Tag Archives: Life

Evoke.

“Will she ever wake up?” a figure uncurled from a huge lounge chair in the corner.

“I don’t know, she might eventually but for the time being we must wait,” the doc said with no emotion or concern.

No one really cares if she does or not. Everyone is just reeling in their paycheck after paycheck. I know I’m only seventeen but I know that as long as she stays immobilized and unconscious they all continue to get money. That doctor is just one of those people, but her family has paid him handsomely over the years for her care, so he wouldn’t say no to an easy mark like this.

“You don’t have to stay in here Daniel, I will sit with her if you want to go outside for a while,” the doc said as he begun to drag a chair towards her bed.

“BACK OFF! You don’t care about her. Get out!” I’m young but not weak. I will defend her.

“Okay, okay, and you are wrong Daniel, I do care.” He gazed at her once again before leaving the room.

The room was quiet now, leaving the only sound to be echoed down the hall as the doc slipped away. “He doesn’t care, not like I do.” I creep towards her as she lay softly breathing in pattern to the light breeze. Everyone says I’m foolish to give her too much hope; that I should be outside enjoying the life I have. “How can I enjoy it, if she is not here?”

…

               The day continued into night, and continued into days. The household continued to bring food, change her sheets, dust the room, and snicker to themselves about when the she will depart.

No one truly cares for her; no one here wants her to survive, besides me. She is the reason my heart still beats; I wish I could make hers jumpstart.

…

               Months passed and still no change, the doc has given up hope. He just wants a higher pay grade before he continues to, “waste his time” his words, on someone who might never awake from their comma. “I’m sorry son, but I think we should just call it; she hasn’t made change these last eight months, it’s cruel to leave her in this state.”

“You touch her and you will die. I know you are only here for the money, you don’t care for her. You just want to fill your pockets before she goes. NO ONE CARES! Leave us!” I lost it, as his hand reached for the plug. I remember lunging and squirming with the doc; I know my fists made contact with his jaw more than once. I remember several voices, limbs, and bodies; then all went black.

…8 years later…

               My life changed after that day. I guess I made real damage on the doc’s face because he pressed charges. I don’t know how, but I was sent to jail for the night; I was seventeen and they thought I deserved it I guess, because I wouldn’t let her go. I was released eventually; I guess they worried that my revenge for blood would cause me to hunt down and murder the man that put me here. But what was the point, my reason for breathing was gone. Since she was denied the ability to breathe, why should I waste my breath on worthless scum?

After that day, I swore I would fight for people who couldn’t fight for themselves. Of course I was a teenager and faced various fears and horrors but I kept protecting the “littler guy”.  Which caused me to land in prison occasionally, but I couldn’t stand to see people treating loved ones so harshly. You should care and protect them, because they might be taken from you.

After the last time in the tank I decided enough was enough; I couldn’t be in prison for another moment. No matter the actions of people in the world, I can’t experience the brutal, harsh, environment as jail again; no one had my back, no one protected me from others, no one cared enough to sacrifice themselves for me like I had done.

I moved upstate away from everyone. I didn’t care if I never saw a familiar face again. A hermit’s life is the best way of life. I got a small putter job at a large estate as a gardener, good money and peaceful work. I became one of the plants; something alive but just puttering around waiting to be done.

…

             You know when you can feel someone watching you, but every time you turn there is no one; that is when you know you have been alone to long.

…

            “What are you doing?” a voice said.

The voice startled me, and I jutted backwards and stepped in hole as I tumbled backwards. “Crap!” Looking up I stare into the eyes of a child, a small girl. “What are you doing sneaking up on people?”

“Sorry, I’ve been watching you, and I was just curious what you planned to do with the rose bush?”

The small face glowed with laughter and excitement. I haven’t seen a child smile in many years. “You shouldn’t sneak on people,” or stock people I mumbled low enough she wouldn’t hear. “What do you care what I’m doing?”

“No reason, you just moved it there, then there, then there, then…” she continued on and on pointing at the various spots I did indeed move it.

“I don’t know, it just isn’t thriving as it should be.”

A small giggle escaped her mouth, “It won’t unless you give it a chance.”

“What…” but the small figure ran up the driveway and waved good bye. “Strange…oh crap my ankle…”

…

               It’s odd but I waited all morning for the small figure to return. I wanted to complain to her, about her being the cause for my ankle swelling. But she didn’t appear and there was no lingering feeling of being watched. Strange, her being the first person I have felt comfortable with since that day so long ago…

…

            “What ya up to now?” a girlish squeal came from behind the tree.

At least this time I was clipping the branches of a different tree, “I’m just puttering along. My supervisor said to just do a little of this and a little of that…nothing too exciting. What are you up to?”

She popped out from the tree, skirted around the trunks, to my side, “I’m just out and about. I’m supposed to soak up as much sun and fresh air as I can before returning home, or at least that is what I’m told. Can I help?”

About to tell her no, or I work alone; however instead, I looked into her excited but longing face; I understood the feeling, “Sure, take the cut-off branches and throw them in the waste, but first go get some gloves.”

“Okay!” she scurried off to find some, then began to help me. It was nice to have help, but mostly the company was very new.

Not one peep of complaint came from her all morning, but I could see the strain on her face. I called her over to take a break and sat on the tailgate of my truck swigging back a coke enjoying the sweet summer air. “So do I get to know your name or what?” I asked her as she finished her last sip, “and also your age?”

“Gabriella and 9 ½, yours?”

“Daniel, and umm….blmfpf”

“Huh?”

“Oh alright, 25.” And of course she giggled…

…

             Again sitting in silence we just watched the leaves float through the air, and the birds soaring a hovering through the tall pines. “Should you be getting back home? Someone will be worried,” as I lifted her to the ground and closed the tailgate.

“Maybe, but I’ve never been missed. I just am…” a flicker of sadness trickled through her face, but disappeared as soon as it appeared.

“Do you want a lift? I’m driving that way anyways, I’m done for the day.”
“Sure. Your old body can’t take any more…” she roared with laughter.

“I’m not old, little missy, I am at my prime age; thank you very much.” Attempting to tickle her, but instead opening the passenger door.

She hopped up and yanked the door shut as well as she could. I sunk into my seat and we were off. Cruising down the road she stuck head out the window letting her flop of hair twist and fly about. To be young and carefree, I haven’t felt that way since I was her age. Her directions were not so much as directions as sudden go this way and that way, but we were driving for a while before she yelled, “Turn!”

Sharpest turn I have ever taken, “Little warning next time please.”

There on a small hill sat a small house. It looked familiar, like evoking a memory from a dream.
“Thank you mister, see you tomorrow,” she clambered out of the truck and started toward the house. I just watched her go, and then the front door opened…Her…

Evoke

Brothers.

“Stephen! Can you see it?” William screamed across the field at his older brother who was off doing something…”STEPHEN!!!” The screams got louder, not urgent, but louder.

“I’m coming,” a voice came through the wind, tickling Williams ears. A figure hopped down out of a tree and started to scurry towards the small figure across the field. “What’s up William, I was enjoying my view?”

“Can you see it,” as a small hand points towards the tiptop branch of the giant oak tree, “Can you see it?” again William repeated himself.

Stephen looked upwards to see the wonder that his brother could see, but he only saw branches. “I can’t see what you see, what do you see?”

“I see a marvelous thing, its beautiful; but the word is escaping my mind. It’s like a home.” William said as his eyes glistened with imagination and wonder towards the branches above.

“Do you mean a tree house? We have one at home William, but yeah, it’s not quite as far up as this tree would be,”

“Maybe, but to me it should have a grander name…like a cozy home.”

Stephen gazed upwards again wishing he could see the sight his brother was seeing. So as to get as close as possible, Stephen crouched to be at William’s height; and there between the weaving branch puzzle he saw the glorious sight his small brother saw.

“Come with me William,” Stephen said, as he pulled his brother in tow.

“But I want to stay and look at the home.” William whimpered as the beautiful tree was drifting farther and farther away.

Stephen scooped up William’s body and shoved him onto the first branch he could reach.

William scooted a bit so his big brother could climb up the next branch and begin their journey up. William placed his foot where his brother did and grabbed the branches he grabbed. He always followed his brother no matter what. Especially since he put him in a tree.

They continued up ten feet, twenty feet, thirty feet, forty feet…”Stephen, I think mama wouldn’t want us to go up any higher…”

Stephen plopped his bottom on the branch, and agreed this is it. He reached out to grabbed William’s hand and pull him up to his level, “Wow, we are quite a ways up! I didn’t pay attention; I was just climbing and pushing myself, daring to go higher.

As William’s body was next to his own, they sat together on a comfortable branch. William gazed out to admire the field, the proud tall mountains, the peachy blue sky, the frazzled little trees, and listen to the sweet whispers surfing through the breeze.

And there across the field was the tree William stood beneath for the past few hours, but instead he could now see the tiptop branches. There placed within the various branches was a magnificent nest. It was huge! “Look Stephen! It’s the home I saw! I remember, it’s a nest. Who’s nest is it? Do you know? Did you see? Can I see?…”

His questions kept coming…never giving Stephen a chance, “If you stop talking maybe the owner will come back.”

To William they sat there forever, but in truth it was about ten minutes….but then they heard it soar…

Our tree swayed as the glorious animal swept pass the tree, the sturdy branched swayed. A large shadow panned across the mountains and covered the field. A call rang out, blaring but also soothing…

Wings vast like the horizon, and as brown as the darkest earth. A head white as a snow peak, but with an eye as yellow as the sun. Talons as sharp as a broken branch, but caring as it latches onto its home. The eagle was broad and strong as the mountains, but loving towards her children.

The boys sat their in silence not wanting their sight to disappear of fade, but William had to ask, “Is this what you were doing earlier,” He whispered as quiet as possible?

Stephen nodded, “We were observing the same sight but from different angles. Do you want to stay? Or do you want to go back home?”

The look in William’s eye said it all. They continued to watch the mother tend to her babies. The sky continued to fade to a soft dark blue, slowing changing from day to dusk. The magnificent sight was the perfect experience for two brothers to share. ❤

Nest

Complicated.

The thought of moving is exciting and thrilling. It gets my mind chasing and springing to life! What will my neighbors be like? How will the neighborhood fair, to right now? When will I start having kiddos!?!😊 Will my home be as colorful as I imagine? Will the sky be as beautiful or more so?

On the other hand, moving also means leaving my family behind. They can always come visit, they can always come and see me. But it won’t be often. I won’t see my mom, sister, and brother everyday at work. There won’t be birthday parties once a month (pretty much). Holidays will be hard….and I will miss them terribly.

They have always been there and I have missed the occasional crazy chime-in voice when I say something clever. My husband I do, do it often but it’s different when there are various voices. I’ll miss the moments when I want a mama hug, being able to drive to her house and steal one. I’ll miss seeing my nephews grow up into who they will be.

So much sadness comes up when I think about moving, but also excitement…

So I drew this picture because it’s beautiful to me. And I don’t know if I’m in the house that is colorful or if I’m spying on the house that is beautiful.

Art.

Haven’t had time to write new posts, because of work, school, and planning a wedding. But I have been able to edit photos and make new art, eventually I will paint these. All photos taken by emily2jane and edited by emily2jane.

Taken while driving
Relaxing in Boston
You can’t guess what this is…
Me and future hubby💕
Our View
An engagement photo

I’m never not doing art. Some way or another I have art in my life. 😊

“White dress…check, veil…check, flowers…check, food…check,” Emma whispers…

“How’s the list coming, Honey?” Emma’s mother chimes into her dreamland. Have you decided upon everything you want?

“I think so Mother,” as Emma recites it back to her, confident that she is finished.

“You forgot place. You don’t know where you will have it? Has Nathan given you an idea he likes?”

“A place…” Emma ponders… “Nathan wants it to be in a place up in the woods, he went there for his parent’s renewal. It sounds beautiful but I don’t see us being able to afford it.” Why must there be hints of sadness while planning a happy occasion.

“I’m sorry my darling, but it is good to have a budget. Without one you would plunge into your life savings and that money is for the future; you are allowed to be prudent with your earnings,” Emma’s mother says while embracing Emma, “All will work out my baby.”

I was happy with the idea of being married at City Hall then having a grand big reception afterwards. But Nathan had his idea of a ceremony in front of friends and family. I have also always dreamed about having my almost niece be the flower girl, while the youngest nephew is being a batman symbol thrower. Next, my sister in-law walking down, my second eldest sister, then my eldest sister. My mother would be in the audience with my other nephew, because they prefer to be seen but not stared at. Next would come myself and my brothers; they would be giving me away. Hopefully both, but my eldest brother might be sitting with my mom, because he like she are similar. But for sure my younger brother will, he is my best friend. So yes, I have thought about a ceremony, the idea of having my friends and family taking part in our happy occasion warms my soul. But then that is more spending. If the place and seating was taken care of, I would be able to do the rest, within my budget. We just cannot afford it all.

Understand that Emma has told her mother all of this before, so as Emma sits quietly debating these thoughts in her head, Emma’s mother is just holding her and giving a head scratch.

“What if we had it at Grandpa’s and Grandma’s? The space is big enough. It might not give us everything, and we would have enough within our budget for the rest of the occasion.” Emma suggests an idea, nothing is set in stone.

“I am sure they would love to have you there. But you must discuss it with your future husband, these choices should be a team effort. Everything will be perfect because you are marrying someone you love.”

“Thanks mama, I love you.”

“I love you too, my baby girl.”

Prudent

It begins…

Today is our first swim meet of the season and I am not as nervous as I am every year. That might change as I step onto the bus that will take us to showdown.

I am an unusual coach. I like to be the best, but I also like for you to have fun!

My swimmers swam their hearts out yesterday…and it was only Monday practice. If you don’t talk swim I apologize, but they did 4300 yards yesterday; and 3100 yards was the main set. They died…and I couldn’t be more proud. The unusual part of me is I want them to forget that they are dead and die all over again.

Swimming is about moments. Depending on the athlete… but you only have 24 sec, within your moment, to define your effort. Your pain, your suffering must accumulate into something grand so that you know you are doing something right. I think that some of them understand my methods, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to get me to change my plans for them.

Like yesterday, I had a plan for practice. Yes, they would have hated it, but it would have made them stronger. Yes, they would be exhausted today, but it would make that 50 Freestyle seems easy peasy!! Instead I changed my set. Again sorry if you don’t understand…

This what they would had did…

1x(20x25s@25 FR/ 50ez/ 20x50s@40FR/ 50ez/ 10x100s@1:20 FR)

1min rest+50ez

1x(10x50s@45 FR/ 50ez/ 20x25s@25 FR/50ez/ 5x100s@1:15 FR)

50ez

DONE. 4150 yards (main set only (does not include warm-up and cool down)

Instead they did…

3250 yards…

What would that extra 850 yards do…? Someone swimming the 500 FR today would say before the race…I just died doing 4100 yards all out yesterday…this is easy peasy…moments like these can make small improvements. The person,they will race would be terrified. (Because most high schools are not as crazy competitive as me…) So that kid would be thinking before his/ her race…”they are more experienced than me…” or “They are gonna kick my butt!”

(In a world where %= 150%) For swimming, it is 100% physical. This sport uses every muscle equally and drains all your energy. If you swim correctly…

It is 30% mental, I can only do so much as a coach. The biggest thing for a swimmer is decide if you want it more than anyone; YOU swim for YOU, not parents, not school,not your coach, not for friends…You!

Lastly, it is 20% intimidation…Yes, intimidation…You need to portray yourself as the best. You need to stand behind the blocks puffing your chest out. You need to, without being a stinker about it, get into your competitors minds and make them believe you will win the match…

Though it is true, you will not always win 1st place…but swimming is truly about you and a clock. That clock wants you to not try, wants you to give up, wants you to say “I can’t”…If you do, your competitive clock wins. The time runs on, your efforts are wasted.

Stop the clock, make it stop for you! You are in control of what happens. As a coach I wish I could stop the clock sooner. I wish I could make each of them the best they can be…

I guess this meet is different because some of them have done everything I have told them. They have all the knowledge I can give them. I can say focus on this, or focus on that…but I can’t stop their stopwatch.

My three things as a coach…I believe its still the same as last year…

  • Respect. Yourself, Me, parents, swimmers, officials, etc.
  • Try. In practice, at meets, in school, at home, with friends, with people…etc. If you don’t try then what’s the point to begin with.
  • Do! Show me what you’ve got. Lay it all out for me and everyone to see. Walk up to the block and face the clock. The showdown is up to you.

Take your mark…Beep.

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