People just get the shield I throw up in social situations.

My first impression is not by my design. I am still socially uncomfortable. I’m not awkward I’ve come to find out, I’m uncomfortable.

So as much as I want to give a great first impression, I usually am quiet, alone, and terrified.

I probably look angry or annoyed to others. That my resting face was glaring and now it’s scared.

So yes I would love my first impression to be confident, or togetherness, or calmness. But instead it’s my shield of I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want to be here. Haha!

But having kids has really helped me. I can’t have my shield up when I’m with my kids. So if my kids are with me, I am less terrified and more focused on them with a hint of acknowledgement that people are there too.

So as much I love quiet alone time at home, in social gatherings I need my kids around. Because through the years I’ve gone back to being quiet with grown ups.

I don’t know how to be around people. I haven’t needed to living up north. But going to church last Sunday was a huge wake up call, that all the hard work I did before is gone. I started to have an anxiety attack again. But I was able to trick my brain into still functioning because I was holding my baby girl. I could give her 100% of my focus.

So…I guess what I’m saying from this is don’t be discouraged if you are someone who is socially awkward or like me, uncomfortable. You will evenly find something that helps you. For me it is my kids. I know for others it has been a pet, topics, food, etc. maybe all you need is something tangible to touch to keep you grounded in gatherings. Mine before was doodling. I would be drawing in a corner somewhere. This is still my go to if my kids are not around. But mostly it’s because I love to draw. But try different things. I hope and pray that all challenged social people find the niche. Also I pray that confident social people go easy on us. It takes more then just throwing us into social situations to make us be immersed in people. But to us, we are drowning in anxiety if you do this.

So for both sides. Be patient. It can get better with hard work.

Also. Sometimes people’s first impressions are not the truth. That’s it’s just their shield that protects them. So don’t write someone off after the first meeting. That it can take a few for them to show you their true first impression.

Have a wonderful rainy Sunday!

God bless ❤️