This pregnancy for me has been a strange one. My food desires are all out of whack.
My other pregnancies, I couldn’t stop eating. Like I gained so much extra weight because food was all I wanted.
But this pregnancy I’ve been having trouble. I’ve always had issues with “morning” sickness. (Should be called all day nausea.) I’m not one of those lucky 30%. (That number used to be 20%.)
But it’s weird this time around. Like all I could eat the first month was steak. And only steak!! But now, the thought of steak sickens me. Unless it is in Chinese food. So I went into a Chinese food phase. That only homemade Chinese food would fill my hunger.
But other things. Like I crave sweets, but it has to be certain kinds. Like brownies or ice cream. But the thought of plain chocolate is so gross.
Another, popcorn. Popcorn sounds so disgusting. Like the smell of it turns my stomach. But the thought of a can of corn sounds amazing.
Another, sourdough bread. I’ve been making our own sourdough bread for the last three years. I love sourdough bread; or at least I used to. Now it makes me sick. The taste is all wrong. So I’ve got to figure out a new recipe. I love bread; I can’t go nine months of no bread…
Another one that happened a few days ago, was the meat in the dish was whatever. I ate it because I needed it, but the onions were AMAZING!! I wanted to eat all the onions!!
Or like I’ve been craving a combo pizza. With sausage, olives, bell peppers, onions, etc. I had a piece today, and it was everything. I wanted more, but my husband would not have appreciated if I ate all his leftover pizza. So I made pizza tonight for dinner.
Also I’ve been craving this grilled cheese chicken sandwich with chipotle sauce. Oh, is it delicious!! My husband was fine with indulging in my craving, the other day, because he was able to leave me to my food and go exploring for fun new toys he’s been wanting.
So I’m just confused at how my body is this time around. Some days I just want to devour one certain food for an entire day. But then the next day comes, and the thought of that previous food is unappetizing. Haha!! I don’t get it!
Writing this out…I’m craving that chipotle sandwich again. But instead of a $10 sandwich excursion; it can very easily turn into a over $200 day.
Maybe I’ll try and make it myself…?
Have a wonderful Thursday!! Hope this post didn’t make you too hungry. I will be adventuring into another strange day of my pregnancy. Be thankful you can eat anything you want!
I was never a popular person with following trends. I was always a step behind. Which I was fine with; I was blessed to have what I had.
Like when the iPod came out I still rocked my Walkman. Then the shuffle came out and I got an iPod. I had that iPod for several years.
Around the same time, I had one of those awesome flip phones. It could flip two ways; I thought I was some cool stuff. (Turns out my husband had one too. Haha!)
I remember life before the internet. I was just so young that I was just outside playing. It’s not like it was an obvious milestone. It was just my childhood. But I remember when the iPhone was new. But I have no idea when I got my first one.
My family took turns using the upgrade with our cellular plan. I know I used an upgrade for the awesome flip phone!!
I can say life was simpler. I miss it; but I use my phone for everything now. My blog, new recipes, digital art, movies, FaceTime, etc. I could use a laptop for all those things but the FaceTime is so lucrative living so far away from family.
If could switch to an iPhone that could only call, text, take photos, and FaceTime, I would. But I don’t think those exists anymore. And if I’m allowed all the options I’m going to use them because they are convenient. So it’s a never ending spiral of being dependent on my phone.
But life before the iPhone is no longer attainable…which is saddening.
I could list the “easy answers”, but I want to go more in depth. (The quotations is because I like to do the things, but I’m not claiming to be the best.)
I could list art, writing, swimming, dancing, etc. However I want to list other things I’m good at. That are unique to me.
Like I’m good at being a fair referee. No matter if I’m playing or not I want it to be kept fair. This was a skill I needed in coaching. No matter what, I kept it fair. Especially in ultimate frisbee. So much cheating would have gone on if I didn’t keep them honest.
I am also good at befriending the ones left behind. I would say I prefer it. Usually there is that friend that doesn’t fit into the group; and the group alienates them. Unless for severe reasons, I usually gravitate to those types of people. Being different is not a bad thing; it’s just different. My favorite saying is, “Normal is a setting on a washing machine.” I don’t know where it came from but that’s pretty much my motto.
I’m good at not procrastinating. This helped a lot when I was in high school and community college. I was the student to get the homework done weeks before it was due. (I was a definite teacher pet…) but I would turn in the assignments early so that the teacher could give me feedback so that my assignments would receive A+!! Yes, I was that student.
I think I’m also good at admitting when I’m wrong. This one has taken many years; but I believe I’ve gotten somewhat better at. But believe me, there are times where I want to be petty and not say a word, but I’ve come to realization that it’s hurting me not the other person. For me to be happy, I need to admit mistakes, forgive, and move onward.
Thinking outside the box is actually quite difficult. Because you may start off thinking you’re one thing, but putting it into words is impossible.
“Hi Mr. David! Hi Mr. Max! Hi Mr. Charles!” I called to the men that have been in my life since forever.
I think I first met them all when I was about five years old. They were introduced to me the same as I called to them today. It’s crazy it’s already been fifteen years. Time has flown by, but I’ve loved every moment of it.
“Hey Mr. David, have you seen my dad anywhere?”
“I uh…I think his up on the roof. I’ll get him for ya. One sec,” Mr. David disappeared over to the other side of the roof.
Just like dad. Leaving the hard work for himself. “Dad!” I waved.
“Hey sweetheart. Give me a sec. I’m almost done up here. Maybe 10min.”
“No problem, Dad. I’ll just be in the house figuring out the furniture layout.”
“Thanks!” And Dad disappeared again.
Little backstory:
My parents got pregnant way too early. My dad was only fifteen. I guess my mom was terrified and was trying to figure it all out. When my dad told her that he would take full custody of me and my mom wouldn’t have to be involved; which she never has. So I was brought up by my dad and my grandparents. So much love! More than enough to make me into the young woman I am now.
After I graduated high school, I went into the family business. Flipping homes. Dad and the crew does all the work and I do the designing part of it all. I had no desire to go to college. Dad and the crew was enough social life for me. I’m not an introvert but I’m definitely not an extrovert; I’m just neutral. Boring. But I love my life.
Back to Present:
“Hey sweetie, sorry. I just didn’t want to leave the roof unfinished in case of bad weather.”
My dad was just over six feet, dusty blonde hair, he says chiseled good looks, and one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen. I got that smile too!
“Totally understand Dad.” As I too finished up a thought and jotted it down on paper. “So Dad, did you hire a new hand? This project is bigger than the last. And Mr. Charles is going to be leaving for a couple months.”
“Ummm…no” Dad mumbled out the words.
“Dad!”
“Sorry sweetheart, it just got away from me. You know me, I’m terrible at remembering these things. I just get into my mode and get things done. I don’t know if we will have to hire someone. We might be able to…”
“No Dad. Mr. David said we need another set of hands. Preferably a younger set of hands that can do more of the physical labor. Should I send out a chat In Search Of? I could.”
“No, hon. It’s more of a feeling thing. Like the vibe of the person more than here say. Some woman might think her son is great, but he ends up being a lazy turd. Then I have to burn a bridge. No, I’ll find the person.”
“Hey Boss,” Mr. David stuck his head in the door. “We are strangely out of two by fours and we need about twenty more.”
“Also ten four by fours,” Mr. Charles called out somewhere.
“Drat. I thought I counted right. Okay, no problem. Sweetheart do you mind doing this run?”
“No problem Dad. But while I’m gone search for someone.” I gathered up my bag about to head out.
“Hey hon, you keep your guard up, but if while you are there and you get the right kind of vibe from someone offer them the job. There are always handy people at Home Depot.”
“Okay Dad,” with no real understanding of what vibe Dad wanted. But I never said no to him. He could count on me for anything.
Home Depot. The store of creativity…and debt. We spend so much money at Home Depot; but there is no better alternative where we are currently. But I still love this place. I love the wood smell.
Dad is always right; the parking lot was filled with people standing around. Many of them had signs with them reading ‘Will work. No English.’ That wouldn’t work for us. But there was one man sitting against the building by the entrance. He was hunched over himself. He was in rough shape. I got a shiver down my spine and I turned away from my curiosity only to be stopped by the voice.
‘Speak to him.’
You know that subconscious voice you hear sometimes, that’s the Holy Spirt talking to you. And I know from past experiences you don’t ignore it.
But still I was worried. The man didn’t seem to be awake. What if he was hyped up on drugs. What if he attacked me. What if…?
‘Speak to him. I will protect you.’
“Excuse me? Are you alright?” I crouched down by the man. I could hear his breathing. “Sir?” I tapped him on the shoulder.
His head snapped up and he suddenly crawled backwards away from me. “Sorry. You scared the crap out of me! What were you saying?”
The man was dirty to say the least, but he just looked tired and skinny when I was close up. “I just asked if you were alright? You weren’t moving, I was worried for you.”
“Oh. Thanks. But I’m okay. I just lost all my strength and decided to just sleep. Sleeping stops your hunger.” As he spoke, he instantly grabbed at his stomach. A loud growl came from it.
‘Feed him.’
“I’m a little hungry too. You want to stop over at Wendy’s for some lunch? My treat,” I gathered myself up and stretched my hand out to him.
He just stared at my hand. But I think his stomach moved before he did and he accepted my hand and walked with me over to Wendy’s.
The guy’s name was Stephen. He lost all his family, home, job, everything in the last year. He had been living in his car until it too decided to stop working today in the Home Depot parking lot. He had been hoping to find honest work. But the last job he did the employer didn’t pay him after the work was done. That’s the problem about working under the table; they can decide to not pay and you don’t have a say.
‘Hire him.’
“I was already going to do that.” I smirked.
“Do what?” Stephen asked as he shoved his last bite in his mouth. He ate four cheeseburgers.
“Oh. I was going to offer you a job. My dad owns a construction company and we’ve been doing house flipping. we are looking for a hired hand; it could be part time or full time employment. Would you be interested?”
Stephen just looked at me. “You are too trusting. How do you know I’m not a bad guy? How do you know I’m not going to attack you? You should keep your guard up when meeting strangers.”
“God told me to talk to you. He has been guiding me this whole time. If He had not spoken; I would have passed you by. You would still be sitting against the building starving. But I listen when He speaks.”
Stephen was now just looking at me like I was crazy. I don’t blame him. People who don’t know what I’m talking about always think I’m crazy. “Okay. Let’s say I believe you. What would the job entail? What’s the pay like? Would I get a bonus for signing up so I could get an apartment?”
“If you are interested you can come with me and discuss it with my dad. He knows all the answers to the questions you asked.” I cleaned up my space and grabbed my bag. “You coming? If you are, your coming back to Home Depot with me. I need to grab a couple things. No matter what happens I will pay you for your time. You in?”
He stood, “I’m in.”
… Six Months Later
To say the least. Stephen accepted the job. Instead of getting him a bonus for an apartment, Mr. David had a back house that he rented to him for dirt cheap. Which meant he was able carpool to the job sites. Sweet gig. My dad had been questionable about my selection when I had gotten back, but after Stephen telling my dad that a voice told me to hire him; Dad understood.
Stephen actually did great work. As long as he had food in his system. No food meant exhaustion for him. Which is totally understandable because the rest of the crew were older guys; and they decided Stephen should do all the heavy lifting.
But to me Stephen has change these last six months. He was no longer dirty. He had gotten a tan, and stronger. And he had a great smile. When he would laugh with the other guys, you would catch a glimpse of a dimple on the right side of his face.
I don’t know how I really felt about him. I might like him, but I don’t know if it’s just familiarity. Maybe he isn’t supposed to be my other half, but to stay one of the crew. Be my family just in name. “I don’t know….ugh…feelings are so complicated.”
“What feelings?”
That startled me and I jumped away from my laptop. I had been searching for different furniture options. Stephen was standing next to it now. “Oh. Stephen, you startled me. Make your presence known when you are walking up. Geesh…” I giggled.
“Sorry Katie. I thought you could hear me. Will do next time. But what feelings are difficult?”
“Oh. Never mind that. Did you need something?” Change the subject or I was about the change to a vibrant red color over my face.
“Yeah. Your dad is sending us to Home Depot. His words. I do the work you are the bank,” he shook his head a laughed.
My heart fluttered. Nope. I’m not going to do this now. Also I don’t know if he is a believer or not. Obviously if he’s not nothing would start. I pushed my feelings down deep, gathered up my bag and headed to the car. I didn’t even wait for Stephen; I just went.
“Are we good? You seem to be ignoring me lately? Did I do something wrong?”
I sighed, “No. you’re good. I’m just confused. Once things are figured out I’ll go back to normal. You can just ignore me too,” I climbed out of the car.
We just walked in silence until we again were at the spot where we met. Stephen ran over to it and squatted down. “Look familiar?”
I laughed. “Yes. Only you are cleaner now.”
“Good. You smiled,” I almost didn’t catch that since he whispered. Stephen stood up dusting himself off.
“Stephen!?!”
I turned to see a young woman run up and hug Stephen. Stephen just stood there glued to the ground. His arms hanging by his sides. He seemed uncomfortable.
“Stephen. Do you know her?” I had stepped up and touched Stephen’s arms.
Stephen reacted. He shoved the woman off of him and grabbed my wrist pulling me behind him. “Stay quiet. Don’t speak,” Stephen whispered to me over his shoulder.
I was stunned but not as shocked as the woman across from us. She looked confused, hurt, and starting to get angry.
“Wow Stephen. That’s no way to treat your old girlfriend. Just because you found someone new doesn’t mean I’ll ever go away…” the woman spoke but her words slurred a bit. Like she was drunk.
That hurt me; I didn’t know he had liked someone before. I tried to walk away, but Stephen held me firm behind him, even pulled me closer to his back. The muscles in his shoulders were tense. He didn’t trust her…so I decided to stay quiet and still.
“Amanda. Why lie? We were never together. You would just follow me around trying to get me to buy you booze. I’m good now. I have a job, a great boss, and…” Stephen’s body shifted, “good friends now.”
I didn’t expect him to say he loved me or anything. But friends…friends mean no feelings. I think I just got my answer. I felt my heart sink, until Stephen’s grip on my wrist softened and then tightened again. What did that mean?
“So I still have a chance huh? Just a friend…” Amanda chuckled with snorts.
“Never had a chance. Never will have a future chance. Just leave Amanda. I’m working right now. If you harass us again I’ll call the cops. Just remember there is no booze in jail.”
Amanda didn’t like that last part the most. She glared in my direction but still walked away.
Stephen’s body finally relaxed. His grip on my wrist also loosened.
I didn’t really want to, but I backed away from Stephen. “So we should go do what Dad wanted us to do,” I started to walk towards the entrance. “Why does something always happen when we come to this Home Depot. Maybe we should find a new one.” I was almost to the doors when I noticed that Stephen was still standing where I left him. I walked back to him, “you good? Can we do what we came to do?”
Stephen continued to be silent. I thought he was ignoring me like I had told him to do, but the look of pain and confusion on his face told me otherwise. He was trying to mull something over in his heart and mind.
“Stephen?” I again touched his arm.
He jumped at my touch. But when he saw me he latched onto my hands. “How am I supposed to listen to the voice calling out to me? What if something bad had happened? I listened and you could have gotten hurt. She could have hurt you. Is this how you feel every time? Why would you do this to yourself? Can I make it stop?…”
He was rambling! I just pulled him towards me and hugged him. From what I gathered from his spattering, was that God was trying to help him, to reach him, but he didn’t know what to do or if he wanted to. “God, please help him,” I sent out a silent prayer. Stephen’s body began to slow and then he just collapsed into my arms. He was lifeless. He was breathing, but he was unresponsive. I dragged him over to the spot where I had first met Stephen years ago and just sat there with him. God was doing his thing, but in a calmer way. Stephen and God we’re probably having a full on discussion and it took all his energy. I pulled my phone out, “Hey Dad. Could you come over here please.” I summarized what had happened. “You are just better at talking to people about becoming a Christian. I think you would be able to help Stephen. Can you come please?”
I actually have a few things I have collected over the years.
The first: Glass figurines.
I don’t know why I actually started to collect them. I think it was because my grandma really enjoyed buying them and gifting them to me. I can remember the first one well. My grandparents took me to Disneyland for a birthday, and my grandma bought me a sleeping beauty figurine. That was the start. Then for every birthday she gave me a new figurine. I have so many, but with little kiddos they have been living in a box a few years. Once my daughter is bigger I’ll let her see them.
Number two: Physical Movies.
I know the world has become digital over the years but I love owning dvd or blu ray movies. My family has always done this. I’m always wanting to add to my collection; as I walk by the five dollar Walmart bin. I once dug through that bin and organized it. Tells you what a party person I was when I was a teenager. I found it quite fun to do, a late night at Walmart. Haha!
My husband’s and mine’s movies almost filled one of those sleeved cases. Two hundred total.
Third Collection: Awards
This one doesn’t seem like a collection, but I’ve kept all my ribbons, medals, trophies, and plaques, from my many years of swimming. That bin weighs a ton. But in the past I’ve enjoyed pulling them out and thinking back to those days. They were some of my favorite memories. From the age four all the way to nineteen. I don’t know what I’ll do with them later on in life… but I like them, so I will move the heavy bin around from home to home. (Or the husband will move the heavy bin. It really is heavy!)
I have other things I’ve collected. Decks of cards, dice, art supplies, books, stuffed animals, etc.
I have troubles with throwing things away. Or giving things away. Because you never know when you want to play cards, and I’ve slowly collected them over the years from different places.
When you are about to play a board game and it’s missing the dice….? I can help.
Art supplies. I never have to buy any. I just take the supplies that people are giving away.
Books. I’m planning on homeschooling my kids so depending on where we end up living I want to have almost a library of books. Also…then there is no fear of a weird inappropriate book coming into my home. Every book in our home I’ve read and approved.
Stuffed animals. I kept a large percentage of my childhood stuffed animals. Which worked great with our kiddos. They both love the various animals.
So even though I collect various things they all have a purpose. It works out; my husband also likes to collect things. But his collections seem to always need to spend more money. Haha! My collections are cheap, whereas I try to keep him on budget.
Enjoy your Thursday!! Hubby is home!! The house is a happy house once again.
Fluke Spring Snowstorm
Randomly started snowing today. The snow flakes looked almost the size of my sons hands.
I’m giving up. I’ve been proactive for 12 years now. I’ve been trying to get him to see me in new light. Not as the little girl that would tag along with my brother and his friends. Instead, I have a good job, I come to Mark’s classes on the days I can make. Coincidentally Mark teaches on chemistry, which ties into my job; so it’s not only a way for me to see him, but it is also helping my career. But I think I’m going to give it all up. Nothing seems to work. Maybe he’ll just see me as that little girl all his life. It feels like it’s time to be proactive in finding someone who actually wants me; not just a fake fairytale.
Yes! So after today’s class I’ll let Mark know that I won’t be coming back after this week is over, and he can fill my spot with another student. He will probably be thrilled not to have me around anymore. That’s only three more days including today. I payed for it, I’m going to finish it.
I settle down into my normal seat in the class, ready to soak up as much knowledge as possible. I’ve been doing that, I’ve been doing all the assignments, all the homework, everything. Even though I’ve already graduated college two years ago.
I wonder if I’ll be as proactive as I have been? Or maybe I should let the guy initiate? It’s hard to say…
‘Mark!’ Mark just walked into the classroom to his podium. ‘Agh…I’m going to have to train my brain to stop doing that.’
“Class begins now,” Mark called out to the students.
‘Focus, Jane. You are here to learn.’ This might be harder than I thought.
“Dismissed.”
Wow. That class was jammed packed full of so much information. I’m glad I didn’t decide to give up last week. But now onto the harder stuff.
As I walked towards the podium, I tried to gage Mark. Was he in a good mood? A forgiving mood? But as always I could never tell what he was thinking.
I let him answer the questions of his normal students. They had exams coming up. I remember exams…
As last student had walked away, “Mark?”
“Jane. You know I prefer Prof. Walter at school. Just because we know each other you should still be conscience of your surroundings.”
‘Yeah. This is not something that will be a good addition to my life. I need to give up.’ “Okay, Professor Walter. I’ll call you that until the end of the week. And then you can fill my seat. I’ve learned plenty from you and I think I should focus more on my future, and whatever it entails. Thank you for all the knowledge you have given to me this last year, but I should stop now. Thank you again,” I turned in my homework assignment and walked out of the classroom. ‘Strange? I wasn’t concerned about his feelings. I wasn’t concerned about giving him a chance to speak. I just knew that I was done. I had given too many years to a non existent fairytale. Reality was needed now. I deserved happiness.’
…
Mark
I still stood at podium. It had been almost 10 minutes since Jane left. ‘What just happened?She’s not going to come back?’
In the beginning, I was not thrilled at the idea of having Jeff’s little sister sit in on my class. I thought she had just wanted to come and stare at me, it she actually did some amazing work. She is actually really gifted in chemistry. I’ve enjoyed getting her assignments back and seeing what she comes up with. I thought all was well in the world.
But she was different today. She was indifferent to me. She didn’t seem to care at all that she was going to leave. I know she likes me, or knew… But I’m not a fun person. I’m boring. I thought after she got to know me over time she would give up and find someone else. Like everyone else does. She’s grown into a beautiful, talented, energetic young women. I didn’t want her to settle for me; just because she liked me years ago. I was giving her an out….right?
I pulled out my phone…
“Hello?”
“Jeff. What’s up with your sister? She seemed indifferent to me today? What does that mean?”
Laughter exploded from Jeff’s side, “so she finally gave up on you, huh?”
‘Really? But I should feel glad. I wanted that to happen. Right?’
“I guess.”
“Bro. My sister has had a crush on you for twelve years. How long did you expect her to keep it up? Believe me I was not a fan when we were younger, but what’s so wrong with her now? She’s brilliant. She’s hardworking. She’s beautiful. You’re pretty much an idiot for letting her go. I’m just glad that you never broke her heart. I would have killed you.”
The laughter was gone from Jeff’s voice, “but I didn’t want to start anything with her and end up breaking her heart because I’m not a fun person. You know me. I’m boring. I’m a nerd. I don’t know what to do for dating.”
“That’s a coward’s excuse. Why are you such an idiot. You are a professor. You expect your students to learn a subject that they don’t understand. So why can’t you learn about something you don’t understand. There are books, speakers, online communities, and various other options. Even if your not the best at something you can always learn how to be better at it.”
‘That was true. I could learn. But did I really want to try?’
“If your questioning whether or not you want to try; then ask yourself this question…. Will I be okay is she dates someone else. Marry someone else? Has another man’s kid? Because bro it’s bound to happen. My sister is top notch. Just because you didn’t start things with her she is bound to have many men going after her. And this is nothing new. She has had several suitors already through the years but her heart was set on you. Also you said she was indifferent to you so she’s already made up her mind. You don’t have much time until that window is closed forever. If you’re going to try I would get going. Whatever you decide we are still buds. See ya bro.”
I was gone.
…
Jane
I didn’t realize that giving up on a crush would bring life and pep back into my step. Was this college campus always this beautiful? My life was been revolving around Mark all these years that I haven’t really been paying attention.
“Excuse me,”
A very handsome man had walked up to me. “Yes?”
“You are just my type, do you think I could get your number?”
‘Oh. I didn’t realize I would be meeting someone so soon. But my first thought was Mark. So I guess I wasn’t ready.’ “I am flattered. But I just stopped a long time crush today and I don’t think I am quite ready to start a new relationship. I don’t want to bring any baggage with me when I start something new. Im sorry.”
“No worries at all. But your answer why was still perfect. How about this,” he reached in his backpack for a piece of paper, “I’ll leave my name and number. And if you ever decide you are ready to start seeing someone else, call me up.” And he ran to catch up with his group.
I stood there holding the paper. The name Jason was next to a number. I didn’t realize saying no to fairytale would awaken reality so quickly. I folded the paper and shoved it in my back pant pocket. Maybe I would take Jason up on his offer after some time. Maybe…
There stood Mark.
…
Mark
I was sweating and panting. I probably looked crazy. I was usually quite calm and collected. But not now. And especially not after what I just watched. How a guy just handed Jane a piece of paper, probably his number, and she tucked it into her pocket. Jeff was right. Jane was going to be snatched and taken away if I didn’t move fast.
“Jane. Wait.”
“What do you want Professor Walters? I believe I said all I needed to say earlier.”
‘Ouch. I deserved that. I didn’t think she would shut me out this quickly.’ “You can call me Mark now. We are just in the classroom and I wanted to stay professional just in case some students were still around. We can talk freely now.”
“I don’t think we can. Because technically I’m still your student. So I should too, stay professional. Did you have anything to say? If not I’m going to head home.”
She was walking away from me. My chance was slipping away. ‘No.’
“Jane! Please stop,” I was holding onto her, her hand to be exact. It felt right. “Jane. I’m sorry. I’ve been treating you badly. I didn’t realize how I felt until you said you were leaving. I didn’t want to start anything with you because I was worried I would break your heart because I’m a boring person. I didn’t want to ruin your youth. I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. But I know I want to date you. I’ll do anything possible to make you happy. I’ll do research and figure out dating. Just please don’t leave.” ‘I probably sounded like an idiot. And I am. Definitely an idiot for letting this go on so long. I’m surprised she didn’t leave sooner.’
She wasn’t moving. She just had her back towards me. But her hand was still in mine. She hadn’t tried to yank it away. She was still here.
…
Jane
‘What’s going on? Is this really happening? Mark is clutching my hand. He’s telling me he wants to date me. He doesn’t want me to leave. How am I supposed to respond. Only twenty minutes ago, I did decide I would give up on him. Was I supposed to take that all back and accept him? Or do I stand my ground and walk away?’
“Jane. Please look at me?”
My heart fluttered at his words. ‘No heart.’ But I still turned to face him. And my heart fluttered again. This was a new Mark in front of me. He looked disheveled and completely out of sorts. But he still looked handsome to me. Maybe more handsome. My heart was fluttering faster, as I just stared at him. “What do you want Mark,” I could feel the tears startling to well up.
“Jane. Please give me another chance. I’m so sorry I made you feel so alone this whole time. I didn’t realize I was still pushing you away these last eight months. I thought I was growing closer to you. But I’m realizing now that I never changed on the outside. I’m sorry,” he pulled me closer to him, “do I still have chance?”
My heart was screaming Yes! But my mind was trying to talk me out of it. This was the closest I had been to Mark. He was only inches from me. How I wished he would pull me closer to him. I knew my answer, after that. It was always a yes. It was always going to be him. “Yes. You have a chance.”
Nothing. I looked up into Mark’s eyes and he looked so happy and seemed to relax a bit. But we just stood there.
“Sorry. I haven’t had a chance to research yet, so I don’t know what is considered appropriate at the beginning of a relationship…”
‘He’s so cute.’ So instead I took the initiative and took the step towards him. Letting go of his hand I wrapped my arms around his waist and waited for Mark to react. And he did. He hugged me back.
…
Jane
It’s only been eight hours since Mark and I started dating. And we pretty much just walked hand in hand all over the campus. Until now, Mark is driving me home. It feels so surreal. Mark is my boyfriend. And even though dating is not what I thought; it’s been quite cute to watch him being unsure of how to act. He’s probably going to go home and research things; and he’ll be completely different tomorrow.
We just pulled up in front of my house. We’ve been holding hands the entire time. Mark is now looking at our hands interlocked. Pondering something. And he pulls away from me.
‘What’s this? Is he regretting it already? I was able to handle rejection, but not this.’ Panic filled me until he was walking around and opened my door for me. ‘Sweet.’ Then he quickly grabbed my hand again.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to let you go tonight if letting go of your hand to exit a car is difficult for me.”
‘Cute.’ I gripped his hand back. “I know what you mean. I don’t want this night to end, because it doesn’t seem real. Like it’s all a dream,” I moved closer and also grabbed his arm. I was trying to say it in a laughable tone, but I realized how much I actually meant it.
Mark stopped walking. He turned to me and pulled me closer. He kissed my forehead.
‘He kissed me!!!!’
“I don’t want to move too fast, but is it more real now?”
I was smiling. I was smiling on the inside, and I’m sure I was smiling stupidly on the outside. I couldn’t seem to form words so I just l nodded.
Mark chuckled, “Cutie,” and he pulled me closer to him as he walked me to my door.
I didn’t want to leave him but I knew we had the rest of our lives. I squeezed his hand before starting to step away.
But he stopped me. He pulled me in for another hug. “You need to do one thing for me.”
“What?!”
“Give me the paper in your pant back pocket,” he held out his hand.
‘What paper? Oh, haha!’ I dug the paper out of my pocket and placed it into Mark’s hand. “I had completely forgotten about that.”
“I’ve been wanting to get that paper away from you since I saw that guy give it to you.” Mark crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it into the trashcan beside us.
I didn’t want him worry about it anymore and I moved into his embrace. Then I only whispered, “you don’t have to worry. You are all I want.” He relaxed into me and hugged me back.
I didn’t want to pull away, but we couldn’t stay in this position forever. I pulled back from him and looked up into his face, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He looked down into mine. Our faces inches apart. “Yes. You’ll see me tomorrow.”
We didn’t move. I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn’t going to initiate this.
“I know it’s too soon, but may I?” His eyes seemed to plead with me.
I only nodded.
And he lowered his face to mine and kissed me. A deep kiss, that I would remember forever.
The first of many. A kiss from Mark; my fairytale love.
This is tough. I guess it would all depend on what time in the year is it? Because it’s it supposed to be Spring and it still snowing; Nope I’m definitely Not a fan!
But if it Summer and you have been slowly melting. Like you feel like your face has melted down to your shoulders. And the only relief you feel is the cold shower before bed; then yes! I’m excited about the cold coming.
Just where we live I would only wish it would stay in its designated months.
Like one year. (I was dumb, and impatient.) I had planted a massive amount of seeds inside. Because I wanted a huge garden. And since it doesn’t start to warm up until mid May I had to keep everything inside since January.
But seriously enough was enough! It looked like a green house in my enclosed patio. That needed space was no longer accessible.
So. It was around the 2nd week of May and it had been sunny and rainy for most of it. I had been told to wait until after Memorial Day, but I was impatient. So I spent almost 8 hrs transplanting all the plants. Tomatoes, Lettuce, Onions, carrots, cilantro, potatoes, green beans, sweet peas, cucumbers, etc. Everything you could think of I had started from seed. But importantly from heirloom seed.
But so I transplanted everything. And it was all fine. Everything was happy to have more sun and way more space!!
Only to have a night frost happen 2 days before Memorial Day and kill almost everything. I think 2 of the 13 tomato plants survived. All the green beans froze and shriveled. Everything above ground perished. I was so sad. Because we had been planning on having our vegetables covered for at least a few months.
But I was impatient and I suffered the consequences. Our harvest that year was so sad.
All this to say. I like cold, but not when it springs up from no where and ruins all your hard work. Because I had been told by several different local people that the frost was over; that it should be fine to plant outside. But that’s what I get for not listening to the year-round farmers in the area. They are the ones to listen to, because it’s their livelihood is at stake.
So to answer the question it would be yes. I like the cold after the hot hot Summer. But also no; if it has not departed in a timely manner.
I miss Spring. Anywhere else, Spring is my favorite season.
Enjoy your Monday. 🌸
I did not have a relaxing Sunday like I had hoped. Instead my kiddos decided to have meltdowns all day, since their daddy is away on a trip. We miss him dearly. I miss being sane.
So a shout out to all the good husbands out there! Your help is always wanted. You keep us, moms, at bay from insanity! Give your husband a hug today. Just randomly. I’ll give mine a virtual one. 😊
Photo By: emily2jane 5-19-24
My daughter picked me so many wildflowers!! We are going to plant some today.
I’ve never actually truly broken a bone. I’ve been hurt. Severely hurt, but it’s never been broken.
I can think back through my childhood and remember sprains and deep bruises, and torn muscles. But no broken bones.
I wore roller blades in the house without a helmet on the second story, and fell down the stairs. But miraculously I was okay.
I tried the “sledding” when on a skateboard with my dog towing me, and she went so fast I fell off the skateboard and scraped almost all my skin off my limbs but no broken bones.
Swimming, I hit someone in the head with my thumb so hard they got a huge bruise, and my thumb throbbed, but no broken bones.
I ran into a teammates shoulder (with my face) and got my lip pressed into my braces. Lots of blood but nothing broke. Not even the braces.
I punched myself in the face with a paint scraper. Gave myself a minor concussion and lost some blood. An Ambulance had to come and take me to the hospital because I passed out while standing. But no broken bones.
I hurt my back enough that it stopped my swimming career, but the doctors couldn’t find the culprit.
There’s several more things. I know I sprained the same elbow more than four times. But it was never enough to break any bones.
Probably why my kids are so resilient. Their bones are strong like their mama.
I guess the only time it might have counted was when I was really little. I don’t know exactly what age…eight…ten…? Something like that. Just imagine two brothers and one sister. Plus two hula hoops over lapped. The brothers were on the outside, the sister (me) in the middle. The brothers begin to play tug-o-war. The sister trips and falls, and the brothers fall on top of her. Which causes the sister to bust up her lip and twist and chip a tooth. So much blood.
I still have it to this day. I could get it capped but it doesn’t bother me. It also has memories. Yes, some bad memories, but also I remember playing with my brothers. That day was almost twenty years ago. Wow. Time does fly.
So I guess I did break something. One tooth. I’m doing pretty good for being a adventurous child. I did so many dumb things in the past.
Enjoy your Sunday!! I will be having a quiet peaceful Sunday with my kiddos. ❤️ Also!
emily2jane 