I could list the “easy answers”, but I want to go more in depth. (The quotations is because I like to do the things, but I’m not claiming to be the best.)
I could list art, writing, swimming, dancing, etc. However I want to list other things I’m good at. That are unique to me.
Like I’m good at being a fair referee. No matter if I’m playing or not I want it to be kept fair. This was a skill I needed in coaching. No matter what, I kept it fair. Especially in ultimate frisbee. So much cheating would have gone on if I didn’t keep them honest.
I am also good at befriending the ones left behind. I would say I prefer it. Usually there is that friend that doesn’t fit into the group; and the group alienates them. Unless for severe reasons, I usually gravitate to those types of people. Being different is not a bad thing; it’s just different. My favorite saying is, “Normal is a setting on a washing machine.” I don’t know where it came from but that’s pretty much my motto.
I’m good at not procrastinating. This helped a lot when I was in high school and community college. I was the student to get the homework done weeks before it was due. (I was a definite teacher pet…) but I would turn in the assignments early so that the teacher could give me feedback so that my assignments would receive A+!! Yes, I was that student.
I think I’m also good at admitting when I’m wrong. This one has taken many years; but I believe I’ve gotten somewhat better at. But believe me, there are times where I want to be petty and not say a word, but I’ve come to realization that it’s hurting me not the other person. For me to be happy, I need to admit mistakes, forgive, and move onward.
Thinking outside the box is actually quite difficult. Because you may start off thinking you’re one thing, but putting it into words is impossible.
“Hi Mr. David! Hi Mr. Max! Hi Mr. Charles!” I called to the men that have been in my life since forever.
I think I first met them all when I was about five years old. They were introduced to me the same as I called to them today. It’s crazy it’s already been fifteen years. Time has flown by, but I’ve loved every moment of it.
“Hey Mr. David, have you seen my dad anywhere?”
“I uh…I think his up on the roof. I’ll get him for ya. One sec,” Mr. David disappeared over to the other side of the roof.
Just like dad. Leaving the hard work for himself. “Dad!” I waved.
“Hey sweetheart. Give me a sec. I’m almost done up here. Maybe 10min.”
“No problem, Dad. I’ll just be in the house figuring out the furniture layout.”
“Thanks!” And Dad disappeared again.
Little backstory:
My parents got pregnant way too early. My dad was only fifteen. I guess my mom was terrified and was trying to figure it all out. When my dad told her that he would take full custody of me and my mom wouldn’t have to be involved; which she never has. So I was brought up by my dad and my grandparents. So much love! More than enough to make me into the young woman I am now.
After I graduated high school, I went into the family business. Flipping homes. Dad and the crew does all the work and I do the designing part of it all. I had no desire to go to college. Dad and the crew was enough social life for me. I’m not an introvert but I’m definitely not an extrovert; I’m just neutral. Boring. But I love my life.
Back to Present:
“Hey sweetie, sorry. I just didn’t want to leave the roof unfinished in case of bad weather.”
My dad was just over six feet, dusty blonde hair, he says chiseled good looks, and one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen. I got that smile too!
“Totally understand Dad.” As I too finished up a thought and jotted it down on paper. “So Dad, did you hire a new hand? This project is bigger than the last. And Mr. Charles is going to be leaving for a couple months.”
“Ummm…no” Dad mumbled out the words.
“Dad!”
“Sorry sweetheart, it just got away from me. You know me, I’m terrible at remembering these things. I just get into my mode and get things done. I don’t know if we will have to hire someone. We might be able to…”
“No Dad. Mr. David said we need another set of hands. Preferably a younger set of hands that can do more of the physical labor. Should I send out a chat In Search Of? I could.”
“No, hon. It’s more of a feeling thing. Like the vibe of the person more than here say. Some woman might think her son is great, but he ends up being a lazy turd. Then I have to burn a bridge. No, I’ll find the person.”
“Hey Boss,” Mr. David stuck his head in the door. “We are strangely out of two by fours and we need about twenty more.”
“Also ten four by fours,” Mr. Charles called out somewhere.
“Drat. I thought I counted right. Okay, no problem. Sweetheart do you mind doing this run?”
“No problem Dad. But while I’m gone search for someone.” I gathered up my bag about to head out.
“Hey hon, you keep your guard up, but if while you are there and you get the right kind of vibe from someone offer them the job. There are always handy people at Home Depot.”
“Okay Dad,” with no real understanding of what vibe Dad wanted. But I never said no to him. He could count on me for anything.
Home Depot. The store of creativity…and debt. We spend so much money at Home Depot; but there is no better alternative where we are currently. But I still love this place. I love the wood smell.
Dad is always right; the parking lot was filled with people standing around. Many of them had signs with them reading ‘Will work. No English.’ That wouldn’t work for us. But there was one man sitting against the building by the entrance. He was hunched over himself. He was in rough shape. I got a shiver down my spine and I turned away from my curiosity only to be stopped by the voice.
‘Speak to him.’
You know that subconscious voice you hear sometimes, that’s the Holy Spirt talking to you. And I know from past experiences you don’t ignore it.
But still I was worried. The man didn’t seem to be awake. What if he was hyped up on drugs. What if he attacked me. What if…?
‘Speak to him. I will protect you.’
“Excuse me? Are you alright?” I crouched down by the man. I could hear his breathing. “Sir?” I tapped him on the shoulder.
His head snapped up and he suddenly crawled backwards away from me. “Sorry. You scared the crap out of me! What were you saying?”
The man was dirty to say the least, but he just looked tired and skinny when I was close up. “I just asked if you were alright? You weren’t moving, I was worried for you.”
“Oh. Thanks. But I’m okay. I just lost all my strength and decided to just sleep. Sleeping stops your hunger.” As he spoke, he instantly grabbed at his stomach. A loud growl came from it.
‘Feed him.’
“I’m a little hungry too. You want to stop over at Wendy’s for some lunch? My treat,” I gathered myself up and stretched my hand out to him.
He just stared at my hand. But I think his stomach moved before he did and he accepted my hand and walked with me over to Wendy’s.
The guy’s name was Stephen. He lost all his family, home, job, everything in the last year. He had been living in his car until it too decided to stop working today in the Home Depot parking lot. He had been hoping to find honest work. But the last job he did the employer didn’t pay him after the work was done. That’s the problem about working under the table; they can decide to not pay and you don’t have a say.
‘Hire him.’
“I was already going to do that.” I smirked.
“Do what?” Stephen asked as he shoved his last bite in his mouth. He ate four cheeseburgers.
“Oh. I was going to offer you a job. My dad owns a construction company and we’ve been doing house flipping. we are looking for a hired hand; it could be part time or full time employment. Would you be interested?”
Stephen just looked at me. “You are too trusting. How do you know I’m not a bad guy? How do you know I’m not going to attack you? You should keep your guard up when meeting strangers.”
“God told me to talk to you. He has been guiding me this whole time. If He had not spoken; I would have passed you by. You would still be sitting against the building starving. But I listen when He speaks.”
Stephen was now just looking at me like I was crazy. I don’t blame him. People who don’t know what I’m talking about always think I’m crazy. “Okay. Let’s say I believe you. What would the job entail? What’s the pay like? Would I get a bonus for signing up so I could get an apartment?”
“If you are interested you can come with me and discuss it with my dad. He knows all the answers to the questions you asked.” I cleaned up my space and grabbed my bag. “You coming? If you are, your coming back to Home Depot with me. I need to grab a couple things. No matter what happens I will pay you for your time. You in?”
He stood, “I’m in.”
… Six Months Later
To say the least. Stephen accepted the job. Instead of getting him a bonus for an apartment, Mr. David had a back house that he rented to him for dirt cheap. Which meant he was able carpool to the job sites. Sweet gig. My dad had been questionable about my selection when I had gotten back, but after Stephen telling my dad that a voice told me to hire him; Dad understood.
Stephen actually did great work. As long as he had food in his system. No food meant exhaustion for him. Which is totally understandable because the rest of the crew were older guys; and they decided Stephen should do all the heavy lifting.
But to me Stephen has change these last six months. He was no longer dirty. He had gotten a tan, and stronger. And he had a great smile. When he would laugh with the other guys, you would catch a glimpse of a dimple on the right side of his face.
I don’t know how I really felt about him. I might like him, but I don’t know if it’s just familiarity. Maybe he isn’t supposed to be my other half, but to stay one of the crew. Be my family just in name. “I don’t know….ugh…feelings are so complicated.”
“What feelings?”
That startled me and I jumped away from my laptop. I had been searching for different furniture options. Stephen was standing next to it now. “Oh. Stephen, you startled me. Make your presence known when you are walking up. Geesh…” I giggled.
“Sorry Katie. I thought you could hear me. Will do next time. But what feelings are difficult?”
“Oh. Never mind that. Did you need something?” Change the subject or I was about the change to a vibrant red color over my face.
“Yeah. Your dad is sending us to Home Depot. His words. I do the work you are the bank,” he shook his head a laughed.
My heart fluttered. Nope. I’m not going to do this now. Also I don’t know if he is a believer or not. Obviously if he’s not nothing would start. I pushed my feelings down deep, gathered up my bag and headed to the car. I didn’t even wait for Stephen; I just went.
“Are we good? You seem to be ignoring me lately? Did I do something wrong?”
I sighed, “No. you’re good. I’m just confused. Once things are figured out I’ll go back to normal. You can just ignore me too,” I climbed out of the car.
We just walked in silence until we again were at the spot where we met. Stephen ran over to it and squatted down. “Look familiar?”
I laughed. “Yes. Only you are cleaner now.”
“Good. You smiled,” I almost didn’t catch that since he whispered. Stephen stood up dusting himself off.
“Stephen!?!”
I turned to see a young woman run up and hug Stephen. Stephen just stood there glued to the ground. His arms hanging by his sides. He seemed uncomfortable.
“Stephen. Do you know her?” I had stepped up and touched Stephen’s arms.
Stephen reacted. He shoved the woman off of him and grabbed my wrist pulling me behind him. “Stay quiet. Don’t speak,” Stephen whispered to me over his shoulder.
I was stunned but not as shocked as the woman across from us. She looked confused, hurt, and starting to get angry.
“Wow Stephen. That’s no way to treat your old girlfriend. Just because you found someone new doesn’t mean I’ll ever go away…” the woman spoke but her words slurred a bit. Like she was drunk.
That hurt me; I didn’t know he had liked someone before. I tried to walk away, but Stephen held me firm behind him, even pulled me closer to his back. The muscles in his shoulders were tense. He didn’t trust her…so I decided to stay quiet and still.
“Amanda. Why lie? We were never together. You would just follow me around trying to get me to buy you booze. I’m good now. I have a job, a great boss, and…” Stephen’s body shifted, “good friends now.”
I didn’t expect him to say he loved me or anything. But friends…friends mean no feelings. I think I just got my answer. I felt my heart sink, until Stephen’s grip on my wrist softened and then tightened again. What did that mean?
“So I still have a chance huh? Just a friend…” Amanda chuckled with snorts.
“Never had a chance. Never will have a future chance. Just leave Amanda. I’m working right now. If you harass us again I’ll call the cops. Just remember there is no booze in jail.”
Amanda didn’t like that last part the most. She glared in my direction but still walked away.
Stephen’s body finally relaxed. His grip on my wrist also loosened.
I didn’t really want to, but I backed away from Stephen. “So we should go do what Dad wanted us to do,” I started to walk towards the entrance. “Why does something always happen when we come to this Home Depot. Maybe we should find a new one.” I was almost to the doors when I noticed that Stephen was still standing where I left him. I walked back to him, “you good? Can we do what we came to do?”
Stephen continued to be silent. I thought he was ignoring me like I had told him to do, but the look of pain and confusion on his face told me otherwise. He was trying to mull something over in his heart and mind.
“Stephen?” I again touched his arm.
He jumped at my touch. But when he saw me he latched onto my hands. “How am I supposed to listen to the voice calling out to me? What if something bad had happened? I listened and you could have gotten hurt. She could have hurt you. Is this how you feel every time? Why would you do this to yourself? Can I make it stop?…”
He was rambling! I just pulled him towards me and hugged him. From what I gathered from his spattering, was that God was trying to help him, to reach him, but he didn’t know what to do or if he wanted to. “God, please help him,” I sent out a silent prayer. Stephen’s body began to slow and then he just collapsed into my arms. He was lifeless. He was breathing, but he was unresponsive. I dragged him over to the spot where I had first met Stephen years ago and just sat there with him. God was doing his thing, but in a calmer way. Stephen and God we’re probably having a full on discussion and it took all his energy. I pulled my phone out, “Hey Dad. Could you come over here please.” I summarized what had happened. “You are just better at talking to people about becoming a Christian. I think you would be able to help Stephen. Can you come please?”
I actually have a few things I have collected over the years.
The first: Glass figurines.
I don’t know why I actually started to collect them. I think it was because my grandma really enjoyed buying them and gifting them to me. I can remember the first one well. My grandparents took me to Disneyland for a birthday, and my grandma bought me a sleeping beauty figurine. That was the start. Then for every birthday she gave me a new figurine. I have so many, but with little kiddos they have been living in a box a few years. Once my daughter is bigger I’ll let her see them.
Number two: Physical Movies.
I know the world has become digital over the years but I love owning dvd or blu ray movies. My family has always done this. I’m always wanting to add to my collection; as I walk by the five dollar Walmart bin. I once dug through that bin and organized it. Tells you what a party person I was when I was a teenager. I found it quite fun to do, a late night at Walmart. Haha!
My husband’s and mine’s movies almost filled one of those sleeved cases. Two hundred total.
Third Collection: Awards
This one doesn’t seem like a collection, but I’ve kept all my ribbons, medals, trophies, and plaques, from my many years of swimming. That bin weighs a ton. But in the past I’ve enjoyed pulling them out and thinking back to those days. They were some of my favorite memories. From the age four all the way to nineteen. I don’t know what I’ll do with them later on in life… but I like them, so I will move the heavy bin around from home to home. (Or the husband will move the heavy bin. It really is heavy!)
I have other things I’ve collected. Decks of cards, dice, art supplies, books, stuffed animals, etc.
I have troubles with throwing things away. Or giving things away. Because you never know when you want to play cards, and I’ve slowly collected them over the years from different places.
When you are about to play a board game and it’s missing the dice….? I can help.
Art supplies. I never have to buy any. I just take the supplies that people are giving away.
Books. I’m planning on homeschooling my kids so depending on where we end up living I want to have almost a library of books. Also…then there is no fear of a weird inappropriate book coming into my home. Every book in our home I’ve read and approved.
Stuffed animals. I kept a large percentage of my childhood stuffed animals. Which worked great with our kiddos. They both love the various animals.
So even though I collect various things they all have a purpose. It works out; my husband also likes to collect things. But his collections seem to always need to spend more money. Haha! My collections are cheap, whereas I try to keep him on budget.
Enjoy your Thursday!! Hubby is home!! The house is a happy house once again.
Fluke Spring Snowstorm
Randomly started snowing today. The snow flakes looked almost the size of my sons hands.
I’m giving up. I’ve been proactive for 12 years now. I’ve been trying to get him to see me in new light. Not as the little girl that would tag along with my brother and his friends. Instead, I have a good job, I come to Mark’s classes on the days I can make. Coincidentally Mark teaches on chemistry, which ties into my job; so it’s not only a way for me to see him, but it is also helping my career. But I think I’m going to give it all up. Nothing seems to work. Maybe he’ll just see me as that little girl all his life. It feels like it’s time to be proactive in finding someone who actually wants me; not just a fake fairytale.
Yes! So after today’s class I’ll let Mark know that I won’t be coming back after this week is over, and he can fill my spot with another student. He will probably be thrilled not to have me around anymore. That’s only three more days including today. I payed for it, I’m going to finish it.
I settle down into my normal seat in the class, ready to soak up as much knowledge as possible. I’ve been doing that, I’ve been doing all the assignments, all the homework, everything. Even though I’ve already graduated college two years ago.
I wonder if I’ll be as proactive as I have been? Or maybe I should let the guy initiate? It’s hard to say…
‘Mark!’ Mark just walked into the classroom to his podium. ‘Agh…I’m going to have to train my brain to stop doing that.’
“Class begins now,” Mark called out to the students.
‘Focus, Jane. You are here to learn.’ This might be harder than I thought.
“Dismissed.”
Wow. That class was jammed packed full of so much information. I’m glad I didn’t decide to give up last week. But now onto the harder stuff.
As I walked towards the podium, I tried to gage Mark. Was he in a good mood? A forgiving mood? But as always I could never tell what he was thinking.
I let him answer the questions of his normal students. They had exams coming up. I remember exams…
As last student had walked away, “Mark?”
“Jane. You know I prefer Prof. Walter at school. Just because we know each other you should still be conscience of your surroundings.”
‘Yeah. This is not something that will be a good addition to my life. I need to give up.’ “Okay, Professor Walter. I’ll call you that until the end of the week. And then you can fill my seat. I’ve learned plenty from you and I think I should focus more on my future, and whatever it entails. Thank you for all the knowledge you have given to me this last year, but I should stop now. Thank you again,” I turned in my homework assignment and walked out of the classroom. ‘Strange? I wasn’t concerned about his feelings. I wasn’t concerned about giving him a chance to speak. I just knew that I was done. I had given too many years to a non existent fairytale. Reality was needed now. I deserved happiness.’
…
Mark
I still stood at podium. It had been almost 10 minutes since Jane left. ‘What just happened?She’s not going to come back?’
In the beginning, I was not thrilled at the idea of having Jeff’s little sister sit in on my class. I thought she had just wanted to come and stare at me, it she actually did some amazing work. She is actually really gifted in chemistry. I’ve enjoyed getting her assignments back and seeing what she comes up with. I thought all was well in the world.
But she was different today. She was indifferent to me. She didn’t seem to care at all that she was going to leave. I know she likes me, or knew… But I’m not a fun person. I’m boring. I thought after she got to know me over time she would give up and find someone else. Like everyone else does. She’s grown into a beautiful, talented, energetic young women. I didn’t want her to settle for me; just because she liked me years ago. I was giving her an out….right?
I pulled out my phone…
“Hello?”
“Jeff. What’s up with your sister? She seemed indifferent to me today? What does that mean?”
Laughter exploded from Jeff’s side, “so she finally gave up on you, huh?”
‘Really? But I should feel glad. I wanted that to happen. Right?’
“I guess.”
“Bro. My sister has had a crush on you for twelve years. How long did you expect her to keep it up? Believe me I was not a fan when we were younger, but what’s so wrong with her now? She’s brilliant. She’s hardworking. She’s beautiful. You’re pretty much an idiot for letting her go. I’m just glad that you never broke her heart. I would have killed you.”
The laughter was gone from Jeff’s voice, “but I didn’t want to start anything with her and end up breaking her heart because I’m not a fun person. You know me. I’m boring. I’m a nerd. I don’t know what to do for dating.”
“That’s a coward’s excuse. Why are you such an idiot. You are a professor. You expect your students to learn a subject that they don’t understand. So why can’t you learn about something you don’t understand. There are books, speakers, online communities, and various other options. Even if your not the best at something you can always learn how to be better at it.”
‘That was true. I could learn. But did I really want to try?’
“If your questioning whether or not you want to try; then ask yourself this question…. Will I be okay is she dates someone else. Marry someone else? Has another man’s kid? Because bro it’s bound to happen. My sister is top notch. Just because you didn’t start things with her she is bound to have many men going after her. And this is nothing new. She has had several suitors already through the years but her heart was set on you. Also you said she was indifferent to you so she’s already made up her mind. You don’t have much time until that window is closed forever. If you’re going to try I would get going. Whatever you decide we are still buds. See ya bro.”
I was gone.
…
Jane
I didn’t realize that giving up on a crush would bring life and pep back into my step. Was this college campus always this beautiful? My life was been revolving around Mark all these years that I haven’t really been paying attention.
“Excuse me,”
A very handsome man had walked up to me. “Yes?”
“You are just my type, do you think I could get your number?”
‘Oh. I didn’t realize I would be meeting someone so soon. But my first thought was Mark. So I guess I wasn’t ready.’ “I am flattered. But I just stopped a long time crush today and I don’t think I am quite ready to start a new relationship. I don’t want to bring any baggage with me when I start something new. Im sorry.”
“No worries at all. But your answer why was still perfect. How about this,” he reached in his backpack for a piece of paper, “I’ll leave my name and number. And if you ever decide you are ready to start seeing someone else, call me up.” And he ran to catch up with his group.
I stood there holding the paper. The name Jason was next to a number. I didn’t realize saying no to fairytale would awaken reality so quickly. I folded the paper and shoved it in my back pant pocket. Maybe I would take Jason up on his offer after some time. Maybe…
There stood Mark.
…
Mark
I was sweating and panting. I probably looked crazy. I was usually quite calm and collected. But not now. And especially not after what I just watched. How a guy just handed Jane a piece of paper, probably his number, and she tucked it into her pocket. Jeff was right. Jane was going to be snatched and taken away if I didn’t move fast.
“Jane. Wait.”
“What do you want Professor Walters? I believe I said all I needed to say earlier.”
‘Ouch. I deserved that. I didn’t think she would shut me out this quickly.’ “You can call me Mark now. We are just in the classroom and I wanted to stay professional just in case some students were still around. We can talk freely now.”
“I don’t think we can. Because technically I’m still your student. So I should too, stay professional. Did you have anything to say? If not I’m going to head home.”
She was walking away from me. My chance was slipping away. ‘No.’
“Jane! Please stop,” I was holding onto her, her hand to be exact. It felt right. “Jane. I’m sorry. I’ve been treating you badly. I didn’t realize how I felt until you said you were leaving. I didn’t want to start anything with you because I was worried I would break your heart because I’m a boring person. I didn’t want to ruin your youth. I don’t know what I’m really trying to say. But I know I want to date you. I’ll do anything possible to make you happy. I’ll do research and figure out dating. Just please don’t leave.” ‘I probably sounded like an idiot. And I am. Definitely an idiot for letting this go on so long. I’m surprised she didn’t leave sooner.’
She wasn’t moving. She just had her back towards me. But her hand was still in mine. She hadn’t tried to yank it away. She was still here.
…
Jane
‘What’s going on? Is this really happening? Mark is clutching my hand. He’s telling me he wants to date me. He doesn’t want me to leave. How am I supposed to respond. Only twenty minutes ago, I did decide I would give up on him. Was I supposed to take that all back and accept him? Or do I stand my ground and walk away?’
“Jane. Please look at me?”
My heart fluttered at his words. ‘No heart.’ But I still turned to face him. And my heart fluttered again. This was a new Mark in front of me. He looked disheveled and completely out of sorts. But he still looked handsome to me. Maybe more handsome. My heart was fluttering faster, as I just stared at him. “What do you want Mark,” I could feel the tears startling to well up.
“Jane. Please give me another chance. I’m so sorry I made you feel so alone this whole time. I didn’t realize I was still pushing you away these last eight months. I thought I was growing closer to you. But I’m realizing now that I never changed on the outside. I’m sorry,” he pulled me closer to him, “do I still have chance?”
My heart was screaming Yes! But my mind was trying to talk me out of it. This was the closest I had been to Mark. He was only inches from me. How I wished he would pull me closer to him. I knew my answer, after that. It was always a yes. It was always going to be him. “Yes. You have a chance.”
Nothing. I looked up into Mark’s eyes and he looked so happy and seemed to relax a bit. But we just stood there.
“Sorry. I haven’t had a chance to research yet, so I don’t know what is considered appropriate at the beginning of a relationship…”
‘He’s so cute.’ So instead I took the initiative and took the step towards him. Letting go of his hand I wrapped my arms around his waist and waited for Mark to react. And he did. He hugged me back.
…
Jane
It’s only been eight hours since Mark and I started dating. And we pretty much just walked hand in hand all over the campus. Until now, Mark is driving me home. It feels so surreal. Mark is my boyfriend. And even though dating is not what I thought; it’s been quite cute to watch him being unsure of how to act. He’s probably going to go home and research things; and he’ll be completely different tomorrow.
We just pulled up in front of my house. We’ve been holding hands the entire time. Mark is now looking at our hands interlocked. Pondering something. And he pulls away from me.
‘What’s this? Is he regretting it already? I was able to handle rejection, but not this.’ Panic filled me until he was walking around and opened my door for me. ‘Sweet.’ Then he quickly grabbed my hand again.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to let you go tonight if letting go of your hand to exit a car is difficult for me.”
‘Cute.’ I gripped his hand back. “I know what you mean. I don’t want this night to end, because it doesn’t seem real. Like it’s all a dream,” I moved closer and also grabbed his arm. I was trying to say it in a laughable tone, but I realized how much I actually meant it.
Mark stopped walking. He turned to me and pulled me closer. He kissed my forehead.
‘He kissed me!!!!’
“I don’t want to move too fast, but is it more real now?”
I was smiling. I was smiling on the inside, and I’m sure I was smiling stupidly on the outside. I couldn’t seem to form words so I just l nodded.
Mark chuckled, “Cutie,” and he pulled me closer to him as he walked me to my door.
I didn’t want to leave him but I knew we had the rest of our lives. I squeezed his hand before starting to step away.
But he stopped me. He pulled me in for another hug. “You need to do one thing for me.”
“What?!”
“Give me the paper in your pant back pocket,” he held out his hand.
‘What paper? Oh, haha!’ I dug the paper out of my pocket and placed it into Mark’s hand. “I had completely forgotten about that.”
“I’ve been wanting to get that paper away from you since I saw that guy give it to you.” Mark crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it into the trashcan beside us.
I didn’t want him worry about it anymore and I moved into his embrace. Then I only whispered, “you don’t have to worry. You are all I want.” He relaxed into me and hugged me back.
I didn’t want to pull away, but we couldn’t stay in this position forever. I pulled back from him and looked up into his face, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He looked down into mine. Our faces inches apart. “Yes. You’ll see me tomorrow.”
We didn’t move. I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn’t going to initiate this.
“I know it’s too soon, but may I?” His eyes seemed to plead with me.
I only nodded.
And he lowered his face to mine and kissed me. A deep kiss, that I would remember forever.
The first of many. A kiss from Mark; my fairytale love.
This is tough. I guess it would all depend on what time in the year is it? Because it’s it supposed to be Spring and it still snowing; Nope I’m definitely Not a fan!
But if it Summer and you have been slowly melting. Like you feel like your face has melted down to your shoulders. And the only relief you feel is the cold shower before bed; then yes! I’m excited about the cold coming.
Just where we live I would only wish it would stay in its designated months.
Like one year. (I was dumb, and impatient.) I had planted a massive amount of seeds inside. Because I wanted a huge garden. And since it doesn’t start to warm up until mid May I had to keep everything inside since January.
But seriously enough was enough! It looked like a green house in my enclosed patio. That needed space was no longer accessible.
So. It was around the 2nd week of May and it had been sunny and rainy for most of it. I had been told to wait until after Memorial Day, but I was impatient. So I spent almost 8 hrs transplanting all the plants. Tomatoes, Lettuce, Onions, carrots, cilantro, potatoes, green beans, sweet peas, cucumbers, etc. Everything you could think of I had started from seed. But importantly from heirloom seed.
But so I transplanted everything. And it was all fine. Everything was happy to have more sun and way more space!!
Only to have a night frost happen 2 days before Memorial Day and kill almost everything. I think 2 of the 13 tomato plants survived. All the green beans froze and shriveled. Everything above ground perished. I was so sad. Because we had been planning on having our vegetables covered for at least a few months.
But I was impatient and I suffered the consequences. Our harvest that year was so sad.
All this to say. I like cold, but not when it springs up from no where and ruins all your hard work. Because I had been told by several different local people that the frost was over; that it should be fine to plant outside. But that’s what I get for not listening to the year-round farmers in the area. They are the ones to listen to, because it’s their livelihood is at stake.
So to answer the question it would be yes. I like the cold after the hot hot Summer. But also no; if it has not departed in a timely manner.
I miss Spring. Anywhere else, Spring is my favorite season.
Enjoy your Monday. 🌸
I did not have a relaxing Sunday like I had hoped. Instead my kiddos decided to have meltdowns all day, since their daddy is away on a trip. We miss him dearly. I miss being sane.
So a shout out to all the good husbands out there! Your help is always wanted. You keep us, moms, at bay from insanity! Give your husband a hug today. Just randomly. I’ll give mine a virtual one. 😊
Photo By: emily2jane 5-19-24
My daughter picked me so many wildflowers!! We are going to plant some today.
I’ve never actually truly broken a bone. I’ve been hurt. Severely hurt, but it’s never been broken.
I can think back through my childhood and remember sprains and deep bruises, and torn muscles. But no broken bones.
I wore roller blades in the house without a helmet on the second story, and fell down the stairs. But miraculously I was okay.
I tried the “sledding” when on a skateboard with my dog towing me, and she went so fast I fell off the skateboard and scraped almost all my skin off my limbs but no broken bones.
Swimming, I hit someone in the head with my thumb so hard they got a huge bruise, and my thumb throbbed, but no broken bones.
I ran into a teammates shoulder (with my face) and got my lip pressed into my braces. Lots of blood but nothing broke. Not even the braces.
I punched myself in the face with a paint scraper. Gave myself a minor concussion and lost some blood. An Ambulance had to come and take me to the hospital because I passed out while standing. But no broken bones.
I hurt my back enough that it stopped my swimming career, but the doctors couldn’t find the culprit.
There’s several more things. I know I sprained the same elbow more than four times. But it was never enough to break any bones.
Probably why my kids are so resilient. Their bones are strong like their mama.
I guess the only time it might have counted was when I was really little. I don’t know exactly what age…eight…ten…? Something like that. Just imagine two brothers and one sister. Plus two hula hoops over lapped. The brothers were on the outside, the sister (me) in the middle. The brothers begin to play tug-o-war. The sister trips and falls, and the brothers fall on top of her. Which causes the sister to bust up her lip and twist and chip a tooth. So much blood.
I still have it to this day. I could get it capped but it doesn’t bother me. It also has memories. Yes, some bad memories, but also I remember playing with my brothers. That day was almost twenty years ago. Wow. Time does fly.
So I guess I did break something. One tooth. I’m doing pretty good for being a adventurous child. I did so many dumb things in the past.
Enjoy your Sunday!! I will be having a quiet peaceful Sunday with my kiddos. ❤️ Also!
“I don’t know why he wanted to be foster parents if all he was going to do was use me as a punching bag,” I gathered up my belongings as fast as possible and left through the back door. My face was black and blue. My body was screaming at me in pain; but this was finally the last time.
Social workers can’t do anything until abusive behavior has been reported three times. At least here in Arlington. ‘Right. I need to find a pay phone.’
I must look awful; more than last time; because the staring and pointing seems to be tenfold. I’m just surprised that no one has come to ask if I was okay. Does my face being black and blue make me seem older than seventeen?
It does. Because I had found a pay phone and I checked my reflection. I looked awful. I could see where his fists had made contact. Where the glass had slashed my cheek bone. The giant egg bump forming on my head from the door frame…so it was understandable that no one approached me. I wouldn’t approach me.
“Hello! Hello? Mrs. Howed.” She has accepted the call, but she wasn’t speaking.
“This is Mrs. Howed with social services; how may I help you?”
Finally. “Mrs. Howed. It’s me Cathy. He did it again. Actually worst this time. I’m at a gas station just out of Arlington. Can you send someone to pick me up. Also some police to that house.” I was met with silence. “Hello? Hello!?!”
“Sorry Cathy. And oh no what do I do. Jefferson is being dropped off there tonight.”
‘No. Jefferson will be gone in five minutes. Unless Carl has fallen asleep from the alcohol. That would be the best scenario.’ “Can’t you call them to come back?!?”
“Sadly no. New policy is they cannot have phones while driving foster kids to homes. Incase of stealing or accidents. But I’ll send Mark out too to intercept them at the house.”
That would take too long. Carl would just have to make contact with Jefferson’s head once and he would be a goner. ‘No. I had to get back to that house. But I was about an hour walk away.’ I looked around and thankfully I was at a gas station. And double thankfully it was packed. I just had to find one person to take me at least halfway. I could sprint running the other half if I had to.
I wandered through the vehicles. I couldn’t be picky. I had to ask everyone. All the responses were the same. “Sorry, not going that way. Sorry, we don’t pick up strangers. Sorry, no space.”
I would have been willing to stow away in the trunk. I just had to get back to that house. Then as if all hope was lost, I saw a large van parked outside the convince store. I should be able to fit in there. If this one didn’t work, then I would just have to start running.
If an old sketchy man came up to the van then I was not going to open that can of worms. I might experience a similar situation. But thankfully a young guy, maybe older than me, was walking up to the van.
“Please help me. I need to get back to Arlington. My foster parent beat me to a pulp. I got away. But I’ve now come to find out that they are going to drop off my little brother tonight. He’s only seven. If he gets hit he probably will die. Please take me back to that house?” I hadn’t planned to spill all of that. But I was desperate. I needed to start this journey now!
The guy just looked at me. Shock was all I could see on his face. Probably from my outburst suddenly, but also my appearance. I was worried I had shocked him so much that he was in shock; I waved my hand in front of his face. “Hello?”
He came to. “Sorry. You caught me off guard. Where are you heading? Arlington?”
I nodded.
“Okay. Sure. That works. Let me see how to fit you.” the guy walked over to his van and threw open the sliding door.
There were several seats. So he must have passengers. “Sorry. I didn’t realize your van was meant for passengers. I’ll just start running back.” I turned away, “Thank you for trying to help.” I called back as I started my long run back to the awful house.
…
How long have I been running. My whole body is on fire. I’ve got to be almost there, right? I hadn’t been paying too close attention. I was just keeping an eye out for Kenmore St. But I hadn’t seen in yet. I checked the street sign above me, and it said, Carmichael Blvd. ‘What!?! I had only run three blocks from the gas station! Was it because I was in so much pain that it seems like I’ve been running for about fifteen minutes. But it’s really only been five.’ I dropped to the ground. This was impossible. ‘I’m going to loose my only family tonight.’
“Hey!”
It was the guy from the gas station. He was pulling up beside me. Now he was out of the van and beside me. ‘Oh, no. I was having an out of body experience. Meaning I was about to pass out.’ I reached out and clasped onto him, “Kenmore St. Please. Hurry!” I was out.
…
It couldn’t have been long. But at least I was mobile. My body bounced along with the vehicle. I opened my eyes and I took in my surroundings. I was in the passenger seat. There were voices all around me. Right. That guy had been there. I turned to my left and there he sat. he was driving the van. The van that I was now in. ‘Pain. I felt pain everywhere. Jefferson can’t experience this pain. Jefferson!!’
I bolted up. ‘Ouch!’ I held onto my rib cage. “Where are we going?” I whispered out.
“Oh. Your awake,” the guy beside me smiled. He seemed to relax. “Hey guys, she’s awake!” He called behind him.
‘Guys?’ I turned and looked behind me. The van was jammed packed full of musical instruments and maybe 10 guys. They all seemed to be older than me. And they looked so uncomfortable; squeezed together into the jammed packed van. I felt sorry for them, but I was grateful. ‘Right. Where we’re going?’
“Where are we going,” I turned back to guy beside me?
“All you said was Kenmore St. And since you were heading West I assumed it was the West Kenmore. But because of traffic and accidents, I’m going a round about way.” As he spoke he kept turning at different blocks.
I had to just trust him. He could be taking me to a remote location but I’m going to trust he was helping me. I relaxed into my seat.
“Do you need anything? Hey Max. Send the first aid pack up here.”
I looked behind me and the sea of guys behind me squirmed trying to get to the trunk. “You don’t have to…”
“No problem at all, miss.” One of the guys called back. “If Jack says to get something, we listen.”
‘Jack. That was his name.’ I will have to treat them to a meal after all of this. From the back seat they handed me the first aid kit. I opened up the mirror above me and gasped. I looked awful. My eye was so swollen that I was amazed I could still see with it. My cheek bone had a huge slash in it with dried blood all over my cheek and neck. My other eye was not swollen but it was turning a dark purple. I’m surprised they were willing to help me. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and got to work.
The first aid kit had everything. I was about to start but, “Does anyone have an iPhone?”
Jack dug out his phone. He handed it to me. “Password is 0023.”
Wow. He trusted me enough for that. Actually he could always change his passcode after I leave. I unlocked the phone and went to camera. I took a few selfies. I needed proof for court. “Sorry. I need the pictures for proof. For court. I need to get my current Forster parent off the list. This is the third time this has happened. After the third time, I can make a legal claim and get him off the list of possible foster homes.” I had begun to clean my face.
“This has happened three times?!?” Jack yelled. And the back of the van fell silent. “You’ve experienced this two other times? Were they just as bad as this time?”
“No. The first time, Carl just threw me into a coffee table and I bruised four ribs. The second time he got super drunk and decided to beat me up. Only to my body. Because it’s harder to be seen. But this time it seems like he didn’t care. And I have no idea why he attacked me tonight.”
All the guys around me were silent. They probably all were from good homes; and never heard that these things happen. Jack was starting to tense beside me.
I touched his shoulder. “Thank you Jack. You helped me when I needed it. You are saving my brother’s life. I need to get there in time. You are saving me.”
Jack’s body relaxed under my touch. “I’m sorry you have had to go through this. No one should ever go through this. Especially multiple times. The law is wrong.”
Silence filled the van once again. I finished cleaning up my face. Except for my swollen eye I looked ten times better. I looked somewhat normal. “Please keep talking back there. The noise keeps my mind from wandering.”
Thankfully the guys behind me erupted into loud talking. It did relax me.
We were coming up to the house. My nerves were alive again. What if we were too late. What if Carl is still awake. What if he attacks me again. What if…
“We are coming in or at least up to the house with you,” Jack said interrupting my thoughts. “There’s no way we are letting anyone touch you ever again.” The guys behind me erupted in a big, “Yeah!”
“I don’t want to trouble you all. And I don’t want Carl to hurt any of you either.”
“Don’t worry,” Jack smirked. “A few of us have boxing, wrestling, and karate in our backgrounds. “But even if we are the ones getting hurt. At least it’s not you.”
“Okay. Thanks. But still all of you call your parents and let them know what’s happening. The more that know the situation, the less likely Carl will have to throw blame elsewhere.” The sea of guys behind me did as I said. “You too Jack,” handing him back his phone.
The house. It was dark. I didn’t see a vehicle in front. So either Jefferson is not here or he was left. ‘Oh no.’ I threw open my passenger door to sprint to the house.
“Wait!” Jack yelled and ran around the van to stop me. “No! They will go. You will stay.” He held onto me firmly.
I tried to free myself. I needed to save my brother.
“Cathy. Look at me,” Jack still held me firm in place. “Look at me.”
I looked up into his eyes. They were pleading with me. I only nodded.
“Guys go and find the kid. Stop whatever is happening. But don’t go too overboard.” Jack directed the guys.
Suddenly there was a shatter sound. Like something glass being thrown against a wall.
My body went alert and I tried to get to the house. But Jack just pulled me into his embrace and held me there. Not letting me move. The sea of guys sprinted into the house. I just stood there grabbing onto Jack’s jacket, sobbing into his shoulder. Repeating one thing through my mind. “Please save him. Please save him. Please…”
–8 Months Later–
Well many things have changed since that day. Jefferson had been dropped off. Carl I guess had disguised himself enough to convince the social worker he was fit for duty. And that was only moments before we arrived. And the glass shattering noise was actually Jefferson trying to keep Carl away. Then the sea of guys entered the house and took Carl down before he could retaliate. Max had carried Jefferson out to me. When he was finally placed in my arms I collapsed onto the pavement. Jack had stayed by my side the whole time.
But now. Jefferson and I have been almost adopted into a new family. Max’s family. They had been on a wait list for being foster parents. And after that day Max’s mom took us in. They are now in the process of fully adopting us. My family is growing once again.
The sea of guys from the van were now my friends. They were all coming from a band concert that day. So I of course decided to join the dance group that preforms with the band occasionally. So I get to hang out with the guys all the time. They all act like my older brothers.
And Jack. Well as you probably guessed, we are dating. After I got into the same college; things just morphed into dating.
Life is just beginning for me. Age eighteen, new family, boyfriend, college, friends, and a future. I’m set for life.
Synonyms: murky, muddy, thick, cloudy, clouded, etc.
.-.-.
The turbid liquid,
Stirred before me.
I used to find comfort,
Instead I have misery.
The joy is gone;
The laughter too.
I’m left with murky,
Thick…
Cloudy Coffee.
It’s bitter,
It’s brown.
Now all I do is frown.
Goodbye my old friend.
I’ll never drink you again.
.-.-.
Obviously this poem is about coffee, but it’s truly about the lost love for coffee. When I became pregnant with my daughter I gave up coffee. It was difficult, because I enjoyed the smell, the flavor, and just the warm drink in the morning.
I switched to a tea; which is good, but not yummy like I remember the coffee being. But I’ve been caffeine free for almost 8 years. Well for the most part.
If we are on a trip or my husband desperately needs my help I have a mocha frappe with real coffee. All the sugar and caffeine makes me an energizer bunny. But I’ve also given up sugar. So that option is no more. Now I have to drink plain old coffee.
Which I used to love! I’d have coffee with milk. Simple. But now that’s so bitter to me.
I’ve had an occasional decafe coffee and I never can drink all of it, so I’ve given up. I think coffee is not meant for me.
Which makes me feel boring. Like coffee was the thing that connected me to people my age. And I already have a tough time talking to people…now I’ve chopped out the simplest conversation starter. Haha!
Well after all that…I’m just sad to say goodbye to coffee. It’s been a part of my life since I was 15. Now a part of me is gone.
Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy a cup of coffee!!
Just a few cups I’ve gotten over the years. I need to cross out boyfriend and write husband….I love giant cups!!
I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I know why, but it’s been difficult to change my weird schedule.
I’ve been staying up late until 1-2am and my son wants to wake up at 5am. But I’ve been doing that for maybe the last week.
At night it’s my alone time, and when I divulge in binge watching shows.
But man it’s hitting me today. The husband wanted to play video games last night so I went into the room early. And magically I was tired at 11pm. And I went to sleep. And I woke up just before 7am. And I’m still exhausted.
I’ve been trying to put my son in his own bed, but the motion of laying him down wakes him up instantly. So I have to wait until he is dead asleep. which is about 1am.
‘Why won’t he notice me? I’ve done everything possible.’ I made sure to be in his classes. Made sure to be his desk partner. I help him with assignments; but I don’t think he actually sees me, just my answers. I try to sit nearby him at lunch; a couple tables away, but he can still see me. I joined a swim team to share his sport; I’m not really a sport person. I’ve attempted to learn about cars and hockey to share his hobbies; that’s not going so well either. But still, nothing. ‘Why not me?’
Instead it’s Lucy Marshall. The popular girl in school. She’s perfect. She has the looks, the smile, and I guess the personality. A personality that doesn’t care about a guy’s preferences; one that is all about me, me, me. But here I am trying to be the perfect girl. But no, I’m not at all on his radar.
Jordan Johnson. That’s his name by the way. He’s the most popular guy at school. He is every girl’s fantasy. But anyone who is not Lucy Marshall has no chance.
‘Here I am daydreaming about my desk make and I’m not at all paying attention to the teacher. Doesn’t really matter. I ace all the tests anyways.’ Probably a result of being homeschooled for my freshman and sophomore years. I think my mom taught me everything I needed to know in two years…
But at least I get to eyeball Jordan at swim practice. Finally the season is here! Three months. Only three more months of junior year. If I don’t get noticed; it’s never going to happen. I’ll have to try now, as I step back onto the pool deck. The pool deck is where dreams are started.
I peek over at Jordan. ‘Wow. His body was made for swimming. His body seemed to be sculpted to perfection.’ Thankfully I was in a pool or people would see the drool running down my chin. How was it possible to be so lost in someone? Especially someone who doesn’t know you even exist. ‘Right. I was going to make that change. But how?’ WHACK!
Throbbing pain! My forehead was on fire. Before I could think to ask a question I just heard laughter. Laughter around me…? No it was directed at me. When my eyes began to focus once more, I could see everyone staring at me. Pointing. Laughing. Everyone. Even Jordan was snickering. ‘That hurt.’ But being hit in the forehead wasn’t enough to cause this reaction…until I felt it. I had reached up and felt where my forehead had been; instead a large golfball sized bump had formed. I knew I probably looked ridiculous, but I was still in pain. Didn’t anyone care that I might actually be hurt?
Suddenly I was scooped up under my armpits, and out of the pool; steadied on the deck, and then pick up by someone. My head was spinning and I couldn’t concentrate. But I did hear the name calling.
“Yeah take away the eye sore.”
Also, “Egg head! Let’s call her egg head!”
I passed out to the giant eruption of laughter. ‘I want to go back to homeschooling.’
.-.-.Senior Year.-.-.
Well I did just what I wanted. It was the first thing I told my mom after I had recovered from my concussion and three day coma. And it being the first thing out of my mouth; my mother did not argue with me. I finished out my junior year being homeschooled. I know I shouldn’t care, and that they are just a bunch of dumb kids; but I reinvented myself. I was no longer the scared, quiet, intimidated girl.
After quitting public school and also the swim team, I realized how much I actually enjoyed swimming. So I have to thank butthead for making me try out something, I originally wouldn’t have tried. I love it! ‘Yes. His name is butthead now. After I saw him snickering at my pain, that was it. The thought of him now disgusted me.’ Also now that I’ve joined a private swim team, and I’ve swam all summer; I’ve met better guys. Not that I’m instantly attracted to them or anything, but that they are actual decent human beings. Even one of them is the reason I have ventured back into public high school. ‘Yep. That’s right. I’m back.’ Because Charlie, my new guy friend, challenged me to go back and destroy the girls’ records. Which I’m excited to do. Swim season starts tomorrow!!
But school. These last six months have flown by. It’s amazing when you don’t focus all your energy on one outlet, that you can do so much more. I’ve gotten A’s as always. But I’ve been apart of different clubs. The dance club, art club, ceramics club, radio club, etc. I thought I might as well try everything before high school is over and done.
I have seen him. Occasionally. Not that I’ve been seeking him out, but that we have crossed paths. The first time I saw him, I got sick to my stomach. Happy to know that the sight of him still made me feel disgusted; how did I ever like him? And I would like to say that my lack of presence around him has not phased him one bit. Thankfully I was not on his radar last year; or the probable constant tormenting would have been unbearable.
Let’s start fresh.
.-.-.-.
Swim season has been underway for almost a month. I’ve gotten better and better. Enough so, that I’m in the second fastest lane. The only people faster than me is: Jordan, Michael, Miguel, Nathan, and Charlie. ‘Yep. My friend Charlie. I don’t know why I didn’t know he had been on the team all four years. I’m blaming it on my lack of good visibility. Haha. That’s a real thing.’ But yeah, I’m the fastest girl on the entire team. And also yes. I’ve been chipping away at the records. I hold four of the eight. I just all depends on what our coach allows me to swim. Or if he is wanting to win the meet; then he puts me in my fastest events.
But I’ve been flying! Really. Swimming has made a huge difference on my life. I’m so happy I started when I did. Because there has already been offers from several different colleges; with full scholarships. ‘I’m stoked!!’ I thought this was just going to be a hobby; but I’m happy it is going to be a life altering thing. And I’ll be possibly going to college with Charlie. He has been an amazing friend through all of this. I don’t know what would have happened to me if Charlie hadn’t been in my life. I’m so happy I met him officially the day I joined the private team.
“ Sarah,” my friend Joyce called out to me.
“Yeah. What’s up?” I was finishing up showering after the grueling practice.
“You’ve been hanging out with Charlie a lot. Anything happening between you two?”
I felt my face flush, but I quickly pushed it aside. Im not saying I want something to happen. But I wouldn’t be apposed to something happening. “No, nothing is happening” I try to play it off cool. “Why do you ask?”
“Well I thought after last year, and now; that something was happening between you two.”
“What do you mean last year. What happened last year?”
“You don’t know? He’s the one that carried you to the nurses office that day. He carried you clear across campus in just his speedo. He was made fun of for the whole junior year. Everyone called out at him like, “Nice diaper.” He was diaper boy for the last three months. Didn’t you know?”
‘He carried me? He was made fun of. He was the one who helped me? No way! Why hasn’t he said anything.’ I needed answers. I didn’t wait for Joyce; I grabbed my gear and ran out of the locker room. Right smack into Charlie.
“Ouch!” I had run into his shoulder with my nose. “Watch where you are going.” ‘That was a stupid response.’
“Sure. Here I was standing still until something flew into me. But sure I’ll watch where I’m going next time.” Charlie turned walking away.
His sarcastic tone told me I could follow. So I did. We walked in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me about last year? I didn’t know anything.”
“Oh. I. Umm.”
Charlie stumbled around with his words. ‘This was not like Charlie. Charlie didn’t stumble. Charlie was perfect. He was a perfect gentlemen. He was a prefect teammate. And he would be the perfect boyfriend. But how do I bridge that subject.’
“I didn’t really know how to bring it up. I know it was not a good memory for you. And since you never brought it up, I just assumed you didn’t want to talk about it again, or that you didn’t remember it at all. Either way I was okay. I was going to be your friend no matter what. You are pretty cool. Even still when your eyes were glued to Jordan; I still thought you were a pretty cool girl.”
Charlie wasn’t really talking towards me. But I knew he was talking about me.
“You just had a bad taste in guys,” Charlie smirked at that last part.
‘Did my heart just flutter? At Charlie’s smirk? Oh no. It’s happening again. I’m going to go boy crazy again. Must distract myself.’ I just start walking forward. I needed to…I don’t know. But staying there looking at him was not the right answer.
“Hey wait,” Charlie grabbed my hand.
‘He’s holding my hand!?!’
“I’m sorry if I made you angry. I just know that Jordan is not the right guy for you. You deserve better. You deserve…”
‘I deserve…? Charlie just stopped talking. Could he mean? No don’t be ridiculous. Focus elsewhere. But not on the hand that still is holding yours. Oh, great. That’s all I can think of now!’
“Anyways. We should get going,” Charlie says as he drops my hand.
‘No.’ I don’t know what I was doing but I reached out and grasped his hand again. Then realizing what I was doing I dropped it quickly. My face was going to turn a bright red color here in a moment. ‘Walk away, Sarah. Before it’s too late.’ “You are right. Yeah, we should get going. Let’s go,” I quickly dashed off. Not really a run, but fast enough that I knew he wouldn’t follow me. He lives in the opposite direction.
I almost collapsed as I made it to the park besides my home. Running after a grueling workout was not the best plan of mine, but I needed to be anywhere away from…
“Why did you run off?” Charlie came running up too, just minutes after me.
‘Oh no. He would see me scarlet face.’ I threw up my hands to shield my face from his eye-line. My feelings would stay hidden. This was not the smartest idea on my part.
“What are you doing?” Charlie probably thought I looked ridiculous. “Hey. Talk to me!”
His hands were holding my hands. ‘No. He’s stronger than me. He’s going to see.’ My hands were instantly brought down to my sides. His hands still held them in place. He was just looking at me in silence.
I couldn’t take this anymore and I decided to look up into his face. But what I saw, I wish I hadn’t looked. He was smirking at me. ‘Agh! He’s probably laughing at me. And here I am thinking his smirk is so cute. Ahhhh! Kill me now!’ I looked away. I tried to free my hands but to no avail he kept my hands prisoners.
“Sarah. Look at me.”
‘Nope. You might be fine with this, but I’m dying inside.’
“Sarah. Just look at me.”
“No.”
“Sarah” Charlie’s voice was pleading but kind.
I had to look. I had never heard Charlie’s voice like this before. I wanted to see the expression that went along with it. I slowly raised my gaze to look at his face. The smirk was gone. Instead I saw a smile. But then Charlie was stepping towards me. I couldn’t move, especially since my hands were still captured. And then…
A kiss. Only for a quick second. But still my first kiss! ‘He kissed me! So it does mean!!!’ I stepped towards him and gave him a kiss too. I wasn’t the same girl as before. I was more daring. I could kiss… ‘I kissed him!?! Why did I just do that. Oh my gosh that was so embarrassing.’
When I looked into Charlie’s eyes that smirk was back. I desperately tried but failed once again to be released from his hold on my hands; I wanted to run away. But instead I was held in place.
“You kissed me back. You know what this means right?”
I could hear the smirk in Charlie’s voice now. “No. What does it mean?” I looked back into Charlie’s eyes confidently. I was not going to cower. I could be brave.
emily2jane 