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Daily Prompts, Uncategorized

A Book.

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What books do you want to read?

Just like the title. I don’t really care what book, just a book, at this point.

Especially with a new baby, I have very little free time. I have small bits throughout the day. And only a precious 1-2hrs at night.

Which you might be thinking, 1-2hrs is a long time. But it’s really not. Because I have a new baby with me. She could be wide awake. She could be starving and eat for the whole time. Or occasionally, she will be asleep. But it’s also dark in the room because my husband has to go to bed early. Also I have the problem of staying up to finish the book. No matter how long the book is. Once I stayed up until four a.m. to finish a book. I can no longer do that. Sadly.

But throughout the day I have only small amounts of time l; which I fill with writing, texting, playing a game, or sometimes napping. All while feeding a baby. That is key! So if she starts choking I drop everything and focus on her.

So recently I’ve just been reading through my old posts. Like my short stories, reflection posts, and most recent my Life Of Two Best Friends: College book. Which has been great because I got inspired yesterday and wrote ten chapters!! I still have to edit them, but I at least got the story moving again.

So I would love to read a new book or at least a book that I know I love. However our newest addition to the family takes president over anything. Which I’m okay with. I did it for my first two kids, now it’s her turn.

Enjoy your books!! Don’t take them for granted; there may be a day you don’t get to read when you want. Have a great Monday!

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts

A Magical Land

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If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Not really magical, like Harry Potter. I would love to live in a place that all my family would love to live. But it’s not realistic.

My husband and I are very much country type people. Lots of open space. Tractors, chickens, cows, dirt, less people, and good strong Christians. We are that typical country song.

I know some of my family are country too. But I know some of them are more city people. Less busy, hustle and bustle city; and more like suburbs. Like they like having people around and all the amenities.

Because let me tell you. When you live about 45min from a city with all your shopping stores; you learn to live without something until you are planning to go back. Or like me; you learn to make everything from scratch. You want tacos…you don’t have tortillas…you make them. You are craving a delicious burger and French fries…you make it yourself. It’s a lot of work to change to be this type of person, but so worth it.

But back to my family. I know my mom would come and my brothers (maybe). I haven’t had talks with them in a long time; so I don’t actually know who my brothers are anymore. Which is sad to say, but that’s what happens when you live far away and you keep getting pregnant.

But then my sisters would be left where they are. And that doesn’t seem fair. I would be happy to have my family near me once again!! But my sisters wouldn’t have their family near them.

That’s why I want to live somewhere magical. Somewhere where we all could get what we want. I know of a place, but it’s just a dream. Because moving away to a new state is hard. Especially if you have always lived in the same place. You would leave your good friends, your surroundings, and sometimes family.

That’s what my husband and I did, over seven years ago. Wow. It’s been seven years!!

So the only way to answer this prompt is: I want to live in a magical place where everyone wants to live. But I can’t just ask them to move closer. Because that would just me asking for selfish reasons. That I miss my family so much that I wish they would all just move closer for me. Also the thought that my kids would know their cousins; that would be an added perk.

Have a wonderful Friday. Let it be filled with your dreams of what ifs. Mine: what if my family were closer?? I would be the happiest person in the whole world. 🥰

My daughter’s newest painting. She is painting paintings for all of her family for Christmas presents. So proud of her.

I paint at the same time on paper, and she paints on a canvas board. We go step by step. She is doing fantastic!! I am so happy to have a painting buddy. Almost 3 done, only 8 more to go. And we are running out of time. Not just cause Christmas is coming, but I’m getting bigger and bigger pregnant. So my days are slowly getting more filled with more naps.

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Well…

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Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

Haha! I was going to say house or car. But since that’s not an option, then…a dress.

It was around the time I was coaching high school swimming. Turned out they needed more chaperones for prom night. I jumped at the opportunity!

I was homeschooled; so I had to be asked by someone who went to a public school to experience prom. I was. My friend’s brother at the time. The getting ready was the best part of prom. But then once there, I was left at a table where I ended up playing Jin rummy all night long with another guy that was left at the table. It was still fun, but I afterwards felt that I never got to experience prom.

So when I heard they needed help at prom, In a heartbeat, jumped at the opportunity. I was told to dress up so that I would blend into the students. So I got to experience everything again!!

I went out to buy a new dress. New prom, new dress. Made sense in my brain. The theme of the prom was Great Gatsby. So of course, sparkly or beaded.

Safe to say I wasn’t paying attention to the price of the dress. I tried it on, and it fit like a glove!

Yeah….it was $300.00! I was shocked. So I had to call my mom first.

“Mom. I found the perfect dress. But it’s $300. Is that too much?”

“That’s a bit much, but if you believe you will wear it more than once the quality of the dress will be worth the amount. It’s your decision. I’m excited to see whatever you decide when you get home.”

‘Neither yes, or no. Had to be my decision. Learning lesson’ “Okay thanks mom.”

I course told myself I would wear it more than once! So they rang me up and my card was denied. ‘What!!’ I knew I had more than enough money to buy the dress. I was currently working two jobs and I was still at home. So I again had to call my mom. Turned out I had a limit on my card of $50 as a precaution. So you can see that I rarely used my card. So as soon as I figured everything out the dress was mine.

Prom was just as exciting. I got to walk around the museum. Look at all the exhibits. I saw some of my swimmers dancing. They were surprised I was in dress. Normally I wore pants or shorts to coach. Some of my swimmers didn’t know who I was until someone called out “Coach!”

But all around it was a fun night. And it made up for my previous prom.

And I did. I wore it once more. So two wears for $300 is more like two dresses for $150, right? That sounds better.

And I took care of the dress. Proper cleaning and storing. But either I’ll wear it again. Or my daughters will have a dress ready and waiting for them when they need one. But my true goal is to shrink back down and fit into it again. My husband will have to take me somewhere if that happens.

$300. That was my big splurge on one personal item. After that I stayed in my safe price range for dresses. $50-$100 a dress. $100 had to be something I was going to wear several times. But usually I stuck to the $50 range. Where I felt more comfortable. Or I would shop in the clearance section. Saving money gives me an energy.

Which is probably why I’m still that way, but also not. I make do. If I want something, I really dwell on if we really need it or not. For weeks. And usually I decide I don’t NEED it. But sometimes I get the urge to shop. And the urge won’t go away. But luckily we have a great thrift store in town. $1 for each item. So I go in there and spend $10-$20. And I get some things for me, for my kids, for the kitchen, for school, for storage. Usually I only spend $10. That’s enough.

That is enough to suffice my urge to spend money. My husband is okay with me spending $10 once every couple months. However, I really can’t wait until we have an allowance again!! Because I also get an energy from saving actual money. If I have a jar and actual hard cash in my hand it goes into the jar. I once saved up $500 and that was $40 twice a month. Needless to say I get competitive with myself. “One more day! One more day!”

Usually I don’t even spend the money on me. I spend it on my husband, my kiddos, my mom. It makes me happy to buy things for others. But this time around I’m going to try and think about spending some on me. Like set aside at the end of saving about $200. That I have to spend on myself. Because when we go on trips or to different places I occasionally find something I want to buy and I’ve spent my allowances already. So I’m going to try; and believe me it’s going to be difficult. Or maybe I won’t, and I’ll save up until Christmas and buy everyone presents. I like the sound of that plan!

So yeah. I’ve changed. I was once someone who would go to Ross, on a Saturday, and spend $300-$500 dollars on a whole new wardrobe. To now, someone who gets a drive from saving money or spends $10 every two months when I need to buy something.

Have a great day!!

The dress…kind of.

I realized it’s been over 10 years since I wore the dress. So I don’t have the original picture on my phone. But I had edited a photo of the dress and this is the best I could do. It was a steely blue. Completely beaded. Floor length. A classic. But heavy!! So even in 10-15 more years it will still be in style.

Art, Creativity, Short Stories

Short Story #9

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‘Why did I come out tonight? Why am I out here with people I haven’t seen in over two decades? Why did I think I would still fit in?’

My husband let me out for a night, solo. He’s at home with the kiddos. This is my first night in years being away from my little ones. My old tennis team was having a reunion, and I desperately wanted to go. But now that I’m here I’m confused why I desperately wanted to be here.

The venue was chosen as Roberta’s. A line dancing club and bar. I always wanted to come here again. I used to love the dancing, the atmosphere, and the social time.

Well the dancing is different to me, or maybe I’ve become too domesticated. It was just people getting as close as possible without getting intimate.

The atmosphere was fine, except the music was so loud. Like too loud!! I didn’t realize I had become such a prude; but I guess I am. Also I’m not used to the type of music. With my kiddos I’ve had to be careful what kind of music I listen to, because my kids mimic. Answering questions like, “what does this song mean?” And the song is about getting in the backseat of car…I don’t want to explain that to a seven year old. So I try and stick to Christian music, clean country, and crooners. The opposite of tonight.

Then there’s the socializing. For the past eight years I’ve been with my kids and husband. But the people who were once my good friends are drowning themselves in alcohol. Some of the married couples are off dancing close to other people. While the single friends were trying to hit on everyone in the bar.

“Come on, Sarah. You should come out and dance!” Jared slurred out while pulling me towards the dance floor.

“You go on without me. I’m not feeling too good.” Which wasn’t a lie. I was starting to feel dizzy. Maybe it was the air. I had only been drinking sparkling water all night, so I can’t be feeling dizzy due to drinking.

Jared shook his head and mumbled under his breath, “waste” before walking off.

I saw Chelsea and Katherine walking over in my direction, but instead I gathered up my jacket and purse and headed to side door. I needed some air. The cold air, burned my cheeks instantly, but it felt amazing. ‘What is this feeling?’ I was stumbling and fumbling trying to make it to the outside gazebo. Only a few people were there.

Safety. I felt safe as I stumbled onto a bench. It felt sturdy.

“Miss, do you need some water? You don’t look so good.”

Someone was handing me a water, and without thinking I took it and started chugging it down. It tasted like clean water. It was pure. Telling me that my drink must have been spiked tonight. “Thank you.”

“No need to worry about me miss, but you need to be careful accepting water from strangers.” The elderly man sat down beside me.

‘That’s true. I should have been more careful. I miss Charles. I miss my little darlings. My youngest is only two; how could I leave her at home?’

“Oh please miss, don’t cry. Here,” a handkerchief was handed to me.

I accepted it. I didn’t realize I was crying. I dried my face and finished the water. I felt better. Looking up I saw the gentleman beside me. He was an elderly gentleman; maybe seventy. He was nicely dressed, and he seemed calm and content.

“Is there a restroom nearby?” I wanted to wash my face and become a little less disheveled in front of my helper.

“Off to your right. Are you coming back or heading back inside?”

“I’ll be back. I think I’m done for tonight. Thank you.”

Looking in the mirror, a crazy looking person was looking back at me. I hadn’t seen this girl since my early twenty days. Not my best side. I washed my face and I felt much better. I tried to think back over the night; trying to figure out who and when my drink was spiked. Must have been Jared. He had been trying to get to me all night. Good thing Charles is not here, or Jared would be waking up in a hospital.

Finally seeing my normal self in the mirror I heading back to the gazebo. The gentleman was still sitting there waiting for me. “Sorry for my crying display earlier, someone from my company spiked my drink and I haven’t had alcohol in about ten years.”

Shock then anger was on the elderly man’s face. “Your drink was spiked. How could anyone do this? I’ll ask the bartender if someone from your party did it at the bar.” He waved over a man and whispered into his ear. The other man went off, back to the inside.

‘Who was this man?’ My face must have revealed my thoughts.

“Haha, sorry miss. I’m the owner here. I just want to know if a bartender saw anything. And if so I want them to be more aware and report these types of situations.”

The owner? The owner! Oh. “Strange. You don’t seem to look like the owner of this place?”

He raised an eyebrow, “what does that mean?”

“No offense. You just seem so classy.”

He chuckled. “I understand. No harm done. But you would be surprised that this place was once a classy place. We would dance the foxtrot, waltz, and even the east coast swing. We would have a live band and everything. My wife and I would host every night. The people who came would be there to dance and have fun with friends. We were all a big family back then.”

That sounded wonderful! I wish there was a place like that nowadays. I would go all the time. “That sounds wonderful, why did you…” looking at his face I knew why. “Where is your wife now?”

“She passed about thirty years ago. About that time the world started to change. People didn’t want to dress up and dance the night away; they wanted a louder atmosphere. You know, what it was like in there. Not something my Annie would have enjoyed. I’m happy she isn’t here to see what this place has become.”

I could see the true sadness on his face. He was missing her. Which is comforting to know that true love still exists after passing.

“I’m not quite a fan of this type of place, no offense. I was. But now that I’m a wife and mama I don’t really fit in to this place. Before it never bothered me; but now that I know someone is waiting for me at home, it’s hard to not think of them. Especially my little Lily. She’s only two years old, and I’m not with her. It feels weird to be away from my kids. I’m always with them. Everyday…”

“You remind me of my Annie. She always wanted to be home with our children too. I was the one who always wanted to be here dancing.”

“I would say I’m the one always wanting to be out dancing, whereas my husband is happy just being home. Every once in a while I want to go out ballroom dancing. I enjoyed learning to dance when I was younger. That now when I want to dance, I scoop up my son and dance the waltz with him in the living room. So coming out tonight has cured me of my desire to be out dancing. I’ll just dance with my son. Unless there was a family friendly classy place to go, I don’t think I will be coming out again.” I stood from the bench. Gathering up my jacket and purse. “Thank you again Mister,”

“Wesley.”

“Thank you Mr, Wesley. You saved me tonight.”

“Could you do me a favor? Since I saved you.”

“Sure.”

“Could you dance a quick waltz with me. I can’t do all the crazy tricks like before, but I would like to feel that feeling again.”

I smiled. I knew he wanted to feel close to his wife again. “Of course. And don’t worry about dancing fancy, I’ve not danced with a partner in a long time.”

“Ma’am, may I have this dance?” Wesley held out his hand.

“You may.”

…

Mr. Wesley had taken me back inside the establishment. “Are you off my dear?”

“Yes. Thank you for everything.” Wesley nodded and walked off.

The bartender stopped me before walking out, “Miss. You need to pay your bill?”

“My bill? I didn’t realize sparkling water cost money. How much do I owe? Ten dollars?”

The bartender coughed and handed me the bill…

“Two thousand dollars!?! That’s impossible. I don’t have that kind of money. Also I didn’t order anything. Is there some kind of mistake?”

“No mistake miss. Your party said that you were covering the bill. They all left about an hour ago.”

‘My party? What party? Oh. Them.’ “I never said I would pay the bill. Especially since I’m the one that ordered only sparkling water. Why would I offer to pay? This is all a mistake. I can’t pay this.”

“I’m sorry miss, but I will have to detain you and call the police, then. Please step aside.”

“But…” I was devastated. This was probably Jared’s idea. Since his plan of spiking my drink didn’t work for him, he thought leaving me here holding the bill was probably his retaliation. Never again. This really sealed the deal of me never hanging out with this lot ever again. “Fine.”

“Mrs. Dawely, why are you still here?”

I looked up to see Mr. Wesley standing beside me. “Mr. Wesley, my so called friends left me with the bill. I can’t afford to pay it. The police are being called. I’m sorry, but I can’t pay the bill. It’s probably Jared’s fault. He’s the one who spiked my drink. And since his plan foiled he probably leaving me with the bill would be a great revenge. I’m so sorry, Mr. Wesley.” I was holding back the tears.

Wesley walked over to the bartender. They discussed something. Mr. Wesley was just nodding while listening.

“Well my dear. You have been put into a bit of a pickle. I want you to tell the police everything when they show up. Also if you have a picture of the people who were here tonight. They will be banned from this place forever. I’m sorry that this had to happen to you. But now you know what kind of people they are. I would suggest getting new friends.”

“But Mr. Wesley. The bill. I can’t just let you loose two thousand dollars. I could help to pay it off if you would like?”

“No problem at all, my dear. I’ll settle it with the police. But if you could pay for your portion. You owe six dollars and thirty-eight cents.”

The tears came down in a gushing waterfall. “Thank you…Mr…” I couldn’t get the words out but I paid the bill. Just as Charles ran through the door.

“You have a keeper there son,” Mr. Wesley told Charles. “Keep her close.”

…2 Years Later…

I was holding my little Jeffery Wesley in my arms. We actually got to have another baby! I never forgot Mr. Wesley after that day. So much so that when this little guy grows up I will tell him who he is named after; and honorable gentleman. A man who saved Jeffery’s mama.

“Hey hon. You got a letter in the mail. More like a package.” Charles called from the kitchen.

Before I could even get to the kitchen all the kids were zooming there. Wesley didn’t just save me that night, he saved my family too. ‘Thank you Mr. Wesley.’ I don’t think I would ever stop saying thank you to him.

I handed Jeffery off to Charles. ‘Who would have sent me something?’ “Hey Hon. Do you know Hawthorne Attorneys?”

“Never heard of them.”

‘Huh.’ Probably a wrong address. Or a misspelled name. I’ll open it to find a mail back address. “Wesley! Wait what? Charles what does this mean?” I handed the paper to Charles and sat down on the chair beside me. ‘Did I read that right?’

“Mr. Wesley left you a large sum of money. This is part of his will. So it means that Mr. Wesley has passed away.”

‘He was gone. I had been planning a surprise visit to see him next month. I wanted him to meet little Jeffery. I wanted Mr. Wesley to know his help that day saved more than just me. He’s gone.’

“Hon? Hon?”

I didn’t speak but I looked to Charles.

“He left you thirty million dollars. What are you going to do?”

I wasn’t thinking about the money. A man that I had hoped would be an honorary member of my family is gone. I scooped up little Jeffery out of Charles’ arms and walked out of the kitchen. I needed some time.

…

It took some time, but I figured out what to do. I opened up a dancing place called Wesley’s. There was a dress code. The dancing was ballroom or swing only. The music was always a live band. It was always a swinging place. Full of families having fun, also laughter and smiles. This place was for Mr. Wesley and his wife Annie. They deserved a legacy they would be proud of.

Creativity, Daily Prompts, Life As A Mama, Reflections, Uncategorized

My Kids.

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Who do you spend the most time with?

Since I’m a stay at home mom I’m with my kids all the time. 24/7! Especially since I’m going to homeschool, it will be more so.

It’s why my husband works so hard; he wants me to be home. He wants to know what his children are learning. So he does the hard job, for me to stay home and do my hard job.

And it is. It is a hard job. A typical day:

Wake up at 7:00am. Because that’s when my son wants to be up. We snuggle on the couch for maybe 10min then we wake up sis sis. Then by 7:30 I’m making breakfast. Either pancakes, waffles, egg sandwich, etc. everything homemade. Also while I eat breakfast I clean up the kitchen. Hand wash dishes, load the dishwasher, clear counters. (Only if I didn’t do it the night before.)

Next: School time. I spend about 20min on a reading lesson, writing lesson, and comprehension. She only seems to have a short attention span. And even 20min is difficult.

Next: we go outside to water garden and flowers. It takes a good amount of time. A two year old makes everything take longer.

Now it’s 9am. So usually I spend time cleaning the house or doing laundry. Both my son and daughter “help”. I tell my daughter to do things and she procrastinates until I’m annoyed. My son likes to help mama, but sometimes it’s more work for me.

By now it’s 11am. I’m hungry. Being pregnant, I get hungry early. So I begin to prepare lunch. It’s usually leftovers from dinner. And if the food was tolerable to my daughter then lunch takes a while for her to eat. My son is already a vacuum cleaner. Haha! Everything is gone!

1pm: since I’m pregnant I take a nap at this time. And thankfully my son still takes naps and he takes one with me. My daughter just has her own quiet time. She does puzzles, drawing, reading, etc. Or I turn a movie on for her and she watches it over and over until we wake up. Kind of depends on how she is doing that day.

3pm: I try to do a fun activity with them. Either playing a board game to work on math, Art time, or cooking lesson. But depending on how she is behaving by this point; I tend to get her started on her chores. She has 3. Clean her room, rinse a load of dishes or put away dry dishes, and sweep kitchen/ dining room floor. And normally she procrastinates. I will usually start to prepare dinner and then continue dishes or laundry. Those two things never seem to be done.

4:30. Daddy gets home!! All the built up chaos erupts from the kiddos. I’m preparing dinner at this point and my husband has to just soak up time with his babies.

It usually takes me about 1-2 hours to get dinner done. Depends on what I’m making. But remember it’s 100% from scratch. Like tonight we are having steak burritos. Like something from chipotle. And I have to make the tortillas tonight.

But after dinner. It’s about 7pm. I have “cleaned” the kitchen. I’ve gotten to a point that my husband can make his breakfast in the morning without tripping up. Sometimes I get the kitchen clean; especially if the dinner was easy to make, but I tend to gravitate towards difficult recipes.

I finally get to sit down around 7:30pm. By then my feet are swollen. I’ve been on my feet for over the past 4 hours. A long time as a pregnant woman. But sitting is not long. Not long after my kiddos want some stories and I’m walking to my daughters room. Reading a handful of books.

8pm. Bedtime starts. Not always. Bedtime is not a set in stone time for me. If they are rambunctious still I let them get their wiggles out. So I should say usually I let them play another hour.

9pm bedtime. Showers and brushing teeth. Then we say goodnight to sis sis first. She tends to not go to sleep until much later. She is just not allowed to leave her room, unless for potty time. Next my son hangs out with my husband; they watch the show Expedition Unknown. (I don’t watch it…I should though; it would be a great way to fall asleep.) But after a while my son falls asleep and I lay with him in his bed until I know he is 100% asleep. Then I climb into my bed finally!! Usually around 10:30. And sometimes I fall asleep. But lately I’ve been so tired I can’t sleep; so I wait for my brain to turn off.

…

That’s a typical day. And I do that pretty much everyday. The only changes would be if I want to bake something. Like bread or cookies, brownies, honey buns, donuts, etc. I like to bake yummy things.

But I’m with my kids all the time. And yes I feel like I’m about to go insane sometimes but then I remember that I’m not having to do a job. Like a normal job. Like my husband. I didn’t mind working; I just love to be home more. It’s a fun exhausting job!!

Enjoy your day!

Art, Creativity, Short Stories, Uncategorized

Short Story #2

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July 16, 2018

“I’m pregnant!” I told my fiancé excitedly. We were already getting married. ‘Yes, when I saw the positive I was slightly disappointed in myself because I didn’t wait; but that went away when I realized I was going to be a mom.’

Silence. All I got was silence.

“Did you hear me? We are going to have a baby. You are going to be a dad! Aren’t you excited?”

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

First slap in the face.

“Yes. Of course, it’s yours. You know me. I’m not that type of person.” ‘What was he saying? Of course, it was his kid. I can even tell you when it happened. It wasn’t an actual grand memory. He got drunk and “forced” but I didn’t stop him. So, I wanted to, but I was trying to wait until marriage; but things happen when you are in the moment. But it was still my first time, and I have been faithful since. ‘ “Why are you reacting this way? We were going to have kids in the future. It’s just a couple months early.”

“To be honest, I was going to have kids, but just not your kids.”

Second Slap.

‘I couldn’t speak. What!?! Not my kids? Than whose kids?’ “What!?! I don’t understand you at all? If not our kids; than whose?”

“Julissa’s. She’s hot. Our kids will be hot too. If I’m going to bring kids into the world, I want them to be top notch. Our kids would be average. Sure, they might be intelligent, but intelligence only gets you so far in the world. As you know, eventually a smart person has to marry an attractive or wealthy person to stay relevant. I thought you understood your role in our life. You are just a placement to make my parents happy.”

Third slap to the face.

‘At least the truth came out now. Can you imagine if this pregnancy hadn’t happened. If I had just continued to live on cloud nine. What would have happened after we had gotten married. He probably would have lived elsewhere and left me alone. I wanted to hurt him. I had given him six years of my youth. I’m now twenty-one years old. Pregnant with a child that my fiancé doesn’t actually want. “Why wouldn’t you tell me this before. You could have married the one you wanted to. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Just go get it taken care of.”

Fourth slap to the face.

‘Not going to happen. Was he always this person?’ “Well, that’s not going to happen. What is your back-up idea?” ‘Even if he didn’t want my kids; I wanted them. So as much as I feared his reply; giving up on my child was not an option.’

“Handle it. Or I will.”

I saw something in his eyes as he said those words. It terrified me. ‘Was he always this way?’ I said nothing. I feared what he might do to me. I texted my sister to come pick me up. Her reply said ten minutes. That was too long. I didn’t think I could sit here with this man another second. I feared for my child’s life. There was a group of men sitting across the hall. I know it was reckless, but I got up from my seat and wandered over to their table. “Can I sit with you all for ten minutes?”

They all went silent and just stared at me.

I could feel John behind me starting to stir and come my way. ‘Please! Help me!’ I silently screamed in my head! I jumped as a hand touched my shoulder. I turned in fear expecting to see it was John, but instead it was a guy with sandy blonde hair. He smiled at me.

“Sure. No problem at all. Take my seat. I’ll grab another chair.”

The new man walked off, just after he positioned me in his seat. I relaxed a smidge. Until a hand grabbed my shoulder and dug his fingers into my skin. I tried to get away, but it was pointless. I was being lifted from my chair, by my shoulder. I was about to stand when the sandy haired man was once again beside me.

He lifted John’s hand from my shoulder. “Do you have a problem?” This new man stood between me and John. I felt protected.

“I don’t know why she came over here, but my fiancé and I are leaving. Get up, Cassie.” He reached towards me once again.

I shrank away. I didn’t want that hand to touch me again. I don’t know what would happen if I left with him.

Instead of me, the sandy haired man’s hand intercepted John’s arm. “I think you guys need some time apart to think. Cassie, doesn’t seem to want to be around you right now. How about this. She can hang out with us until someone else comes to pick her up. We,” he gestured to the men around the table, “are all upstanding citizens. Your fiancé will not be harmed in our company. But I insist you retract your hand and leave.”

‘Would he leave? Would he go? I have never seen John listen to anyone especially a stranger.’ But I still sat there behind the sandy haired man and cowered into a smaller person; trying to hide myself from John.

“Cassie. If you do not leave with me now. We are through.”

‘Really!?! So, if I don’t say anything he will end this awful relationship. Will it really be that easy. I could be free of John by just staying quiet!?!’ I said nothing.

“I mean it!” John practically screamed at me.

Still silent. ‘Just go John. Leave! I don’t want this relationship any more than you do. LEAVE!’

I still sat there. Cowering. I was worried a hand would latch onto me again. And drag me away into darkness. ‘Go away. Go away. Please, go away.’ A hand touched my shoulder, and I yelped and jumped up out of my chair and away from the hand. I was going to fight if I needed to.

“Miss. Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you,” the sandy haired man was speaking to me.

I relaxed. But then I started to sob. I collapsed onto the floor. My body finally let go of everything. I just sat there wallowing in my own sadness. Until I felt my body being lifted and onto a chair. A jacket was draped over my bended legs. A comforting arm was around my shoulders. And a slowly soft pat from a warm hand on my shoulder. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how long I sat there. I don’t know anything. All I knew was I was going to raise this baby. And this baby would be loved. And the best thing I’ve ever done, is separate my child from the evil man I almost married.

March 17, 2024

Present

‘Why am I here. I don’t know why me, a single mom is at a St. Patrick group dating thing. I know why, my sister dragged me along. She said something like I needed to experience and be around adults. I don’t know why. I’m perfectly happy being around my son. He’s all anyone would need. I already miss him.’

As if my sister knew what I was doing, she swiped my phone from me. “No. You are not a mom tonight. You are my kick-butt sister that deserves someone to love her unconditionally like her son does. There has to be a guy out there in the world that is your actual match. Not the butthead.”

I know. I know. I deserve more. She has been saying this since that day at that restaurant. I was completely out of it that night. I remember the fear, but also sandy blonde hair. I never knew his name, but I will always be grateful to him. He probably saved my son’s and my own life that night. But when Sarah had showed up, her top priority was to get me safely in the car. Sandy blonde haired man carried me to the car, placed me on the seat, and buckled me in. But his words are still with me.

“You deserve better. Be thankful God blessed you with a child. A child is the greatest gift to receive. Focus on the good. You will be a great mom.”

I actually have that painted as a sign in my home. It reminds me every day of what choice I made five years ago. But it also reminds me, that I made the right choice that night.

However, here I sat at a table full of women and men. I felt so socially awkward. I haven’t truly been out in public, at night, in almost six years. Raising a son is difficult; but I didn’t do it alone. My family helped me. It took some time for my father to accept it, but I think when he held his grandson for the first time; all his anger melted away. I should say the anger towards me melted. Everyone will forever hate John. ‘Wow, that’s the first time I’ve said his actually name in a long time. His new name is butthead. But he hasn’t really been spoken of, since Micheal James was born. I named my son after my dad and brother. Focus, Cassie. Focus. You are with people. Adult people. Spacing out will not look good. Focus.’

I focused back into where I was. I was sitting at a long table. Women on one side, men on the other. I think this is actually speed dating. That’s somewhat better. Usually, I can only hold an adult conversation for about five minutes before I switch to children’s topics. And from a few past experiences I discovered that men do not like women who have kids; or can’t hold a grown-up conversation. I wonder if Sarah knew all this and chose this group speed dating on purpose. Probably. She’s a great sister.

“Alright Ladies and Gentlemen!” The hostess called out into the room. The room of people quieted. “You all know how this goes. You have five minutes to talk to the man or woman in front of you. Spend the time wisely. You also have a sheet in front of you. You will mark the people you think you meshed well with, and at the end we will see if any of you matched. Please do not mark everyone listed on your page. Your page will not be calculated. Now, let the dating begin!”

The night was not a total failure yet. I learned several new things. That there are quite a few single people out there that have children. Men and women. But I also learned new and interesting hobbies people have. One man did exercise, another reading, another dancing, another skydiving, etc. Several “hobbies” seemed like just alone time for a parent, but I guess reading can be a hobby. At the break my sister explained that it just an ice breaker; asking what your hobbies are. It helps keep the conversation going if the talking slows. That makes sense; however, I do so much in a day, that I try to only have a few needed conversations. That most of my talking is spent with my son.

This so far has been an interesting experience, but my sheet was still blank. I didn’t find “the spark” that the hostess had mentioned with anyone. She had said you would just know. But I don’t trust my “knowing” feeling. I knew the feeling. It was what I had felt with John. And obviously it was a lie. It was probably just loneliness speaking. But I can’t trust that feeling. Never again. Now that I know that; I should probably just leave. I’m probably wasting the time of these other men who are trying to find someone. I would like to find someone, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet.

The break was almost over. I knew it was not my night and I needed to leave. I looked at my sister. She looked at me, and I pleaded with her silently. She understood because she got up from her chair and handed me my phone. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I just think…”

“I totally understand. I just wanted you to try. Just don’t give up. You should always leave your heart open for a chance. Just don’t shut your heart. God can only help so much; you have to be open to the idea.”

I hugged her. She knew me. She knew what I was thinking even if I couldn’t put it into words. “Thanks Sis. I will. I’ll just go sit at the bar. I’ll wait for you.” I gathered up my belongings. I took my sheet up to the hostess and explained my situation. She seemed frustrated but still allowed me to cancel my spot. This is better for everyone. I wouldn’t want the men to risk everything on me. They deserve happiness too. I headed to the bar just as the bell clanged starting up round two.

I wish I had just gotten a cab home. I didn’t realize that the speed dating would go until midnight. It was only eleven o’clock. I still had an hour for it to be done, but also probably another twenty minutes of the results being handed out and the chit chat that happens after.

No one was sitting around me. I decided to call my little man. He was probably still wide awake at my parents’ house. He loves his grandparents. I called my mom through facetime. A groggy woman answered the phone. “I’m sorry mom. I didn’t think you would be asleep yet. Is Michael still awake?”

“Hmm…let me see,” mom dropped the phone to her side. I know because I was seeing their house upside-down. “He is sleeping with your dad on the couch,” she turned the camera to show me a sweet sight.

My dad was passed out amongst books and toys; and my son was sleeping on his chest. They both were snoring little snores. ‘So cute!’ That’s good. I’m happy they had a great night together. I miss living with them. “Thanks mom. Sorry I woke you. You can go back to sleep.”

“Okay. Thanks sweetie. How’s it going? Did you meet anyone?”

“No. I don’t think I’m ready yet. I didn’t want to give these other fellows false hope. So, I’m just waiting for Sarah at the bar.”

My mom’s face got really close to the camera, “You sure? Then who is the man behind you? He’s handsome. I approve my sweet daughter. Goodnight.” And she hung up.

‘Man behind me?’ I turned on my stool and indeed there stood a man. And yes, he was handsome. But maybe I was in his way. “Do you need something behind me,” I scooted off my stool to allow him to get to whatever he needed. But he didn’t move. He just looked at me. At me. Like AT ME! I tried to walk away. I don’t know why but being looked at like that made me uneasy. But then a hand stopped me. I turned and looked at the hand; it belonged to the man. But the touch didn’t disturb me; like others had. His touch was soft and warm. Like… ‘WAIT!’ I searched his face again. But all I remembered from that night was sandy blonde hair; and this man had dark brown hair. He was handsome, but other than the touch he wasn’t familiar. “Can I help you? Did you mistake me for someone else?”

His hand dropped. “You don’t remember me?” His eyes spoke with sadness. “I thought…”

“If I met you in the past I’m sorry. I’ve had a busy six years raising my son.” ‘Usually that statement ends conversations with handsome men.’

“You had your kid. That’s awesome! That’s a relief. All those years or wondering if you had or not.”

‘Huh?’ “Do you know me?” I looked at him again, but nothing jumped out at me.

“Yeah. I met you about six years ago. I guess I’m not the memorable type. I thought you would at least remember how I had helped you that day,” he brushed his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry to bother you, Miss.” And he turned to go.

‘Wait!’ I grabbed his arm this time. “Say that again.” I probably seemed crazy.

“What?” the man had stopped but he yanked his arm away from me.

“What you just said. Please say it again.”

“I thought you would remember me.”

“After that.”

“I’m sorry to bother you.” He started to walk away.

“NO! The Miss. Please say Miss again.”

“Miss. Why just that part?”

“Please, just say it. Just like you did before.”

He sighed. He shook his head but still he said, “I’m sorry to have bothered you, Miss.”

It was him. I knew it was. I don’t know why or how, but I walked right up to him and kissed him. I kissed him. ‘I’m kissing him!?!’ I stepped away from him covering my mouth. “I’m sorry. I…I… I’m…” He was stunned. I was flabbergasted. Then it was turning into embarrassment. I had to get out of there. I tried to rush away. But that hand stopped me. I knew his touch. It was him. But kissing him was not the right first step. I couldn’t turn to look at him. I could feel the red creeping up.

“Look at me,” he said.

I couldn’t. But I did turn in his direction. He deserved to speak to me however he wanted.

“Miss look at me.”

‘No. He would see the red.’

“Miss. Please,” his voice was just like that night.

I couldn’t help but respond. I looked up. I knew my face was bright red. He just stared at me. “What…” I couldn’t finish my thought, because he kissed me back.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Turns out Gregory (sandy haired man) had been looking for Cassie since that night he saved her from John. But with no such luck he gave up. Until he got a call from one of his buddies at the speed dating; that friend had been at the table that night eight years ago. He recognized Cassie from that night, and he instantly called Gregory to come and get his girl. However, when Gregory had gotten to the restaurant his buddy told him that his girl left. But that she had walked over to the direction of the bar. If anything, his buddy would hunt down the girl that Cassie had been talking to; Gregory’s girl would not disappear again.

Gregory walked into the bar area and saw her. She was facetiming someone. It had better not be a boyfriend or husband; but she had been at the speed dating. Gregory decided to face it head on. No, she was talking to her mom it seemed like. Good, there’s a chance she is single.

But then Cassie didn’t recognize him. His world came crashing down. She didn’t remember him. Not super surprising; he had dyed his hair and grown up. But he had hoped she would have remembered him at least a little.

Then to add salt to the wound she asked to repeat myself. She really was good at killing a possibility completely.

But then she was kissing me. ME! Wait what? She stopped. She pulled away and tried to run. Not going to happen. I caught her and pulled her in to return the favor. She was my girl, and she would be my girl until the end.

.-.-.-.-.

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

I know!!

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Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

Mr. Pinky!!

I got a big pink bear for my first Christmas. My mom says I fell into him and gave him snuggles instantly!!

I don’t know why my giant pink bear became a boy bear but that’s what’s his name was and still is.

Yep! I still have him. My kiddos play with him now. I also have pictures of my kiddos giving Mr. Pinky hugs and kisses.

He still looks good for being so old. He has dirt marks that I guess I couldn’t get clean. Lipstick marks because when I was little I would find a lipstick smear it all over my face and give Mr. Pinky extra big kisses. Haha!

But he also is slowly falling apart at some seams so I sacrificed a pair of my shorts and he now has shorts on. It was kind of disturbing to me that the shorts fit him perfectly… I’m the same size as my giant bear…not cool.

But we will have to see how long he is around. Maybe he will get snuggles and kisses from grand babies in the future. I don’t know what is the final plan for Mr. Pinky. But he will stay with me as long as possible. Or unless one of my grandkids in the future desperately needs him. We shall see.

Mr. Pinky!! Many years and counting…
Adventures, Creativity, Life As A Mama, Reflections

Strange Thought Today…

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I feel like I wasted a few hours binge watching a show. It was a current modern show. About a girl finding love young. 16. And she made so many mistakes. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, or I was 16 once, but I couldn’t enjoy the show. That as I watched it I was hoping she would change. But she kept making mistakes.

And then when she was at the crossroads moment; she calls her mom for advice and her mom says, “I want you to have several loves before settling on the one”…wow. The mom could have done some good parenting and helped her daughter, but instead gave her the worst advice. My advice would have been, “don’t decide anything now. You are still young. Just leave it alone and just live life dating free, until you figure out who you are and what you want.”

Is that so difficult. Maybe I’m naive. I know I didn’t listen to my mom’s advice when I was 16. But as a mama now, I would tell my daughter the deep hard stuff. Even if all she wants is a pat on the back. Because to me that’s not good parenting.

When I started the show I had this thought. “Maybe I’ll use this show as an example to my daughter in the future.” Show her that you don’t need to date at 16. That it is better to wait. I wish I had. I wish my husband had been my first love. He was my first real true love.

But that thought is gone. As the show continued the girl kept going against my views on life. Now it just makes me worried about the future. But I have to trust that my husband and I will continue to do good parenting. That my daughter will know what is important in life.

Also for my son. The boys in the show were not the greatest. But they too didn’t have great parenting. I want to parent my son so that he knows how to treat women in his future.

I’m terrified of them growing up. Also them growing up in today’s world. The world is going crazy! But I will continue to educate my kiddos on morals and character.

But I have a piece of hope for them. My kiddos are strong-willed, stubborn, intelligent, but still warm with love. And I hope they continue to be that way. Because they will not be bullied into changing their points of views. I know that may come back to bite me, but I want them prepared for whatever their world will look like.

This is just a worried mama post. Haha! Enjoy your weekend. I’m going to be staying away from new shows. They always disappoint me. This was the first new thing I’ve watched since 2017. That was the last time I saw a movie in a theater. I’ll just stick to what I like and watch the same things over and over again.

Another random question to think about. I saw a short video on someone asking this question. “What was the last movie you saw in theaters that the entire audience applauded?”I can only remember 2 movies; they left a strong impression on me. Spoilers.

#1 Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The moment Luke Skywalker dusts off his shoulder. That moment was epic. The audience erupted!! It was a moment to remember. This was the last movie I saw at a theater.

#2 Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Part 2. The audience erupted at the start. I went opening night. It was amazing!! But then also when He Who Must Not Be Named (trying to not spoil) died. The moment it happened everyone screamed or WHOO! at the screen. Again epic!

But that is the last time I remember it happened. As you read in a previous post I like a wide range of movies. But it’s been a while since I was wowed!!

Just think to yourself. What was yours??

Adventures, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Sammy Part 2

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Sammy Part 1:

Favorite Animals

.-.-.-.-.-.

I drove with my mom to go pick up Sammy from the pound. I was still buzzing with excitement.

We had the yard prepared. Her dog house was in the back back yard. Her “pooping area” was hopefully back there as well. It was actually a substantial sized yard for a dog.

But I don’t know what I was expecting, when I finally got her. But as she waddled out of the pound she looked groggy. That was due to the shots and procedure. But the moment she recognized me she was waddling a little faster and licked my hand once beside me.

She remembered me. She was mine!

Instead of putting her in a crate I decided to have her in my lap. I thought crating her would be to traumatic for her. I sat down and then called for her to get in the car too. She was confused to say the least. So instead the backseat it was; which was a bench. Sammy didn’t fight me when I picked her up and placed her on the bench. I sat beside her; she crawled over enough to place her head on my lap. I scratched her ears the whole way home.

“Make sure you vacuum the car out afterwards,” mom said as we drove home.

“Of course, mom.”

Home. We were home. “Sammy, we are home.” Instead of having her walk I picked her up and carried her into the fence of the backyard. I placed her down and walked her around the yard. Letting her smell all the new smells. She wasn’t really interested in anything.

“Mom. I think she just needs a day. Or maybe a couple days to let the drugs wear off in her system. I’ll take her to her dog house, instead. I again scooped her up and carried her into the back back yard. I placed her in front of the dog house. It was a very spiffy dog house. I had gotten her a comfy pillow. It had been a little large but I made her a cocoon. She didn’t move. She just stood there frozen. So like any good owner I crawled into her dog house, circled a few times, and then laid down getting comfy. It was quite comfy. Getting back out was different story. How did my butt fit through the door in the first place. Haha! But I managed to get back out; and Sammy instantly copied what I had done. She laid down and then she was out. ‘Good girl.’

I had given her food around dinner time but she was still asleep. So I left it there and went to bed myself. But when I woke up I rushed outside to check on her. She was no where! She wasn’t in her dog house! Her food had not been touched! Oh no! I thought the worst. I thought she ran away.

“SAMMY!” I called!

And suddenly there were little pitter-pat feet coming towards me. Where had she been? But Sammy walked over to me and licked my fingers as a good morning. And she was smiling! Definitely smiling. It melted me heart.

“Let’s go eat some food, Sammy! Do you want to do that,” I walked back to her dog house. She followed and I showed her the bowl of food. She saw the food, and then it was gone! (I discovered I like the sound of dogs eating food; it was quite relaxing.) But again she was a smiling dog. She knew her spot. And it was to sit in front of me with her back pressed into my legs; waiting for her morning scratch. I gave it to her.

But then suddenly she perked up and she dashed off into the front back yard. ‘What?’ And I followed her. Someone was walking by the fence. And Sammy jumped up on the fence to say hello. She wasn’t barking, but instead she was smiling, waiting for scratches. ‘I picked a social dog.’ The woman walking was startled, but then saw me. She waved me over.

“Did you get a new dog?”

I didn’t know this woman. But, “Yes. I got her yesterday.”

She looked at Sammy who was still waiting for some love. “Can I?” Do you know?”

I didn’t know for sure, but I assumed. “I’m guessing she just wants some love, but I’m not completely sure. I assume she would be barking at you if she didn’t want you here, not here smiling at you.”

The woman decided to give Sammy some scratches behind the ear. Sammy leaned into her had and soaked up all the love she was getting. I think Sammy would have stayed in that position if the dog across the street didn’t start barking incessantly at the woman petting Sammy.

Sammy hopped down from the fence and just stood looking at the other dog. Not barking just looking.

“You picked a wonderful dog,” the woman said as she started to walk off.

“Thank you!” I beamed. I knew I had picked the right one. But for a stranger to say it, it just reaffirmed it for me. Sammy was the right one.

.-.-.-.

I learned several things as time went on. Sammy did not want to be in the back back yard. She wanted to be closer to the fence, where people walked. Because anyone who walked by got big smiles from Sammy. She never barked at anyone. I take that back. She did not like skateboarders. Not matter where she was in the yard, she would sprint to the fence and bark until the skateboard was gone. Haha!

But other than that she was perfect. I gave her a bath the second day of having her. She did not like or appreciate the water. It was a battle to bathe her. But as time went on she didn’t fight me as much. I also brushed her. So that she wouldn’t look mangy. She was a beautiful dog. But to me she was a lab, husky, smidge chow mix.

Learned more things. Like you have to put pavers under the dog house. Because when it rains, if it’s on the ground, the water washes in and soaks the dog pillow. Blah! Another. Sammy hated lightning and fireworks. I lived in the back room of the house, so on those types of nights I had Sammy sleeping next to my bed. And she was the perfect dog. She just laid down. She didn’t wander. She didn’t mess with anything. Also she knew how to tell me she needed to go out. I would be dead asleep, and she would come lick my hand. I would wake up staring into Sammy’s eyes and she would walk over to the door, which led outside. She would stand there until I let her out. She would go do her business, come back to the door, and wait for me to say come back in. She would scurry back inside and find her spot again. I didn’t teach her that. Her previous owners must have.

She protected me from bees. I’m allergic to bees and when being outside I would suddenly gasp or scream because a bee was diving for me. (I don’t know what it is but bees chase me.) But Sammy would eat them for me! She was my protector as well.

She was the perfect dog.

Through the years we moved houses and lived in various cities. But Sammy always came. And the new yards became her domains. But she had less and less social time with people walking. The houses we moved into had privacy fences.

But then my nephews came along, we discovered that Sammy loved being a mama. She allowed my nephews to do everything to her. And she never retaliated . They would pull ears, try to ride her, pull her tail, and she would just sit there allowing it.

We also got kittens at one point. My brother’s cats got pregnant and we had 9 kittens. The mom cats died when the kittens were on hard food. But Sammy took the role. She would lay down and snuggle the kittens, she would lick the kittens clean, she would sleep with them. My dog as a perfect mama.

I continued to learn through the years. She was gentle. She was mischievous. She was delightful. She was my best friend. But she wasn’t just my dog. She was my family’s dog. My mom loved Sammy. My sisters who were not big dog people loved her. I ruined my family for having the perfect dog, because she couldn’t be replaced.

But then I got married, and we were going to move away. I wanted to take Sammy. Desperately! But it would have been a huge change for her. Her life would have changed so much that I didn’t want to make her depressed. So left her with my mom.

It broke my heart. But I didn’t want to ruin her. We had, had her already 11 years. She was old. She had slowed down. But she had also become everyone’s dog. So she wouldn’t have been too depressed me leaving.

Thankfully I got to travel down and see her before her final year. She got to meet my daughter. She licked her fingers. Just like she had done to me.

Every trip down I spent time with Sammy. But she was getting older and older. She had lost her hearing. She had trouble walking. But she was still smiling.

Then I got the call. The call that Sammy was in so much pain that she needed help to be done. I FaceTimed with her for a short visit. She smiled at me. But then she was gone.

We had her for 16 years. She was 17 when she passed. She had the best life. She was loved by so many, and she loved everyone back.

I had the perfect dog. I’m so happy I stuck to guns and was stubborn to get her. Because she was the best. ❤️

Young Sammy
Her last day 💕

She was still a beautiful sweetheart on her last day. I’m just bummed that my kiddos didn’t get to play with her. But I’m lucky to have had her growing up. I was the lucky one.

Daily Prompts, Life As A Mama, Poetry

To Be A Kid At Heart…?

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What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

This is a difficult question to answer. Because I think it will change based on where you are in life.

But to me I think it’s to still have that innocence. Where you can be an adult, but there is something that makes you giddy and excited; just like it would for a five year old. That it’s the purest enjoyment.

Like for me, when I get a new painting idea. I get all giddy and excited to at least get my idea down.

I think for my husband it’s playing video games. Not as giddy as I would be. But I think it reminds him of his teenage days. He still can get online and play with his buddies.

But I don’t think it’s really behavior like a child. It’s the pure excitement that comes with doing something you love.

So for me when someone is being immature and someone says they are a child at heart I don’t feel the same.

That’s more like you are stuck in the age of a fifteen to sixteen year old, and you are still a pain. Every parent knows the age. It’s the age where you yourself regrets experiencing personally.

So to sum up. For me…

Child at heart = pure innocent excitement.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Inspired by my sons costume yesterday.

.-.

Yellow

And in charge.

Waddle here,

Waddle there.

So cute,

So large.

Definitely in charge.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

He was a duck. It was super adorable. But he was stomping around the harvest festival like he was the boss. It was so cute!!

Now it’s time to decorate for Christmas!! My son loves going to Costco and seeing all the lights. Excited to see his reaction when it will be in and outside our home for almost 3 months.

Have a wonderful Wednesday!