What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
Soldiers coming home. That’s what I thought of when I read the prompt. Strangely, soldiers coming home to surprise their loved ones have been in my short videos lately. Those videos always make me cry; I always tear up.
I’ve never had this experience. No one in my family went into the military. Which I know was a huge bummer to my brothers. But became of eyes, asthma, etc it was not an option for them. (they have new passions now.)
But I admire all the military. That they do the hardest job. They leave their loved ones to protect us and our loved ones.
So I continue to watch the solider coming home videos. Even though I’m always in need of tissues. Because it is a reminder that what they are doing is worth admiring.
So admire them, thank them, care for them. They deserve it. You are free because they protect.
Synonyms: a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and unpenitent person passes after death.
…
Escape this!
Fire and darkness,
Waits for you.
Perdition is not the only option.
Turn to God!
Accept His hand,
Ask Him to come,
And make you new.
Live life for His good news.
Spread the Word to all,
Everyone come.
Live eternally in heaven.
Peace and light,
Waits for you.
…
My faith has been reignited within the last few days. A pastor who I’ve been watching said, “Focus on habit and not feelings.” So I will turn away from what has been keeping me back and away from God. And I will put God back front and center!
I’ve been not really living a very Christ first, life these last eight years. I’ve not really listened to a sermon for eight years. Sermons can be heard every day of the week not just Sunday, I just discovered. Haha. I’ve just been going through the motions of being a Christian. But with my faith being awakened. I’ve realized how the devil must have snuck into a door I thought I had closed from my past. And he’s been lurking making me not living fully.
Like I relied on God being there for me when I needed Him. But not that He needs me to spread his Word too. And that He’s always with me, not just when He is needed.
But it’s amazing. I have more energy in a day. I’m not exhausted by bedtime. I am less frustrated and angry. I have more compassion for others. I’m enjoying reading my Bible. Sharing what I learn with my mom. It’s amazing when you restructure your life back, with God first. That life gets better.
What’s the first impression you want to give people?
People just get the shield I throw up in social situations.
My first impression is not by my design. I am still socially uncomfortable. I’m not awkward I’ve come to find out, I’m uncomfortable.
So as much as I want to give a great first impression, I usually am quiet, alone, and terrified.
I probably look angry or annoyed to others. That my resting face was glaring and now it’s scared.
So yes I would love my first impression to be confident, or togetherness, or calmness. But instead it’s my shield of I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want to be here. Haha!
But having kids has really helped me. I can’t have my shield up when I’m with my kids. So if my kids are with me, I am less terrified and more focused on them with a hint of acknowledgement that people are there too.
So as much I love quiet alone time at home, in social gatherings I need my kids around. Because through the years I’ve gone back to being quiet with grown ups.
I don’t know how to be around people. I haven’t needed to living up north. But going to church last Sunday was a huge wake up call, that all the hard work I did before is gone. I started to have an anxiety attack again. But I was able to trick my brain into still functioning because I was holding my baby girl. I could give her 100% of my focus.
So…I guess what I’m saying from this is don’t be discouraged if you are someone who is socially awkward or like me, uncomfortable. You will evenly find something that helps you. For me it is my kids. I know for others it has been a pet, topics, food, etc. maybe all you need is something tangible to touch to keep you grounded in gatherings. Mine before was doodling. I would be drawing in a corner somewhere. This is still my go to if my kids are not around. But mostly it’s because I love to draw. But try different things. I hope and pray that all challenged social people find the niche. Also I pray that confident social people go easy on us. It takes more then just throwing us into social situations to make us be immersed in people. But to us, we are drowning in anxiety if you do this.
So for both sides. Be patient. It can get better with hard work.
Also. Sometimes people’s first impressions are not the truth. That’s it’s just their shield that protects them. So don’t write someone off after the first meeting. That it can take a few for them to show you their true first impression.
I need to make a change. I hurt. I hurt everywhere. I’m only in my thirties, and I feel like I’m well into my forties. I need to do more.
The point of having our kids young, was so that we could enjoy them more. But I have no extra energy in a day; not even to go on a one hour walk at night. Key word: Walk! Not even strenuous. But I have no energy to accomplish that. I need to say it’s an hour walk, but about 30min in my son is tired and “needs” to be carried back. He’s about thirty pounds…so I’m usually dead when we get back to the house.
My night doesn’t end there; I have showers, bedtime, story time, baby feeding time, then I get to go to sleep. But do I? No. By then I’ve missed my window of being tired and I have to wait until the next window opens.
So back to changing. My husband feels the same. He wants to start exercising. He’s in his thirties too. He shouldn’t be hurting so much either.
So we are starting things. I’m going to try and cook differently. Not severely. But less carbs and more vegetables. Not the kids, they need carbs.
The husband wants to start a military month workout. I’m all for this plan. Haha!
But I want to swim occasionally. Try for three times a week. Swimming is the best exercise for me. It works my whole body. It will also help loosen my back muscles.
But something needs to change. This is usually when we make these decisions. At the end of the year. But we are hoping to try for our last kid this time next year; so I want to loose sixteen pounds before trying again. That’s not a crazy amount.
My doctor told me I was a little overweight at my last appointment; that if I lost sixteen to twenty pounds my BMI would be back to perfect. But when my doc told me that I was ten pounds heavier and I already lost that.
So my #1 priority is to change things. Like even this blog. I wrote a post instead of mindlessly playing my game, I decided to write instead. Make a change!
I am not really a brand type person. I’ve never cared about brands on clothes. If it fits, and it’s comfortable that’s what I’m buying. Which actually works the best for me because most brands are designed for smaller women. Like 5ft 3” to 5ft 6”. Add 5” and you’ve got me. So their dresses are shirts. Their pants are capris. Their shorts are…scandalous.
So instead I’ve always loved handmie downs. I love them! Free clothes! It’s gotten to the point though that I have to give handmie downs to my sister and not vice versa.
But I love shopping at thrift stores, Ross, Burlington coat factory. Any store where you have to dig for your pieces. Because then you really are picking them hints you like initially off the rack. Then you try it on, and decide again, “is this me?”
I used to take ten things into the dressing room and buy all ten things. Spending about $300 without blinking. My mom told me I had to stop. There was only so many clothes I could wear in a lifetime. $100 limit. So then before marriage I would take ten things in and maybe only buy 3-4 depending on prices. I actually was that person that did the calculations before buying, including tax. Making sure I didn’t go over the limit. Which is why I loved thrift stores. I could get ten things and still be under budget.
And now with kids I think differently. Also the thrift store I go to is a pay what you can. At least $1 an item. Which is awesome!! Because there was a while there that we had no extra money. And I was able to still get nice things for about $5 every few months.
I guess the only brand store I’ve gone into and spent the shiny penny recently was called Lilyful. The name was so pretty and their clothes were pretty too. But I still only shopped in the clearance section. Because I got a beautiful dress for $50. Originally $150…!
But I’ve gone back a few times. But always I go straight to the clearance. But now they are only online. Which I won’t be doing, because that means less clearance items and no trying on. And I have to try things on. Since I’m not a normal size ever.
But I do know other brands. Like Merell shoes. My husband likes them. Milwaukee tools. Again my husband loves. And Ram. My husband loves his truck. Haha!
Cooking food for my family. Hearing my husband praise my food. Or even better, my kiddos yelling, “this is the best food ever, mama!”
Trying to be patient. I struggle with this one. But when I do succeed I usually get huge smiles from my kids.
The end of the day hugs. Usually at the end of a day I feel defeated. Like there were times I could have had mor patience. Or could have made better food. Or given my husband more attention. But usually at the end of those days I get my kids coming up to me saying, “you are the best mama ever! I love you,” and finishing with hugs and kisses.
Fitting into my skinny pants. When I’m good and stay within my healthy food intake I can fit into those clothes that should be packed away, but I keep them out to motivate myself. And as soon S I get to that point I….will be pregnant again. Haha!
Sometimes I just need a hug. When I’m feeling discouraged or useless, I need a hug from my hubby. His hugs gives me so much more energy, that I feel motivated to finish out the awful day.
Writing a post. Posting something on my blog makes me think that I’m having a more accomplished day than I might actually be having. But publishing something can motivate me to be extra productive. Which I have made breakfast, started bread, cooked food for my husband’s upcoming trip, started a load of wash, and have my kids ready for the day. Now I’m posting something. Pretty full first half of the day.
Swimming. Anytime I swim I feel rejuvenated and ready for life. I miss swimming. I really want to be in a pool.
Motivation can come from anything. Things said, things you do, things are done, memories, etc. It’s not going to be a generic motivation moment, you might have to look through your life and find unconventional types of motivation. They are out there!
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?
I can’t really think of a meal that was so expensive, that I paid. I know my mom had bought expensive meals. I know my swim coach has. But until my husband and I went to Hawaii for our honeymoon; we eat mostly fast foods. Cheap. Affordable.
But Hawaii, we discovered a restaurant that served fish tacos, with a pineapple salsa…so delicious!!
We ate there so many times. But we discovered that dinner prices are way more than lunch. Because yes, we went to the same restaurant for both lunch and dinner. And while lunch was $25 for the fish taco meal; dinner was $50 for the same meal.
So that night the dinner was close to $150!! Which is way too much money. When the same meal was $60 at lunchtime.
So I don’t know if I would say it was worth it, but we did eat their fish tacos multiple time on our trip. But only for lunch. We lived more practical on our honeymoon. We cooked breakfast and dinner in our rented condo. We also bought coffee and beer from Costco. (Kona coffee…best coffee ever!!)
So eating the tacos was worth it. But what made the trip extra awesome, was stuffing my suitcase with Hawaiian Costco coffee. We gave some as gifts when we returned, but we kept most of it for ourselves. 😎
Taken in Hawaii on a cruise. Where I got sea sick! Haha 😂
God! Knowing He is always with me, gives me peace of mind!
My family. This includes everyone. My husband, my kids, my mom, husband’s family, my siblings, grandparents, etc.
My job. Even though I complain about being a mom sometimes, it is still the best job in the world. Just a lot of work.
Chocolate. Yes. Straight to chocolate! But that’s what I’m wanting right now.
Socks. Especially my Winnie the Pooh socks. My kids got them for me two Christmas’ ago.
Organization! Not my own stuff. Other people’s stuff only. Like when my husband makes a mess in his shop, and I get to clean it up and put things away, that makes me happy.
Art!! I forgot art. Art should have been before chocolate, but it can be here. All kinds of art. Painting, drawing, markers, pastels, paper machete, sculpting, etc.
Playing with my babies. I asked my kids what makes me happy, and they insisted I needed this on the list. And it’s true. But it was funny that they insisted this made me happy. Not them happy. Haha!
My car. My husband replaced my car that we had to sell. He got me a seven seat car!! It’s so awesome. I can separate my older kids. I can fit all my stuff.
Cooking. Cooking does make me happy. I love cooking. The cleaning up after cooking…not so much. Haha
Dried mango. Mango is so delicious. And for a while it was awesome because my husband doesn’t like mango. However, my son loves mango, and now my daughter likes mango. But my kiddos only like the sweet pieces. So I’m stuck with the sour ones.
Being married to my husband. This one should have been first. But… my hubby!! He is the best person that ever came into my life.
Chocolate Pudding. I know that should count towards chocolate. But my homemade pudding is in a category all by itself.
Watching movies. I know this is kind of generic. But I do enjoy watching movies. But the same movies over and over again. Like I just watched the new Godzilla movie. I like that movie.
Yard work. I love being in dirt. Mud. Mud is fun!! But planting a garden. Keeping up on flowers. I’m excited to being in my mom’s yard.
Skorts. I like shorts. And I like skirts. But something about wearing a skirt, and knowing your underwear’s won’t show is a nice feeling.
My new black shoes. My husband bought me a nice pair of shoes and I wear them everyday. I used to be someone that like to wear a different pair of shoes, but now I wear my black shoes with shorts, pants, skirts, and even dresses.
Swimming. This should be an earlier number too. But swimming is what makes my body relax and feel energized. Or at least that’s what I remember.
Dancing. I like to dance. But I also like to watch dancing. Any style that is done tasteful. Which doesn’t surprise me that my daughter also loves dancing.
Seeing my husband with his son. To me seeing a man with his son is one of the cutest things. My husband with his daughters is super cute too. I guess seeing Father’s with their kids.
Cardboard boxes. I guess I’m still a kid at heart. But when we get a large cardboard box, I instantly want to make a little house. With a door and windows.
Reading my short stories. I actually read through my short stories often. When I want to read something. That I know has nothing inappropriate. Just feel good stories, that what I reread.
Finishing. Seems like an easy thing to do but for me it is sometimes impossible. Like even writing this post. I’ve had to stop four times. Finishing a painting. Finishing a short story. I never seem to finish my long stories…but I will someday.
Creative writing. I’m assuming you know this. But I really do love writing. And I do really get my ideas from dreams. Or when I daydream.
Ross: Dress for less. I really do like that store. I haven’t been for a long time, but I remember liking finding gems in the chaos. But I also like thrift stores. The thrift store in our town is every item is $1. I’ve gotten great things over the years that I would have never been able to buy originally.
Wandering. I like wandering in stores. We don’t have to buy anything; but I like looking at things with no crunch for time. This was my husband’s and I’s normal date, while first dating. We would walk around Home Depot and Lowe’s. Costco, Bass Pro, etc.
BBQ ribs. Another food that should have been listed farther up. But yes, I love bbq ribs. My husband’s recipe. If my hubby didn’t stop me I could eat all of them! And I don’t use a napping until I’m done, my bbq stained face is my medal.
Baby animals. Almost all baby animals make me smile. Tiger cubs, kittens, and baby hippos. Those are just my kids favorite animals, so I see those pictures often. But puppies too.
Doing my daughter’s hair. When she allows me to braid, put up, style, her hair; it makes me happy. When she became the age to want to do her hair I was huge pregnant with my newest daughter; so I was exhausted. So sadly she taught herself. And now she wants to do it by herself, even when I have time. But I’m happy when I get to.
Rain. I’ve come to realize that I’m not a huge fan of snow. Living in the North has shown me I don’t like being wet and cold. But rain is the exception. I like to run around and play in the rain with my kids. Or find worms the next day. Rain is fun.
This was actually really hard to fill in. But I like these types of prompts. It makes you think about what truly matters.
On the funny side…
My son said, going potty. Haha! It was a good laugh!!
Leaving in two days. So I had a chance to write this post, but I won’t for a while. Unless is one of my many drafted short stories. Those are easy for me to write.
“Sailing In The Clouds” Photography By: emily2jane 08-04-25
It really looks like a sailboat is sailing on the cloud waves. Also looks like a moon…
“Hey! Do you want to come over to the house? Our kiddos could play. We could hang out. What do you say?” Karlee was almost giddy as she talked.
“Sure. But are you or your kiddos sick?”
“Why do you always ask that? Do you realize how inconsiderate you are?”
“Well you all did just move here from overseas, and you are still acclimating. Also, you all have been sick with various viruses for the last six months. This is nothing new for me to ask. Whenever I am invited somewhere I ask the host if anyone is sick. I have an infant. I would rather to not have a sick infant. And especially, we are going to be traveling down to see my pregnant sister here soon. They tried so hard for this baby; that I will not be bringing down a germ to them. So are you or your kids ill?”
“No we are not. But I think we are no longer available today. Goodbye.” Karlee ended the call.
I sat there puzzled and confused. Why did Karlee respond so abruptly. I’ve always asked if her family was sick before coming over. I always ask anyone. Not only did I not want to have sick children, but I didn’t want to get sick. Or have my husband get sick and still have to work. Inconsiderate? To me it would be more inconsiderate to invite people over to your house, knowing that you are sick. And in a way, Karlee had done that once before. They came to church one Sunday knowing their kid had the stomach flu. Naturally didn’t tell us until we were about to leave church; where our kids had been in close quarters with their son. To me that’s being inconsiderate.
“Hey Hon,” Jarred popped his head into the doorway.
“Yeah,” I placed my phone down on the coffee table.
“Did you just talk to Karlee?”
“Yeah. How did you know that?”
“Well Carl just texted me a long old text. About, how could I let my wife talk to his wife that way. That you are such an inconsiderate friend. That you must be stupid for constantly asking if his family is sick all the time. That you are a terrible mother for acting this way. That our kids are not growing up with proper parenting. That I need to manage my wife better. Any of this making sense to you? Did Carl loose his mind?”
‘Wow. Just wow.’ I recapped what had been said between Karlee and myself. I didn’t think it was enough to warrant Karlee tattling to her husband.
“I had hoped that it was a wrong person type of text. What’s Carl’s problem? Who is he to call my wife stupid? Question us on our parenting? Inconsiderate? Does he not see his text as rude to your feelings or mine? At the end of the text he added, ‘don’t tell your wife’. Like does he not know me by now? You and I don’t have secrets. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind!”
‘I forgot. It’s not just me loosing a friend. But my husband now is loosing one too. Making friends when you are older is impossible.’ “Not quite yet. Let me reach out to Karlee, and question her first.”
Text: “I thought we were adults. I would prefer if you have something to say about me, you just say it to me. There’s no reason to get the husbands involved. I don’t appreciate your husband ridiculing my husband and my family. Please next time just say it my face or text it to me.”
Karlee’s reply: “I told him not to say anything. I vented to him; like all couples do. I’ll have him apologize to your husband.”
Text: “My husband doesn’t need a forced apology. If your husband wants to send one he can but a forced apology means nothing. That this will only happen again. That hurtful words would be said again. You do know, that this isn’t the first time; you both have made slide remarks about my family before. We let things go, because we really wanted to be friends.”
No more replies came. The conversation was over. And to me this friendship was too.
“If you want to text back you can; I’m not going to control you. But I think it’s over and done with,” I glanced and smiled weakly at Jarred; I placed my phone on the coffee table.
Jarred sighed as he walked over to me, “I think for our mental health we should give up on this friendship. This isn’t the first time Carl has made a comment about you or our parenting style. Which I can now understand in a sense, because I don’t approve of his parenting style. It’s become unbearable to watch him belittle his older son; to the extent now that I watch as the kid shuts down. Also, no one is allowed to call you stupid. Or insult you in any way! And the added part of don’t tell you…! What was he thinking ? He knows I tell you everything!” Jarred collapsed into the chair beside me.
It was time. Time to cut this family out of our lives. Things had been beginning to snowball. The eldest daughter had been rude and incredibly mean to my daughter. So much so, that Emma came up to me with almost tears; asking why her friend didn’t want her to play with her. Jarred was right about their parenting style with their oldest son. That everything the son did was wrong. Every little thing needed to be ridiculed or belittled. He was only six. I was already thinking that I could no longer watch it; which is sadly just leaving that kid there. But we couldn’t change it.
Jarred kissed me on the forehead, “what do you want to do?”
“We should just let it go. And let them go. I don’t think this is a good friendship to have. There’s already enough hard things in life. Let’s not have people in our lives that only bring negativity. I’m sorry though,” I leaned against his chest, “you only have a few friends…”
“Say no more. I was already thinking that I didn’t want this friendship anymore. I wasn’t doing anything because I knew you two were friends. I didn’t want my choices to affect your friendship. Carl only ever texts me when he wants something. Like my trailer or tractor. But there is no way I’m letting him borrow my stuff. Especially since he has no heavy equipment experience. But every time I said no, he calls me inconsiderate or unchristian like, for not willing to help out a fellow brother. But he never accepts my offer of me and the tractor. With him it’s always my fault. I’m tired of constantly having to say no, and be labeled as the bad guy.”
“So we agree?” I looked up into Jarred’s face, “it’s a good plan to remove this family from our lives? Not just ours, but our kids lives?”
“Yes definitely from our kids lives. Emma didn’t understand why she was kicked out of their daughter’s room. Emma is friends with everyone. But yes. We should. We both don’t do well with being called stupid. Especially when someone calls my wife stupid. That’s a huge mistake.” Jarred pulled me closer into a hug.
I hugged him back. “Though, I can be pretty dumb sometimes, right?”
“Yes you can. Especially when you are pregnant.” Jarred sighed and relaxed into me more. I pretended to bite his shoulder, “Haha! But I love you still! You are my little dummy, and only I am allowed to say it.”
“Jarred, I love you, you know?” I pulled away to look him in the face. My wonderful husband.
Jarred smiled. “Yes, I know. I love you too,” he kissed my nose.
I smiled and returned to the hug. I squeezed him a little more than before. But he accepted it.
We just stood there. In our kitchen. Content with life. Even if we had no friends, we still had each other. Closer than ever.
emily2jane 