Cooking food for my family. Hearing my husband praise my food. Or even better, my kiddos yelling, “this is the best food ever, mama!”
Trying to be patient. I struggle with this one. But when I do succeed I usually get huge smiles from my kids.
The end of the day hugs. Usually at the end of a day I feel defeated. Like there were times I could have had mor patience. Or could have made better food. Or given my husband more attention. But usually at the end of those days I get my kids coming up to me saying, “you are the best mama ever! I love you,” and finishing with hugs and kisses.
Fitting into my skinny pants. When I’m good and stay within my healthy food intake I can fit into those clothes that should be packed away, but I keep them out to motivate myself. And as soon S I get to that point I….will be pregnant again. Haha!
Sometimes I just need a hug. When I’m feeling discouraged or useless, I need a hug from my hubby. His hugs gives me so much more energy, that I feel motivated to finish out the awful day.
Writing a post. Posting something on my blog makes me think that I’m having a more accomplished day than I might actually be having. But publishing something can motivate me to be extra productive. Which I have made breakfast, started bread, cooked food for my husband’s upcoming trip, started a load of wash, and have my kids ready for the day. Now I’m posting something. Pretty full first half of the day.
Swimming. Anytime I swim I feel rejuvenated and ready for life. I miss swimming. I really want to be in a pool.
Motivation can come from anything. Things said, things you do, things are done, memories, etc. It’s not going to be a generic motivation moment, you might have to look through your life and find unconventional types of motivation. They are out there!
I’m so excited to be here! I won a random concert ticket. It was going to have bands of all genres. Rap, pop, techno, country, etc.
But I felt strange without my gang. Micah, my oldest son at eight years old. Stephen at six years. And Sarah at four years. Also my husband, he’s my rock. But surprisingly this outing was encouraged by my husband the most. He said that I deserved a breather. But here I am; getting a breather and feeling alone.
The music playing has a nice rhythm; I just have no idea what they are saying; I just sway along with the large crowd surrounding the stage.
But now the ear plugs are needed. The music started blasting. The subs were making my ears throb. Then I heard it. The unnecessary language; that most artists fill their songs with. Definitely not my scene. I weaved through the crowd to find some silence. My ears are throbbing more from the music, than from my kids.
I just wanted to get away from the language. I wanted a breather from that whole scene. I followed the path before me. It was beautiful; cobblestone path lined with all the flowers. My daughter Sarah would have loved this. Oh how I miss her.
The path arched up as a bridge over a pool. But the bridge was wide enough, and there were benches on one side. It was quiet here. Peaceful. The breeze was warm too; I think this is where I should be. I took up residence on a bench overlooking the pool. I could see for miles. Green grass, purple hills, vibrant skies. There was a guitar playing in the distance. That was what was missing, music. This breather was more my speed.
The ambiance was perfect. I brought out my notepad. I’ve always carried it with me, hoping for a chance to jot down some song lyrics, but life happened and my kids now keep me busy. It’s been almost twenty years since the last time I tried this.
“They say we have patience. They say we are always calm.”
“They say I’m perfect. They say I’m kind. They say I’m a great mom.”
“But I don’t feel like it. I have barely any, and if I do, it fizzles gone.”
“Perfection should never be my description.”
“I am kind, but maybe too kind. They seem to walk all over me. I don’t feel like a good mom.”
Of course my lyrics sounds like a poem instead. It’s been too long. This song is probably too negative. It’s honest though. The last chorus would probably shift.
“I don’t feel it but it’s okay. I must be doing something right, because my days always end in hugs and loves.”
“I’m their mama. Not perfect, but the right one. Instead of perfect mama, call me wild mama, loud mama, crazy mama, loving mama. I’m everything rolled into one.”
“Look at that! A more realistic mama song. Truthful,” I murmur to myself.
A shadow came up behind me. I panicked, wondering if I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be. Turning to see a cowboy dressed man. I gather up my notepad and purse, apologizing, and I begin to head back down the bridge.
“Hold on a second, miss.”
I paused and looked back at the cowboy before me. He was maybe in his late fifties. I could see the gray hair under the brim of his hat. He looked harmless, I still was wary just in case.
“Why are you all the way over here. The concert is still going on. Did you get lost or something?”
I relaxed a little. I hadn’t gone somewhere off limits. I was worried I would get in trouble, here without my husband to back me up. “No. I’m good. I just needed a break from the last artist. Rap is really not in my wheelhouse. I’m probably going to just head out. I don’t know if my ears can take anymore thumping.”
“I agree with you. I’m not a huge fan of the rap music either. I like the more classic rock or country. If you can’t tell from my wardrobe,” he gestured to his clothes, “But I think you should stay for the last artist. It’s going to be country music. I think you will like it better.”
Country. I do like country. And I should take advantage of this concert. I didn’t know if I would ever be doing this again “okay. I’ll go to the last artist’s show. I should enjoy my last bit of freedom before heading back to the loving chaos. Thank you,” I stretched my hand out to the cowboy.
He accepted. As I turned to leave, “Excuse me miss, but can I have what you were writing before all this.”
I didn’t hesitate and I handed it to him. Instead of having my song/poem be buried back into my notebook in my purse, I passed it on. Maybe it could be inspiration for someone. I turned away again and waved over my head. I felt rejuvenated and ready for one more band.
The music began, and it did have a great rhythm. Some songs I recognized and sang along too. The best part was the new songs , that I had never heard. They were clean, good message, and no language. I jotted down some of the song titles, so that I could add them to my playlist, appropriate for little ears. But suddenly the cowboy man stepped out onto the stage. He was an artist!! How did I not realize.
“Could the woman who met me just moments ago, please make her way to the front of the stage.”
‘That was me!?!’ I began to weave through the bodies surrounding me. I could feel the stares but I kept walking forward.
“This woman gave me inspiration. She and I wrote a song together. She has potential, but I changed it up some. Because of one of her comments on the song sheet read: ‘Needs to be peppy to be country song hit.’ So true. The hits are always more upbeat. Hope you enjoy it, “Honest Mom.”
He did change it. But he left the first chorus almost the same. Just made words rhyme and flow better. But he added in lines like “her eyes sparkle when she talks about her babies.” And “Her husband is a lucky man.” Also, “Admist the quiet peace, she wrote this song to fill the void.”
He was good. I felt so proud. That a song I had scribbled down was actually used. The song ended and the audience erupted with clapping and hollering of approval. Someone from his crew came up to me and got my info. I gave it, but I was still so memorized that people enjoyed it.
…
Weeks later I got a check in the mail for $250K for co-writing a song with Henry Brown. Obviously now one of my favorite artists.
I couldn’t believe what had happened that day. Henry Brown changed my life that day. I completed something. One dream; even if I wasn’t the one singing on stage; I was up there too.
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?
I can’t really think of a meal that was so expensive, that I paid. I know my mom had bought expensive meals. I know my swim coach has. But until my husband and I went to Hawaii for our honeymoon; we eat mostly fast foods. Cheap. Affordable.
But Hawaii, we discovered a restaurant that served fish tacos, with a pineapple salsa…so delicious!!
We ate there so many times. But we discovered that dinner prices are way more than lunch. Because yes, we went to the same restaurant for both lunch and dinner. And while lunch was $25 for the fish taco meal; dinner was $50 for the same meal.
So that night the dinner was close to $150!! Which is way too much money. When the same meal was $60 at lunchtime.
So I don’t know if I would say it was worth it, but we did eat their fish tacos multiple time on our trip. But only for lunch. We lived more practical on our honeymoon. We cooked breakfast and dinner in our rented condo. We also bought coffee and beer from Costco. (Kona coffee…best coffee ever!!)
So eating the tacos was worth it. But what made the trip extra awesome, was stuffing my suitcase with Hawaiian Costco coffee. We gave some as gifts when we returned, but we kept most of it for ourselves. 😎
Taken in Hawaii on a cruise. Where I got sea sick! Haha 😂
God! Knowing He is always with me, gives me peace of mind!
My family. This includes everyone. My husband, my kids, my mom, husband’s family, my siblings, grandparents, etc.
My job. Even though I complain about being a mom sometimes, it is still the best job in the world. Just a lot of work.
Chocolate. Yes. Straight to chocolate! But that’s what I’m wanting right now.
Socks. Especially my Winnie the Pooh socks. My kids got them for me two Christmas’ ago.
Organization! Not my own stuff. Other people’s stuff only. Like when my husband makes a mess in his shop, and I get to clean it up and put things away, that makes me happy.
Art!! I forgot art. Art should have been before chocolate, but it can be here. All kinds of art. Painting, drawing, markers, pastels, paper machete, sculpting, etc.
Playing with my babies. I asked my kids what makes me happy, and they insisted I needed this on the list. And it’s true. But it was funny that they insisted this made me happy. Not them happy. Haha!
My car. My husband replaced my car that we had to sell. He got me a seven seat car!! It’s so awesome. I can separate my older kids. I can fit all my stuff.
Cooking. Cooking does make me happy. I love cooking. The cleaning up after cooking…not so much. Haha
Dried mango. Mango is so delicious. And for a while it was awesome because my husband doesn’t like mango. However, my son loves mango, and now my daughter likes mango. But my kiddos only like the sweet pieces. So I’m stuck with the sour ones.
Being married to my husband. This one should have been first. But… my hubby!! He is the best person that ever came into my life.
Chocolate Pudding. I know that should count towards chocolate. But my homemade pudding is in a category all by itself.
Watching movies. I know this is kind of generic. But I do enjoy watching movies. But the same movies over and over again. Like I just watched the new Godzilla movie. I like that movie.
Yard work. I love being in dirt. Mud. Mud is fun!! But planting a garden. Keeping up on flowers. I’m excited to being in my mom’s yard.
Skorts. I like shorts. And I like skirts. But something about wearing a skirt, and knowing your underwear’s won’t show is a nice feeling.
My new black shoes. My husband bought me a nice pair of shoes and I wear them everyday. I used to be someone that like to wear a different pair of shoes, but now I wear my black shoes with shorts, pants, skirts, and even dresses.
Swimming. This should be an earlier number too. But swimming is what makes my body relax and feel energized. Or at least that’s what I remember.
Dancing. I like to dance. But I also like to watch dancing. Any style that is done tasteful. Which doesn’t surprise me that my daughter also loves dancing.
Seeing my husband with his son. To me seeing a man with his son is one of the cutest things. My husband with his daughters is super cute too. I guess seeing Father’s with their kids.
Cardboard boxes. I guess I’m still a kid at heart. But when we get a large cardboard box, I instantly want to make a little house. With a door and windows.
Reading my short stories. I actually read through my short stories often. When I want to read something. That I know has nothing inappropriate. Just feel good stories, that what I reread.
Finishing. Seems like an easy thing to do but for me it is sometimes impossible. Like even writing this post. I’ve had to stop four times. Finishing a painting. Finishing a short story. I never seem to finish my long stories…but I will someday.
Creative writing. I’m assuming you know this. But I really do love writing. And I do really get my ideas from dreams. Or when I daydream.
Ross: Dress for less. I really do like that store. I haven’t been for a long time, but I remember liking finding gems in the chaos. But I also like thrift stores. The thrift store in our town is every item is $1. I’ve gotten great things over the years that I would have never been able to buy originally.
Wandering. I like wandering in stores. We don’t have to buy anything; but I like looking at things with no crunch for time. This was my husband’s and I’s normal date, while first dating. We would walk around Home Depot and Lowe’s. Costco, Bass Pro, etc.
BBQ ribs. Another food that should have been listed farther up. But yes, I love bbq ribs. My husband’s recipe. If my hubby didn’t stop me I could eat all of them! And I don’t use a napping until I’m done, my bbq stained face is my medal.
Baby animals. Almost all baby animals make me smile. Tiger cubs, kittens, and baby hippos. Those are just my kids favorite animals, so I see those pictures often. But puppies too.
Doing my daughter’s hair. When she allows me to braid, put up, style, her hair; it makes me happy. When she became the age to want to do her hair I was huge pregnant with my newest daughter; so I was exhausted. So sadly she taught herself. And now she wants to do it by herself, even when I have time. But I’m happy when I get to.
Rain. I’ve come to realize that I’m not a huge fan of snow. Living in the North has shown me I don’t like being wet and cold. But rain is the exception. I like to run around and play in the rain with my kids. Or find worms the next day. Rain is fun.
This was actually really hard to fill in. But I like these types of prompts. It makes you think about what truly matters.
On the funny side…
My son said, going potty. Haha! It was a good laugh!!
Leaving in two days. So I had a chance to write this post, but I won’t for a while. Unless is one of my many drafted short stories. Those are easy for me to write.
“Sailing In The Clouds” Photography By: emily2jane 08-04-25
It really looks like a sailboat is sailing on the cloud waves. Also looks like a moon…
“Hey! Do you want to come over to the house? Our kiddos could play. We could hang out. What do you say?” Karlee was almost giddy as she talked.
“Sure. But are you or your kiddos sick?”
“Why do you always ask that? Do you realize how inconsiderate you are?”
“Well you all did just move here from overseas, and you are still acclimating. Also, you all have been sick with various viruses for the last six months. This is nothing new for me to ask. Whenever I am invited somewhere I ask the host if anyone is sick. I have an infant. I would rather to not have a sick infant. And especially, we are going to be traveling down to see my pregnant sister here soon. They tried so hard for this baby; that I will not be bringing down a germ to them. So are you or your kids ill?”
“No we are not. But I think we are no longer available today. Goodbye.” Karlee ended the call.
I sat there puzzled and confused. Why did Karlee respond so abruptly. I’ve always asked if her family was sick before coming over. I always ask anyone. Not only did I not want to have sick children, but I didn’t want to get sick. Or have my husband get sick and still have to work. Inconsiderate? To me it would be more inconsiderate to invite people over to your house, knowing that you are sick. And in a way, Karlee had done that once before. They came to church one Sunday knowing their kid had the stomach flu. Naturally didn’t tell us until we were about to leave church; where our kids had been in close quarters with their son. To me that’s being inconsiderate.
“Hey Hon,” Jarred popped his head into the doorway.
“Yeah,” I placed my phone down on the coffee table.
“Did you just talk to Karlee?”
“Yeah. How did you know that?”
“Well Carl just texted me a long old text. About, how could I let my wife talk to his wife that way. That you are such an inconsiderate friend. That you must be stupid for constantly asking if his family is sick all the time. That you are a terrible mother for acting this way. That our kids are not growing up with proper parenting. That I need to manage my wife better. Any of this making sense to you? Did Carl loose his mind?”
‘Wow. Just wow.’ I recapped what had been said between Karlee and myself. I didn’t think it was enough to warrant Karlee tattling to her husband.
“I had hoped that it was a wrong person type of text. What’s Carl’s problem? Who is he to call my wife stupid? Question us on our parenting? Inconsiderate? Does he not see his text as rude to your feelings or mine? At the end of the text he added, ‘don’t tell your wife’. Like does he not know me by now? You and I don’t have secrets. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind!”
‘I forgot. It’s not just me loosing a friend. But my husband now is loosing one too. Making friends when you are older is impossible.’ “Not quite yet. Let me reach out to Karlee, and question her first.”
Text: “I thought we were adults. I would prefer if you have something to say about me, you just say it to me. There’s no reason to get the husbands involved. I don’t appreciate your husband ridiculing my husband and my family. Please next time just say it my face or text it to me.”
Karlee’s reply: “I told him not to say anything. I vented to him; like all couples do. I’ll have him apologize to your husband.”
Text: “My husband doesn’t need a forced apology. If your husband wants to send one he can but a forced apology means nothing. That this will only happen again. That hurtful words would be said again. You do know, that this isn’t the first time; you both have made slide remarks about my family before. We let things go, because we really wanted to be friends.”
No more replies came. The conversation was over. And to me this friendship was too.
“If you want to text back you can; I’m not going to control you. But I think it’s over and done with,” I glanced and smiled weakly at Jarred; I placed my phone on the coffee table.
Jarred sighed as he walked over to me, “I think for our mental health we should give up on this friendship. This isn’t the first time Carl has made a comment about you or our parenting style. Which I can now understand in a sense, because I don’t approve of his parenting style. It’s become unbearable to watch him belittle his older son; to the extent now that I watch as the kid shuts down. Also, no one is allowed to call you stupid. Or insult you in any way! And the added part of don’t tell you…! What was he thinking ? He knows I tell you everything!” Jarred collapsed into the chair beside me.
It was time. Time to cut this family out of our lives. Things had been beginning to snowball. The eldest daughter had been rude and incredibly mean to my daughter. So much so, that Emma came up to me with almost tears; asking why her friend didn’t want her to play with her. Jarred was right about their parenting style with their oldest son. That everything the son did was wrong. Every little thing needed to be ridiculed or belittled. He was only six. I was already thinking that I could no longer watch it; which is sadly just leaving that kid there. But we couldn’t change it.
Jarred kissed me on the forehead, “what do you want to do?”
“We should just let it go. And let them go. I don’t think this is a good friendship to have. There’s already enough hard things in life. Let’s not have people in our lives that only bring negativity. I’m sorry though,” I leaned against his chest, “you only have a few friends…”
“Say no more. I was already thinking that I didn’t want this friendship anymore. I wasn’t doing anything because I knew you two were friends. I didn’t want my choices to affect your friendship. Carl only ever texts me when he wants something. Like my trailer or tractor. But there is no way I’m letting him borrow my stuff. Especially since he has no heavy equipment experience. But every time I said no, he calls me inconsiderate or unchristian like, for not willing to help out a fellow brother. But he never accepts my offer of me and the tractor. With him it’s always my fault. I’m tired of constantly having to say no, and be labeled as the bad guy.”
“So we agree?” I looked up into Jarred’s face, “it’s a good plan to remove this family from our lives? Not just ours, but our kids lives?”
“Yes definitely from our kids lives. Emma didn’t understand why she was kicked out of their daughter’s room. Emma is friends with everyone. But yes. We should. We both don’t do well with being called stupid. Especially when someone calls my wife stupid. That’s a huge mistake.” Jarred pulled me closer into a hug.
I hugged him back. “Though, I can be pretty dumb sometimes, right?”
“Yes you can. Especially when you are pregnant.” Jarred sighed and relaxed into me more. I pretended to bite his shoulder, “Haha! But I love you still! You are my little dummy, and only I am allowed to say it.”
“Jarred, I love you, you know?” I pulled away to look him in the face. My wonderful husband.
Jarred smiled. “Yes, I know. I love you too,” he kissed my nose.
I smiled and returned to the hug. I squeezed him a little more than before. But he accepted it.
We just stood there. In our kitchen. Content with life. Even if we had no friends, we still had each other. Closer than ever.
How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?
I am tall. Shorter than a stop sign, but taller than a little old lady.
I have dark brown, soft, full, wavy, curly, and straight hair. When I let it grow out, it’s almost to my butt, but currently it’s to my shoulder blades. However, I always have it in a bun or braid, because my children like to play with it; if it’s free. and it’s almost like a dark chocolate color.
My clothes are comfortable. With being a mom, I want comfort and coverage. Because my it seems like my only time to sit, is when we are going grocery shopping. When I was a teenager, I would wear all colors! Any patterns! My clothes were fun and different. Now I stick to gemstone colors. Dark blues, dark pinks, purples. It’s kind of boring really, but I won’t be able to wear my fun clothes until my kids are all above two.
I’m naturally quiet. You may not even realize I’m with you. I like to just sit and listen, and doodle. But that was before being a mom. Instead I’m running around chasing my kids. Constantly telling them to leave their siblings alone. I feel like everyone is watching me. But thankfully, I have kids who are polite and somewhat well behaved in public. Once home, all bets are off; but I get told several times, that my kids are so well behaved. I smile, but inside I say, ‘if you only knew.’
I’m an artist. Or at least I really want to be one again. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t drawn or painted anything. I miss smelling like paint. Or having market stains on my fingers. But my kids come first.
I’m a swimmer. So I have a swimmer build. Even though I’m about twenty pounds overweight, I still seem fit. It’s just the mama pouch that is hard to get rid off, after kids. All moms know what I’m talking about. But I miss smelling like chlorine. I miss my body hurting because swimming is the best exercise for me. But we don’t live next to a pool, also I have a seven month old that needs mama almost every thirty minutes.
So I’m me, but I’m not me. But not forever. Someday I will wear loud clothes, smell like paint, and have chlorinated smelling hair. Someday…
Taken on the 4th
Most of my art is mostly just photography. All on my phone. Nothing special. But mostly of my kiddos.
emily2jane 