Days are shorter,
Moments are stronger,
Bones are growing,
But mama is aching.
Walking is encouraged,
But when my feet swell.
All is worth it,
When she comes.
Have a wonderful Tuesday!
Days are shorter,
Moments are stronger,
Bones are growing,
But mama is aching.
Walking is encouraged,
But when my feet swell.
All is worth it,
When she comes.
Have a wonderful Tuesday!
It being only me, the two puppies, and my hubby when he is not working; makes days here go by really quickly. It’s amazing how time flies in a small town where everything is super slow. A view from where I was walking one of the puppies the other day…
We’ve been having a lot of thunderstorms lately. We’ll be watching the television and an alert will interrupt the show saying beware severe thunderstorms in these areas. Last night it said there was a possibility of ping-pong sized hail for about two hours. We never experienced it though. Here’s a photo from the front of our house looking out at the rain. It is pretty amazing…
My job has been to make sure the puppies get exercise. Make sure they’re not fighting. Also I’m supposed to clean up the front and backyard, but the grass is not really growing in the places we put down seeds. Slowly everything will come together.
The fence is telling you where the nice grass is. Yeah, the green stuff is the neighbors yard.
We do have an apple tree in the backyard. It’s a crab apple tree, and it’s doing pretty well. I trimmed it a little bit ago and it seems to be thriving a little bit more. I tasted an apple a while ago it was not ripe, it tasted terrible. I did find out though that the puppies love to naw on them, just chew on them, but sometimes eat them.
All the fluff around the base of the tree comes from toys. You would be surprised that I’ve picked up fluff several times in the last two days. And sadly to say my slipper was also a victim. I will say this…I am happy I had the bright idea to only buy slippers worth $1.
So yeah my days are pretty much slow. I’m trying to do more things, but it just takes so much energy and I seem to not have enough energy. My puppies keep me on my toes all day. But thankfully my husband only has two more days this week and then he will have seven days off. His family is coming to visit, so that will be something new.
I just hope it’s not too long until I get to travel home and see my family. I miss them.
Since my hubby works long hours also along with a crazy schedule; I was getting lonely. I am a people person to a point. I don’t like quiet. I will contradict that statement: I like alone time but only so much.
So we decided to add to the family. Even though we have our first on the way; I needed some company sooner. We got two.
Her name is Pickles. She was super shy when we got her. She came from an animal shelter. It was a happy place for an energetic dog but not a shy one. She has grown to love us these past seven days. She now wants all the attention and she is a little bit of a trouble maker. The only sound she has made is small whimpers when she needs to go to the bathroom or some barking when she is defending her brother.
His name is Moose. He was also super shy. He is eight weeks old. He seems like he has never had a loving home. So we want to give him one; ten times over.
After we got them I was having severe allergies. I knew it was not because of them because it was a different allergy.
So it turns out down by the Yellowstone river there are hundreds of cotton wood trees. I have discovered I am super allergic to cotton trees blooming. It has passed though. Thankfully I moved up after the bloom; however, now I know May/ June will be difficult. The small town feel out ways the other difficulties we might face.
Have a wonderful Tuesday.
(I had to check the calendar because here the days quickly morph into each other.)
Said goodbye to family and friends.
Hugged my mama again.
Gathered my belongings.
And off we drove.
A long drive up.
A long 16 hours…
So many stops, so many sights.
But finally home.
Space to stretch out.
Space to let my baby grow.
Big sky country…
No need for more.
Stories will continue,
When my mind is clear.
When that will be is near.
My husband has moved,
While I am still hear.
And my body is tired,
As we miss him so.
But all will be perfect.
Around Christmas time.
Have a blessed Friday 💕
“What, Who, How?” I couldn’t seem to get a clear sentence out. “Where…did you get…that?” Finally giving up and gesturing to the laurel.
She quizzically looked down at the wreath of flowers and leaves, “I forgot who told me that’s what it’s called it; I’ve been calling it a wreath for all these years.”
She turned her eyes back to mine and I saw it; the same hidden sadness veiled under a smile, “Lizzy?” Unsure if this was indeed the long remembered child from my past.
Startled, she backed off, “How do you know me? I’ve never met you before.” She had moved to the edge of the sofa and little Annie’s head popped in around the door molding.
“You okay mama?” Annie said for her mother but was looking straight at me. Probably concerned that I had caused her mother to stiffen.
“I’m fine Annie, go back into the room and continue playing; you will have to tell me the whole story later,” her voice was a little settled.
Excited by the idea of explaining the lives of the dolls to her mother, “I’ll go start over and remember everything.” She was gone as quickly as she was there.
Turning my gaze back at the mother, I could see her mind running through perhaps all her memories trying to remember me, or trying to recall me. My greatest hope is that she will remember me and offer another hug; the glorious hug that I have always remembered. Her eyes stopped rummaging and stared at me intently, ‘here it comes’ I thought to myself.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you.”
My heart shattered.
“Did we meet recently? Did you just read about me back a while ago in the scandal? Did you…”
“What scandal?” Trying to rack my brain, but remembering I was living in the middle of nowhere.
She looked at me, “You’re not a reporter right? Here to get an inside scooped some forty odd years later. You don’t look like the typical reporter, but I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Confused by her remark, but answered accordingly, “No, I’m not a reporter; I’ve been living in the country these forty some odd years and I haven’t had access to the modern gossip.”
“Well thank goodness someone who doesn’t know the lies to begin with. Now I wish you were a reporter so I could give you the very elaborate string of events and situations that happened.”
Again checking her surroundings making sure Annie was nowhere in sight. “I was adopted by a very nice and charming family right around the age of twelve. They are the ones that gave me this,” paused a moment, “laurel. Their youngest son was such a sweet heart, he was just under my age, but he seemed to act younger. He was my very best friend. I was with the family for a marvelous three years before it happened.” Tears were coming.
“Since you know nothing you should know, that everyone in the world believe I wish it to happen that I was just trying to have a better life. But if they actually had listen to me they would have known my life was perfect and I didn’t want it to change,” she said as she brushed the tears away.
“We had a family gathering, my family thought it was about time the rest of the family met me. They thought I should meet and intertwine with my many aunts and uncles. I was so excited I didn’t even think to keep my guard up.”
Listening to her talk I am at war with my feelings. I know the story must end badly, but I am so happy for her to have experienced the family lifestyle.
“I was such a naïve child. I had four years of love and kindness that I didn’t even suspect for their extension of the family to be any different. I just went wandering through the crowds of people. I was almost seventeen so I was old enough to introduce myself. But my little brother followed me everywhere. He had some disability that made him believe he was still young; he functioned perfectly but his mind was still innocent. So as I wandered he followed,” she paused only to brush another tear away.
“Any other day, I would have been glad he was always with me, but since that day I have wished every day that he hadn’t been there; because, after that day he became aware. They had one uncle that was not invited but had shown up anyways. I never thought that anything would happen. He kicked out my little brother and took me away.”
I could see the pain and shame; she didn’t have to explain it any farther. I rested my hand on hers and made her look into my eyes. I didn’t want her to relive it again.
She began to sob, trying to collect herself and continue, but she excused herself for a moment and went to the bathroom.
Annie popped her head in and got terrified that he mama wasn’t there. She walked straight up to me with her pointing finger right at my nose, “What happened to my mama!?!”
She had the cutest concerned face ever, if I hadn’t known I would have thought this was Lizzy’s little girl. “She is just using the restroom. How’s the story for the dolls going? Anything exciting happening?” Annie started telling me some of the story and wow she had so many details already thought out and planned. It was amazing. I could sense that someone was watching so I said, “Annie don’t look now, but your mam is spying; she is trying to hear the story now! You better run away and continue working on it so you don’t spoil the ending.”
Annie looked over at her mama in the doorway, scampered off the coach, and ran into the other room. She popped her head in one last time, “no peeking until I say its time,” and she was gone again.
Lizzy was a bit more controlled. She had cleaned her face and her eyes weren’t was teary.
“Sorry about that…I just…”
Thinking the tears might come back, “Your daughter is so adorable. You have quite the story waiting for you when she gets done.”
“Yeah, she makes every day interesting.” She was better now. “My little brother saved my life probably. The moment he got shoved out of the room he wailed and screamed. My family came to his rescue but didn’t know they would be rescuing me too. After the whole ordeal, I had to go to court and have it all reconciled. The uncle kept trying to blame me, and continued to feed the reporters fake news. My family though, stood up for me and defended me; they knew what he was and what his consequences should have been. He ended up going to jail.”
That brought a smile to her face, and I was happy for that too. Even though I thought, if his face had collided with shovel I would have been even happier.
“He also had to pay me 1.2 million dollars.”
My face probably said everything she expected; it felt like my mouth fell off my face.
“Yeah, even though my family wanted it to be closer to two-billion dollars. After the trial, I thought everything would go back to normal, but the courts deemed me unhealthy to be with my family. Because I now had a taste for money that I would continue to repeat what happened to me. My family of course was against the thought and prepared to go to battle with the courts, but they would lose everything. So instead of them losing everything I decided I should. I told them a lie; I told them to leave me and never come back. As heartbroken as I was, they were even more so.
I went back to the orphanage and bought it. I wanted to run it; I wanted to be in charge; I wanted the children to actually have a chance. It slowly dwindle down to no more children. I had made sure they all got into respectable loving homes.”
‘Great now I seem like more of a failure,’ I said to myself. She didn’t just lose her home, she made sure everyone got one except her. Now my failures and fears sound even worse. Because she didn’t get what she wanted, but she continued to fight to give others their dreams.
“I never married. I don’t know if it was because of what happened, but it was probably due to the repercussion of the reporters. They twisted and manipulated my story to make me out to an awful person. Making any respectable man out there stay away, and causing only the bad ones or greedy ones to come; so I gave up on trying. When I found Annie under the bench, she was perfect for my empty heart. She didn’t have a name when I adopted her, so I named her after one woman that seemed to love me…Miss Ann.”
I must have gasped, but I covered it up by just being an old lady having a hard time breathing. Annie is name after me? That is the sweetest thing I have ever been told, and that she saw me as someone who loved her. Still, I didn’t really want her to find out that Miss Ann had been sitting across from her; not only because she knew my failures, but mostly because she would know that I left her.
“She was the one person in my life I loved talking to about my adventures, my sorrows, or my questions. After I left to live with my family, I never saw her again. I understood I had a family to talk to but she was the person I wanted to see as well. After the scandal and being alone, it would have been wonderful to of had her with me. However, no one could tell me anything; even when I bought the place the woman who was in charge before said she didn’t have a way to contact her, and that she hadn’t been back. I kept searching for a while, but she just dropped off the face of the planet. I thought I had meant something to her, but I guess I was just another child she had to counsel.” She looked off in the direction of Annie.
‘I didn’t want to. I didn’t!’ I was yelling in my brain. It wouldn’t come out into words, subconsciously I didn’t want her to hate me. Not now. Not when my life would soon end. But I didn’t want her to go another day wondering about me. So… “It’s me Lizzy, its Miss Ann.”
…To be continued…
…Thirty years later…
Every day I think back to the young girl who could have changed my life. I see her poised little body sitting in the chair with the beautiful laurel in her hair; I see her eyes shiny with excitement for her new journey, that didn’t include me and that’s where the wonderful memory ends. I haven’t truly moved on since that day. I’m seventy-three now and I have never moved on or amounted to anything.
After that day, I moved to Idaho; to a small town out in the middle of nowhere. Where great big trees were my fortress and I had to live only with the necessities. But now as I grow older, my distance neighbors and the county are kicking me out back to civilization, because they fear I’ll just drop dead and no one will notice. So I must go back to where I escaped from, and swore never to return.
Bring back it’s the same here; It’s crowded and loud. There isn’t enough space to call your own; everyone is stepping on everyone’s toes. In a parallel world, I would have lived my life out healthy and alive on my property in Idaho and I would have died there without the feeling of pain. Instead I have to endure not only death, but I have to withstand all the emotions in a crowd of thousands, while slowly being battered as I walk down the sidewalk to my new, last home.
My new last home…it’s a care giving home, so technically is an old person waiting to die home. It would have been refreshing to have the woman take me to my apartment say here is your bed you shall live out your days, until God comes and takes you back. But no they have to be non-genuine, with fake smiles, and tell you everything will be fine. They are not going to like me very much; but alas this is my new home and hopefully it will all be over soon.
…Ten More Years Passed…
‘Poop,’ that what I said to my myself about my never dying body, ‘Poop.’ “Well since I’m not getting any younger I’ll go out today,” I stood up from the game of hearts and started to the door.
“I’m sorry mam but you can’t go anywhere; you are getting too old to be in the world alone,” the daft nurse with the clouded eyes said. “I must insist you sit back down.”
“And if I won’t. What would I have to do to leave this place?”Standing firm and stubborn in my ways.
“You would have to leave our care and you wouldn’t be allowed to come back without paying the entrance fee again.”
Smart on their part, because it cost an arm and a leg to get in here and I wouldn’t be able to afford it again. Well…”Okay goodbye. Help me collect my things.” Probably dumb on my part, but I’m at the end of my ropes anyways so it doesn’t really matter.
It’s amazing how in ten years things can change. Trying to hail a cab to take me away from here, it seemed like the population tripled and all of them are storming the walkway. I’m no longer being slowly battered it’s more like quickly assaulting. Finally in the cab I’m away from it all.
“Where to Mam?” the heavily accented cabby said.
“Just drive that way, take me to a quiet neighborhood.” Feeling a bit exhausted from my two minute encounter with civilization. “Wake me when you think the place is quite enough for me.”
“Yes Mam,” and he was off.
And I slept.
“Mam, we here,” the cabby said as he pulled the back passengerdoor open.
He shook me slightly, probably concerned I died in his back seat. I fluttered my eyes open and I heard a sigh of relief escape his mouth. “Where are we? And what time is it?”
“It’s seven-thirty at night, and we are in a quiet little neighborhood just like you asked.” He seemed in a hurry to get me out of the car. He was setting my luggage on the curb and carefully pulling me from the seat. “That will be eighty-three dollars and twenty-three cents.”
“Wow…I didn’t know it would be that much.” I handed him a hundred and expected the change back but he left. “Poop, my day keeps getting better and better.” The neighborhood around me looked familiar, but up-scaled. There were apartment’s five stories tall; mansions every other house with crazy architectural advancements, like: one had almost a fifteen foot entrance door, a different one had flying buttresses or gargoyles, and others had lion statues along their drive ways. In front yards of condos, people put up privacy fences eight feet tall. Then, it seemed like clockwork, as all the yards awoke with sprinklers. However lastly, I saw the endearing old house at the end of the street on the corner resurfacing my memories; everything about the house is the same, maybe except the new sprucing of paint and windows.
“You just couldn’t let me die without coming back, could You?” God has such a way of doing things. I had been having an inkling I had to come back, but I was hoping I was wrong, but nope. “Now what? You have laid out this plan, so now what?” I must look like a crazy old lady yelling at the clouds. Suddenly it started pouring; God has a good sense of humor. “Right, now they have to let a poor old woman in if she is out in the cold rain, nice one.”
I enter the gate and it hit me; this house, my memories, my pain…do I want to hit that dead on. “Don’t be scared you old bat, no one will remember you or recognize you; you’re old,” as I barely climbed the porch stares, “Stupid old knees.” The door was before me. The door that I never wanted to pass through again. The one that I walked through and swore on my life that I would never bring forth the pain again… I knocked.
A small girlish opened the door and scream! She slammed the door and ran away screaming.
“Well that’s not what I expected; that was a new response. Are you laughing up there?” I knew He was. Again I heard movement in the house.
This time a young woman opened the door, “Oh my goodness, please come in. I’m so sorry you were not let in sooner.” The woman ushered me in as she gathered my belongings. “Annie, get me some warm milk and a large blanket. Hurry!”
I heard a small pitter-patter across the floor and something being wrapped around me…then all went black.
…To Be Continued…