“She said what?” I was completely blindsided as we went for our pre bedtime walk.

“Dad said, that mom said she is afraid for her safety while you are there at the house.”

“What?! What does that even mean,” I was at a loss.

Yes, living with our in laws was never my decision. When we moved down here we had meant to stay in our tiny home. But due to mold, that quickly resulted in us homeless. So we were in preparation to move back home, however, surprisingly enough our in laws invited us into their home. I was not a fan of the idea, but I was willing to make it work so that my husband could change his career.

And yes, it was a struggle. But I worked with her. I worked around her schedule. I worked with her nitpicking attitude. I worked with her condescending tone. I went above and beyond to accommodate and respect that this was her home. But now to find out after seven months of living uncomfortably and stressed out, she randomly decides that she wants us out of the house because she’s afraid of me. I’m at a total loss.

About to speak my mind, Hank inturpts me, “I know. I know. It’s completely ridiculous. She just wants us gone. And she had to make up something drastic enough that Dad would gently tell us we need to leave.”

“Yeah,” I was fuming, “She can’t be the bad guy and tell the truth; no she had to lie to her husband and make him the bad guy. And make me the bad guy. Does she not realize how I’ve been living. Does she not understand that everything I’ve been doing is because she can’t compromise!” I was screaming this in my head, but I let it come out controlled and calm, because our children’s ears were around us.

“She asked for no toys to be visible in the house. That she wanted everything to be clean and neat. Which I did. All toys and chaos was in our room.” Mind you a back room with only a bathroom. “But I did that,” even after all my sacrifices and accommodations…

“Yeah. Funny thing about that one,” Hank cut in, “she claims that you don’t want her to be around the children because you don’t let them play in the house.” Hank chuckled.

“How am I supposed to let them play in the house, when toys are not allowed, yelling is not allowed, running is not allowed, let’s be honest our son is not allowed.” Not a laughing matter. Because it was true. My daughters were allowed to be playing, dancing, singing, giggling, but my son was not allowed and seemed almost not welcomed. ‘So was I supposed to listen to her demands and alienate my son…? Of course not! She didn’t want his high energy, so they stayed in the room to play. Siblings stick together.’

“She wanted a clean spotless kitchen; so I have been spending a good portion of my day doing what she asked. But it’s nitpicked. I’m not cleaning up their dishes. I’m only doing the bare minimum. I’m spending about three hours of my day cleaning the kitchen,” all my feelings were surfacing. All my emotions from these seven months have been bottled, and now are flowing downstream.

“But why does she say that she is afraid of me? That makes no sense to me at all?”

“What Dad was saying, mind you I’m just the messager; I don’t support or agree with anything they are saying,” Hank reassured me. “She feels like you don’t like her. You’re bullying her out of her home. You don’t talk with her, enough. I think she just doesn’t understand that, that is your normal personality.”

“That I’m an introvert,” I laughed because that statement explained it all. “I wonder if this all just steams from the fact that she doesn’t like introverts. Charles is an introvert, and she has always had issues with your sister’s husband. I think she just doesn’t associate with introverts enough to know that unless we feel the need to talk we won’t. Unless I’m asked something I’m not going to engaged in gossip or meaningless conversation. Your mom likes to gossip about everyone, including you and your dad; and I don’t find a desire to do that. I’ll give it to her, I’m not a huge fan of her either, but I’m at least civil. I’ll be polite, courteous, etc, but lately I’ve been feeling so depressed and stressed that I prefer to just stay in the room. Venturing out into the house can just open a can of worms that I don’t want to deal with.”

“Yeah. She has been getting more and more ridiculous. And the fact the Dad has to come talk to me, is annoying. Just say what you need to say to my face. But then it’s her having an issue with us, not your issue with her. I’m just so tired and done of the drama from her,”

I glanced towards Hank and he seemed to have aged five years in a conversation. ‘My poor husband.’

“I think we should really work at going home. Even if we are homeless up there. Even if I don’t have a job. I think it will be better for us to be struggling up there, than being slowly suffocated here.” Hank continued to push the stroller.

That thought terrified me. Being homeless with three kids, but the thought of not living here, was more appealing. You know things are bad when you will be purposely homeless to escape a living situation.

.-.-.-Three Months Later-.-.-.

“What!? They said what!?” I stopped washing the dishes to look at Hank.

He was laughing holding his phone, “they have asked if they could come up for Christmas.”

“HA!” I laughed out loud and loudly. It was hilarious. We moved up back home and have been living peacefully for two months. And now, the in-laws that so desperately wanted us gone, want to visit. The in-laws that made eight months of my life the worst I’ve ever felt, want to come here. My mother-in-law that said she is afraid to be around me, wants to enter my domain and see me. “This is ridiculous right, it’s not just me?!”

“Yeah. It’s pretty ridiculous. They made it truly awfully to live there. They made me so angry with how they treated you, our kids, and even myself. And now they’ve forgotten everything or twisted the past and want to come see us. Dad even said that he misses us and wonders why we had to leave. It is pure ridiculousness.”

“She said she’s afraid of me. If you are truly afraid of someone you don’t ask to be invited into their home. Like I’m afraid of my dad; I’m not going to call him up and ask if I can come to his home for the holidays. Being afraid of someone you feel suffocated to be in the same room as them, let alone, in their home. His home would be worse, because he has the higher ground, if something was to happen. Did she forget that she said that about me. How can she say something so hurtful, and then pretend nothing happened; that all is sunshine and rainbows.” Hank scooped me up into a hug; he understood me.

“So what do you want to do. I didn’t say yes or no. I wanted to ask what my beautiful other half thought.”

‘I didn’t know what I thought. I wanted to say no, because of the turmoil and sadness they caused me. But was that selfish of me? These last two months I’ve worked through my anxiety towards them. The thought of them being here doesn’t send me into panic mode. But I do know that I don’t want to have one and one time with her yet. I want Hank to be present the whole time. But is that wrong of me to put all of that on him? We need him to work extra shifts; if I say he needs to be home, then he will be stressed about supporting the family. I know that my kids would love to see them. I wish it was my mom, but that’s not feasible right now. We did the right thing and kept all the drama and hurtful things they did to us from our kids. They don’t need it in their lives.’

‘But can I be selfish and say no? Would that be the Christian thing to do? You should forgive others, because God forgives you all the time, every day. It just still baffles me that she said three months ago that she was afraid to be in her own house with me. That doesn’t just magically go away. So it just goes to show, that she didn’t want me in her home anymore and she said whatever she needed to, to get us out. But then with that thought…do I want all that around my kids. She already brings out the worst possible attitude in my daughter. It’s actually horrifying to witness. So do I want my happy holiday to be filled with uncertainty? I was looking forward to a holiday with just my husband and kids. But again am I being selfish?’

‘Another factor is, I know my husband wants to see his dad. My father-in-law is a good man. But he is allowing his manipulative wife to control him, which makes him less of a good man. But he’s still Hanks dad. So can I selfishly deny my husband, spending time with his dad. Can I be selfish and deny my husband a relationship with his dad currently?’

This hug was a lot longer than I anticipated, but my thoughts were wrestling with me. Instead of suffering alone I voiced them to Hank.

“I totally get where you are coming from. And I don’t know what the answer is,” Hank loosened his hold on me and pulled me away to look in his eyes. “Yes, I can say I would like to see my dad, but I don’t know if I really want to after how he treated us. And now it is apparent that they believe it was all our fault. But for me the big one is do we deny our kids, to not have a chance to spend Christmas with their grandparents. When I was a kid, having family around on Christmas made it extra fun, but I was also looking forward to having a holiday just to ourselves. I didn’t want to be social. I wanted to be just a lump and enjoy the holidays the way we used to. I don’t know the answer either…” Hank pulled me back into his arms.

“They can come,” I felt God place that on my heart. “I want to be a better person. Forgiving someone even if they don’t truly deserve it, is the right thing to do. I don’t want to say no and this be a stain in our lives. Because they will twist it to being my fault and that I don’t want your mom here. And when our kids grow up and they asked me why Mema doesn’t like me, I can tell them honestly that I tried everything in my power to make that not the case. I don’t want there to be something Mema could use or say in the future that she then won’t have to accept her actions. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but this is what I’m feeling right now in my heart. And when you don’t listen to the Holy Spirt, things happen. So they can come,” I released my tension into Hanks arms. He caught me.

“Okay,” Hank cradled me closer. “You won’t be in this alone. As much as possible, I will be home while they visit. And if I’m not, they can spend that day going out themselves to explore. We are not going to magically change our habits because they are here; they are grown ups and they can spend some time to themselves. I’ll try and make their visit as least stressful as possible for you.”

My body melted farther into his embrace. My safe haven was his arms. He was my rock in all moments of life. “I love you,” I whispered into his neck.

“I love you too. As our son always says, I love you from the moon and back.” Hank kissed my cheek and continued to hold me.

No matter what happens in our lives, hugs and love from this man can get me through it all.

.-.-.The End.-.-.