut my eyes. I could feel my face burning.
Silence. Nothing. I gradually opened up my eyes. Jake was still standing there zoning out. “Jake?” I waved my hand in front of his face?
Jake’s head jolted up, “huh? What? What did you say?”
I sighed. He didn’t hear me. “I still like you Jake. Will you be my boyfriend?” This time I kept my eyes on him.
He looked at me. But Jake shook his head and sat down on a chair. “Come on Julie. Stop joking around.”
That stung, “I’m not. I’m serious. You told me five years ago to get to know you first. I have, and we are so similar. So I’m confessing again.” Having to explain myself is not what I thought I would have to do. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
“Seriously Julie. Why didn’t you take the hint. I was telling you I’m not interested. Not that you need to spend more time on me. We won’t be good together. You should find someone more your age from your social circle. Our compatibility is miles apart.”
‘He didn’t. He actually used Patricia’s words against me.’
“Wow. So all these years you’ve been doing what exactly? Just toying with me. You personally invite me to come to different outings. You lend me your jacket when it’s cold. You drive me home. You met my family. You’ve held my waist. Protected me from random drunk strangers. All in the name of friendship.” I was fuming. “And now you throw Patricia’s words at me. I…I” I’ve been so clueless this whole time. I was so mad at him, but my body was still frozen in that spot. ‘Why am I still standing here?!? Move!’
I stepped back from Jake. Jake. The guy I thought was on the same page as me. The guy that I thought had been seeing me in a new light. Confessing to him was right; because now I can stop this stupid fantasy. My heart closed off from Jake in this moment. I no longer have those feelings for him. Now I’m just going to see him as an example of what not to look at in a man. There’s got to be someone out there for me. I turned and left the restaurant. But I didn’t stop there. My life was not tied down here. I could pack up everything and move. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m leaving. Leaving this place. Leaving these friends. Leaving Jake. I’m gone.
Jake
My head was killing me. It was thudding and throbbing. ‘What did I drink last night? Right. Everything.’ I pulled my body up out, of what I hoped was my bed, and dropped my head into my hands. Sitting up was way worse. I opened one eye and shut it instantly again. It was too bright. I must have forgotten to close the blinds. I toughed it out and opened my eyes up and my eyes burned from the sunshine. But I took in my surroundings. I was in a courtyard…I was on a…bench…
So I wasn’t in my room at all. I was still in that awful courtyard. The place where I was humiliated by Patricia; I had been a few drinks in by then. Then I discovered that Julie had heard the entire conversation. And she said something to me…I can’t remember what. My headache was blocking out that conversation. I just remember her face being sullen and sad. That whatever she said she must have left unhappy. “I’ll apologize to her later.” Just amazed that I’m still in the courtyard. I’ve been on many ragers, but I’ve always made it home. I must have been hammered last night.
…
I miraculously made it home. But I just woke up from my couch. Must have been asleep for several hours since it was dark again.
I guess I should get a recap of what happened yesterday. Surprised that Julie hasn’t been over to check on me. In the beginning, I was annoyed by her reappearing appearance in my life, but now that’s what I’ve become accustomed to. And she makes the best hangover soup. Probably saved my life over these years, because of that soup.
And would know what all transpired last night. Pulled out my phone, “Dude. What happened last night? I’ve got a wicked headache.”
Laughter filled the phone. “You were really far gone last night. You wanted to drink everything behind the bar. I don’t really know what happened last night except your wasted talk. Something about Patricia. And Julie. Whatever you did to Julie, dude she is pissed. She took off moments before you came back from the bathroom. Jenna had gone looking for Julie when she didn’t come back. Maybe talk to her for my info. After that apologize to Julie. She really was upset when she left. She didn’t say anything to anyone. I only know she left because Jenna told me.”
I hung up. After listening to Andy I was getting a gut feeling like something terrible was said to Julie. For me to remember her sad expression and knowing that she just left. That was unlike her. Few years ago I told her to think about things more. Not to put all her eggs onto my basket. I was a mess after breaking up with Patricia. I was pissed off at everyone. Now I’m used to her being around. I could see myself dating her. She’s actually pretty cool. We have similar likes. We have the same friend circle. We have the same morals. I just haven’t pushed for it since I left the ball in her court five years ago. If she had said something about wanting to date. I probably would date her. At least try and see if it’s what should be done.
“Jenna. Do you know what happened last night? I completely blackout after I ran into my ex. I just remember Julie being there and leaving with a sad expression. I just have no clue what really was said.”
“You are a real jerk, Jake. First you break Julie’s heart, and now you say you can’t remember why. Really a huge jerk.”
‘Nothing is making sense.’ “Just tell me what you know.”
“Pretty much. Julie followed you to the courtyard to confess her feeling for you. Ask you if you wanted to start dating. But witnessed your plea to Patricia to take you back. Julie stupidly thought she could make you happy after that by confessing. But instead of you telling her that you need some space, you decided to ridicule her and say that she was stupid for not understanding that you never have and never would like her. I’m hoping you said that out of embarrassment and not really meaning that.”
‘Man. I’m an idiot.’
“Then your excuse was what exactly what Patricia said to you. You threw it back in her face. Big jerk. You threw away probably the only girl who has ever treated you good. She’s been taking care of you through the years. I guessing you didn’t make it home last night, right? Yeah. Julie has been the one making sure you get home after your ragers. No matter the time she would be there to make sure you got home. And now she’s gone. She left. She didn’t tell me where, so don’t ask me. But she packed up that night and left. You wanted her gone in your drunk speech, so she did just that. I hope you are happy now.” And Jenna hung up the phone.
I still gripped my phone. How could I have said that to Julie. How could she just leave. How was I supposed to continue…
…Three Years Later…
Jake
I’ve cleaned myself up. No more ragers. No more drinking. I’ve been dry now two years. And I’ve been searching for Julie.
Jenna wasn’t kidding when she said that she was gone. She really left the night. I didn’t realize that she was living so casually. That she could up and move in a day. Found out that, that was because of me. If I got a job elsewhere she would be able to follow me.
After my hangover ended I started to remember what I said to Julie. All the harsh things. Then her pointing out all the things I had been doing; giving her mixed signals. I was a jerk. A colossal jerk. I can’t believe I said that to her. I blew it. I can’t believe I said I never had feelings. Which is true. I didn’t in the beginning and then in that moment I hated her for seeing my pathetic side. But I didn’t mean bay of it. And now I have no way of apologizing for being a complete idiot.
I’m actually a couple counselor. I had the toxic relationship and the right kind that slipped away. So I’m actually pretty good at noticing the tell tale signs. When relationships should work I help them back together with my experience with Julie. And when a relationship should end, I talk about Patricia.
Like the couple I’m listening to now. They need to stay together. The things they are fighting about are small and easily feasible to resolve.
“Okay. Enough. You both are grabbing at straws. You don’t really need to be in my office. Karla you love him. You know you do. Don’t listen to your friends about their opinions on how a marriage should be. All marriages are different. Justin. You know you are just hurt that Karla is changing. She’s not really, because after our sessions you are both on track. Unless it is me, don’t listen to outside advice. The best things you can do in a relationship is be open and honest about your feelings. Believe me I know that terrible communication can lead to losing the best person in your life.” I told them about Julie. Not every detail but enough to show them that it can all slip away in one moment.
“Dr. Hagen. Is your first name Jake?” Karla asked.
That was unusual. I’ve never given out my full name, “yes, that’s me. Why do you ask?”
“Your experience sounds a lot like a friend of mine. She crushed on a guy for several years and me then once she confessed all went to crap. To sum it up. I wonder. Can you tell me her name?”
“I don’t really want to pull her into this. But it will stay between us in this session,” I looked to each of them and they nodded. “Her name was Julie Carr.”
…
Well Karla’s friend indeed turn out to be Julie. But I now have more to what happened. Julie left and moved to Arkansas; a random place but she found a good job there. No wonder I couldn’t find her. She was over two thousand miles away. But she now is married with a son. They are happily married. Which stung a smidge, but I’m happy she didn’t stay single always alone. But Karla did tell me that what happened with me did shape her. She didn’t approach her now husband; she waited for him. She did invest a lot of time into her dating life, but kept it hidden. Her husband had a crazy ex girlfriend experience so he made sure to find someone better for starting a future. And he did. He found the jackpot.
I’m happy for Julie, but I’m also confused about how I am feeling. I happy for her, but I think deep down I was hoping she was still single and that I could make up for my mistakes and win her back. Now knowing that, that is not an option I am left feeling incomplete.
Instead I’m going to use this knowledge for my future counseling sessions. I now can give the points of I was an idiot and lost her, was a idiot spending years trying to find her and fox things, only to miss out on a woman who probably would have me very happy. That it can all slip away from you. I tell couples to cherish each other. To hold on dearly, because if you are not careful they could be gone the next day.
…The End…
emily2jane 