I recently heard when trying to write a song, you write a very descriptive scene or memory. Every moment and emotion captured.

Meeting My Now Husband.

…

This girl I see looking back at me,

Just wants to meet the man,

That God made for her to understand.

I do my hair,

I glance another stare.

If he doesn’t like me,

I’m done searching this sea.

Instead I travel the distance,

I go the mile,

Wondering if he will smile.

No confidence, no pride;

Trying to take all the past rejections in stride.

.

-Chorus-

I hope and care,

But should I dare?

Will he truly care?

Is he the one for me?

Will I ever be happy?

All I want is love that is true,

Please God! Let him be my something new!

.

My eyes cast down,

Why do I frown?

My fear is tenfold,

What if he treats me cold?

Few minutes early,

Inside I scurry.

Will he like what he sees?

Or will he just leave?

My phone blares into the still air,

The screen glows and shows.

He is here.

He’s outside! He’s waiting.

I walked right by him and he’s staying.

I step outside into the bright sunshine.

There he stands before me,

Truly handsome as can be.

.

-chorus-

I might just dare,

To hope and care.

He stares at me,

With smiles and curiosity.

God can I understand,

That he is the man in Your plan?

In this moment I’m happy,

Can this feeling be true?

Has love approached me through someone new?

.

No lies or deception,

He must be the exception.

His voice engulfs and embraces,

Not usually the cases.

Hours pass, but still he stays with me.

Can I believe he is the one to my future we?

Sun has fallen,

Homeward bound is callin’,

He offers a ride,

God reassures me no need to hide.

He so genuine and kind;

Already seems to read my mind.

This man takes the lead,

Planting a love seed.

At my door we stop,

Worried that this bubble of love might pop,

What should I do?

A kiss is too much, but a hug might just be too new.

Silence lingers between us two.

He takes control!

Side hug for the win in this strange ending pull.

.

-chorus-

No longer a dare,

More of a confirming pair.

My smile just beams,

Excited for the rushing love streams.

This is the man,

That God had planned.

Love that is true,

Comes right on cue.

My love story is starting new.

…

I don’t know if this could actually become an actual song, but that worked so well. Breaking down a story does wonders. Even if it’s just a poem. It was way easier for me to write about a real memory. I used my true emotions I felt in that moment. Probably why it flowed so easily.

This was a lot of fun. I’ll definitely do this again.

.-.-.-.

What some people don’t know, is I always thought about becoming a singer. I loved and still love to sing. I had thoughts about going through this with a singing coach. And actually pursing this idea. It occasionally would creep into my life through the years. But sadly I was discouraged or mocked.

An early memory I have is when I was maybe nine or ten years old. A child. Someone who should be confident and not self conscious yet. I think I was in the backyard of my childhood house. And I was just singing. Singing songs I loved. Just having fun singing. And my dad I guess heard me and said something like, “Maybe you should just focus on swimming. Something you are actually good at. Something that can give you a future. Let’s stop now so that the neighbors don’t have to listen.” Harsh. So harsh. I wasn’t belting or anything, I was just quietly singing to myself we while playing outside. My Dad has always been cruel with his words. But at the time I listened, mostly because I was more embarrassed. Now I realize that if I had, had a different hobby other than swimming I might have ruined his pride plan. He took great pride in my swimming abilities.

Another time, I remember when I was maybe thirteen. I wrote a song (I don’t remember any of it. But I was singing in my grandparents house. I have never been, but definitely I was not confident enough back then to sing in front of anyone. So I was just messing around trying to discover my sound. And my uncle came into the room suddenly saying something like, “hopefully you are not thinking about pursuing this. You sound awful,” and he fully laughed at me. Like full on mocking. It hurt me so much and made me extra self conscious. Even more so than I already was.

There were other small times too. Singing my heart in church and maybe missing a note and being gawked at. Singing obviously badly in the car, and I think my sister thought I sang like that normally, because she would always take the singing chances and tell me she was doing it for me. Trying to play a Christmas song while singing and my younger brother laughing at me.

I must say, for the times with my siblings, I don’t think they meant to be come off mean. I think my sister truly thought she was protecting me, because she knew I was so shy. And I think my brother was just at the age where he must make fun of sister. Programming of a teenage brother.

And I don’t know if I could have sang. Because of the embarrassing past memories and discouraging moments. I don’t know if I could have sung publicly.

Like even now. I can’t sing in front of people. Like I would love to sing in church. Or sing in the car with my family. But I think I terrifies me. My kids hear me sing, my husband occasionally, but not fully. I think the only person I have ever sung in front of was my older brother. I think I was sixteen. I remember he was playing Desperado by the Eagles on the piano and I sang along with him. There was no judgement, only encouragement. It was really nice, but now thinking about it, I was probably still holding back. But that’s a good memory.

I think I could do it if I could be anonymous. Like wear a mask or something. Or not face the camera. I think I could do that.

All to say. Don’t be discouraged. If people you know are awful and cruel, and say awful and cruel things to you, ignore them. And if you want to pursue something go for it. Living in a state of wonder or regrets will always make you wonder “what if?”

On that note…

Have a wonderful Thursday ❤️