I need to make a change. I hurt. I hurt everywhere. I’m only in my thirties, and I feel like I’m well into my forties. I need to do more.
The point of having our kids young, was so that we could enjoy them more. But I have no extra energy in a day; not even to go on a one hour walk at night. Key word: Walk! Not even strenuous. But I have no energy to accomplish that. I need to say it’s an hour walk, but about 30min in my son is tired and “needs” to be carried back. He’s about thirty pounds…so I’m usually dead when we get back to the house.
My night doesn’t end there; I have showers, bedtime, story time, baby feeding time, then I get to go to sleep. But do I? No. By then I’ve missed my window of being tired and I have to wait until the next window opens.
So back to changing. My husband feels the same. He wants to start exercising. He’s in his thirties too. He shouldn’t be hurting so much either.
So we are starting things. I’m going to try and cook differently. Not severely. But less carbs and more vegetables. Not the kids, they need carbs.
The husband wants to start a military month workout. I’m all for this plan. Haha!
But I want to swim occasionally. Try for three times a week. Swimming is the best exercise for me. It works my whole body. It will also help loosen my back muscles.
But something needs to change. This is usually when we make these decisions. At the end of the year. But we are hoping to try for our last kid this time next year; so I want to loose sixteen pounds before trying again. That’s not a crazy amount.
My doctor told me I was a little overweight at my last appointment; that if I lost sixteen to twenty pounds my BMI would be back to perfect. But when my doc told me that I was ten pounds heavier and I already lost that.
So my #1 priority is to change things. Like even this blog. I wrote a post instead of mindlessly playing my game, I decided to write instead. Make a change!
I am a mom to two high energy kids. 6 & almost 3. And now I’m a mother to a 2 month old.
I cook from scratch for every meal, for every day.
I’m doing at least 3 loads of laundry a day to keep up!
My husband’s schedule shifts from day shifts to night shifts; that I don’t know what today is even. Oh, Sunday. I had to look.
But tack on top of this that we are trying to sell our house. So I have to keep the house showing ready. With those two rambunctious kids it’s almost impossible.
And we have our first showing tomorrow…at least I’ve been trying to stay on top of the house so it should be easy.
But if you are feeling overwhelmed today; just know there might be someone with a more chaotic life than yours. Relax and enjoy yourself if you have the time.
A 2010 bright orange mustang. I actually have a picture of me standing next to one; when I was 17! I was determined to have one. Orange was my favorite color!
Instead, my first vehicle wasn’t until I was 27. And… I got an efficient car. At least it was cherry red. That’s somewhat close to orange… right?
Also a mustang would have impossible with kids. Folding over in half to put a baby in…Nope! Not happening.
So I didn’t get my dream car, but I love Jams. (That’s what I’ve named my car) Jams’ is awesome! We got Jams because of the gas mileage. A full tank of gas can go over 400 miles! And when we got Jams is was about $12 to fill up. Now, it more like $30; but that tank of gas will last me 1-2 months.
Look at me…bragging about my Jams. Haha 😂 but definitely Jams is now my dream car. So much so, I wish I could gift one to my mama. 🩷
And if you were curious…
The name Jams comes from the live action Aladdin movie. The scene with all the jams. If you’ve seen it, you know!
Well. My dream car was just that. A dream. But my reality car is perfect for me, my life, and family.
I feel like I wasted a few hours binge watching a show. It was a current modern show. About a girl finding love young. 16. And she made so many mistakes. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, or I was 16 once, but I couldn’t enjoy the show. That as I watched it I was hoping she would change. But she kept making mistakes.
And then when she was at the crossroads moment; she calls her mom for advice and her mom says, “I want you to have several loves before settling on the one”…wow. The mom could have done some good parenting and helped her daughter, but instead gave her the worst advice. My advice would have been, “don’t decide anything now. You are still young. Just leave it alone and just live life dating free, until you figure out who you are and what you want.”
Is that so difficult. Maybe I’m naive. I know I didn’t listen to my mom’s advice when I was 16. But as a mama now, I would tell my daughter the deep hard stuff. Even if all she wants is a pat on the back. Because to me that’s not good parenting.
When I started the show I had this thought. “Maybe I’ll use this show as an example to my daughter in the future.” Show her that you don’t need to date at 16. That it is better to wait. I wish I had. I wish my husband had been my first love. He was my first real true love.
But that thought is gone. As the show continued the girl kept going against my views on life. Now it just makes me worried about the future. But I have to trust that my husband and I will continue to do good parenting. That my daughter will know what is important in life.
Also for my son. The boys in the show were not the greatest. But they too didn’t have great parenting. I want to parent my son so that he knows how to treat women in his future.
I’m terrified of them growing up. Also them growing up in today’s world. The world is going crazy! But I will continue to educate my kiddos on morals and character.
But I have a piece of hope for them. My kiddos are strong-willed, stubborn, intelligent, but still warm with love. And I hope they continue to be that way. Because they will not be bullied into changing their points of views. I know that may come back to bite me, but I want them prepared for whatever their world will look like.
This is just a worried mama post. Haha! Enjoy your weekend. I’m going to be staying away from new shows. They always disappoint me. This was the first new thing I’ve watched since 2017. That was the last time I saw a movie in a theater. I’ll just stick to what I like and watch the same things over and over again.
Another random question to think about. I saw a short video on someone asking this question. “What was the last movie you saw in theaters that the entire audience applauded?”I can only remember 2 movies; they left a strong impression on me. Spoilers.
#1 Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The moment Luke Skywalker dusts off his shoulder. That moment was epic. The audience erupted!! It was a moment to remember. This was the last movie I saw at a theater.
#2 Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Part 2. The audience erupted at the start. I went opening night. It was amazing!! But then also when He Who Must Not Be Named (trying to not spoil) died. The moment it happened everyone screamed or WHOO! at the screen. Again epic!
But that is the last time I remember it happened. As you read in a previous post I like a wide range of movies. But it’s been a while since I was wowed!!
Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?
I think I would choose age 15-17. When I was a competitive swimmer.
I stayed on my swim team because I didn’t want to lose my friends, start from scratch, and I didn’t want to let my coach down.
But if I had switched teams I would have probably gone farther in the sport. Not gotten hurt. And probably would have made it to the Olympics.
But instead I choose my friends. I thought they would be my friends always. But the older friends tolerated me because I was fast. The younger friends respected me because I was fair. But in the end I only have one good friend from my 17 years of swimming; living in a different state, and I only text her. It’s been almost 5 years now since I last saw her.
Another reason for not leaving, was I didn’t want to have to figure out my place on a new team. I knew there were faster swimmers than me. Surprisingly enough, more dedicated swimmers than me. But on my old swim team I was respected.
You can’t really leave one team, try out another, and then return. It would have not gone well.
The biggest reason of all: I didn’t want to disappoint my coach. My coach was my coach for 8 years, I think. She was the one that kickstarted my desire to become great. I always did anything she said. She was the one that was going to take me to the next level.
But like most things, many different events happened that began to unravel my hoped future.
She always wanted me to be the best, but I’ve come to realize it that she just expected the best without her 100% effort to help me there. She had a favorite on the team; and to her, that swimmer could do no wrong.
Another event was that when I was 16, I had finished 3 exhausting swim meets in a row. I had been invited to an invitation only swim meet, that I had to go to as well. But into the first day of the meet I had an excruciating pain in my stomach that I couldn’t even sleep through the night. My mom came to get me and we went to the hospital. Turned out I had a cyst the size of a large grapefruit in my lower abdomen. The doctors were amazed that I had continued through the pain, for this long, while being an athlete. I had to have surgery. So it was quite serious. The doctors said that if the cyst had ruptured I would have died.
But what do you think my Coach’s response to all this was… disappointment. She made me feels so awful for leaving that swim meet. She made me feel like I embarrassed her; and that I should have just sucked it up, and finished the meet.
After that day my Coach gave up on me. The swimmer that could do no wrong was now more than ever her favorite. And I continued to try and prove myself to my coach. I did more in my 16-17 years than I had already done for her from the age of 10 to this point.
And you might be wondering how it ended…
Without any help from my coach. I bettered myself all the way up to the nationals level. That’s one step lower than the Olympics trials. Two steps away from the Olympics. I thought, I would have at least one more year of her help. But instead she took her favorite to the Olympic trials. The swimmer chocked and didn’t perform well, and then my coach retired.
She gave up. She gave up on me. If she had given me some direction the year before she retired she might have taken two swimmers to the Olympic trials. I think I lost my spark after that.
She then sold the team to my teammate. He then made a rule that after the age of 18, if you are not swimming in college you couldn’t continue to swim on the team. So I lost my coach. I lost my drive. And I lost my team. All after I turned 18.
I swam at my community college. I did amazing. But it wasn’t the same. My spark was gone. I broke almost all the records. But then I got hurt. I think it was an old injury from when I tried to earn my coach’s respect back.
Now as I look back over those years I can see that I should have left. I wasted 8 years trying to swim for someone who never seemed to care. But I wasted the best years especially; where if I had just switched I probably would have made it. I know I would have!
But with all things you must go on. I coached. Which I loved!! I will definitely do it in the future if I get the chance. Without the public speaking part. I’m terrified and terrible at that part. Another, I still like to do hard work. Any projects we have on the property I’m rearing to help complete them. My body feels sore and tired afterwards. Most importantly, I found someone who cares for me, who wants me to do my best, but will also accept me as I am.
So yes, I want to change those years. Because I wish I could give my 17 year old self a chance to succeed on the level she desired. But like all things. You learn. You move past it. And you then live your new life.
Digital Art By: emily2jane 11-04-2023 “Stilled Moments”
I’ll be honest. I have typed several different things for this post and they don’t seem like me. I know it’s supposed to be my opposite self but I think some thing’s would transfer over into an alternate universe. Like I am sure I would want to be a mom no matter what. Currently i knew this was for sure so I started young; young enough to enjoy my kiddos life. So opposite…start kids later in life; only one or two.
Let’s say maybe I wasn’t a swimmer…but I’m sure I would have been some sort of athlete. So let’s say opposite of swimming. Track. I would have been a track athlete. Land sports…blah! Unless it’s ultimate frisbee, I am not a land sport person in this current universe.
So….would it be my upbringing that would have been different? My dad bringing me up….then I wouldn’t have been myself. I can’t even imagine that life, nor would I want to. I probably would have run away back to my mom’s house with my siblings.
Maybe my husband is different. No. He is my match. I went on so many first dates for two years that there is no way he wouldn’t be my other half in an alternate universe. But let’s say he is older than me. That’s different.
Maybe… I’m well off…Yes money would be helpful. But I’m so well off now with so many different skills that would be sad if I wasn’t an artist, cook, organizer, etc. I would take skills over money any day. Because with skills I could make money if I needed to. Money will run out at some point. But sure, wealthy with money.
And I don’t know what’s to come in my future, so I don’t know my alternate idea. So….I guess….
Alternate universe me: Brought up by my dad. Track athlete. Older husband. Married late, late kids. Wealthy.
I don’t know about you, but I will take my current life 100%. My alternate self has such a sad sounding life.
I discovered why I’ve been so irritable and frustrated lately. I’m unhappy. My giving cup is empty.
Every person is some percentage of giving. I am 80% giving and 20% receiving. Example: 80% of the time I would rather give a gift than receive. But 20% of the time I NEED to receive.
So meaning being myself, my normal self; has not made me very happy as of late. I’ve just been stumbling around not knowing what’s wrong. Instead, I’ve been irritable. Short tempered. And unhappy. I guess I’ve been trying to figure out how to be happy, when being myself doesn’t make me happy anymore. Hence, my giving cup is empty.
So I’m just going to focus on myself. Normally I would focus on making those around me happy. Giving them what they needed. Focus on them; Focus on them! But none of my requests were being met. I was just either waiting or attempting to live without. Not even being big request, remember only 20%.
But now I’m to the point, I am going to make me happy. And I just won’t ask anymore. Not until my giving cup is full again or I feel happy. I don’t know how long that will take, but I want to feel like myself again. I want to be happy giving to others. And not feel drained and depressed at everyday life.
It’s going to be noticeable. Hopefully this will help me. Hopefully.
But on a happier note… Happy Birthday Mama!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have been craving corn dogs. Must be a pregnancy thing. Because it’s usually my husband who is. But I decided to try making them myself.
I am now someone who will attempt to make it myself first. It’s cheaper!
A recipe from Pinterest.
Watching food videos with my daughter before bedtime has some perks. Even though it is evil to have to see delicious food before sleeping.
But first I had to gather all the ingredients…
Also the hubby wanted fries to go along with the dinner. Since I was already going to fry the corn dogs it wasn’t too much extra work.
I boil the fries 7min before starting the frying process. It gives them that soft inside and crunchy shell. 😍The normal pot was for boiling. Big Red is my new best frying friend!! 😎
Pat the hotdogs dry and skewer them! Death to the hotdogs!! Mwahahahahahaha!!
I just noticed my socks…they match….! The weather is going to change. 😳
I double fry the fries. First round is for 6min. I did all the groups of fries. Since I use the bare minimum oil I have to do several rounds.
Let’s start the corn dogs!!
Dip dip dip. Oh so cute and chubby!!! Hopefully they taste good. The baking powder is what makes them fluff up.
I had to add about 1 cup of oil…it seemed so wasteful…I think the most I used nowadays is 1/3 of a cup.
The recipe said I could do up to 3 at a time, but since it’s my first time; I decided to do 1.
Yummy! The husband did the taste test… he said it was miserable as he gobbled it down. 😏
Even I got input from the opinionated daughter…
She approved!!
Next was another round of fries. Then my own opinion…
I like the mixture of ketchup and mustard…I’m all alone in my small family…
Looks like Photo: maybe 8. The pictures make theirs look picture perfect. Mine were imperfect, but the taste was…
Taste: 10! At first… Then after one corn dog, my husband and I discovered they are extremely greasy. We don’t really eat super greasy foods anymore. They are too heavy. My fries are probably our limit. I’ll be trying an air frying recipe next time.
Easiness: 10! It was a super easy recipe. I’m bummed that I won’t be making it again, but if your stomach is not as sensitive; this is a perfect recipe. Hopefully the air fryer recipe is just as easy.
I’m currently munching on carrots to help settle my stomach. 😞
Overall: It was delicious as we ate it! Just the aftermath is hitting us. Elizabeth liked it though. Even though she probably would have filled herself up on carrots and ranch if we let her. Haha 😂
We decided to completely change the layout of our house… now three days ago…🥸
Haha! I mean completely! We moved our bedroom from the second floor to the basement. My art room from the basement to the living room. Eli’s bedroom from the second floor to the basement. The guest bedroom from the basement to the second floor.
The hubby’s “man cave” (more of a desk area) from the living room to the second floor; he now has an official man cave. He is super stoked!
All around it is now a better layout. We also get all the luxuries that we initially wanted. A bedroom with a bathroom attached. Laundry on the same floor as our bedrooms. And a man cave for the hubby.
But it meant carrying our king mattress down two floors and a queen mattress up two floors…😳 it was a lot! I’m amazed the hubby did not strangle me, as he tried to direct me and I was hearing the opposite. Haha!
I’m sore and exhausted. But I still have organizing to do! Which I like organizing! I would say it is a guilty pleasure. Especially now, since our house is completely flipped, I will be happy and content with all my new projects!!
Hope your life has not been completely flipped, but change it up and do something new today! It might just surprise you! 🎉
emily2jane 