What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
I don’t know if I could pick just one thing.
I’m terrified to “swim with sharks”. You know those cages you can be put into to have sharks swimming around you…Nope! Nope, nope, nope! But I have no idea what it would take to get me to do it. Because I have the fear that if I was ever tricked into one of those, I would pass out from fear and my leg would slowly fall through one of the openings, and a shark would bite my leg off. So if as long as my leg or limbs could not be on the outside, and it was magically a huge cage with a small cage in the center. Maybe $1 billion dollars. Already taxed. So that my fear is worth while.
I’m terrified of snakes. All snakes. Obviously the poisonous ones are worst. I have no idea how old I was eight, nine, ten…something like that. I was at a cousins birthday party and they thought it would be fun to hire one of those people who brings different animals, and puts them on someone in the crowd. Again I didn’t know I was scared of snakes at this age. But I was randomly picked as the person. So he started off with a centipede, non poisonous, and placed it on my wrist. That was okay. He pulled out a giant non poisonous spider and placed it on my head. That was fine. (Not anymore, Nope!!). Then he pulled out a snake to drape on my shoulders. Yeah that didn’t happen. I was done. I don’t remember what I said to him, but he took everything off of me; I wonder if I threatened him…haha! But after that moment I’ve been terrified of snakes. My most recent snake moment was my daughter went to turn off the hose and she screamed. I came running and found a baby rattlesnake just under the faucet. I checked with my neighbor who knows snakes and she told me the type. I then proceeded to have a panic attack. Thank God He was looking out for my daughter in that moment; because I don’t know what I would have done. So I don’t know if there is any amount of money that would get me to hold a snake, non poisonous. Maybe another $1 billion dollars, already taxed.
Next. A Ferris wheel. I’m terrified of heights. I remember when I was maybe fourteen. Which would make my brother ten. He wanted to go on the Ferris wheel at the fair, but he couldn’t go alone. So I went with him; since my mom was like, Nope! I didn’t know I was afraid of heights. Oh believe me I found out quickly. My poor brother did not get to enjoy that ride at all. The booth would swing with movement. So there was me yelping my head off at any tilt, or if I caught a glimpse outside the window; and my brother who wanted to look outside and enjoy himself, but couldn’t. So this one is difficult, I could maybe go on one, if my husband took charge of the kids, and I could sit in a corner with my eyes clamped shut and holding onto something so much that my hands turn white. But if not…maybe $10,000 dollars already taxed.
Speaking in public. Public speaking is impossible. I’m terrible at it. Like truly terrible. So much so that I’m questioning whether to get back into coaching, because I’m so bad. But it also terrifies me. I don’t like people staring at me. And to publicly speak you have people purposefully staring at you. Nope! Will I do it again, I don’t know. And I don’t what would have to happen to get me to try again.
I’m scared of things that won’t happen and I’m scared of things that might happen. But money is the only thing that would motivate the insanity to do something so stupid. So that my family would get money incase something happened. But see I would rather be alive than have money. So it will never happen.
Oh. Let me tell you! I’m am good with almost anything, but procrastinating is not one. When something is said to be done, to me that means right then and now. Not weeks and weeks later.
I’m the person that wants things to be done as soon as possible. However, my husband does his best work under pressure. So if something has to be done by the 30th; it gets done by the 28th. Ahhhhhhhh! I was dying inside. He told me he had to get paper work done by the 30th, on the 18th….so do it the 18th; or at the latest the 19th. Not the 28th.
Or
Husband: “I really want to do this project,” ( not anything specific).
Me: “okay let’s do this!” I start brainstorming ideas. Clean up the area. Get the babies happy.
Three weeks later…we start.
It’s not that my husband does it on purpose. He’s just super busy; and when he finally has a day off he wants to relax and recoup. Understandable.
I just wish I wasn’t told until days before we were going to start the project. But the husband uses me as a pin board, he tells me so I can remind him of the things he said he wants to get done…eventually. I can understand, however (I like that word.) I can only take so much.
And sometimes I explode!! Especially when it’s something I want done. My limit of waiting is about a week. And by week two I’m annoyed and murmuring under my breath. By week three I’m fed up and attempt to do it myself, and fail miserably. And if I manage to make it to week four, I explode! Not a great look for me. But I last way longer than I used to.
And my husband knows that now. That he only has three weeks until scary lady comes out. But again my husband likes pressure, so he waits until two weeks and 5 days before he gets going.
Ha! This is great. As I’m writing about complaining about procrastination I’m getting annoyed about procrastinating. It’s pretty hilarious.
The plan. It will happen. If I or really we won the lottery, it would just kick start the plan. But the plan will be completed with or without winning the lottery.
First my husband could quit his job. We wouldn’t have to wait to sell our house; he could just be done.
We would pay off debts because that’s normal. Since we won’t be winning the lottery, we will do this once we sell our house. Our fresh start will be just that. Fresh.
We would pack up all our stuff and start our next chapter. He wants to flip houses. Start a business with his dad. I would help with the design side of it all. I’ve always wanted to design and style houses; to me it a new way of art. This is the start of the plan.
With winning the lottery, we could buy our property and start building our end home. But since that’s not realistic we will wait until we can afford it. We will live small. Smaller than we have been; which seems crazy! But we can do if for a bit. We can live small and cheap until we can afford to buy a small house somewhere. It would be a fixer upper; that we would eventually rent or sell.
We would continue to flip. Until we could buy our big property and build our house with cash. We are not going to be doing the debt thing. Because once you start debt it just grows and grows like mold.
Once my husband believes we have made enough and invested money correctly we will be done. We will enjoy life. We won’t be going crazy with money. We will just live. If we want to flip houses it will just be a teaching moment for our kids, or if there is something shiny my husband wants to buy. Haha!
We will build or buy a house for my mom. So she doesn’t have to worry about anything. She won’t have to work. She could just live. And then my kiddos can grow up going to Grandma’s house. Which is a dream! We hope my husband’s parents live closer so they can also visit Nana and Pop Pop’s house.
Nothing special. The plan is just to invest our time and money in the beginning while we are still young, and correctly make the future we hope for possible.
I stopped saying what we would do if we won the lottery, because it’s not going to happen. We don’t play the lottery. Because as I said. We will do this plan with or without winning.
And lately I’ve been thinking, I’ve already won the lottery. I have an amazing husband. He has done so much for us to get to this point. That it’s not been easy for either of us, but we are still going strong. I have amazing kids! Even though they drive me crazy!! They are still amazing. I have the coolest mama ever! She is my best friend; still to this day. ❤️ I have great siblings and new extended family members. Family is the most important thing to me. Which is why it’s sad to live so far away from them. But with the plan, we hope to visit more often.
So really, I’ve already won the lottery. The best one to win.
Chad and I sat in the cafeteria. I don’t know why Jermey decided to stay behind, but his words were, “I’m going to be the referee. Incase any funny business begins.”
I didn’t think Chad would start anything. Now that all his buddies were gone; he only had himself. I had my buddies behind me, but I wouldn’t start anything. “So. What do you think?”
Chad shifted in his seat; he had been shoveling his food in his mouth a moment ago, but now he was just pushing corn around on his tray. “I don’t know what to think. With Bryan being suspended, college has been actually quite normal. I’ve been able to get into a better flow. But that’s probably because I didn’t know that Bryan and all my so called friends were going to leave. Leave me behind. There was no way I was going to move schools, but it would have been nice to be at least told. But instead I looked like an idiot standing in the normal spot that the upperclassman stood. Like a mindless follower.”
I understood what Chad was saying, but what did he expect. Did he want to be treated like a follower, or should he be proud of himself that Bryan didn’t see him as a follower. “I meant about what coach wanted…”
“Right,” Chad shoved is tray off to the side, “I would like to be captain. I know I can do it. What are your thoughts?”
‘I had hoped he would have said he had no interest. Because I didn’t want to call him out.’ “Well,” how do I phrase this? “Believe me. I don’t think I’m ready for the role, but coach has asked me to fill this role in the past. But I know you are a senior; this is your last year. But because of who you were associated with, I don’t think the rest of the team will respect or listen to you.” Brutal honesty. That’s the best way.
“Wow George. Thanks for not sugar coating it,” Chad shrugged and sat back in his chair. “I can understand where you are coming from, though. But you are right; I’m a senior, this is my last chance. But you saying that Coach wants you to be…”
“We are deciding. If Coach had insisted I fill the role he would have just told us I was the new captain. But instead he left it to us. We are choosing. Not him.”
Just like the title. I don’t really care what book, just a book, at this point.
Especially with a new baby, I have very little free time. I have small bits throughout the day. And only a precious 1-2hrs at night.
Which you might be thinking, 1-2hrs is a long time. But it’s really not. Because I have a new baby with me. She could be wide awake. She could be starving and eat for the whole time. Or occasionally, she will be asleep. But it’s also dark in the room because my husband has to go to bed early. Also I have the problem of staying up to finish the book. No matter how long the book is. Once I stayed up until four a.m. to finish a book. I can no longer do that. Sadly.
But throughout the day I have only small amounts of time l; which I fill with writing, texting, playing a game, or sometimes napping. All while feeding a baby. That is key! So if she starts choking I drop everything and focus on her.
So recently I’ve just been reading through my old posts. Like my short stories, reflection posts, and most recent my Life Of Two Best Friends: College book. Which has been great because I got inspired yesterday and wrote ten chapters!! I still have to edit them, but I at least got the story moving again.
So I would love to read a new book or at least a book that I know I love. However our newest addition to the family takes president over anything. Which I’m okay with. I did it for my first two kids, now it’s her turn.
Enjoy your books!! Don’t take them for granted; there may be a day you don’t get to read when you want. Have a great Monday!
I have prided myself on being that person that always accepts the outcasts. The people that don’t fit in. The people that are socially awkward or loud or alone. Not the people that are quiet and alone to be stalkers, but the people who try to be accepted but always fail. I like those types of people. I’ve always gravitated towards those people.
But this guy was killing me. I knew he was nervous. I knew he was probably not this socially awkward, but seriously. Cheesy pickup lines for the last hour.
“Are you a camera? Because I could smile at you all day long.”
Or
“Do you want to check the tag of my shirt? I think it’s made of, Boyfriend material.”
Or
“My new favorite numbers are one and four. Because you are the one four me.”
These were the few that stood out to me. And I thought they were sweet. Sweet enough to continue to sit at this table. But about thirty minutes into this date he completely changed. His pickup lines were becoming inappropriate. But I had missed my window to leave the table.
I decided I would just stay and be polite. I haven’t really been listening to him speak for the last few minutes. But I wanted to leave a good impression to the other blind date couples around me. Also the hosts. I really wanted to meet someone, and start a life.
I work in an office. I’m the secretary to the CEO. So as you can imagine; I have no life. All my time is spent working or sleeping. But I got invited to this speed blind dating meeting. So I decided to try it out.
Which had been fun in the beginning. I was meeting new people. Learning about different hobbies. But no one was standing out for me. Everyone seemed so sure of themselves and what they wanted in a partner. Whereas me…I had no idea.
I knew I wanted a God fearing man. I wanted someone attractive to me. Not handsome, but someone I found attractive. Handsome people are always caught in the middle of gossip or scandals. I wanted a quiet romance. I would prefer someone my height or taller, but that wasn’t a necessity. As long as my height never came into question of why I was with him. But a big one, for him to have a stable job. He didn’t have to be well off or climbing the ladder of success. But I wanted him to have a stable job that he enjoyed. I didn’t want to have a kept man. Also not a man who would quit his job once we were married; thinking I would be the money maker. My dream was to be a mom. Not especially stay at home. But where I could work half days and spend a good chunk of my day with my kiddos.
But alas, no one really stood out to me tonight; and unfortunately the guy in front of me just won’t stop yapping. He just goes on and on about his gym life. Which tells me we are not a match. I go to the gym maybe twice a month if I feel inspired, or when I know I’m going to be pigging out the next day.
I checked my watch to see if I was near the end of this nightmare of a man. Which was the wrong move. Because when I looked back up at the man across from me he showed annoyance, snobbery, disgust; which was very unattractive on his face.
“Really? You are checking your watch?! I’ve been talking this whole time and you’ve said maybe a sentence worth of words. Are you really that inconsiderate of people’s feelings that you need to check your watch in front of me?”
He was almost shouting at me. Which caused the host to stop speaking and the whole hall grew silent. All eyes were now on our table.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be rude. I…”
“If you didn’t want to be rude you wouldn’t have checked the time in front of me. You wouldn’t have been ignoring me this whole time. You wouldn’t have stayed at this table when the host called for a switch. Something drew you to me. Is it really gone? Or did you just come here to find a quick hook up?”
My head snapped up at that last part. I was not here for a hook up. From my experience, the person who brings up that topic is usually the one trying to accomplish it. That they are trying to throw shade at someone else to cover up their thoughts. “Why would you think that? I’ve been trying to be polite this whole time. I stayed at this table because I thought originally you were just socially awkward, which doesn’t bother me, but I liked your corny pick up lines. So I stayed. But about fifteen minutes into our talk you changed. Your pickup lines became inappropriate. Referencing the bedroom more than anything.”
He flinched at that. Yep. That’s what he had been after.
“I haven’t tried to speak since I discovered we have nothing in common now. I want a God fearing man who wants to find love, not an easy night,” I made sure to speak that last part slowly. To let it sink into the man across from me, but also the people surrounding us now.
“I should have gotten up. Or at least excused myself from the table. But I wanted to be polite to you and the surrounding couples. I wanted to just wait my time and then leave quietly when I could. I apologize for glancing at my watch. But why did you not read the table, and realize that I was no longer communicating with you. Maybe you should have changed the subject or tried to engage me. But instead you just kept saying uncomfortable lines and talking about your gym life. Talking about all the women you meet there and how women should always be fit and active.”
I had planned to be neutral in this outburst, but he was irritating me. The fact that he called me out in front of everyone. He deserves to be put front and center.
I stood from the table. I looked from the other couples to the hosts, “I’m sorry I ruined the atmosphere of your event. I really was here to hopefully meet someone. But I should take my leave and allow the successful couples to finish meeting. Thank you again,” I gathered up my coat and purse and walked from the hall. Not allowing the rude man to say anything more. Tonight was a flop.
.-.-.-.
Instead of heading straight home I decided to sit at the bar area for a bit. I wasn’t going to drink the night away, but a fruity drink sounded delicious. Also, I already needed to get an Uber home , so having one drink was not going to affect my night.
As I had almost finished my drink, a person sat down beside me. I didn’t think anything of it. I turned to have a cheers moment and regretted turning. It was my unfortunate match from before. But he was wasted. He reeked of alcohol.
“You…you…” he stammered. “You ruined my chances of finding someone for the night. I thought you were going to be that person. But I was dead wrong. Instead you made them throw me out. And now I’m blacklisted. Do you know what that means? It means any event of this kind I’m not welcome. They will send my information and pictures to the other agencies. How am I supposed to find someone now. I wasn’t just going to sleep with someone and throw them away. Intimacy can bring people closer. You know about all their faults before you get fully invested.”
I was a little stunned that he was able to have a coherent conversation. But he was indeed scum. The worst kind of scum. I’m happy I spoke out against him. Now he would never be able to tarnish another girl; a girl looking for a fairytale but getting a nightmare instead.
“Maybe you should do your duty and come home with me,” he reached for my hand.
I yanked my hand away. He was entering the dangerous phase of drinking. I got up from my stool and backed away from him.
But he followed, “you are the one who ruined my night. You should feel obligated to fulfill my needs, right?”
He was truly delirious. A screw was loose in his mind. I looked around to see if anyone would be a feasible helper to me in this situation. But the bartender was off on the other side flirting with two girls. He had missed our exchange. There was another man at the bar, but he was snoring. So I was alone. I continued to back away from him. Once in the lobby I would probably find a worker and ask for some help. I wasn’t super tipsy, but I didn’t trust myself to be able to escape seamlessly.
Almost to doors as I backed up, I backed into a body. I turned my head to see my boss was behind me. Henry Halls. I didn’t know if he would help me, but I was going to try. I scampered around Mr. Halls and hid behind him. I latched onto his arm and looked up at him resting my chin on his arm.
“He’s saying I ruined his chance to find someone easy. And that I should be willing to fulfill his needs. Can you get rid of him for me?”
Mr Halls said nothing. He just looked down at me. I probably looked ridiculous. But I was tipsy now. Monday at work I would just surrender my mid year bonus. I continued to look up at him. But his face was still emotionless.
I let go of his arm and stood up beside him. I guess he wasn’t going to help me. I would just get out of here myself. I looked at the wasted man; he was still standing there, but he seemed hunched over. He was starting to enter the downhill spiral of drinking too much. This was my chance.
I looked once more at Mr. Halls and still nothing. So instead I just turned on my heels and sprinted to the lounge doors. But an arm grabbed mine and held me in place.
I was worried it was the drunk man so I turned with a strong fist formed first. It made contact with a hard chest. I peeked open my eyes only to see I had just punched my boss in the chest. I was too stunned to say anything but I tried to back away. But Henry Halls pulled me back into his embrace.
His embrace?! Yes. I looked down at his hands; they were holding me in place in front of him. I was just inches from his chest. He smelled of pine or cedar. It was nice. It was comforting. It was…I rested my head on his chest. That fruity drink was hitting me too hard.
“Kelly Marshall. Look up at me.”
I heard him but I also didn’t hear him. But still I lifted my head to look up into the eyes of Henry Halls; only to be met with a strange look on my boss’ face. Was that a smile…but my boss doesn’t smile…he just…
And he bent down and kissed my mouth. ‘Wait!!!! What??!!!’ He was kissing me. I was kissing him. What’s happening right now. His mouth moved from mine to find my ear, “close your eyes Kelly Marshall or he will know.”
Know what? That this was fake. That my boss was kissing me without permission. That I lost my first kiss…! I stepped out of Henry Halls embrace and slapped him. How could he do that to me. I wanted to be saved, but with words not by stealing something important to me.
Henry Halls looked stunned. I backed away from him. I shouldn’t have hit him, but I was so mad at him, that all I could do now was sprint from the bar lounge. I needed to get out of there. I needed air. Air!
The cold breeze hit my face. I felt a smidge better; like that I could see clearly again. My mind was swimming still; a throbbing headache was in the works. I walked up to the valet attendant only to have my hand grabbed and myself yanked into a black car.
I fell onto the seat. The car door slammed behind me. ‘Where was I?’ The opposite door swung open and in slid Henry Halls in the seat next to me. I turned away from him and tried to escape, but I was pulled away from the door and back into Henry Halls’ arms. “Drive,” he called to the driver and kept a hold on my shoulders.
I was confused what was happening. Why was I here? Why is he here? Why is my head swimming still? Why is he holding me? Why am I letting him? ‘Yeah…why!?’ I tried to get out of his embrace. “Let me go!”
“No.”
“Let me go. The other guy was drunk. And gone. I’m safe now. You can stop pretending. Let go!”
Silence.
I wriggled trying to be freed. I didn’t want anything fake. I wanted something real. And now, I would know that it wouldn’t be one hundred percent real. That kiss was gone. “Let me go!!” I almost screamed.
“Stop fighting me, Kelly.” He pulled me to his chest and hugged me, “I’m not pretending. Can you not see that?”
‘What was he saying. Not pretending. Can I see it?’ In all these years this was the closest I had been to anyone. But with Henry Halls you don’t get this close, you don’t see smiles, you don’t feel anything but criticism or disappointment. “You’re kidding right? I should know?? I should have seen it? You’ve got to be kidding,” I started laughing. But I suddenly stopped when I saw his face. I saw hurt. I saw embarrassment. I saw…sadness… ‘Wow. That fruity drink was making me fantasize things.’
“Seriously, Mr. Halls, I don’t know how I was supposed to see this? If I’ve seen anything from you it’s been disappointment or disapproval.” Again my boss showed hurt on his face. ‘What’s going on?’
“Jeffery, please take Ms. Marshall home. Drop me off here.”
“Wait. Henry. What are you trying to say?” However Henry Halls stilled exited the car. And he was gone.
The car began to drive away, “Wait! Stop the car!”
“But Miss, Mr. Halls said,”
“Stop the car!” And I opened my car door. Before the car had stopped I was out of there, and running back to where we left Henry.
Mr. Halls stood his back to me. I don’t know if it was my imagination or not, but it seemed like he was hunched. Defeated? ‘What was I seeingor thinking about? Henry Halls didn’t care about me. I would have saw it; wouldn’t have I?’ I was just behind him. I don’t know what I was doing, but I needed to know what just happened. “Henry,” I reached out to tap his shoulder.
But instead, Henry swung around quickly startling me too suddenly that I was falling backwards towards the sidewalk. I clasped my eyes closed waiting for the painful thud coming. Nothing. No pain. I opened my left eye to only see Henry’s face. ‘Was that concern I saw?’ He was holding me. Holding me up. In his arms. His arms held me so easily… “Mr. Halls?”
“Henry. I prefer you to call me Henry,” Henry smiled, pulling me back up into a standing position. “You just called me Henry, so it shouldn’t be hard for you to do again.”
‘Henry had a charming smile.’ I couldn’t help but smileback at him, “okay. Henry,” I smiled gleefully. Probably the alcohol hitting me again. My silliness phase was coming out. “Henry?”
Henry turned towards me. His smile still apparent on his face.
His face was glowing. I had never seen this side to Mr. Halls. Henry. Henry was becoming more and more human to me. “Henry.”
Again Henry looked at me. his eyes searched my face this time. What was he looking for? “Kelly Marshall…do you think you could ever see me as your future?”
“No. Future. Like boyfriend? Or husband. Your future. Do you understand?”
I didn’t. What was he talking about? Boyfriend?…I shook my head.
“Can you consider me to fill the role as your boyfriend and eventually your husband?” A red hue was engulfing Henry’s face and ears.
‘Boyfriend? Boyfriend!?!’ I looked at Henry. He was no longer looking at me. He was actually hiding his face from me. I could only see the red on his ears.
“Do you even like me?” I surprisingly was not against the idea, probably the alcohol talking; but it still seemed unrealistic to me. Like why would he choose me. I was just his secretary. I was a nobody.
“Yes. Of course I do! Why would I be asking you this if I didn’t have any intention towards you? I’m not a jerk. Just think about all this time? Have you made mistakes in work? Yes you have; normally you would have been fired but I let it go because it was you. Whenever you have asked for days off, I’ve given them to you; even if it’s been inconvenient to me, because I wanted you to see me in good light. I’ve paid huge sums of money to get rid of your rumors with various people we have had to meet at social gatherings. I thought you knew all this. I thought you were just being discreet. When I kissed you earlier I thought you wanted it too. That you hanging onto my arm was you being cute and asking. But then you slapped me. I was confused, then you vanished. And now we are here. And you are looking at me like I’m the crazy one. That I’ve been imagining everything before this.”
This was too much for me. He liked me. He’s been thinking I liked him back. He wanted to kiss me. He seems so hurt. I wish I had known. I should have known. Other office workers had mentioned that I must be a super lucky person since I still had a job. That others had been fired over what I had done. I should have known. He was right. I was the one who had been confusing him. “I’m sorry Henry. I wish I would have known. Had I known I would have…”
“Don’t say anything you don’t mean. I apologize for stirring all this up. Please excuse me,” Henry waved down a taxi.
“No!” I jumped up, swung the door of taxi open, and yelled, “no need. Drive on,” and I slammed the door shut. The taxi roared off.
“Why did you do that?”
I was sober now, but I don’t know why I chose this to stop him, but I hooked my hand behind his neck and stood on my tippy toes to kiss him back. I wanted him to know I was serious about what I wanted to say, but instead of saying it with words I would use actions; like he had earlier.
“Kelly. Do you know what you are doing?”
Henry had yanked me off of him. At this moment I didn’t know what I was doing. Was he not into this anymore. Was I being too rash; should I be more reserved? I just kind of stood there frozen. Maybe I should just leave. Maybe the window was closed. I didn’t speak. I was just going to leave and probably quit my job via email. I would just disappear from this life all together. I backed away from him. “I’ll just be going…”
“Oh no you don’t,” Henry grabbed my outstretched hand and pulled me back into his embraced. “You’re not running away. You kissed me back so this is your fault.”
He pulled me back to his body and kissed me.
“And this.”
He kissed me again.
“And thi…”
I shut him up before he could finish. ‘Just kiss me.’
School yesterday seemed to be better. Maybe without the constant stupidity of running into the upperclassmen, my days were becoming less stressful. I was actually able to focus on my classes; I even was able to complete homework assignments in classes. Which in turn, allowed me to catch a nap in the afternoon before practice. So I was able to be refreshed, and ready to go again.
After the day of helping Chad, the upperclassmen left me alone. Chad had told the other guys to leave me alone; at least until Bryan returns. So hopefully I can figure out college and be better situated for the mock meet.
…
“Everyone gather around,” Coach called out to everyone as we did our stretches.
We all walked over confused at the sudden change. Maybe it was another one of coach’s last minute changes that means death or learning. I’m hoping for learning.
“Bryan has switched schools. He is now leading the Eagles team in Helena. Our rival school.”
‘What? He left?’ I looked to coach but he did not look my way.
“I am guessing Bryan used his family’s name to be able to pull such a stunt. And as you can see a few other A string teammates are gone as well.”
I checked over to where the upperclassmen usually stood, and only Chad stood there. ‘What is going on? Bryan was not the type to run away. He seemed more like the type to be kicked off the team before leaving.’
“I’m telling you all this, just to let you be aware. Not that it changes anything. The mock meet will still tell me who will be the A string athletes. But now there are more spots open, as long as you want it enough you have a chance. Now get in the pool.” Coach started off to his chair. Like all was back to normal.
“Coach,” I had caught up to him. “What’s going on?”
“George. Set an example and listen to your coach. We can talk after practice. Now go.”
Coach was right. No sense in arguing. I walked back over to the top lane. Chad stood there too. The lane beneath me looked to me for the warm-up set. ‘Lead George. You are the leader now.’ “Eight hundred freestyle warmup. Let’s go!” I leapt into the pool.
…
“What happened Coach?” I stood in Coach’s office. Jeremy and Chad had both stayed behind.
“Bryan tried to get you kicked off the team.”
“What! Why and how could he try to do that?”
“Oh, believe me George. If I had not been the coach, Bryan and his father would had succeeded. Had I not been notified of their last minute meeting with the headmaster you would have been probably expelled.”
Coach cut me off before I could respond.
“They I were trying to twist the truth about why Bryan was suspended from the team. That it was all your fault, for manipulating and falsifying what really happened. They painted you in such poor light by the time I arrived. Luckily I had the video on my phone and I killed their scheme. Which in turn made them look bad. And before the headmaster could give them their verdict they exclaimed they quit this school and left the office.” Coach rubbed his forehead and seemed to stare into nothingness.
‘Wow. I knew Bryan was coward. But I never thought him to be a quitter. Really I thought he would be someone to be kicked off the team before just running away. What a disappointment of my rival.’ “What now Coach?”
“Between the two of you, you must decide who will now lead this team.”
I looked at Chad. He seemed determined. But I didn’t know if the rest of the team would listen to him. Since he was originally part of the upperclassman group. Not that I wanted the role. I didn’t think I was ready for that, but everyone listened to me already.
“I don’t want to be the referee on this decision. Go back and discuss it among yourselves. But starting tomorrow this team needs leadership. Now go back to your dorms.”
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
The meaning of Emily is rival or striving. Which makes sense with my personality. I’ve always put in great efforts for everything in my life. My art, my schooling, my family, my husband, my kiddos, etc. everything was hard work for me. Strangely enough my mom named me right!
Because my name is not a family name. My mom just liked the name Emily. When I was younger I was a little bummed I was not given a family name. But as I grew up I fell in love with my name. Now I cannot have another name. It’s my name. And now I have a daughter that I gave her a name that I have loved since I was little. But it’s not a family name either. So in a way she’s just like me.
However…I know I did a school assignment that was based on your name. And Emily meant something different back then. I probably have the school assignment somewhere packed away. But I wonder…
In a sense you should be proud of yourself. Your pride should be there because you take pride in the type of leader you are. Prideful leaders are always around. But you want the right kind of prideful leaders. Not ones that are proud to be in charge. But ones that are proud to be a role model in their place of leadership. That’s always a hard thing for people in power. Sometimes the power goes to their heads.
When I was on the swim team I was consider the leader for a small amount. But I always tried to be fair, honest, strong, and be someone that I myself would follow.
I struggled with being non biased and confidence. I would sometimes choose winning over wanting to include everyone. I’ve always struggled with confidence. Not when it was about just myself, but when I had to decided for other teammates. I would sometimes question myself. Being the leader is hard. But knowing what you struggle with, is the first step.
Being the swim coach was less stressful. In a strange way. I had more confidence in my decisions because I knew what my swimmers were capable of. Also being non biased was easier as a coach. Because winning races were part of being a team. So I had to put swimmers in races that could win first. But then also spread out the swimmers so we could place in multiple races. So I had to be diligent in my decisions. To win, but get as many swimmers in each race for points.
But these are just my experiences with being the leader. Others have didn’t ideas of what a good leader should be. Everyone is allowed their own idea.
Another is in our household. I am the leader of my kiddos unless daddy is home. And then he is the big leader. As my daughter says, “Daddy is the big boss, Mommy is the medium boss, I am the small boss, and brother is the Tiny boss. Sister is just a cute ball of love for now.” So I’m the medium boss; which I prefer. Now that I have so many different responsibilities; I prefer to know I don’t have to make the big decisions. My husband still discusses them with me, but ultimately it’s his decision.
Medium boss now must figure out dinner…maybe I’ll make my husband decide. I really dislike choosing. He does too, but he is the big boss, so Mwahahahahaha!!
I don’t see it as clutter. It’s just that our house is too small for us. We are in a two bedroom one thousand square foot house. Which was fine when we only had one kiddo and we didn’t know if we could have more kids. But now have three kids.
I was good at fitting two kids into this house. I just had to get clever with storage.
But now with our newest addition I’m struggling to find space for her things. And newborns have so much stuff! That I’m surprised I was able to fit things in various places.
But I have no more dresser space. I’ve got all my clothes hung up in the closet. More things in bins. My dresser space is now one drawer newest baby, and three drawers my son.
But you would be surprised and impressed with how much I’m able to fit into this house and make it seem empty.
The house we are dreaming about for the future is going to be about six thousand square feet, that’s a bit better right? Haha! But believe me when I say we have enough things to fill that size house up. But what will be nice, is we will have enough space to spread it all out.
But we shall see. We are ready to start a new chapter in life.
So to me it’s not cluttered, it’s just poorly organized.
emily2jane 