Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Well…

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Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

Haha! I was going to say house or car. But since that’s not an option, then…a dress.

It was around the time I was coaching high school swimming. Turned out they needed more chaperones for prom night. I jumped at the opportunity!

I was homeschooled; so I had to be asked by someone who went to a public school to experience prom. I was. My friend’s brother at the time. The getting ready was the best part of prom. But then once there, I was left at a table where I ended up playing Jin rummy all night long with another guy that was left at the table. It was still fun, but I afterwards felt that I never got to experience prom.

So when I heard they needed help at prom, In a heartbeat, jumped at the opportunity. I was told to dress up so that I would blend into the students. So I got to experience everything again!!

I went out to buy a new dress. New prom, new dress. Made sense in my brain. The theme of the prom was Great Gatsby. So of course, sparkly or beaded.

Safe to say I wasn’t paying attention to the price of the dress. I tried it on, and it fit like a glove!

Yeah….it was $300.00! I was shocked. So I had to call my mom first.

“Mom. I found the perfect dress. But it’s $300. Is that too much?”

“That’s a bit much, but if you believe you will wear it more than once the quality of the dress will be worth the amount. It’s your decision. I’m excited to see whatever you decide when you get home.”

‘Neither yes, or no. Had to be my decision. Learning lesson’ “Okay thanks mom.”

I course told myself I would wear it more than once! So they rang me up and my card was denied. ‘What!!’ I knew I had more than enough money to buy the dress. I was currently working two jobs and I was still at home. So I again had to call my mom. Turned out I had a limit on my card of $50 as a precaution. So you can see that I rarely used my card. So as soon as I figured everything out the dress was mine.

Prom was just as exciting. I got to walk around the museum. Look at all the exhibits. I saw some of my swimmers dancing. They were surprised I was in dress. Normally I wore pants or shorts to coach. Some of my swimmers didn’t know who I was until someone called out “Coach!”

But all around it was a fun night. And it made up for my previous prom.

And I did. I wore it once more. So two wears for $300 is more like two dresses for $150, right? That sounds better.

And I took care of the dress. Proper cleaning and storing. But either I’ll wear it again. Or my daughters will have a dress ready and waiting for them when they need one. But my true goal is to shrink back down and fit into it again. My husband will have to take me somewhere if that happens.

$300. That was my big splurge on one personal item. After that I stayed in my safe price range for dresses. $50-$100 a dress. $100 had to be something I was going to wear several times. But usually I stuck to the $50 range. Where I felt more comfortable. Or I would shop in the clearance section. Saving money gives me an energy.

Which is probably why I’m still that way, but also not. I make do. If I want something, I really dwell on if we really need it or not. For weeks. And usually I decide I don’t NEED it. But sometimes I get the urge to shop. And the urge won’t go away. But luckily we have a great thrift store in town. $1 for each item. So I go in there and spend $10-$20. And I get some things for me, for my kids, for the kitchen, for school, for storage. Usually I only spend $10. That’s enough.

That is enough to suffice my urge to spend money. My husband is okay with me spending $10 once every couple months. However, I really can’t wait until we have an allowance again!! Because I also get an energy from saving actual money. If I have a jar and actual hard cash in my hand it goes into the jar. I once saved up $500 and that was $40 twice a month. Needless to say I get competitive with myself. “One more day! One more day!”

Usually I don’t even spend the money on me. I spend it on my husband, my kiddos, my mom. It makes me happy to buy things for others. But this time around I’m going to try and think about spending some on me. Like set aside at the end of saving about $200. That I have to spend on myself. Because when we go on trips or to different places I occasionally find something I want to buy and I’ve spent my allowances already. So I’m going to try; and believe me it’s going to be difficult. Or maybe I won’t, and I’ll save up until Christmas and buy everyone presents. I like the sound of that plan!

So yeah. I’ve changed. I was once someone who would go to Ross, on a Saturday, and spend $300-$500 dollars on a whole new wardrobe. To now, someone who gets a drive from saving money or spends $10 every two months when I need to buy something.

Have a great day!!

The dress…kind of.

I realized it’s been over 10 years since I wore the dress. So I don’t have the original picture on my phone. But I had edited a photo of the dress and this is the best I could do. It was a steely blue. Completely beaded. Floor length. A classic. But heavy!! So even in 10-15 more years it will still be in style.

Art, Creativity, Short Stories

Short Story #9

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‘Why did I come out tonight? Why am I out here with people I haven’t seen in over two decades? Why did I think I would still fit in?’

My husband let me out for a night, solo. He’s at home with the kiddos. This is my first night in years being away from my little ones. My old tennis team was having a reunion, and I desperately wanted to go. But now that I’m here I’m confused why I desperately wanted to be here.

The venue was chosen as Roberta’s. A line dancing club and bar. I always wanted to come here again. I used to love the dancing, the atmosphere, and the social time.

Well the dancing is different to me, or maybe I’ve become too domesticated. It was just people getting as close as possible without getting intimate.

The atmosphere was fine, except the music was so loud. Like too loud!! I didn’t realize I had become such a prude; but I guess I am. Also I’m not used to the type of music. With my kiddos I’ve had to be careful what kind of music I listen to, because my kids mimic. Answering questions like, “what does this song mean?” And the song is about getting in the backseat of car…I don’t want to explain that to a seven year old. So I try and stick to Christian music, clean country, and crooners. The opposite of tonight.

Then there’s the socializing. For the past eight years I’ve been with my kids and husband. But the people who were once my good friends are drowning themselves in alcohol. Some of the married couples are off dancing close to other people. While the single friends were trying to hit on everyone in the bar.

“Come on, Sarah. You should come out and dance!” Jared slurred out while pulling me towards the dance floor.

“You go on without me. I’m not feeling too good.” Which wasn’t a lie. I was starting to feel dizzy. Maybe it was the air. I had only been drinking sparkling water all night, so I can’t be feeling dizzy due to drinking.

Jared shook his head and mumbled under his breath, “waste” before walking off.

I saw Chelsea and Katherine walking over in my direction, but instead I gathered up my jacket and purse and headed to side door. I needed some air. The cold air, burned my cheeks instantly, but it felt amazing. ‘What is this feeling?’ I was stumbling and fumbling trying to make it to the outside gazebo. Only a few people were there.

Safety. I felt safe as I stumbled onto a bench. It felt sturdy.

“Miss, do you need some water? You don’t look so good.”

Someone was handing me a water, and without thinking I took it and started chugging it down. It tasted like clean water. It was pure. Telling me that my drink must have been spiked tonight. “Thank you.”

“No need to worry about me miss, but you need to be careful accepting water from strangers.” The elderly man sat down beside me.

‘That’s true. I should have been more careful. I miss Charles. I miss my little darlings. My youngest is only two; how could I leave her at home?’

“Oh please miss, don’t cry. Here,” a handkerchief was handed to me.

I accepted it. I didn’t realize I was crying. I dried my face and finished the water. I felt better. Looking up I saw the gentleman beside me. He was an elderly gentleman; maybe seventy. He was nicely dressed, and he seemed calm and content.

“Is there a restroom nearby?” I wanted to wash my face and become a little less disheveled in front of my helper.

“Off to your right. Are you coming back or heading back inside?”

“I’ll be back. I think I’m done for tonight. Thank you.”

Looking in the mirror, a crazy looking person was looking back at me. I hadn’t seen this girl since my early twenty days. Not my best side. I washed my face and I felt much better. I tried to think back over the night; trying to figure out who and when my drink was spiked. Must have been Jared. He had been trying to get to me all night. Good thing Charles is not here, or Jared would be waking up in a hospital.

Finally seeing my normal self in the mirror I heading back to the gazebo. The gentleman was still sitting there waiting for me. “Sorry for my crying display earlier, someone from my company spiked my drink and I haven’t had alcohol in about ten years.”

Shock then anger was on the elderly man’s face. “Your drink was spiked. How could anyone do this? I’ll ask the bartender if someone from your party did it at the bar.” He waved over a man and whispered into his ear. The other man went off, back to the inside.

‘Who was this man?’ My face must have revealed my thoughts.

“Haha, sorry miss. I’m the owner here. I just want to know if a bartender saw anything. And if so I want them to be more aware and report these types of situations.”

The owner? The owner! Oh. “Strange. You don’t seem to look like the owner of this place?”

He raised an eyebrow, “what does that mean?”

“No offense. You just seem so classy.”

He chuckled. “I understand. No harm done. But you would be surprised that this place was once a classy place. We would dance the foxtrot, waltz, and even the east coast swing. We would have a live band and everything. My wife and I would host every night. The people who came would be there to dance and have fun with friends. We were all a big family back then.”

That sounded wonderful! I wish there was a place like that nowadays. I would go all the time. “That sounds wonderful, why did you…” looking at his face I knew why. “Where is your wife now?”

“She passed about thirty years ago. About that time the world started to change. People didn’t want to dress up and dance the night away; they wanted a louder atmosphere. You know, what it was like in there. Not something my Annie would have enjoyed. I’m happy she isn’t here to see what this place has become.”

I could see the true sadness on his face. He was missing her. Which is comforting to know that true love still exists after passing.

“I’m not quite a fan of this type of place, no offense. I was. But now that I’m a wife and mama I don’t really fit in to this place. Before it never bothered me; but now that I know someone is waiting for me at home, it’s hard to not think of them. Especially my little Lily. She’s only two years old, and I’m not with her. It feels weird to be away from my kids. I’m always with them. Everyday…”

“You remind me of my Annie. She always wanted to be home with our children too. I was the one who always wanted to be here dancing.”

“I would say I’m the one always wanting to be out dancing, whereas my husband is happy just being home. Every once in a while I want to go out ballroom dancing. I enjoyed learning to dance when I was younger. That now when I want to dance, I scoop up my son and dance the waltz with him in the living room. So coming out tonight has cured me of my desire to be out dancing. I’ll just dance with my son. Unless there was a family friendly classy place to go, I don’t think I will be coming out again.” I stood from the bench. Gathering up my jacket and purse. “Thank you again Mister,”

“Wesley.”

“Thank you Mr, Wesley. You saved me tonight.”

“Could you do me a favor? Since I saved you.”

“Sure.”

“Could you dance a quick waltz with me. I can’t do all the crazy tricks like before, but I would like to feel that feeling again.”

I smiled. I knew he wanted to feel close to his wife again. “Of course. And don’t worry about dancing fancy, I’ve not danced with a partner in a long time.”

“Ma’am, may I have this dance?” Wesley held out his hand.

“You may.”

…

Mr. Wesley had taken me back inside the establishment. “Are you off my dear?”

“Yes. Thank you for everything.” Wesley nodded and walked off.

The bartender stopped me before walking out, “Miss. You need to pay your bill?”

“My bill? I didn’t realize sparkling water cost money. How much do I owe? Ten dollars?”

The bartender coughed and handed me the bill…

“Two thousand dollars!?! That’s impossible. I don’t have that kind of money. Also I didn’t order anything. Is there some kind of mistake?”

“No mistake miss. Your party said that you were covering the bill. They all left about an hour ago.”

‘My party? What party? Oh. Them.’ “I never said I would pay the bill. Especially since I’m the one that ordered only sparkling water. Why would I offer to pay? This is all a mistake. I can’t pay this.”

“I’m sorry miss, but I will have to detain you and call the police, then. Please step aside.”

“But…” I was devastated. This was probably Jared’s idea. Since his plan of spiking my drink didn’t work for him, he thought leaving me here holding the bill was probably his retaliation. Never again. This really sealed the deal of me never hanging out with this lot ever again. “Fine.”

“Mrs. Dawely, why are you still here?”

I looked up to see Mr. Wesley standing beside me. “Mr. Wesley, my so called friends left me with the bill. I can’t afford to pay it. The police are being called. I’m sorry, but I can’t pay the bill. It’s probably Jared’s fault. He’s the one who spiked my drink. And since his plan foiled he probably leaving me with the bill would be a great revenge. I’m so sorry, Mr. Wesley.” I was holding back the tears.

Wesley walked over to the bartender. They discussed something. Mr. Wesley was just nodding while listening.

“Well my dear. You have been put into a bit of a pickle. I want you to tell the police everything when they show up. Also if you have a picture of the people who were here tonight. They will be banned from this place forever. I’m sorry that this had to happen to you. But now you know what kind of people they are. I would suggest getting new friends.”

“But Mr. Wesley. The bill. I can’t just let you loose two thousand dollars. I could help to pay it off if you would like?”

“No problem at all, my dear. I’ll settle it with the police. But if you could pay for your portion. You owe six dollars and thirty-eight cents.”

The tears came down in a gushing waterfall. “Thank you…Mr…” I couldn’t get the words out but I paid the bill. Just as Charles ran through the door.

“You have a keeper there son,” Mr. Wesley told Charles. “Keep her close.”

…2 Years Later…

I was holding my little Jeffery Wesley in my arms. We actually got to have another baby! I never forgot Mr. Wesley after that day. So much so that when this little guy grows up I will tell him who he is named after; and honorable gentleman. A man who saved Jeffery’s mama.

“Hey hon. You got a letter in the mail. More like a package.” Charles called from the kitchen.

Before I could even get to the kitchen all the kids were zooming there. Wesley didn’t just save me that night, he saved my family too. ‘Thank you Mr. Wesley.’ I don’t think I would ever stop saying thank you to him.

I handed Jeffery off to Charles. ‘Who would have sent me something?’ “Hey Hon. Do you know Hawthorne Attorneys?”

“Never heard of them.”

‘Huh.’ Probably a wrong address. Or a misspelled name. I’ll open it to find a mail back address. “Wesley! Wait what? Charles what does this mean?” I handed the paper to Charles and sat down on the chair beside me. ‘Did I read that right?’

“Mr. Wesley left you a large sum of money. This is part of his will. So it means that Mr. Wesley has passed away.”

‘He was gone. I had been planning a surprise visit to see him next month. I wanted him to meet little Jeffery. I wanted Mr. Wesley to know his help that day saved more than just me. He’s gone.’

“Hon? Hon?”

I didn’t speak but I looked to Charles.

“He left you thirty million dollars. What are you going to do?”

I wasn’t thinking about the money. A man that I had hoped would be an honorary member of my family is gone. I scooped up little Jeffery out of Charles’ arms and walked out of the kitchen. I needed some time.

…

It took some time, but I figured out what to do. I opened up a dancing place called Wesley’s. There was a dress code. The dancing was ballroom or swing only. The music was always a live band. It was always a swinging place. Full of families having fun, also laughter and smiles. This place was for Mr. Wesley and his wife Annie. They deserved a legacy they would be proud of.

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

50/50

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Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

I’ve always wanted to be at this point. Not have a smart phone, a computer for media, etc. but it’s too realistic in todays world. Because as much I would love to live simply; there are reasons I need a way to stay connected.

Like my family. We all live apart. FaceTime has been a game changer. My kids know their grandma, uncles, aunts, and cousins. We only see each other in person maybe once or twice a year. But my mom can still watch her grand babies grow up in real time. This one is hard to change. But I suppose I could go back to writing letters with pictures included.

Another is recipes. I use the internet most to find new recipes. Even though I’m constantly trying new things; we get to a point that feels like I’m just in a cycle of recipes. So I find a few more to add into my cycle. I’m constantly doing this. But this one I could switch over to getting cookbooks.

This blog. When I get a moment to write down something; it means I’m still using my creativity side of my brain. Just because I’m so busy, I don’t want to loose that side of me. This one, I could just switch to a journal. This blog is a digital journal.

Media. I really want to get to the point where our entertainment watching is just DVDs or Blu-ray’s. Because then I know what my kids are watching. And with all the things happening in the entertainment industry I’ve stopped watching new things. I have favorites and I just watch them over and over. I’ve never been someone to watch something new. I have to be in the mood. This one is easy to solve if you have unlimited money. Since everything is going digital, dvds and Blu-ray’s are getting to be more expensive. So I have to just slowly add movies to our collection.

Photos. This one is difficult. I don’t want my pictures digital, especially with AI becoming more and more meddling in our lives. I don’t want pictures of my kids to be used elsewhere… so I want to switch. But the convenience of capturing a moment on your phone in an instant is so…I can’t think of the word. But it’s hard to stop. Also I can receive photos of my nephews and nieces. I get to watch them grow up so conveniently. so again this one probably tied into the letter writing. Also scrap booking. Just think that takes time, that I barely have time for.

So I’m at war with this topic. I would love to ditch my digital world. But I don’t know if I will ever get to. Time will tell.

“Dare to go through the tunnel into a different way of life?“
Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Two…

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What skill would you like to learn?

Yes. There are two skills I would love to learn. One is unrealistic for me currently. But the other is possible.

The first one is be able to build anything I can think of. Carpentry skills. I have so many ideas that I would love to be able to just make them. But currently I’m pregnant. And I have so many other jobs to do when taking care of a family and household. That when I do magically have free time I don’t want to do anything productive. And that magical free time is going to dwindle away as the next baby comes.

But I’m so happy I’m married to a man who has over fifteen years of carpentry experience that he can bring my ideas to life. (If he had the time) but he can at least make them a reality.

The second skill is small, but I wish I knew how to spin the pizza dough in my hands like professionals do. I still use a rolling pin. But I would love to learn that skill. But I don’t want to waste the dough by trying. So unless some true master of pizza came to our house I’ll just stick with my way of making pizza.

The master would at least be impressed that now I make my pizza sauce from scratch. So I might impress them with my skills of making things from scratch.

This skill would be useful because my family seems wants to eat pizza at least once a week.

And I will say, even though I can’t build things. My husband says I’m a great helper when he is building. I’m good at helping. Helping is easier when I have no idea what’s going on. I just hold things when they need to be held, or give things when things are needed. So I am helping to build my ideas. The construction plan is him, but I’m helping with the inspiration and execution.

In case anyone is looking for a great pizza sauce recipe.

https://thefoodcharlatan.com/pizza-sauce-recipe/#wprm-recipe-container-24708

It says to use canned tomatoes. I just use 28 oz of fresh tomatoes. With their skins on. And I cook it for 30min.
Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

If I Ever Get To Relax…

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How do you relax?

I don’t really know the answer to this question except like the simple answer of: my quiet time at bedtime.

But today I spent the early morning doing a puzzle with my daughter; and it was relaxing. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It’s probably because we are on a vacation. So there’s no dishes, laundry, or cleaning.

So maybe vacations relax me; which is the purpose of a vacation. To relax.

So yeah, I don’t really have an answer…

Maybe playing solitaire. I’ve been playing solitaire at night to fall asleep. Because watching a movie or show keeps me awake.

My answers make me sound so mature. 😎 Haha!

Enjoy your evening. I’ll enjoy my vacation.

Art, Creativity, Reflections

A Battle.

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‘You can. It won’t hurt you. Just try it for a moment.’

“No! It will hurt me. I’m not going to do it again.”

‘You know you want to. If you don’t do it now you are just going to dream it.’

“No. I’m stronger. I can stay honest.”

‘Staying honest is not easy. Just take the easy route. Come and try again. You know you want to.’

“Stay strong. Stay strong.”

‘You are strong. That’s why you should try again. You are strong enough to have self control. I’m sure you will stop after this time.’

“I should stop now. Don’t falter. It’s trying to trick you.”

‘I’m not trying to trick you. I’m trying to encourage you to enjoy some happiness; instead of hiding from it. Come.’

“Maybe I could try for a short moment. Maybe I would be able to stop on my own terms. Maybe…”

‘Yes. Yes. You know yourself. You know what is good for you. You know what you need. This can help you.’

“It might help me. I’ve been having a feeling that something was missing from my life. Maybe this is it. The thing that helps me relax.”

‘You deserve to relax after everything you have gone through these last few days. You owe it to yourself to unwind and enjoy your quiet time. Come.’

“Yeah. Nothing is wrong about enjoying something. That it helps me relax after a long hard day. I deserve this after all my sacrifice throughout the day.”

‘So true. Come.’

“But wait…should I be doing this? I have been good for several days. And I always feel nauseous and disgusted after doing it again. Maybe…”

‘Don’t listen to anyone but me. I’m on your side. The other voice is trying to take away all the joy in your life. Just listen to me and find the finer things in life.’

“Right. Think about me, and what I want. Okay!”

‘Good. Good.’

…Moments later…

“I feel sick to my stomach. Please forgive me God! Why did I do that? Why would I listen to that voice.”

‘Because everyone always listens to me. I’m the voice everyone try’s to ignore and stay away from. But they always crumble and listen eventually. I revel in your defeat! Victory is on my side!’

“What have I done? What have I done? Forgive me. Please heal my heart and clean my soul. Make me stronger. Make me able to withstand the voice of darkness. But also, make me better at listening to the voice of lightness. Please help me.”

‘You don’t actually mean that. Why would you not want me. I’m…’

“No! I’m done listening to you. Shut up and leave!”

‘But…’

“LEAVE!!”

Silence…

“Can you forgive me? Can you let me know you hear me?”

‘You did fail at listening to my voice. I’m not the voice to be a kill joy. I’m the voice to keep you on your path. The only path. But you continue to falter and listen to the voice of darkness. You block out my calls.’

“I’m so sorry. Please! Forgive me. I need you to be louder. Be louder than the other voice.”

‘I am loud. But you deafen me by ignoring my calls. You would rather fail than fight. You need to fight with me, and not against me.’

“I’m going to! I will! I promise!”

‘Your promises never seem to last long. It’s been about a week since our last conversation. Will you fight with me for all the years to come. To never sub-come to hear the other voice. Block it out from your ears?’

“I want to!! I’ve been trying to. It’s just so hard. But I’m going to. Today. I will fight alongside of you. Let us be one. Show me the path.”

‘Okay. Let’s go.’

…

Everyone struggles with something. And not everyone will have these types of conversations inside their bodies, but it can happen. It’s a battle between you, a demon, and the Holy Spirt. You can be strong for years, weeks, or days. And then falter. No one is perfect.

But you can fight it. God will help you. You just have to fight the fight with Him.

Fight the Fight!!

Digital Art
By: emily2jane
9-02-24

Inspired by today’s post.

Art, Creativity, Short Stories, Uncategorized

Short Story #8

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There is a guy in my class. He’s fascinating to me. He has dark black hair, but his seems natural unlike mine. He has a deep tan and he seems fit. But what is fascinating is that he seems to always be moving. Like right now, as we sit in class, his leg is twitching; like he’s itching to be gone. And like clockwork just before time is up he starts to gather up his belongings and shove it all into his backpack. The professor calls out class is over and he is gone. He fascinates me.

…The Next Day…

I plan to follow him today. I don’t have any classes or plans after this class, and I need a distraction. So as he gathered up his books, I did the same. I sat strategically in the back so that he would have to pass me to leave; then, I could just follow him. The professor called out and the following begins now.

I hadn’t even thought about the possibility that he might ride a bike. But thankfully he stuck to walking. More like speed walking. I had a tough time keeping him in my sights. Where did he have to be so quickly? But then he turned and walked into a cute little cafe. I thought he had stopped for a drink, but instead he pulled an apron up over his head and began working. Wow he had a job! Right after class too; that’s so cool! I decided I would just be a customer; until the end of his shift at least. I sat down and just as I got settled he came to my table.

“You have to order at the counter,” and he walked away.

I thought I was going to get a chance to talk to him but nope. Denied. So I took his advice and went and ordered a coffee and sandwich. I asked if it’s a bring to the table place or wait to take it? She answered to the former so I went and sat back down at my table. But again I felt his presence.

“Order number 2. Latte and sandwich. Is that right?”

He seemed to just stare through me, and not at me. Like he didn’t really want to be here. “Yep. That’s right. Thank you,” I tried to take the tray from him.

Instead he pulled it away and set the dishes down in front of me, and disappeared again. He really seemed to not be a talkative guy. But he was hardworking. Just like in class, he was constantly moving, and if he wasn’t he was twitching in place.

As the day went on I discovered that this guy was going to work until closing. Another worker told me after they saw me watching him so long. I decided to finish up my sandwich and head across the street to a bookstore. I couldn’t stay at the cafe for several hours. So instead I got another coffee and waited across the street, still watching the guy wiz through the tables doing his job.

Around 6pm, he finally left the cafe. He seemed to be slower; tired now. Which for me was great! I was able to keep up with his slow pace. I know it seems strange that I’m just following this guy around, but I need to focus elsewhere these next few months. And he does fascinate me. I wonder what he works so hard for.

So…this guy walks everywhere. We probably walked a good five miles before he hopped on a bus. Thankfully the bus seemed to wait or I would have missed it. We rode the bus maybe thirty minutes before he got off and started walking again. We walked another fifteen minutes before he headed inside a supermarket. Probably to grab some dinner for himself.

I stayed outside; finally taking in my surroundings. We were in a dark neighborhood. The only light was the one hanging above me from the supermarket sign. I wasn’t instantly scared or anything, but I realized that I might have jumped in too deep following him. There was movement around me, but I couldn’t see anything. Until a man walked up to me into the light and kept inching closer. Too close for my liking. “Can I help you?” I muttered out hoping to stop the moving closer.

But he just kept coming. Now I was scared. He was now in my personal bubble. I tried to step away but felt the brick wall behind me. I was trapped. Panic began to boil inside me until a hand grabbed my wrist.

“She’s with me. Back off,” the guy I had been following had pulled me behind him and now stood nose to nose with the creepy man.

The man just shrugged and moved away.

I let out a sigh of relief…

The guy turned in my direction gripping my shoulders tightly. “Are you crazy? Or just stupid?! Why would you follow me this far. I assumed when you noticed the distance you would have given up. Why are you so unaware. And why did you decide to follow me dressed like that. You could have been hurt or worse if I hadn’t stepped in.”

I was startled. I hadn’t thought of anything. I just wanted to get to know him. I just wanted to know why he worked so hard. I hadn’t thought about my clothes, but looking down, I noticed I was not dressed appropriately for the night. I was wearing a short skirt and tank top. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…I’m sorry.”

He sighed. He looked over his shoulder. “We need to go,” he grabbed my wrist, hopped onto the new bus, and just as the bus pulled away a group of men walked up to where we had been standing. “What is your plan for tonight?”

I hadn’t thought that far. I just didn’t want to be home. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Is there anything in your area where I could stay for a night?”

He gripped the back of his neck. “Not anywhere safe. You’ll have to stay at my home. But just know it is going to be loud. You probably won’t get to sleep until late. And your cover story will have to be that you are my girlfriend. You good with that for a night?”

His place. Loud. No sleep. What was happening? Girlfriend. That part scared me. Because that meant close. I’ve never been close to anyone. But then I noticed that he was still holding my wrist, and that he was only inches from me. He was in my bubble, and it didn’t seem to bother me. I wonder why? But then I remember he had asked if that was okay, and when I turned to answer he was blushing. Which made me feel at ease, “Yeah. That’s fine.”

Then we continued the bus ride in silence.

It was around 8pm when the bus finally stopped. Still holding my wrist we walked off the bus and through a neighborhood. It looked rough around the edges but you could still see in the windows of homes, glows of light and you could hear laughter. A home with neither of those things is not a home, but a place to live. A home is better.

He kept walking until he got to the front of another house. He paused, “I’m going to have to make dinner for my family. You will be left alone around them. They are loud, but are very welcoming. Will you be okay on your own?”

I didn’t know. But a family. That’s a nice word. A welcoming family. That’s even better. I nodded in response.

He slipped his hand down my wrist and held my hand instead.

Loud was an understatement. As soon as we came through the doors the whole house erupted with laughter and hugs. They welcomed home their precious son. Jason. Jason was his name. He seemed to be the whole center of this family. There were three little girls, a mom, and a grandma. And you could see the love. My heart pained with jealousy. It all quieted when they saw me.

All eyes were on me. As if instinct I grabbed onto Jason’s wrist. He looked back at me, probably seeing my red cheeks of embarrassment. He smirked. He turned back to his family, “this is Kate. She is my girlfriend. She wanted to meet all of you.” Still silence. “What happened to my welcoming family?”

When I thought they didn’t like me, suddenly they separated Jason and myself. Shoved him off into the kitchen and guided me to the small living room. Where the three little girls snuggled into me. And the mom and grandma seemed to look at me in curiosity.

One of the little girls scrambled up from my lap, “can I play with your hair? It’s so pretty!”

“Go ahead, I’ve always wanted to experience that.” All three little girls jumped up with excitement to disappear into their room. Only to come back with brushes and all kinds of clips falling from their small arms. While my long hair was pulled and brushed I faced the mom and grandma who had been silent through this exchange.

“Well…umm,” I tried to end the silence…

“Where did you meet Jason?” The mom said suddenly.

“How long have you been together?” The grandma chimed in.

“What is your life like?” The mom again.

“What does your family do?” The grandma again.

Everything but that last one was fine. “Jason and I are in the same business class. It’s not been long. My life is fine but felt empty before meeting Jason. And…”

“Enough grilling her. Or she won’t want to come back,” Jason came back into the room at the perfect moment. “Foods done. Let’s eat!”

Dinner was delicious. I now knew why Jason was always moving. He wanted to be home. And I can’t blame him. His family was wonderful.

…6 months later…

After that first visit, I was hooked. I had spent the night at his family’s home and Jason had taken me home the next day. He had told me that I might need to come to the house occasionally to keep up the facade; until we could break up amiably. But that I was never to follow him again, and that I should just take the bus the whole way there. Or take an Uber.

Well I did go to his home. But I went often. Any chance I got I was there. I loved all the care and love that was in his home. I was even there when Jason wasn’t. I would spend time with his sisters. Letting them do my hair, my makeup, and nails. I learned to cook from his mom and grandma. They taught me many different things like cleaning, laundry, etc.

So to reward their lessons, I put them to the test, and I would clean their house. I enjoyed it. It made me happy to help someone else. I would help tutor his sisters. They were only in kindergarten but I would help them when they asked questions. Jason’s family felt like family to me. Everything was perfect.

Until one night Jason came home to find me cleaning the kitchen. I had never done any cleaning in front of him. But this time I wanted him to be able to start making dinner in a clean kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Jason came in a set the groceries on the counter.

“I thought I would help clean up the…”

“You don’t need to do that. I don’t want you to do that. We don’t need your charity. Are you enjoying helping the poor family that is barely surviving? Does it make you feel good being all holy around my family, because you are better off than us? Stop! Just go back home to your rich family and tell them of your day of helping the low class. Go!”

I was stunned. I didn’t realize he saw me that way. I thought we had gotten closer over these few months. On his days off we would go walking in the park, or go on picnics with his sisters. I thought our relationship had changed into something closer. But instead he just saw me as a person trying to feel better by helping them. Which was far from the truth. I loved it here. I loved his family. I loved hi….no. I couldn’t go there. Because I now had to say goodbye to another family. I dropped the sponge and went out of the kitchen. I hugged the little girls one last time. I waved goodbye to the mom and grandma. I gathered up my belongings and left. Left another home.

…3 Months Later…

Jason

It had been three months since I had seen her again. I had, had a terrible customer at the cafe that day. A group of fellow students. They were all rich and snobbish. The guys were talking about Kate; about how she was just doing charity to be around me. I knew they were just pissed that she wanted to be around me and not them, but after three hours of them saying it over and over; then to come home to her cleaning the kitchen was just too much. I didn’t want her to only be there out of charity. Which I knew she wasn’t. But at that moment I lost it on her. I said everything I was feeling towards that group of jerks, but instead at her. The tears forming in her eyes told me I had made a mistake. But it was too late; she was gone when I went after her.

Now it had been three months and she had not come to school. Did she drop out? Did she switch majors? Where was she? I needed to at least apologize. She deserved that. I took the day off from working, I had hoped she would be here today, but again she was a no show. In her normal seat was a girl named Mary. I knew she was Kate’s friend. When the professor said class was done it was the first time I didn’t sprint out of here; instead I walked over to Mary, “where is Kate? She hasn’t been coming to class lately.”

Mary jumped suddenly. But then relaxed when she saw it was me.

I had met her a couple of times through Kate.

“Yeah. Kate took a semester off. She always does at this time of year. She doesn’t seem to care that college is going to take several extra years. But I can’t blame her; she never seems herself this time of year. Poor thing.”

I was confused. None of this made any sense. Kate. Smiling happy Kate. Kate who was happy spending time with me and my family. Not being herself, what? “What are you talking about. This is the same Kate we are talking about. Smiling Kate. Always happy Kate. That Kate?”

“You didn’t know? I assumed she would have told you. She spent so much time with you. She even confessed to me that she was hoping to become part of your family in the end. How is it that you didn’t know?” Mary looked away. I could see tears forming.

‘Part of my family? She wanted to be family with me? She liked me? I liked her too but I never thought those feeling would be reciprocated; so I never acted on them. Wait. Mary said how do I not know. What do I not know?’ “Explain.”

I sat on the bus mulling over what Mary had just told me. I couldn’t believe it.

…1 hour ago…

“Kate has no family. Her whole family died in a bad house fire when she was seven years old. Her mom, dad, brother, and sister. She was the youngest and in the farthest room. They say it was a miracle that she lived. But from that day onward she was an orphan. She had no other family; so she lived in an orphanage until she was eighteen. The trust her dad had left her was not active until then. He had a trust for each of his kids, but since she was the only one left living she inherited it all. So yes she was wealthy, but only in money. But as Kate always said, “not in what really mattered”. She would have traded all the money in the world for her family back.” Mary choked back some tears.

‘What!?!’

Mary continued, “always at this time of year her family’s accident resurfaces and she hides herself away. Because she can’t seem to hold in the tears; even after all this time. Which I had thought things would be different this time. Because even as the day was approaching she was still so happy. Because she had found what she had wanted all along. A family that wanted her. She told me all about how your family took her in and made her feel loved. It was the first time in her life she had felt that way since she was seven. I thought things would be different. But it seems like she can never escape it. And don’t ask me; I don’t know where she goes. She just disappears for about six months. She will come back in the Spring.”

…Back on the Bus…

I just sat there silent on the bus. Thinking back to what I had said to her that day. Doing charity. Feeling holy taking care of his family. Go back to her rich family and gloat. I dropped my head into my hands. No wonder she almost cried that day. I jabbed at all of her sore spots in one go. And now she was gone. I wasn’t going to see her again for three months. And she might just transfer to another school and never come back. What have I done?

When I stepped into the house; it was no longer the same as it was after the day Kate left. I was still greeted with love, but it seemed dulled a bit. Like they are hoping Kate will walk in right behind me. I needed to talk to mom and nana; they would probably know some things after spending so much time with her.

After my sisters went to sleep, I sat down for the grueling discussion. “Did you know anything about Kate’s past?”

My mom and nana looked at each other. They knew.

“How could you know and not tell me anything. After I said all those terrible things to her.”

Nana whacked me in the head, “that’s for saying all those awful things to her. She was already struggling that day. But she was trying to keep it together. She wanted to work through her pain and stay with us. She had said that we were healing her. But then you had to go and drive a knife through her patched heart. I watched it crumble apart as she left that day. I will be surprised if she can even function. She had to loose another family that day. How could you,” Nana was in uproar. She left the room promptly, because she didn’t want to cause more harm than she had already done.

I folded in half. Hunched over feeling defeated. Like there was no way to come back from this.

Mom walked over and hugged me. I needed the hug, but I felt guilty for the first time for getting one; because I knew that Kate wasn’t here to get one. “Mom, what do I do? She left. And I have no idea where to find her.”

“Oh my sweet son. She may need time to heal again. Your nana is wrong for hitting you, but she is not wrong that it would be a miracle that Kate stays. You were so young when we lost your father, but to me I wanted to run away and hide. But I stayed because I still had someone who needed me. Kate has no one. If she decides to hide, she sadly now has no reason to come back.”

“But I…”

“You took yourself out the equation that day. To her you abandoned her. And then she had to say goodbye to a new loving family. She is probably broken. We can just pray that she does come back.” Mom got up and went to follow nana to bed.

I sat there looking at my hands. ‘Please God. Give me a chance to apologize to her.’ That’s all I wanted. A chance to apologize.

My sister lily came tiptoeing into the living room. She handed me a post card. She whispered into my ear, “bring her back.” And just as quickly, lily disappeared back into her room.

…1 month later…

Kate

I wouldn’t say I ran away. I would more say I needed time away and with other children in the same boat. Every year at this time I take time off from school and I volunteer at the orphanage that brought me up. That’s why I’m getting the business degree. I’m hoping to help this orphanage out; help these kids find homes before they are adults. But even then, I’ll hope to have jobs available for the kids like me. The no home children.

That day when Jason chased me out of his home made me wake up. That I was just masking my pain with a new family. That I needed to first heal before trying to find a bandaid solution. But what Jason said would not be easily forgiven. It hurt so much that day, because that’s how he saw me. That he still, after all that time, didn’t know the real me.

I had sent a post card to his sisters because they are to young to understand why I just left that day. So I thought letters and postcards would help cushion the blow that I wouldn’t be coming back. Hopefully they listened and kept the letter from her brother. I don’t need him getting mad at me again.

But being at the orphanage again this time is healing me. I needed a push from wanting a new family to actually heal my heart. That I can be loved. Even if not by the first family I found. That I can always try again. That I am wanted. All of us are.

“Kate?” Mother Ann called.

“Yes. I’m over by the garden with group C.”

“There is a visitor for you. They are at the front gate,” Mother Ann came around the corner. “I’ll take over for your class. You go receive them.”

Who could be here for me. In the last fourteen years this has never happened. “Okay. No problem.”

Walking up to the front gate I saw a head. Head with black hair. What? How? I paused.

Jason turned around to face me. “Hey there.”

I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I thought I had healed. But I guess his words still stung. I didn’t want to talk to him. Instead of letting him in I turned and walked away. Quickly. I didn’t want to hear him.

“Hey.” Jason grabbed onto my wrist.

Just like the first day we met. But I tried to pull away from him.

“Stop Kate. I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you.” He pulled me into his embrace.

He was in my bubble. The action that used to bring me so much comfort just hurt me. Hadn’t he told me to leave and never come back. I hugged myself and stepped away from him. He didn’t try to stop me. He let me slip away.

I stood just out of his reach. Not letting him enter my bubble. I couldn’t feel that way again.

“I’m so sorry Kate. I didn’t mean anything I said that day. I just took out my frustration on you. I was stupid. I was crazy. I… please let me apologize. If I had known I would have never…”

“That’s just it, Jason. I didn’t want you to know. Because I didn’t want the so called pity you accused me of. I didn’t want you to allow me around because you felt sorry for me. I wanted to be accepted because you wanted me there. But I can see how I could upset you being there all the time, when you never really wanted me around. I’m sorry that I tried to get close to you. It won’t happen again. And…you came to me. I listened to you when you told me to leave, your the one who came to find me. You at least can’t get mad at me for that.” I felt my defense crumbling. I was being to shake. I knew that tears were well on their way. I needed to leave. Or he may get pleased in watching me wallow in sadness. “You’ve seen me. I’ve apologized. You can leave now.” I walked away. The distance between us was growing. Tears were spilling down my face. But since I was a distance away I didn’t feel so vulnerable sobbing; the only thing he might see is my shoulders shuddering.

“No.” Jason hugged me from behind. His arms were strong; no intention of letting go. “No. I wanted you. I’ve always wanted you around. I’m so sorry I made you feel unwanted that day. I’ve been regretting it every day, no, every second after. Come back home with me.”

Those last words rang in my ear. Come back home. Could I actually believe him. Did he actually want me back? I tried to release his arms from me, but they tightened around me.

“I love you, Kate. Please come back and be my family.”

I stopped struggling. I froze. He loves me? Someone loves me? I managed to turn myself around to face him in his embrace. I stared into his eyes; eyes never lie. His face was flush as stared at him. “Do you really? Or is it just pit…”

He kissed me. He squeezed me tighter. I almost couldn’t breathe. But I think I can believe him. That he loves me. I kissed him back.

…The End…

Creativity, Daily Prompts, Life As A Mama, Reflections, Uncategorized

My Kids.

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Who do you spend the most time with?

Since I’m a stay at home mom I’m with my kids all the time. 24/7! Especially since I’m going to homeschool, it will be more so.

It’s why my husband works so hard; he wants me to be home. He wants to know what his children are learning. So he does the hard job, for me to stay home and do my hard job.

And it is. It is a hard job. A typical day:

Wake up at 7:00am. Because that’s when my son wants to be up. We snuggle on the couch for maybe 10min then we wake up sis sis. Then by 7:30 I’m making breakfast. Either pancakes, waffles, egg sandwich, etc. everything homemade. Also while I eat breakfast I clean up the kitchen. Hand wash dishes, load the dishwasher, clear counters. (Only if I didn’t do it the night before.)

Next: School time. I spend about 20min on a reading lesson, writing lesson, and comprehension. She only seems to have a short attention span. And even 20min is difficult.

Next: we go outside to water garden and flowers. It takes a good amount of time. A two year old makes everything take longer.

Now it’s 9am. So usually I spend time cleaning the house or doing laundry. Both my son and daughter “help”. I tell my daughter to do things and she procrastinates until I’m annoyed. My son likes to help mama, but sometimes it’s more work for me.

By now it’s 11am. I’m hungry. Being pregnant, I get hungry early. So I begin to prepare lunch. It’s usually leftovers from dinner. And if the food was tolerable to my daughter then lunch takes a while for her to eat. My son is already a vacuum cleaner. Haha! Everything is gone!

1pm: since I’m pregnant I take a nap at this time. And thankfully my son still takes naps and he takes one with me. My daughter just has her own quiet time. She does puzzles, drawing, reading, etc. Or I turn a movie on for her and she watches it over and over until we wake up. Kind of depends on how she is doing that day.

3pm: I try to do a fun activity with them. Either playing a board game to work on math, Art time, or cooking lesson. But depending on how she is behaving by this point; I tend to get her started on her chores. She has 3. Clean her room, rinse a load of dishes or put away dry dishes, and sweep kitchen/ dining room floor. And normally she procrastinates. I will usually start to prepare dinner and then continue dishes or laundry. Those two things never seem to be done.

4:30. Daddy gets home!! All the built up chaos erupts from the kiddos. I’m preparing dinner at this point and my husband has to just soak up time with his babies.

It usually takes me about 1-2 hours to get dinner done. Depends on what I’m making. But remember it’s 100% from scratch. Like tonight we are having steak burritos. Like something from chipotle. And I have to make the tortillas tonight.

But after dinner. It’s about 7pm. I have “cleaned” the kitchen. I’ve gotten to a point that my husband can make his breakfast in the morning without tripping up. Sometimes I get the kitchen clean; especially if the dinner was easy to make, but I tend to gravitate towards difficult recipes.

I finally get to sit down around 7:30pm. By then my feet are swollen. I’ve been on my feet for over the past 4 hours. A long time as a pregnant woman. But sitting is not long. Not long after my kiddos want some stories and I’m walking to my daughters room. Reading a handful of books.

8pm. Bedtime starts. Not always. Bedtime is not a set in stone time for me. If they are rambunctious still I let them get their wiggles out. So I should say usually I let them play another hour.

9pm bedtime. Showers and brushing teeth. Then we say goodnight to sis sis first. She tends to not go to sleep until much later. She is just not allowed to leave her room, unless for potty time. Next my son hangs out with my husband; they watch the show Expedition Unknown. (I don’t watch it…I should though; it would be a great way to fall asleep.) But after a while my son falls asleep and I lay with him in his bed until I know he is 100% asleep. Then I climb into my bed finally!! Usually around 10:30. And sometimes I fall asleep. But lately I’ve been so tired I can’t sleep; so I wait for my brain to turn off.

…

That’s a typical day. And I do that pretty much everyday. The only changes would be if I want to bake something. Like bread or cookies, brownies, honey buns, donuts, etc. I like to bake yummy things.

But I’m with my kids all the time. And yes I feel like I’m about to go insane sometimes but then I remember that I’m not having to do a job. Like a normal job. Like my husband. I didn’t mind working; I just love to be home more. It’s a fun exhausting job!!

Enjoy your day!

Creativity, Life As A Mama

Strange Thing This Pregnancy…

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This pregnancy for me has been a strange one. My food desires are all out of whack.

My other pregnancies, I couldn’t stop eating. Like I gained so much extra weight because food was all I wanted.

But this pregnancy I’ve been having trouble. I’ve always had issues with “morning” sickness. (Should be called all day nausea.) I’m not one of those lucky 30%. (That number used to be 20%.)

But it’s weird this time around. Like all I could eat the first month was steak. And only steak!! But now, the thought of steak sickens me. Unless it is in Chinese food. So I went into a Chinese food phase. That only homemade Chinese food would fill my hunger.

But other things. Like I crave sweets, but it has to be certain kinds. Like brownies or ice cream. But the thought of plain chocolate is so gross.

Another, popcorn. Popcorn sounds so disgusting. Like the smell of it turns my stomach. But the thought of a can of corn sounds amazing.

Another, sourdough bread. I’ve been making our own sourdough bread for the last three years. I love sourdough bread; or at least I used to. Now it makes me sick. The taste is all wrong. So I’ve got to figure out a new recipe. I love bread; I can’t go nine months of no bread…

Another one that happened a few days ago, was the meat in the dish was whatever. I ate it because I needed it, but the onions were AMAZING!! I wanted to eat all the onions!!

Or like I’ve been craving a combo pizza. With sausage, olives, bell peppers, onions, etc. I had a piece today, and it was everything. I wanted more, but my husband would not have appreciated if I ate all his leftover pizza. So I made pizza tonight for dinner.

Also I’ve been craving this grilled cheese chicken sandwich with chipotle sauce. Oh, is it delicious!! My husband was fine with indulging in my craving, the other day, because he was able to leave me to my food and go exploring for fun new toys he’s been wanting.

So I’m just confused at how my body is this time around. Some days I just want to devour one certain food for an entire day. But then the next day comes, and the thought of that previous food is unappetizing. Haha!! I don’t get it!

Writing this out…I’m craving that chipotle sandwich again. But instead of a $10 sandwich excursion; it can very easily turn into a over $200 day.

Maybe I’ll try and make it myself…?

Have a wonderful Thursday!! Hope this post didn’t make you too hungry. I will be adventuring into another strange day of my pregnancy. Be thankful you can eat anything you want!

Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

I Remember Life Before iPhones.

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Do you remember life before the internet?

I was never a popular person with following trends. I was always a step behind. Which I was fine with; I was blessed to have what I had.

Like when the iPod came out I still rocked my Walkman. Then the shuffle came out and I got an iPod. I had that iPod for several years.

Around the same time, I had one of those awesome flip phones. It could flip two ways; I thought I was some cool stuff. (Turns out my husband had one too. Haha!)

I remember life before the internet. I was just so young that I was just outside playing. It’s not like it was an obvious milestone. It was just my childhood. But I remember when the iPhone was new. But I have no idea when I got my first one.

My family took turns using the upgrade with our cellular plan. I know I used an upgrade for the awesome flip phone!!

I can say life was simpler. I miss it; but I use my phone for everything now. My blog, new recipes, digital art, movies, FaceTime, etc. I could use a laptop for all those things but the FaceTime is so lucrative living so far away from family.

If could switch to an iPhone that could only call, text, take photos, and FaceTime, I would. But I don’t think those exists anymore. And if I’m allowed all the options I’m going to use them because they are convenient. So it’s a never ending spiral of being dependent on my phone.

But life before the iPhone is no longer attainable…which is saddening.