Dreamland

I’m just sitting on the couch with my baby and we are doing completely different things. Im trying to stay focused on my phone while he laughs and giggles at the video on his phone. He is on one side and I’m on the other. However my feet have wedged themselves between his legs. His legs are at a angle that makes it difficult for me to go free.

As I sit here I ponder on when he will ask me that one question that will change everything! That one question I have been dreaming about. 💕 “When!?!”

But alas I sit here, a small distance from him, and I write this post. Sitting and waiting for that question…There as so many things I have to look forward too and so does he 😊 but until both “I dos,” are said, I sit here dreaming and waiting. 

Beats.

My heart flutters at you.

Must mean I’m not blue.

My heart flutters at fear.

Must mean I need to be clear.

My heart flutters after the cold breeze.

Must mean I’m about to sneeze.

My heart flutters at the baby’s smile.

Must mean I’ll stay and stare awhile.

My heart flutters in the dark.

Must mean I’m dreaming of sharks.

My heart flutters at art.

Must mean I’ve got a creative heart.

Finished window!

I didn’t finish it by Halloween…but it only took another 3 1/2 hrs. I like how it turned out…I will probably have it there for another 6 months…

30 min into the start of the day…


These last two guys to the bulk of my time. About 2 1/2 hrs in.

Total of 3 1/2 hrs.

Maybe to make it festive I’ll paint snow flakes in the side windows!!😎

Newest Window

My newest window is for my nephew’s 9th birthday present. I told him to choose anything and he choose Pokemon! I have never dabbled in drawing Pokemon and this is new for me. 

At first I didn’t know how I felt about the design, or even just the start of how it looked.

This is about 1 1/2 hours into the painting…

But as I kept adding more and more colors my views changed…

About 30 min later

I wouldn’t ever think to do Pokemon but because the characters are so vibrant it is perfect for me and how I paint! One brush dipped into every color; painting with 20 colors simultaneously…not any one object is a single color.

So many colors!! 😊
How I left the painting today. To get this far it only took about 5 hours.

Family.

You are born into one,

You are raised by one.

You grow with one,

And you are loved by one.

-:-

You continue life with that one.

You strive and thrive with that one.

They see you fail and fall.

But they help you crawl and stand tall.

-:-

Now it’s new.

His family has accepted me.

But not only that,

His family, my family, are one.

I am happy with glee!! 💕

I’ve been gone for awhile…life has just been in full throttle for the past 5 months. You know when you begin something new and it consumes you and you allow it to swallow up your existence. I’ve done this and I an extremely happy!! 

I’m happy is all I can say right now! 😊❤️

Your Choice.

“Left or Right?” I say, realizing it sounds like it will define my life.

“I don’t know you choose…” Peter says like its just another pathway in another direction.

Standing there wide-eyed, energized, and immovable at the top of the mountain trail after a long hard strenuous hike, I look out into the vast valley and I’m surprised at how far we have come; we did start today at six o’clock in the morning and it was now closer to ten. This is our last day of our journey.  Even though I was dying because of the lack of coffee, I felt more alive today in the wilderness than I had these last few months in the city.

Peter on the other hand was a mindless zombie; he stood behind me, but only barely. If someone were to come bump into him he would probably topple over and roll down the hill. His eyes were closed at every point we weren’t moving; he would occasionally mumble something under his breath, usually about coffee; he looked like a lonesome tree, who just wanted to be left alone until Spring.

This trip wasn’t either of our ideas; our friends set it for us as a way to work on our problems. “We don’t have problems!” I remember saying this in unison once six months ago, to our loving and caring friends. “We just like to work, and it works for us.”

We have  been married for almost two years; I wouldn’t say it has been easy, but it hasn’t been so awful we needed to go on a hiking trip to figure ourselves out. But still we went on this trip, just so that our friends would leave us alone.

The first couple days were terrible; we both hiked through bushes, branches, dirt, dust, muck. With every step we hated being here and we just wanted to run back home; but, if we did that then we would never hear then end of it.

Besides, I am now happy we did come on this trip. I have discovered something about myself, I love hiking. I love being away from the city; I love hearing the wind intertwine with its surrounds creating the wilderness’ song. Standing on top of this mountain I can see anything and everything. The journey upwards was hard, bitter, long, but the fact that we are standing here shows me, at least, that we can survive anything.

“Peter…” I say to the sky. No response. “Peter!” I turn and there he is sitting on a rock sleeping soundly. “Oh, Peter…” smiling to myself, because trying to arose him is pointless, once he is dreaming he won’t wake up.

Instead, I put my pack down and sit down beside him; I can hear his breathing. We haven’t been this close in months. I realize why our friends said we had problems; our jobs became our loves. I think I saw him once this last week, and until this moment I hadn’t thought anything of it. His breathing hum added a soft melody to the wilderness song; changing it into a lullaby. I rested my head upon his knee and dream my own dreams, but they all consisted of him.

I awoke to the rubbing of my head. I opened my eyes and the sky was a soft orange with the clouds still soaring through the sky.  I lift my head up and there sits Peter staring off into the sky. The colors dance across his face making him more handsome than ever.

“Hey,” I say quiet enough to not spoil the moment.

“Hey,” he says with a smile, still looking off into the distance.

The wind danced, the birds sang, and my heart fluttered…

“Shouldn’t we be going?” Peter asked as his body spread stretching out his spine; with every moment some bone or joint popped or cracked.

He must be a bit sore from sleeping hunched over on the rock. I didn’t want to move from this spot, but he was right.  “Yeah, we should.” I started to move and he jumped up and helped me rise. His hand on mine, made me feel like a teenager again.

“So, Left or Right,” Peter said now standing tall, refreshed, and strong.

My heart was beating so fast, I now remember this feeling; the feeling of happiness from another person. I love him…I haven’t thought this in a long time. Remembering this feeling made my body surge to life, but also fall into the place beside him. I realized I had been to quiet and hadn’t given him an answer. “I…” I start as I turn towards him.

His eyes are staring into mine; his features calm and loving. I haven’t seen him like this since our wedding day. “I don’t know. You choose. I’ll go where ever you go” only squeaky voice came out; I’m surprised anything came out of my mouth at all. His stare left me speechless.

“Okay then,” Peter said looking both ways, “Let’s go this way.”

Our bodies turned together, and we moved as one. We are following the Right path, hopefully to a different branch of our lives.

…But also, hopefully, this path leads us to a nice, warm Cup of Joe…

Fork

Mama.

Eyes sparkling with interest as millions of images dash across the screen. Those eyes catching each one as it dances away; not wanting to miss a single image. The eyes filled with excitement and wonder, but also a sense of sadness because the longing for these images will only ever be a dream.

“Mama. What’s that?” my beautiful little girl points at a image of a waterfall. A rare nature scene, one that I have not seen for many years.

“It’s called a waterfall, honey. Great amounts of water cascades over a hill of rock, spilling down over into a stream.” At least that’s what I remember at the age of six when my father told me.

“Have you ever seen one? Not on a screen. Were you able to touch it?” her magical eyes dancing with excitement knowing that this beautiful image is not just a fantasy.

“Yes, Honey. I saw it when I was a little bit younger than you. I stuck my hand into the downpour and it almost knocked me over. The water was warm and lite. It shimmered like the stars. I desperately wanted to dive into the water and submerge my being, so that I could listen to the noises underwater.” Remembering lost memories always have bitter sweet taste.

“Mama, in the future I will venture out into the world and find this beautiful snippet of nature!” she bounces up, taking up her normal explorer stance, and yells it into the air.

“Hush dear.” Checking around, hoping they did not hear her. “You remember the rules, we can look but we must be quiet about it.”

“Right. Sorry Mama.” She cuddle up beside my knee; then she continued to watch the images dance across the screen.

These small moments are what keep me going. These moments help me forget where we are and how our life has changed.

…12 years later…

A gush of wind stirs the dirt and grime into my mouth, “Eww, tastes like metal and dust.” I pull the bandanna up over my mouth again, because I will take not breathing before disgusting tastes. Sweat and mud mix over my skin; I probably look wild. Which is alright with me, I can’t be bothered.

The forest has become denser and the trees are closer than ever, “I’m close!” My pace picks up a bit. My steps are bigger. My heart is pounding…there…

It’s more beautiful than I ever imagined. It shines like crystals; continuously falling into a vast stream. I can barely see the top of the fall; I see the water spilling over the top, it seems to be spilling out of the heavens. The space around the waterfall is lush and green, small animals, bugs, and birds dashing over, in, and around the glistening water.

Standing in all the beauty I remember why…Setting my back-pack down I pull out the small screen which gave me dreams and wonders as a child. The now broken device, but it was stuck on the waterfall. “Mama…”

She has been gone nearly six years. She died in that place; she never got to explore the land of home. She gave me everything as a child. Love. Hopes. Dreams. Life. I am forever indebted to her. We lived in a small tent, on dirt ground, surrounded by hills of dirt. When she died I made it my mission to venture to the South, where all the images were from. Mama always talked about how she wanted to come back home and see the land that made her.

She is here; her love lives forever in my heart and soul. No matter where I journey she will relive all of it again with me.

I walk towards the waterfall, and just like her, I stretch my hand out into the water. The power behind the gushing water is impressive. I continue to inch forward until I stand firm under the fall, drench by the water. I slowly sink down and lay submerged. Its peaceful, yet chaotic. Losing consciousness I explode to the surface! I lay there floating in the pool of shimmering water. This place is like life…there’s always something trying to hold you under, but unless you dream and pursue what you want you will stay submerged. But if you fight back and live, like my mother, you will live fully and your dreams will never die.

I love you Mama!

South