To the guy who may come looking for me, no matter how long it takes.

.-.-.

Ashley

It was summer. I was thousands of miles away from home. My mom had planned my summer to be spent as a exchange student. I had asked her, about this is previous years, but she was never willing. Always saying something like, “I can’t send my baby across the US.” But for some reason this year I was allowed.

I’m now 18 years old. Which I guess I’m happy she had me wait until now. Traveling the distance might have been impossible a couple years ago. But I made it and I’ve been here about a month.

The family is great. They really are. The mom reminds me so much of my mom. Except I call her Mrs. Stevens, not mom. The kids are also great. There is Vanessa; she is 15 years old. She’s always gushing over boys. There is Michael; he is 17 years old. It’s nice to have someone close to my own age. Except we have nothing in common. He is into so many things; where as, I’ve been living a very quiet life. Just painting and reading. I don’t know where all my energy had gone these last few years. But then there is Daniel. He is 21 years old. He goes out most nights. But when I do get to talk to him he is a great guy. I would have liked to have him as an older brother.

But that’s it. I guess Mr. Stevens. He is a great man too. ‘This whole family is great’ But Mr. Stevens was a great person. He just worked a lot. I occasionally got to see him; if he got to come home early. Which was not often. But my mom picked the greatest home for me to visit. I hope I can come stay with them again in the future.

It’s just my mom, and my two younger siblings back home. I love them, but I would have loved to have a sibling close to my age growing up. This family is so close.

Today was Tuesday. Nothing special planned today. Instead, I did my daily inspiration book. My mom got it for me, just before I left. She said it might help me be adventurous and explore life. It was a strange gift to get from my mom; she has been telling me the past two years to be sheltered through life. But I actually enjoy the book. I’ve been going through it this last month. Today’s title read, “Do a brave thing today!” The entry was pretty much as you can imagine. Do something out of your comfort zone. Seize the day! Take the initiative. ‘So be the opposite of myself.’ I think this might be the first entry I don’t attempt.

But I should have known. The moment I finished, the front door swung open. And a guy about Daniels age walked through the door. ‘Wow.’ He was so gorgeous. I’ve never seen anyone like him before. Before he caught my gaping mouth I composed myself. I gathered up my books from the dinning room table and started towards my room.

“Ashley,” Daniel called out to me as he walked through the front door, “you don’t have to leave. You can stay and meet my friends.”

I just realized that a large group of guys stood in the living room. I nodded my head to each of the guys, and then I came to the guy that made my heart flutter. He had sandy blond hair. Tanned skin. He looked strong, but not huge. he had the greenest eyes ever. ‘I’ll probably draw him if I get the chance.’ But I must have been staring to long at him, because a smirk formed on his mouth.

I turned back towards Daniel, “You sure. I can always head back to my room. I don’t want to be in your way.”

“Do you guys mind if Ashley hangs out with us for the day?” He almost yelled towards the group behind him.

A loud chorus, “No!” Rang back.

I laughed. I nodded and placed my books on the table behind me. I began getting some beverages from the fridge. I wasn’t part of this family, but I felt like this was something to do.

But I had a feeling…like something was waiting for me when I turned around. I place the red solo cups and juices on the island; I poured myself a cup of lemonade. I turned and there he was standing where he had been before. He was talking to one of the other guys. But he looked in my direction; he quickly looked away like I had caught him. ‘That must have been the feeling.’ I smirked to myself. I carried my lemonade with me and walked past the guy with the greenest eyes. I walked over to Daniel. But that feeling was still there. ‘He must be watching me.’ I didn’t look again. I had no chance with someone like him.

I was introduced to most of the guys. They were all really cool. A group of friends I wish I had at school or in my neighborhood. Thankfully I wasn’t introduced to green eyes; I don’t know if I would have been able to stay composed. I’ve never been one to gush; I’ve never had this feeling before. My quiet life was that, quiet.

But the day was great day. I spent most of it with the guys. We played board games, watched a movie, played video games, they asked me questions about Maine. Mostly told them it’s the complete opposite of California.

But that feeling had been there throughout the day. I would feel it, and then it would be gone. Once I peeked over my shoulder and those green eyes locked with mine. I didn’t want to make it weird, so I smiled back, nodded, and returned back to my conversation. I had peeked over my shoulder once more, and green eyes had a smirk in his mouth as he spoke to the guy beside him. I smiled too and returned back to the conversation around me.

Well the day continued and several of the guys dissipated. But then dinner time came rolling around, and it was a mass exodus. I waved goodbye to the guys as each one left. Some called out to me as the left, “Maybe we’ll come visit you in Maine!”

I laughed. That would be fun, but probably not going to happen. I just smiled and waved them out the door. The last one pulled the door closed behind him. I hadn’t seen green eyes leave, but he must have snuck out of the house throughout the day. The feeling had been gone a while. I was sad to say the least, but I was happy that I hadn’t made a fool of myself.

Just then Mrs. Stevens rushed through the door layered up with groceries.

“Mrs…” I rushed over to help her.

“More in the car…!” Mrs. Steven’s huffed out as she continued to the island.

I nodded and went outside to grab some of the groceries from her car. There was only four bags left. ‘Haha! Why did Mrs. Stevens always carry all the bags.’ But I too decided to do the same thing. I gathered up the four bags onto my wrists and hands. They were maybe a smidge too heavy for me. But I was going to try. I placed them on the ground and pushed the button to close the hatch. I scooped up the bags just as a hand reached out and grabbed onto my hand. I yanked my hand away startled only to see the hand belonged to the green eyed guy from before.

“Hi. I never formally introduced myself earlier,” he grabbed three of the bags from my hands. “I’m Andrew.” And he turned and walked back to the house.

I stood there a moment. ‘Huh? Wait what?’ I started towards the front door. ‘Well I’m sure I failed that idea of being composed.’ I walked back through the front door and it was confirmed. Andrew had a huge grin on his face, and as I walked inside his eyes sparkled for a moment and he smirked in my direction. ‘Oh. Kill me now. Definitely a fail.’

Dinner was great. Mrs. Stevens made delicious burgers. Definitely a recipe I want to try when I go back home. ‘Home. I didn’t want to leave in two months.’ I wanted to stay longer. I wanted to…. ‘Be honest. You want to stay to get to know Andrew.’ And that was definitely the truth. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was already, and totally into him. I shouldn’t. Because I would be leaving. I didn’t want my first relationship to only last two months. I wanted my first one to be my last one. But that wasn’t going to be possible with him.

I don’t know why I was thinking these things. I didn’t even know him. He probably had a girlfriend. But then that question was answered for me by Daniel. He had asked if Andrew was dating anyone, and Andrew answered with a no; that he hadn’t found a special one to start anything with. ‘Well that’s at least promising. No! Stopping thinking about it. It’s not a possibility!’ I started to feel dizzy. I excused myself from the table. I headed towards the bathroom and it started. My nose was pouring blood again. This hasn’t happened since I left for this trip, but this was nothing new. I held my hand under my nose as I rushed to the bathroom.

It wasn’t stopping. I continued to shove toilet paper into my nose hoping to stuffer the blood.

A knock on the door startled me, “Yes?” I croaked out.

“Honey,” it was Mrs. Stevens, “you okay in there? You’ve been gone about 10min. Can you let me in?”

I really didn’t want to. I didn’t want her to worry. But also because it look like a murder happened in her bathroom. I had smeared blood all over the floor and what looked like a blood stained sink. But I knew she would be more worried.

I walked over and cracked the door open. She came in through the crack in the door and gasped. But I gasped as I locked eyes with Andrew. Who also stood in the hallway. I broke contact with him and closed the door. ‘I hope this door is sound proof.’ As I turned back around to face Mrs. Stevens anger, but I found her cleaning up all the blood. She wasn’t speaking. Just cleaning. ‘I must be in trouble.’ I tried to help her, but instead she sat me down on the bath tub edge and continued to clean. ‘Probably for the best. I don’t know how much help I would be. I was still dizzy. The travel time must have had a late response.’

Finally it felt like the bleeding stopped. I removed the toilet paper from my nose and washed my face. I had blood smeared on my upper lip. Mrs. Stevens had also finished up the cleaning and had taken and small container from a cabinet. She opened it and rubbed some of the contents on my face. It smelled divine. I felt refreshed. I didn’t want to but I looked up into Mrs. Stevens face. She tried to hide concern but I saw it. I reassured I was fine, and not to worry. But I knew she was worried. She kissed me on the forehead and left me in the clean bathroom.

I looked at myself once more in the mirror, but then I felt that feeling. I turned to find Andrew still leaning against the wall in the hallway. I gasped. And he must have heard it, because his eyes found mine. Concern filled those green eyes. I missed the smirk. I nodded to him, and tried to walk by him. Instead I tripped on my own feet and fell into his arms. ‘Great. Perfect…’ I could feel my face growing warmer. I tried to pry myself out of his arms, but it seemed like my legs were not going to hold me. I slumped more into his arms.

“I know this must seem weird to you. But can I stay here a moment. My feet are fighting against me,” I know it sounded like a stupid excuse, but it was honest at least.

The smirk returned to Andrew’s eyes. But with his nose inches from mine he nodded. He just held me, in silence. I half falling, half stood there listening to his breathing and my own heart.

He broke the silence with a chuckle, “Your dad should be worried about his daughter. Only eighteen and already hugging guys in a hallway,” he smirked again, but still held me.

I’m sure my face reddened. But I don’t know what came over me. I looked up into Andrew’s eyes. Those green eyes and pulled his collar downwards with my hands. And I kissed him. I kissed him. Initially his body stiffened, but it slowly began to relax. My body did the opposite. My body stiffened. I realize what I had just done. I pulled away from Andrew. I don’t know how my legs were working. I didn’t know if they were actually working or not. But I pushed away from him. He looked confused and startled. I couldn’t blame him. I was too. I tried to smile, but instead I just left him there. I was so embarrassed. That was my first kiss. Probably not his. ‘I don’t know.’ All I did know was I needed to get to my room. After what just happened I don’t think I would be able to face anyone. And that’s just what I did. I walked quickly to my room; laid face-down in my bed, and wallowed in my embarrassment. I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I did thankfully.

The next morning I woke up realizing what I had done. I had kissed him. My first kiss was used on a guy that I knew I wasn’t going to end up with. Which really hurt; I wanted to have a one and done experience with love. But what was worse is when I came to breakfast. Mrs. Stevens was standing there with a melancholy look. ‘Did she know what I did last night? Was she sending me home?’

“Good morning, Mrs. Stevens,” I began to gather breakfast makings.

“Honey. I need you to stop and come sit with me a moment.” She gestured to the chair across from her.

‘This can’t be good.’

.-.-. 2 years later.-.-.

Andrew

I shouldn’t complain. My life has been great. I know other guys that have struggled to get through college. But for me it was a breeze. Instead for me the dating life was non existent. I’m not trying to come off cocky, but I know I’m pretty good looking. When girls stop and gape at you as you walk by I’m sure that means I’m doing okay in that department. But why is it I can’t find anyone. Everyone I’ve come into contact with can’t compare to her.

I know I should have gone after her that day she left me shocked in the hallway, but I couldn’t move that day. She had kissed me. I had expected something, but not that progressive action. I didn’t want to admit it, back then, but that was a a great kiss. It must have been because anytime a girl tried to kiss me, in the past two years, I would back away.

But the kiss must have embarrassed her so much that she left the next day. Because I came back the next day to discuss things with her and Mrs. Stevens had told me she had to suddenly go back home. So for two years I went through college life waiting for the chance to go see her. I had heard nothing from her. I had hoped she might send letters to the Stevens’ but it seemed like she just fell off the planet.

But now was my chance. Before I started my job, I decided I would travel to Maine to talk to the girl who ruined my college experience. Ashley.

I had gotten the address from Daniel, who I assume had gotten it from Ashley at some point in her stay. I don’t know why I didn’t think to send a letter first. But that seemed too desperate; especially since she made no attempt to contact me. I’d talk to her when I saw her.

I walked up to the front door of a little blue house. I remember hearing Ashley talk about it that day. I knocked on the front door and waited. I heard a little putter patter walk up to the door. There stood a kid maybe eight years old. She looked like she had been crying for days; her face was splotchy red. She was wearing dark clothes.

‘What does a child have to be sad about?’ “Hello! I’m looking for Ashley. Could you tell her I’m here to see her. My name is Andrew.” That must have been the wrong thing to say because the tears started again. She just stood there wailing. I crouched down trying to comfort her. She pulled away from me, and ran away screaming.

I just stood there confused again. ‘The girls in this family are similar.’ I just waited. But then suddenly a woman, probably Ashley’s mom came to door. And just stood there staring at me. “Hello ma’am. I’m a friend of Ashley’s from California. I was hoping to speak with her.” Again that must have been the wrong thing to say because she began to cry silently. “Ma’ma?” I stepped towards her.

She held up a hand to stop me. “Wait a moment,” she walked away from the opening of the door and came back with an envelope in her hand. “This is yours,” she handed me a rather thick yellow envelope. “I’ll find the other thing. I’ll place it on the porch. I’m sorry I’m not more hospitable. But I need to say goodbye for now. I’m not quite able to function yet. Safe travels home,” and she closed the door.

I stood on the porch alone with the envelope. ‘I’m getting a bad feeling.’ I sat down on the steps I had just walked up. I finally looked at the envelope. It was addressed as: To The Guy That May Come Looking For Me, No Matter How Long It Takes.

.-.-.-.

To Andrew.

You are probably wondering what’s going on. Why did the people you just talked to kept crying. Well as you probably guess, I’m in heaven now. I went back and worth wondering if I should write this letter. But I thought you deserved some answers after I abruptly left that day. I would have wanted answers if our roles had been reversed. So here we go.

I didn’t know any of this until I was suddenly whisked back to Maine after that day. But after that day my life completely changed and so much started to make sense. Why I lived a sheltered life. Why I didn’t have as much energy. Why I had nose bleeds all the time.

I was sick. I had cancer. But my mom decided to keep it from me. She thought I should just live out the rest of my life care-free. That the cancer couldn’t be cured; that I was going to die early. But that I should live every moment to the fullest. And I’m so happy she did, because if I had know sooner I think I would have gone sooner. But I didn’t. And she sent me on a grand adventure to California. Only Mrs. Stevens knew about my condition. Which is why I left the next day; she had called my mom and in a panic they sent me home.

I want you to know. I’m so happy you were there that day. That I got to experience my only love. That I know it is selfish, but I’m happy you were my first and only kiss. Again I didn’t know anything that night. I didn’t know I would never see you again. I didn’t know I was starting something I couldn’t finish. I’m so sorry for that. I didn’t know if I meant anything to you or not. And I couldn’t bring myself to string you along with letters; when I knew there was no chance for us. Part of me hoped I meant something to you, but also I had hoped you had moved past that day.

So with this letter I wanted to explain myself. That I wished everyday that my cancer could be cured and I could go back to you. But I knew that was not possible. By the time I got home I declined so much that I was kept in my room. Then just my bed. Then… So instead I switched my wish. I prayed to God that you would have a life filled with joy, hopes, and love. Yes love. You deserve everything. I hope you can find that girl that makes you steal glances at her. Or makes you smirk because she is gaping at you. Or makes you stunned by a kiss. Wait for her. I prayed that you would find her. She will come.

After all this. I hope you can do a favor for me. My mom should have placed the package on the front porch by now. Please keep your portrait. But please sell the rest of the paintings. My family never understood why you had to be the one to do this. But I didn’t want my mom to have to keep all these paintings that would just keep her in sadness. I did give her some already. I painted her happy memories. So please don’t feel obligated to give her any. But if you could do this last favor for me I will be grateful.

I guess that’s it. I don’t really have anything else to say…I want to keep writing. But this letter has taken me several days to write. I wish I could keep talking to you.

But know this. One day is long enough to know if the person is meant for you. I knew the moment I was in your arms. That you were the one for me. And thank you so much for letting me stay true to myself. That I had one love. I was one and done.

Love,

Ashley

.-.-.

Just another random dream. I have the most vivid dreams when I’m starting to wake up.

I think I’ll be doing this more often. Writing a short story is easier. It only takes a few hours.

Have a wonderful Monday. ❤️ Give your true love today a hug or kiss.