Tag Archives: Drawing

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Life As A Mama, Reflections

Emily

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Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.

The meaning of Emily is rival or striving. Which makes sense with my personality. I’ve always put in great efforts for everything in my life. My art, my schooling, my family, my husband, my kiddos, etc. everything was hard work for me. Strangely enough my mom named me right!

Because my name is not a family name. My mom just liked the name Emily. When I was younger I was a little bummed I was not given a family name. But as I grew up I fell in love with my name. Now I cannot have another name. It’s my name. And now I have a daughter that I gave her a name that I have loved since I was little. But it’s not a family name either. So in a way she’s just like me.

However…I know I did a school assignment that was based on your name. And Emily meant something different back then. I probably have the school assignment somewhere packed away. But I wonder…

I love my name. Thanks Mama ❤️

Happy Birthday Hubby!! I love you!! 💕

Art, Creativity, Short Stories

Short Story #12

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Ginny

“Come on. Get up! Stand up for yourself. Are you stupid? Can you not understand me? Get up!”

I tried to push myself back up into a standing position, but they shoved me back down to the ground. Pain. I could feel the warm blood begin to seep from my knee.

“Never mind. Stay down there. That’s where you truly belong. Where the trash and scum live. You are just pure garbage.” The girl above me snickered and the others chimed in too.

‘Please help me. Someone. Help me.’

“What are you all doing!?” An alarmed woman’s voice called out behind the group.

“Run!” the group of girls yelled at each other as they all ran away from the scene.

“Ouch!” A few of them crushed my hand as they fled. Still not caring for my existence. ‘I can’t move. I don’t think my body will do anything for me.’

“Oh no. Sweetie. Are you alright? Do you need help? Here let me help you.”

The woman helped get me into a sitting position. I finally could look her in the face. She has a warm smile. Rosy cheeks. I knew I was safe for a moment. I looked down at my body to see the damage that was done. I gasped because it was worse than ever. Both knees were gushing blood. My elbows were beginning to bruise. My skirt was torn. My shirt was smeared with grime. I can’t imagine how my face looked.

“Come with me,” the woman carefully pulled me up into a standing position. “I’ll help you, but come with me.” She walked me to the entrance of the supermarket. Everyone was staring, pointing, gasping. I wanted to disappear, but my hero wasn’t backing away; so neither would I.

I pretty much hobbled all the way to the bathroom. The woman was a big help. Once in there I collapsed onto a small bench. I thought the woman would leave me but she stayed. She didn’t just stay, but she started to clean my face. Looking at the used paper towels I saw so much red. But my face felt so much better. She also cleaned my elbows, my knees. Magically she had bandages in her purse. So not only was I cleaned up, but I was healing.

“Than…thank you.” I choked up. No one had ever helped me. They always passed by while I was being bullied; or avoided me like the plague when I had to walk home after the beatings.

“Of course my dear. It’s what any decent human being would do,” the woman smiled warmly.

‘That’s probably why…no one had been decent.’

I glanced in the mirror and I was shocked that she had helped me at all. My face was turning black and blue. I had a cut over my eye; also one on my chin. But everything was bandaged. The woman didn’t stop there. She brought out a comb from her purse and proceeded to brush my mangled hair back into a normal state. She pulled it back into a half pony tail. She checked my reflection before nodding. Then she pulled out a bottle of foundation.

“Is your purse a Mary Poppins bag?”

She laughed. That made her smile even warmer. “You could say that. Do want some of this? Just for your face bruises. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around people when you head home later.”

I nodded. Anything to help the stares would be great.

She must have done some else’s makeup before. Because before I knew if she was done and I looked one hundred and ten percent better. “Thank you.” I was surprised she wasn’t asking any questions. Most people don’t help, but they think their own wisdom is the best help they can give.

“Of course honey. Well are you hungry? I’ll buy you a sandwich from the deli. I’m a bit hungry myself.”

“Yes please!” Wow. Help and food. I am getting spoiled today. But would happen tomorrow…

…

After lunch the woman walked me back to the front of the store.

“Do you think you can make it home okay?”

I nodded. I didn’t know if I could, but I shouldn’t take up any more of this woman’s time. “Yes. Thank you so much again.”

“Of course,” the woman waved goodbye, grabbed a cart, and once again entered the supermarket.

‘Of course. She had been here to shop. Well now what am I going to do?’ The bullies had shoved me into their car after school and brought me here. But after being spooked, I’m sure they all left by now. How was I going to get home? I’m miles away.

…

Mrs. Holler

Gathering up my groceries, I headed back to the front of the store. I’m happy I was able to help her. I hope she got home alright. ‘How could there be such terrible people everywhere…’

The girl was sitting on a bench to the side of the entrance. ‘Poor dear.’ I walked up to her smiling. This girl deserved the biggest smiles. “Did your ride never show up?”

She jumped at the voice behind her. Her arms came up in defense. She relaxed as she saw it was me.

‘I’m so sorry.’ I’m sorry, my dear. Do you think you could help me carry these groceries to the car. And I can give you a lift home. Or at least give you a lift to a bus stop if that would be better.” ‘She must be bullied non stop.’

She nodded.

I handed her a few bags, but the lighter ones. I’m sure her ribs were in some pain.

Once in the car it was discussed I would just drive her the whole way home. She didn’t have money for the bus fare. I sent off a quick text, to let my daughter know I would be a little late, and then gave my full attention to the girl in my passenger seat.

‘Should I bring it up? Or leave it alone. It’s best to talk about it…’

“Will you tell me what happened earlier?”

She shifted in her seat.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. I just can sometimes be a help to people. If you want to, I’m all ears.”

She shrugged and looked out the window.

That was probably a no. I should just drive. ‘Focus on driving.’

“It happens everyday. For some reason I’m their choice for a target. I’ve never done anything to be on their radar. Just randomly one day I was tripped by someone, and after that I’ve been tortured everyday.”

I knew that was just the opening. But already I was so sorry for her.

“The torments kept getting worse and worse. I thought they might stop if I stood up for myself. But instead that just set them off more. They started shoving and beating me down. They wouldn’t stop. Why wouldn’t they stop!?”

Ginny was choking back tears. “Just cry my dear. You will feel better.”

“How do you know? Why did you help me today? You could have just walked by. Everyone always just walks by. Those girls might torment me even more tomorrow. What’s the point? Maybe I should…”

“No! Don’t finish that sentence,” I pulled off to the side of the road. I turned to look at her. I didn’t know what she was about to say, but I needed her to know. “I stopped because I wanted to help you. I wish someone would have stopped for my daughter. She was like you. She was the target of bullying. For no reason, but they decided she was the fresh meat. They tormented her everyday, and she of course kept it all from me. She didn’t want me to worry.”

“One day she didn’t come home. I got so worried that I went out looking for her. After about four hours of searching, I had almost given up hope until I spotted her. Standing on the sidewalk next to a busy street. It was the first time I saw my daughter looking broken. I don’t know why I knew, but I took off running in her direction. I made it to her, just as she took her first step into the street. I said nothing to her, but hugged her. She collapsed into my arms. We both broke down on the sidewalk. That day I discovered that I was not doing my job as a mom. That day I made a promise that I would help someone else who needed help! I would be the one to make a difference in their life.”

I realized it had been silent in the car the whole time as I spoke.

I looked over at the fragile girl beside me and she just had a look of shock.

“Your daughter tried to…?”

I nodded. She did. That was the most terrifying day of my life. When I realized that my daughter wanted to end everything. That she was in so much pain that she forgot all about me. But that wasn’t her fault. I was so wrapped up in my career at the time that I’m sure she thought she couldn’t turn to me. That she had been all alone in the world. ‘My poor baby.’ “Yes. So I will stop and help someone if they need help. I will always stop! Not another child will feel alone and lost while I’m around!”

“Just so you know I wasn’t going to say anything like that. I was just going to say something like run away. Go back into the system. Change to a new family in a new district. Running away from here seems like my only option.”

‘Foster…? So she no one.’ “I’m glad to hear that you weren’t thinking that way. No child should. So I’m assuming your foster parents don’t know?”

“They know. But they are fostering about twelve kids right now. Some of those kids need special care. And sadly if the state finds out I’ve been receiving beatings they will just assume my foster parents are doing it. They would lose everything. They truly are wonderful people, but they can’t risk everything for me; when those little kids really need them. So I’ve just been suffering by myself. But since the bullies aren’t going away I think I’ll just go back into the system.”

‘I wonder.’ “What school do you go to?”

“Marshall Haven Heights. Why?”

“Okay. I know some of the kids that go there. I could introduce you to a few. They are stand up kids and probably would have your back. If you would like that kind of thing.”

‘Friends? No. Charity friends.’ “I don’t want people to be around me because they are told. My one true friend bolted the moment I started to get bullied. She didn’t want to be a victim as well.”

“Don’t worry about that. My daughter is four years older than you. That’s actually the school she went to too. The kids I know there, are the siblings of the friends that rallied around my daughter after everything. Her friends are what got her through high school. They are a good group of kids. Do you want an introduction?”

‘What have I got to loose. Anyways I don’t think this woman is going to leave me alone now. “Sure. Why not.”

“Good. Let’s do it tomorrow!” I knew I was beaming, but I’m so excited to help!

…

Ginny

I knew these kids. They were the popular but non popular kids. If that makes sense. They were popular in the scholar parts of school. I guess you could call them preppy…or nerds. Something like that. Not really my type of people. But I couldn’t say that with Mrs. Holler next to me.

“Ginny. This is Nathaniel, Stephen, Sarah, Kevin, and Melanie. All of you, this is Ginny.”

Mrs. Holler kept looking at me, then back at them, then back at me. She probably wanted someone to initiate a hello. I didn’t want to, but I could also see that they were wary of me as well. Probably because my face was still heavily bruised. ‘Whatever. Just get this over with.’

“Hello,” I stepped forward, “my name is Ginny. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Good. Good.” Mrs. Holler was nodding excitedly. “Well I’ll be off. Hopefully,” she stepped up to me, “things will get better. I hope if I see you again it’s under better circumstances.” She gave me a quick hug, “goodbye.” And she left.

I watched as Mrs. Holler walked away. No matter what happens I am so thankful to her that day. I turned back to the group still standing in front of me. “Look, I know you don’t want to be here. I can read it on those two faces,” I pointed to Sarah and Melanie. I must have been right because they shifted on their feet. “So we can forget this. I’ll make do. I don’t want people in my life, that don’t want to be there. That’s pointless. So if Mrs. Holler asks I’ll say you have been great. You can lie too. I don’t need charity. If anything happens again, I’ll just leave.”

They just stood there. Not answering. Stephen and Kevin looked at each other. Nathaniel just kept staring at me. Nothing. I wasn’t expecting anything, anyways. “See ya,” I turned and headed towards the doors that would offer knowledge, but also a beating. Probably one of the worst kinds. If so, I will just be done.

Surprisingly the bullies stayed away. They didn’t even look at me. They didn’t speak to me. I was grateful, but I was also worried. Because that usually meant the beating would be away from adult eyes. ‘I could just leave. Right now. Before school is over. Just gather up my belongings and leave.’ It was tempting, but I did want to graduate. If I was gone all the time, then high school would take forever.

Clang! Clang! Clang! School was done for the day. Instead of waiting until everyone was gone, I decided to exit with the crowd. To disappear within the faces. ‘Maybe the bullies would miss me. Maybe I could get away. Maybe I could just do this the rest of high school. Maybe….’ That thought died on my tongue. Because waiting right next to the bus was the group. They were stopping everyone before they entered the bus. They were searching for me. Sweat started to trickle down my back. I could hear my heart beginning to speed up. My mouth went dry. I stopped walking, which is what tipped them off. A girl pointed at me; then the whole group looked up to see me and sneered. They left their perch at the bus, and started towards me. I started to back away. I don’t know why I didn’t run, but instead I stupidly backed up until I was back inside the school lobby. There was no where to hide. ‘I could run to the teacher lounge.’ But that would get linked back to my foster parents. I can’t do that.

Instead of hiding I just dropped my backpack to the floor. I too, slowly sank to the floor. Sitting in the position that they usually push me to when the beating begins. I would just take the beating. I wouldn’t try to fight back, be strong, or hide. I’ll just take it.

I waited for the group. As they finally circled around me, Ashley, the girl from yesterday, squatted down to my level.

“What’s this?” She grabbed a piece of my hair, “ you are all ready for me? All I need to do is crush you, until you are part of the floor. You know. I really think I could stomp your body flat until you are new kind of rug. That’s all you are, something for someone to stand upon. This is going to be fun!” Ashley dropped my hair and stood back up.

Just as the first stomp should have made contact with my back, a voice called out, “ what’s going on right now!?”

I lifted my head to see Principal Jessica and Nathaniel standing in the outer ring of the lobby. Nathaniel had his phone up, probably recording.

‘How humiliating.’ I dropped my head back down. Actually wishing I could disappear into the floor.

The groups started to panic and attempted run away. “Stop right there! I know each of your faces! If you run now you will definitely be expelled!” Principal Jessica and Nathaniel were walking up. “Get up my dear.”

How was I suppose to know they were talking about me. Until I felt a warm hand grab my shoulder, I looked up and see it was Nathaniel. He didn’t say anything. He just shook his head and helped me stand up. My knees felt weak and I almost fell, but Nathaniel caught me and held me up. ‘I’ll just go with it for now.’ Leaning on someone felt so strange but also nice. I don’t really know what happened after that. My head started to spin and I just felt my body collapse under me.

…

Few Days Later

Ginny

Well. A lot of things happened in these few days. And for the first few days, I was unconscious in a hospital bed. But after I woke up, I discovered that Ashley was arrested by the cops after more testimonies came. Several students that had witnessed my bullying came forward to share what happened in the past. Mrs. Holler added what she had saw. What Nathaniel had recorded was evidence too. The school actually search through their security feed to discover not all the beatings were done in complete secrecy. The bullies from the posey that were caught on camera being physical, were expelled. The others were suspended, and would not graduate this year; they would have to repeat.

So being back at school felt strange. I didn’t have any more to fear. I could just go to my classes; go and learn without being worried about what would happened after the bell clanged. I felt relaxed for the first time in a long while. This feeling was all thanks to the one woman who bravely stopped that day.

Mrs. Holler had helped so many students that day she helped me. She not only stopped my bullying, but now bullying had severe consequences. I don’t know if I would ever be able to thank her enough. She was the person that I would never forget. She has inspired me to be that person who stops and helps someone in need. I will always stop too!

,,,The End…

My son’s art. I love it so much!! My brain could write a story today, but couldn’t draw a picture… probably my art brain needs a rest. My daughter and I just finished painting all of her Christmas presents. I love my babies! 🥰
Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts

A Magical Land

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If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Not really magical, like Harry Potter. I would love to live in a place that all my family would love to live. But it’s not realistic.

My husband and I are very much country type people. Lots of open space. Tractors, chickens, cows, dirt, less people, and good strong Christians. We are that typical country song.

I know some of my family are country too. But I know some of them are more city people. Less busy, hustle and bustle city; and more like suburbs. Like they like having people around and all the amenities.

Because let me tell you. When you live about 45min from a city with all your shopping stores; you learn to live without something until you are planning to go back. Or like me; you learn to make everything from scratch. You want tacos…you don’t have tortillas…you make them. You are craving a delicious burger and French fries…you make it yourself. It’s a lot of work to change to be this type of person, but so worth it.

But back to my family. I know my mom would come and my brothers (maybe). I haven’t had talks with them in a long time; so I don’t actually know who my brothers are anymore. Which is sad to say, but that’s what happens when you live far away and you keep getting pregnant.

But then my sisters would be left where they are. And that doesn’t seem fair. I would be happy to have my family near me once again!! But my sisters wouldn’t have their family near them.

That’s why I want to live somewhere magical. Somewhere where we all could get what we want. I know of a place, but it’s just a dream. Because moving away to a new state is hard. Especially if you have always lived in the same place. You would leave your good friends, your surroundings, and sometimes family.

That’s what my husband and I did, over seven years ago. Wow. It’s been seven years!!

So the only way to answer this prompt is: I want to live in a magical place where everyone wants to live. But I can’t just ask them to move closer. Because that would just me asking for selfish reasons. That I miss my family so much that I wish they would all just move closer for me. Also the thought that my kids would know their cousins; that would be an added perk.

Have a wonderful Friday. Let it be filled with your dreams of what ifs. Mine: what if my family were closer?? I would be the happiest person in the whole world. 🥰

My daughter’s newest painting. She is painting paintings for all of her family for Christmas presents. So proud of her.

I paint at the same time on paper, and she paints on a canvas board. We go step by step. She is doing fantastic!! I am so happy to have a painting buddy. Almost 3 done, only 8 more to go. And we are running out of time. Not just cause Christmas is coming, but I’m getting bigger and bigger pregnant. So my days are slowly getting more filled with more naps.

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Well…

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Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

Haha! I was going to say house or car. But since that’s not an option, then…a dress.

It was around the time I was coaching high school swimming. Turned out they needed more chaperones for prom night. I jumped at the opportunity!

I was homeschooled; so I had to be asked by someone who went to a public school to experience prom. I was. My friend’s brother at the time. The getting ready was the best part of prom. But then once there, I was left at a table where I ended up playing Jin rummy all night long with another guy that was left at the table. It was still fun, but I afterwards felt that I never got to experience prom.

So when I heard they needed help at prom, In a heartbeat, jumped at the opportunity. I was told to dress up so that I would blend into the students. So I got to experience everything again!!

I went out to buy a new dress. New prom, new dress. Made sense in my brain. The theme of the prom was Great Gatsby. So of course, sparkly or beaded.

Safe to say I wasn’t paying attention to the price of the dress. I tried it on, and it fit like a glove!

Yeah….it was $300.00! I was shocked. So I had to call my mom first.

“Mom. I found the perfect dress. But it’s $300. Is that too much?”

“That’s a bit much, but if you believe you will wear it more than once the quality of the dress will be worth the amount. It’s your decision. I’m excited to see whatever you decide when you get home.”

‘Neither yes, or no. Had to be my decision. Learning lesson’ “Okay thanks mom.”

I course told myself I would wear it more than once! So they rang me up and my card was denied. ‘What!!’ I knew I had more than enough money to buy the dress. I was currently working two jobs and I was still at home. So I again had to call my mom. Turned out I had a limit on my card of $50 as a precaution. So you can see that I rarely used my card. So as soon as I figured everything out the dress was mine.

Prom was just as exciting. I got to walk around the museum. Look at all the exhibits. I saw some of my swimmers dancing. They were surprised I was in dress. Normally I wore pants or shorts to coach. Some of my swimmers didn’t know who I was until someone called out “Coach!”

But all around it was a fun night. And it made up for my previous prom.

And I did. I wore it once more. So two wears for $300 is more like two dresses for $150, right? That sounds better.

And I took care of the dress. Proper cleaning and storing. But either I’ll wear it again. Or my daughters will have a dress ready and waiting for them when they need one. But my true goal is to shrink back down and fit into it again. My husband will have to take me somewhere if that happens.

$300. That was my big splurge on one personal item. After that I stayed in my safe price range for dresses. $50-$100 a dress. $100 had to be something I was going to wear several times. But usually I stuck to the $50 range. Where I felt more comfortable. Or I would shop in the clearance section. Saving money gives me an energy.

Which is probably why I’m still that way, but also not. I make do. If I want something, I really dwell on if we really need it or not. For weeks. And usually I decide I don’t NEED it. But sometimes I get the urge to shop. And the urge won’t go away. But luckily we have a great thrift store in town. $1 for each item. So I go in there and spend $10-$20. And I get some things for me, for my kids, for the kitchen, for school, for storage. Usually I only spend $10. That’s enough.

That is enough to suffice my urge to spend money. My husband is okay with me spending $10 once every couple months. However, I really can’t wait until we have an allowance again!! Because I also get an energy from saving actual money. If I have a jar and actual hard cash in my hand it goes into the jar. I once saved up $500 and that was $40 twice a month. Needless to say I get competitive with myself. “One more day! One more day!”

Usually I don’t even spend the money on me. I spend it on my husband, my kiddos, my mom. It makes me happy to buy things for others. But this time around I’m going to try and think about spending some on me. Like set aside at the end of saving about $200. That I have to spend on myself. Because when we go on trips or to different places I occasionally find something I want to buy and I’ve spent my allowances already. So I’m going to try; and believe me it’s going to be difficult. Or maybe I won’t, and I’ll save up until Christmas and buy everyone presents. I like the sound of that plan!

So yeah. I’ve changed. I was once someone who would go to Ross, on a Saturday, and spend $300-$500 dollars on a whole new wardrobe. To now, someone who gets a drive from saving money or spends $10 every two months when I need to buy something.

Have a great day!!

The dress…kind of.

I realized it’s been over 10 years since I wore the dress. So I don’t have the original picture on my phone. But I had edited a photo of the dress and this is the best I could do. It was a steely blue. Completely beaded. Floor length. A classic. But heavy!! So even in 10-15 more years it will still be in style.

Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

50/50

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Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

I’ve always wanted to be at this point. Not have a smart phone, a computer for media, etc. but it’s too realistic in todays world. Because as much I would love to live simply; there are reasons I need a way to stay connected.

Like my family. We all live apart. FaceTime has been a game changer. My kids know their grandma, uncles, aunts, and cousins. We only see each other in person maybe once or twice a year. But my mom can still watch her grand babies grow up in real time. This one is hard to change. But I suppose I could go back to writing letters with pictures included.

Another is recipes. I use the internet most to find new recipes. Even though I’m constantly trying new things; we get to a point that feels like I’m just in a cycle of recipes. So I find a few more to add into my cycle. I’m constantly doing this. But this one I could switch over to getting cookbooks.

This blog. When I get a moment to write down something; it means I’m still using my creativity side of my brain. Just because I’m so busy, I don’t want to loose that side of me. This one, I could just switch to a journal. This blog is a digital journal.

Media. I really want to get to the point where our entertainment watching is just DVDs or Blu-ray’s. Because then I know what my kids are watching. And with all the things happening in the entertainment industry I’ve stopped watching new things. I have favorites and I just watch them over and over. I’ve never been someone to watch something new. I have to be in the mood. This one is easy to solve if you have unlimited money. Since everything is going digital, dvds and Blu-ray’s are getting to be more expensive. So I have to just slowly add movies to our collection.

Photos. This one is difficult. I don’t want my pictures digital, especially with AI becoming more and more meddling in our lives. I don’t want pictures of my kids to be used elsewhere… so I want to switch. But the convenience of capturing a moment on your phone in an instant is so…I can’t think of the word. But it’s hard to stop. Also I can receive photos of my nephews and nieces. I get to watch them grow up so conveniently. so again this one probably tied into the letter writing. Also scrap booking. Just think that takes time, that I barely have time for.

So I’m at war with this topic. I would love to ditch my digital world. But I don’t know if I will ever get to. Time will tell.

“Dare to go through the tunnel into a different way of life?“
Art, Creativity, Daily Prompts, Reflections

Two…

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What skill would you like to learn?

Yes. There are two skills I would love to learn. One is unrealistic for me currently. But the other is possible.

The first one is be able to build anything I can think of. Carpentry skills. I have so many ideas that I would love to be able to just make them. But currently I’m pregnant. And I have so many other jobs to do when taking care of a family and household. That when I do magically have free time I don’t want to do anything productive. And that magical free time is going to dwindle away as the next baby comes.

But I’m so happy I’m married to a man who has over fifteen years of carpentry experience that he can bring my ideas to life. (If he had the time) but he can at least make them a reality.

The second skill is small, but I wish I knew how to spin the pizza dough in my hands like professionals do. I still use a rolling pin. But I would love to learn that skill. But I don’t want to waste the dough by trying. So unless some true master of pizza came to our house I’ll just stick with my way of making pizza.

The master would at least be impressed that now I make my pizza sauce from scratch. So I might impress them with my skills of making things from scratch.

This skill would be useful because my family seems wants to eat pizza at least once a week.

And I will say, even though I can’t build things. My husband says I’m a great helper when he is building. I’m good at helping. Helping is easier when I have no idea what’s going on. I just hold things when they need to be held, or give things when things are needed. So I am helping to build my ideas. The construction plan is him, but I’m helping with the inspiration and execution.

In case anyone is looking for a great pizza sauce recipe.

https://thefoodcharlatan.com/pizza-sauce-recipe/#wprm-recipe-container-24708

It says to use canned tomatoes. I just use 28 oz of fresh tomatoes. With their skins on. And I cook it for 30min.
Art, Creativity, Reflections

A Battle.

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‘You can. It won’t hurt you. Just try it for a moment.’

“No! It will hurt me. I’m not going to do it again.”

‘You know you want to. If you don’t do it now you are just going to dream it.’

“No. I’m stronger. I can stay honest.”

‘Staying honest is not easy. Just take the easy route. Come and try again. You know you want to.’

“Stay strong. Stay strong.”

‘You are strong. That’s why you should try again. You are strong enough to have self control. I’m sure you will stop after this time.’

“I should stop now. Don’t falter. It’s trying to trick you.”

‘I’m not trying to trick you. I’m trying to encourage you to enjoy some happiness; instead of hiding from it. Come.’

“Maybe I could try for a short moment. Maybe I would be able to stop on my own terms. Maybe…”

‘Yes. Yes. You know yourself. You know what is good for you. You know what you need. This can help you.’

“It might help me. I’ve been having a feeling that something was missing from my life. Maybe this is it. The thing that helps me relax.”

‘You deserve to relax after everything you have gone through these last few days. You owe it to yourself to unwind and enjoy your quiet time. Come.’

“Yeah. Nothing is wrong about enjoying something. That it helps me relax after a long hard day. I deserve this after all my sacrifice throughout the day.”

‘So true. Come.’

“But wait…should I be doing this? I have been good for several days. And I always feel nauseous and disgusted after doing it again. Maybe…”

‘Don’t listen to anyone but me. I’m on your side. The other voice is trying to take away all the joy in your life. Just listen to me and find the finer things in life.’

“Right. Think about me, and what I want. Okay!”

‘Good. Good.’

…Moments later…

“I feel sick to my stomach. Please forgive me God! Why did I do that? Why would I listen to that voice.”

‘Because everyone always listens to me. I’m the voice everyone try’s to ignore and stay away from. But they always crumble and listen eventually. I revel in your defeat! Victory is on my side!’

“What have I done? What have I done? Forgive me. Please heal my heart and clean my soul. Make me stronger. Make me able to withstand the voice of darkness. But also, make me better at listening to the voice of lightness. Please help me.”

‘You don’t actually mean that. Why would you not want me. I’m…’

“No! I’m done listening to you. Shut up and leave!”

‘But…’

“LEAVE!!”

Silence…

“Can you forgive me? Can you let me know you hear me?”

‘You did fail at listening to my voice. I’m not the voice to be a kill joy. I’m the voice to keep you on your path. The only path. But you continue to falter and listen to the voice of darkness. You block out my calls.’

“I’m so sorry. Please! Forgive me. I need you to be louder. Be louder than the other voice.”

‘I am loud. But you deafen me by ignoring my calls. You would rather fail than fight. You need to fight with me, and not against me.’

“I’m going to! I will! I promise!”

‘Your promises never seem to last long. It’s been about a week since our last conversation. Will you fight with me for all the years to come. To never sub-come to hear the other voice. Block it out from your ears?’

“I want to!! I’ve been trying to. It’s just so hard. But I’m going to. Today. I will fight alongside of you. Let us be one. Show me the path.”

‘Okay. Let’s go.’

…

Everyone struggles with something. And not everyone will have these types of conversations inside their bodies, but it can happen. It’s a battle between you, a demon, and the Holy Spirt. You can be strong for years, weeks, or days. And then falter. No one is perfect.

But you can fight it. God will help you. You just have to fight the fight with Him.

Fight the Fight!!

Digital Art
By: emily2jane
9-02-24

Inspired by today’s post.

Art, Creativity, Short Stories, Uncategorized

Short Story #8

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There is a guy in my class. He’s fascinating to me. He has dark black hair, but his seems natural unlike mine. He has a deep tan and he seems fit. But what is fascinating is that he seems to always be moving. Like right now, as we sit in class, his leg is twitching; like he’s itching to be gone. And like clockwork just before time is up he starts to gather up his belongings and shove it all into his backpack. The professor calls out class is over and he is gone. He fascinates me.

…The Next Day…

I plan to follow him today. I don’t have any classes or plans after this class, and I need a distraction. So as he gathered up his books, I did the same. I sat strategically in the back so that he would have to pass me to leave; then, I could just follow him. The professor called out and the following begins now.

I hadn’t even thought about the possibility that he might ride a bike. But thankfully he stuck to walking. More like speed walking. I had a tough time keeping him in my sights. Where did he have to be so quickly? But then he turned and walked into a cute little cafe. I thought he had stopped for a drink, but instead he pulled an apron up over his head and began working. Wow he had a job! Right after class too; that’s so cool! I decided I would just be a customer; until the end of his shift at least. I sat down and just as I got settled he came to my table.

“You have to order at the counter,” and he walked away.

I thought I was going to get a chance to talk to him but nope. Denied. So I took his advice and went and ordered a coffee and sandwich. I asked if it’s a bring to the table place or wait to take it? She answered to the former so I went and sat back down at my table. But again I felt his presence.

“Order number 2. Latte and sandwich. Is that right?”

He seemed to just stare through me, and not at me. Like he didn’t really want to be here. “Yep. That’s right. Thank you,” I tried to take the tray from him.

Instead he pulled it away and set the dishes down in front of me, and disappeared again. He really seemed to not be a talkative guy. But he was hardworking. Just like in class, he was constantly moving, and if he wasn’t he was twitching in place.

As the day went on I discovered that this guy was going to work until closing. Another worker told me after they saw me watching him so long. I decided to finish up my sandwich and head across the street to a bookstore. I couldn’t stay at the cafe for several hours. So instead I got another coffee and waited across the street, still watching the guy wiz through the tables doing his job.

Around 6pm, he finally left the cafe. He seemed to be slower; tired now. Which for me was great! I was able to keep up with his slow pace. I know it seems strange that I’m just following this guy around, but I need to focus elsewhere these next few months. And he does fascinate me. I wonder what he works so hard for.

So…this guy walks everywhere. We probably walked a good five miles before he hopped on a bus. Thankfully the bus seemed to wait or I would have missed it. We rode the bus maybe thirty minutes before he got off and started walking again. We walked another fifteen minutes before he headed inside a supermarket. Probably to grab some dinner for himself.

I stayed outside; finally taking in my surroundings. We were in a dark neighborhood. The only light was the one hanging above me from the supermarket sign. I wasn’t instantly scared or anything, but I realized that I might have jumped in too deep following him. There was movement around me, but I couldn’t see anything. Until a man walked up to me into the light and kept inching closer. Too close for my liking. “Can I help you?” I muttered out hoping to stop the moving closer.

But he just kept coming. Now I was scared. He was now in my personal bubble. I tried to step away but felt the brick wall behind me. I was trapped. Panic began to boil inside me until a hand grabbed my wrist.

“She’s with me. Back off,” the guy I had been following had pulled me behind him and now stood nose to nose with the creepy man.

The man just shrugged and moved away.

I let out a sigh of relief…

The guy turned in my direction gripping my shoulders tightly. “Are you crazy? Or just stupid?! Why would you follow me this far. I assumed when you noticed the distance you would have given up. Why are you so unaware. And why did you decide to follow me dressed like that. You could have been hurt or worse if I hadn’t stepped in.”

I was startled. I hadn’t thought of anything. I just wanted to get to know him. I just wanted to know why he worked so hard. I hadn’t thought about my clothes, but looking down, I noticed I was not dressed appropriately for the night. I was wearing a short skirt and tank top. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…I’m sorry.”

He sighed. He looked over his shoulder. “We need to go,” he grabbed my wrist, hopped onto the new bus, and just as the bus pulled away a group of men walked up to where we had been standing. “What is your plan for tonight?”

I hadn’t thought that far. I just didn’t want to be home. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Is there anything in your area where I could stay for a night?”

He gripped the back of his neck. “Not anywhere safe. You’ll have to stay at my home. But just know it is going to be loud. You probably won’t get to sleep until late. And your cover story will have to be that you are my girlfriend. You good with that for a night?”

His place. Loud. No sleep. What was happening? Girlfriend. That part scared me. Because that meant close. I’ve never been close to anyone. But then I noticed that he was still holding my wrist, and that he was only inches from me. He was in my bubble, and it didn’t seem to bother me. I wonder why? But then I remember he had asked if that was okay, and when I turned to answer he was blushing. Which made me feel at ease, “Yeah. That’s fine.”

Then we continued the bus ride in silence.

It was around 8pm when the bus finally stopped. Still holding my wrist we walked off the bus and through a neighborhood. It looked rough around the edges but you could still see in the windows of homes, glows of light and you could hear laughter. A home with neither of those things is not a home, but a place to live. A home is better.

He kept walking until he got to the front of another house. He paused, “I’m going to have to make dinner for my family. You will be left alone around them. They are loud, but are very welcoming. Will you be okay on your own?”

I didn’t know. But a family. That’s a nice word. A welcoming family. That’s even better. I nodded in response.

He slipped his hand down my wrist and held my hand instead.

Loud was an understatement. As soon as we came through the doors the whole house erupted with laughter and hugs. They welcomed home their precious son. Jason. Jason was his name. He seemed to be the whole center of this family. There were three little girls, a mom, and a grandma. And you could see the love. My heart pained with jealousy. It all quieted when they saw me.

All eyes were on me. As if instinct I grabbed onto Jason’s wrist. He looked back at me, probably seeing my red cheeks of embarrassment. He smirked. He turned back to his family, “this is Kate. She is my girlfriend. She wanted to meet all of you.” Still silence. “What happened to my welcoming family?”

When I thought they didn’t like me, suddenly they separated Jason and myself. Shoved him off into the kitchen and guided me to the small living room. Where the three little girls snuggled into me. And the mom and grandma seemed to look at me in curiosity.

One of the little girls scrambled up from my lap, “can I play with your hair? It’s so pretty!”

“Go ahead, I’ve always wanted to experience that.” All three little girls jumped up with excitement to disappear into their room. Only to come back with brushes and all kinds of clips falling from their small arms. While my long hair was pulled and brushed I faced the mom and grandma who had been silent through this exchange.

“Well…umm,” I tried to end the silence…

“Where did you meet Jason?” The mom said suddenly.

“How long have you been together?” The grandma chimed in.

“What is your life like?” The mom again.

“What does your family do?” The grandma again.

Everything but that last one was fine. “Jason and I are in the same business class. It’s not been long. My life is fine but felt empty before meeting Jason. And…”

“Enough grilling her. Or she won’t want to come back,” Jason came back into the room at the perfect moment. “Foods done. Let’s eat!”

Dinner was delicious. I now knew why Jason was always moving. He wanted to be home. And I can’t blame him. His family was wonderful.

…6 months later…

After that first visit, I was hooked. I had spent the night at his family’s home and Jason had taken me home the next day. He had told me that I might need to come to the house occasionally to keep up the facade; until we could break up amiably. But that I was never to follow him again, and that I should just take the bus the whole way there. Or take an Uber.

Well I did go to his home. But I went often. Any chance I got I was there. I loved all the care and love that was in his home. I was even there when Jason wasn’t. I would spend time with his sisters. Letting them do my hair, my makeup, and nails. I learned to cook from his mom and grandma. They taught me many different things like cleaning, laundry, etc.

So to reward their lessons, I put them to the test, and I would clean their house. I enjoyed it. It made me happy to help someone else. I would help tutor his sisters. They were only in kindergarten but I would help them when they asked questions. Jason’s family felt like family to me. Everything was perfect.

Until one night Jason came home to find me cleaning the kitchen. I had never done any cleaning in front of him. But this time I wanted him to be able to start making dinner in a clean kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Jason came in a set the groceries on the counter.

“I thought I would help clean up the…”

“You don’t need to do that. I don’t want you to do that. We don’t need your charity. Are you enjoying helping the poor family that is barely surviving? Does it make you feel good being all holy around my family, because you are better off than us? Stop! Just go back home to your rich family and tell them of your day of helping the low class. Go!”

I was stunned. I didn’t realize he saw me that way. I thought we had gotten closer over these few months. On his days off we would go walking in the park, or go on picnics with his sisters. I thought our relationship had changed into something closer. But instead he just saw me as a person trying to feel better by helping them. Which was far from the truth. I loved it here. I loved his family. I loved hi….no. I couldn’t go there. Because I now had to say goodbye to another family. I dropped the sponge and went out of the kitchen. I hugged the little girls one last time. I waved goodbye to the mom and grandma. I gathered up my belongings and left. Left another home.

…3 Months Later…

Jason

It had been three months since I had seen her again. I had, had a terrible customer at the cafe that day. A group of fellow students. They were all rich and snobbish. The guys were talking about Kate; about how she was just doing charity to be around me. I knew they were just pissed that she wanted to be around me and not them, but after three hours of them saying it over and over; then to come home to her cleaning the kitchen was just too much. I didn’t want her to only be there out of charity. Which I knew she wasn’t. But at that moment I lost it on her. I said everything I was feeling towards that group of jerks, but instead at her. The tears forming in her eyes told me I had made a mistake. But it was too late; she was gone when I went after her.

Now it had been three months and she had not come to school. Did she drop out? Did she switch majors? Where was she? I needed to at least apologize. She deserved that. I took the day off from working, I had hoped she would be here today, but again she was a no show. In her normal seat was a girl named Mary. I knew she was Kate’s friend. When the professor said class was done it was the first time I didn’t sprint out of here; instead I walked over to Mary, “where is Kate? She hasn’t been coming to class lately.”

Mary jumped suddenly. But then relaxed when she saw it was me.

I had met her a couple of times through Kate.

“Yeah. Kate took a semester off. She always does at this time of year. She doesn’t seem to care that college is going to take several extra years. But I can’t blame her; she never seems herself this time of year. Poor thing.”

I was confused. None of this made any sense. Kate. Smiling happy Kate. Kate who was happy spending time with me and my family. Not being herself, what? “What are you talking about. This is the same Kate we are talking about. Smiling Kate. Always happy Kate. That Kate?”

“You didn’t know? I assumed she would have told you. She spent so much time with you. She even confessed to me that she was hoping to become part of your family in the end. How is it that you didn’t know?” Mary looked away. I could see tears forming.

‘Part of my family? She wanted to be family with me? She liked me? I liked her too but I never thought those feeling would be reciprocated; so I never acted on them. Wait. Mary said how do I not know. What do I not know?’ “Explain.”

I sat on the bus mulling over what Mary had just told me. I couldn’t believe it.

…1 hour ago…

“Kate has no family. Her whole family died in a bad house fire when she was seven years old. Her mom, dad, brother, and sister. She was the youngest and in the farthest room. They say it was a miracle that she lived. But from that day onward she was an orphan. She had no other family; so she lived in an orphanage until she was eighteen. The trust her dad had left her was not active until then. He had a trust for each of his kids, but since she was the only one left living she inherited it all. So yes she was wealthy, but only in money. But as Kate always said, “not in what really mattered”. She would have traded all the money in the world for her family back.” Mary choked back some tears.

‘What!?!’

Mary continued, “always at this time of year her family’s accident resurfaces and she hides herself away. Because she can’t seem to hold in the tears; even after all this time. Which I had thought things would be different this time. Because even as the day was approaching she was still so happy. Because she had found what she had wanted all along. A family that wanted her. She told me all about how your family took her in and made her feel loved. It was the first time in her life she had felt that way since she was seven. I thought things would be different. But it seems like she can never escape it. And don’t ask me; I don’t know where she goes. She just disappears for about six months. She will come back in the Spring.”

…Back on the Bus…

I just sat there silent on the bus. Thinking back to what I had said to her that day. Doing charity. Feeling holy taking care of his family. Go back to her rich family and gloat. I dropped my head into my hands. No wonder she almost cried that day. I jabbed at all of her sore spots in one go. And now she was gone. I wasn’t going to see her again for three months. And she might just transfer to another school and never come back. What have I done?

When I stepped into the house; it was no longer the same as it was after the day Kate left. I was still greeted with love, but it seemed dulled a bit. Like they are hoping Kate will walk in right behind me. I needed to talk to mom and nana; they would probably know some things after spending so much time with her.

After my sisters went to sleep, I sat down for the grueling discussion. “Did you know anything about Kate’s past?”

My mom and nana looked at each other. They knew.

“How could you know and not tell me anything. After I said all those terrible things to her.”

Nana whacked me in the head, “that’s for saying all those awful things to her. She was already struggling that day. But she was trying to keep it together. She wanted to work through her pain and stay with us. She had said that we were healing her. But then you had to go and drive a knife through her patched heart. I watched it crumble apart as she left that day. I will be surprised if she can even function. She had to loose another family that day. How could you,” Nana was in uproar. She left the room promptly, because she didn’t want to cause more harm than she had already done.

I folded in half. Hunched over feeling defeated. Like there was no way to come back from this.

Mom walked over and hugged me. I needed the hug, but I felt guilty for the first time for getting one; because I knew that Kate wasn’t here to get one. “Mom, what do I do? She left. And I have no idea where to find her.”

“Oh my sweet son. She may need time to heal again. Your nana is wrong for hitting you, but she is not wrong that it would be a miracle that Kate stays. You were so young when we lost your father, but to me I wanted to run away and hide. But I stayed because I still had someone who needed me. Kate has no one. If she decides to hide, she sadly now has no reason to come back.”

“But I…”

“You took yourself out the equation that day. To her you abandoned her. And then she had to say goodbye to a new loving family. She is probably broken. We can just pray that she does come back.” Mom got up and went to follow nana to bed.

I sat there looking at my hands. ‘Please God. Give me a chance to apologize to her.’ That’s all I wanted. A chance to apologize.

My sister lily came tiptoeing into the living room. She handed me a post card. She whispered into my ear, “bring her back.” And just as quickly, lily disappeared back into her room.

…1 month later…

Kate

I wouldn’t say I ran away. I would more say I needed time away and with other children in the same boat. Every year at this time I take time off from school and I volunteer at the orphanage that brought me up. That’s why I’m getting the business degree. I’m hoping to help this orphanage out; help these kids find homes before they are adults. But even then, I’ll hope to have jobs available for the kids like me. The no home children.

That day when Jason chased me out of his home made me wake up. That I was just masking my pain with a new family. That I needed to first heal before trying to find a bandaid solution. But what Jason said would not be easily forgiven. It hurt so much that day, because that’s how he saw me. That he still, after all that time, didn’t know the real me.

I had sent a post card to his sisters because they are to young to understand why I just left that day. So I thought letters and postcards would help cushion the blow that I wouldn’t be coming back. Hopefully they listened and kept the letter from her brother. I don’t need him getting mad at me again.

But being at the orphanage again this time is healing me. I needed a push from wanting a new family to actually heal my heart. That I can be loved. Even if not by the first family I found. That I can always try again. That I am wanted. All of us are.

“Kate?” Mother Ann called.

“Yes. I’m over by the garden with group C.”

“There is a visitor for you. They are at the front gate,” Mother Ann came around the corner. “I’ll take over for your class. You go receive them.”

Who could be here for me. In the last fourteen years this has never happened. “Okay. No problem.”

Walking up to the front gate I saw a head. Head with black hair. What? How? I paused.

Jason turned around to face me. “Hey there.”

I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I thought I had healed. But I guess his words still stung. I didn’t want to talk to him. Instead of letting him in I turned and walked away. Quickly. I didn’t want to hear him.

“Hey.” Jason grabbed onto my wrist.

Just like the first day we met. But I tried to pull away from him.

“Stop Kate. I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you.” He pulled me into his embrace.

He was in my bubble. The action that used to bring me so much comfort just hurt me. Hadn’t he told me to leave and never come back. I hugged myself and stepped away from him. He didn’t try to stop me. He let me slip away.

I stood just out of his reach. Not letting him enter my bubble. I couldn’t feel that way again.

“I’m so sorry Kate. I didn’t mean anything I said that day. I just took out my frustration on you. I was stupid. I was crazy. I… please let me apologize. If I had known I would have never…”

“That’s just it, Jason. I didn’t want you to know. Because I didn’t want the so called pity you accused me of. I didn’t want you to allow me around because you felt sorry for me. I wanted to be accepted because you wanted me there. But I can see how I could upset you being there all the time, when you never really wanted me around. I’m sorry that I tried to get close to you. It won’t happen again. And…you came to me. I listened to you when you told me to leave, your the one who came to find me. You at least can’t get mad at me for that.” I felt my defense crumbling. I was being to shake. I knew that tears were well on their way. I needed to leave. Or he may get pleased in watching me wallow in sadness. “You’ve seen me. I’ve apologized. You can leave now.” I walked away. The distance between us was growing. Tears were spilling down my face. But since I was a distance away I didn’t feel so vulnerable sobbing; the only thing he might see is my shoulders shuddering.

“No.” Jason hugged me from behind. His arms were strong; no intention of letting go. “No. I wanted you. I’ve always wanted you around. I’m so sorry I made you feel unwanted that day. I’ve been regretting it every day, no, every second after. Come back home with me.”

Those last words rang in my ear. Come back home. Could I actually believe him. Did he actually want me back? I tried to release his arms from me, but they tightened around me.

“I love you, Kate. Please come back and be my family.”

I stopped struggling. I froze. He loves me? Someone loves me? I managed to turn myself around to face him in his embrace. I stared into his eyes; eyes never lie. His face was flush as stared at him. “Do you really? Or is it just pit…”

He kissed me. He squeezed me tighter. I almost couldn’t breathe. But I think I can believe him. That he loves me. I kissed him back.

…The End…

Creativity, Life As A Mama

Strange Thing This Pregnancy…

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This pregnancy for me has been a strange one. My food desires are all out of whack.

My other pregnancies, I couldn’t stop eating. Like I gained so much extra weight because food was all I wanted.

But this pregnancy I’ve been having trouble. I’ve always had issues with “morning” sickness. (Should be called all day nausea.) I’m not one of those lucky 30%. (That number used to be 20%.)

But it’s weird this time around. Like all I could eat the first month was steak. And only steak!! But now, the thought of steak sickens me. Unless it is in Chinese food. So I went into a Chinese food phase. That only homemade Chinese food would fill my hunger.

But other things. Like I crave sweets, but it has to be certain kinds. Like brownies or ice cream. But the thought of plain chocolate is so gross.

Another, popcorn. Popcorn sounds so disgusting. Like the smell of it turns my stomach. But the thought of a can of corn sounds amazing.

Another, sourdough bread. I’ve been making our own sourdough bread for the last three years. I love sourdough bread; or at least I used to. Now it makes me sick. The taste is all wrong. So I’ve got to figure out a new recipe. I love bread; I can’t go nine months of no bread…

Another one that happened a few days ago, was the meat in the dish was whatever. I ate it because I needed it, but the onions were AMAZING!! I wanted to eat all the onions!!

Or like I’ve been craving a combo pizza. With sausage, olives, bell peppers, onions, etc. I had a piece today, and it was everything. I wanted more, but my husband would not have appreciated if I ate all his leftover pizza. So I made pizza tonight for dinner.

Also I’ve been craving this grilled cheese chicken sandwich with chipotle sauce. Oh, is it delicious!! My husband was fine with indulging in my craving, the other day, because he was able to leave me to my food and go exploring for fun new toys he’s been wanting.

So I’m just confused at how my body is this time around. Some days I just want to devour one certain food for an entire day. But then the next day comes, and the thought of that previous food is unappetizing. Haha!! I don’t get it!

Writing this out…I’m craving that chipotle sandwich again. But instead of a $10 sandwich excursion; it can very easily turn into a over $200 day.

Maybe I’ll try and make it myself…?

Have a wonderful Thursday!! Hope this post didn’t make you too hungry. I will be adventuring into another strange day of my pregnancy. Be thankful you can eat anything you want!

Art, Creativity, Short Stories, Uncategorized

Short Story #7

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“Hi Mr. David! Hi Mr. Max! Hi Mr. Charles!” I called to the men that have been in my life since forever.

I think I first met them all when I was about five years old. They were introduced to me the same as I called to them today. It’s crazy it’s already been fifteen years. Time has flown by, but I’ve loved every moment of it.

“Hey Mr. David, have you seen my dad anywhere?”

“I uh…I think his up on the roof. I’ll get him for ya. One sec,” Mr. David disappeared over to the other side of the roof.

Just like dad. Leaving the hard work for himself. “Dad!” I waved.

“Hey sweetheart. Give me a sec. I’m almost done up here. Maybe 10min.”

“No problem, Dad. I’ll just be in the house figuring out the furniture layout.”

“Thanks!” And Dad disappeared again.

Little backstory:

My parents got pregnant way too early. My dad was only fifteen. I guess my mom was terrified and was trying to figure it all out. When my dad told her that he would take full custody of me and my mom wouldn’t have to be involved; which she never has. So I was brought up by my dad and my grandparents. So much love! More than enough to make me into the young woman I am now.

After I graduated high school, I went into the family business. Flipping homes. Dad and the crew does all the work and I do the designing part of it all. I had no desire to go to college. Dad and the crew was enough social life for me. I’m not an introvert but I’m definitely not an extrovert; I’m just neutral. Boring. But I love my life.

Back to Present:

“Hey sweetie, sorry. I just didn’t want to leave the roof unfinished in case of bad weather.”

My dad was just over six feet, dusty blonde hair, he says chiseled good looks, and one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen. I got that smile too!

“Totally understand Dad.” As I too finished up a thought and jotted it down on paper. “So Dad, did you hire a new hand? This project is bigger than the last. And Mr. Charles is going to be leaving for a couple months.”

“Ummm…no” Dad mumbled out the words.

“Dad!”

“Sorry sweetheart, it just got away from me. You know me, I’m terrible at remembering these things. I just get into my mode and get things done. I don’t know if we will have to hire someone. We might be able to…”

“No Dad. Mr. David said we need another set of hands. Preferably a younger set of hands that can do more of the physical labor. Should I send out a chat In Search Of? I could.”

“No, hon. It’s more of a feeling thing. Like the vibe of the person more than here say. Some woman might think her son is great, but he ends up being a lazy turd. Then I have to burn a bridge. No, I’ll find the person.”

“Hey Boss,” Mr. David stuck his head in the door. “We are strangely out of two by fours and we need about twenty more.”

“Also ten four by fours,” Mr. Charles called out somewhere.

“Drat. I thought I counted right. Okay, no problem. Sweetheart do you mind doing this run?”

“No problem Dad. But while I’m gone search for someone.” I gathered up my bag about to head out.

“Hey hon, you keep your guard up, but if while you are there and you get the right kind of vibe from someone offer them the job. There are always handy people at Home Depot.”

“Okay Dad,” with no real understanding of what vibe Dad wanted. But I never said no to him. He could count on me for anything.

Home Depot. The store of creativity…and debt. We spend so much money at Home Depot; but there is no better alternative where we are currently. But I still love this place. I love the wood smell.

Dad is always right; the parking lot was filled with people standing around. Many of them had signs with them reading ‘Will work. No English.’ That wouldn’t work for us. But there was one man sitting against the building by the entrance. He was hunched over himself. He was in rough shape. I got a shiver down my spine and I turned away from my curiosity only to be stopped by the voice.

‘Speak to him.’

You know that subconscious voice you hear sometimes, that’s the Holy Spirt talking to you. And I know from past experiences you don’t ignore it.

But still I was worried. The man didn’t seem to be awake. What if he was hyped up on drugs. What if he attacked me. What if…?

‘Speak to him. I will protect you.’

“Excuse me? Are you alright?” I crouched down by the man. I could hear his breathing. “Sir?” I tapped him on the shoulder.

His head snapped up and he suddenly crawled backwards away from me. “Sorry. You scared the crap out of me! What were you saying?”

The man was dirty to say the least, but he just looked tired and skinny when I was close up. “I just asked if you were alright? You weren’t moving, I was worried for you.”

“Oh. Thanks. But I’m okay. I just lost all my strength and decided to just sleep. Sleeping stops your hunger.” As he spoke, he instantly grabbed at his stomach. A loud growl came from it.

‘Feed him.’

“I’m a little hungry too. You want to stop over at Wendy’s for some lunch? My treat,” I gathered myself up and stretched my hand out to him.

He just stared at my hand. But I think his stomach moved before he did and he accepted my hand and walked with me over to Wendy’s.

The guy’s name was Stephen. He lost all his family, home, job, everything in the last year. He had been living in his car until it too decided to stop working today in the Home Depot parking lot. He had been hoping to find honest work. But the last job he did the employer didn’t pay him after the work was done. That’s the problem about working under the table; they can decide to not pay and you don’t have a say.

‘Hire him.’

“I was already going to do that.” I smirked.

“Do what?” Stephen asked as he shoved his last bite in his mouth. He ate four cheeseburgers.

“Oh. I was going to offer you a job. My dad owns a construction company and we’ve been doing house flipping. we are looking for a hired hand; it could be part time or full time employment. Would you be interested?”

Stephen just looked at me. “You are too trusting. How do you know I’m not a bad guy? How do you know I’m not going to attack you? You should keep your guard up when meeting strangers.”

“God told me to talk to you. He has been guiding me this whole time. If He had not spoken; I would have passed you by. You would still be sitting against the building starving. But I listen when He speaks.”

Stephen was now just looking at me like I was crazy. I don’t blame him. People who don’t know what I’m talking about always think I’m crazy. “Okay. Let’s say I believe you. What would the job entail? What’s the pay like? Would I get a bonus for signing up so I could get an apartment?”

“If you are interested you can come with me and discuss it with my dad. He knows all the answers to the questions you asked.” I cleaned up my space and grabbed my bag. “You coming? If you are, your coming back to Home Depot with me. I need to grab a couple things. No matter what happens I will pay you for your time. You in?”

He stood, “I’m in.”

… Six Months Later

To say the least. Stephen accepted the job. Instead of getting him a bonus for an apartment, Mr. David had a back house that he rented to him for dirt cheap. Which meant he was able carpool to the job sites. Sweet gig. My dad had been questionable about my selection when I had gotten back, but after Stephen telling my dad that a voice told me to hire him; Dad understood.

Stephen actually did great work. As long as he had food in his system. No food meant exhaustion for him. Which is totally understandable because the rest of the crew were older guys; and they decided Stephen should do all the heavy lifting.

But to me Stephen has change these last six months. He was no longer dirty. He had gotten a tan, and stronger. And he had a great smile. When he would laugh with the other guys, you would catch a glimpse of a dimple on the right side of his face.

I don’t know how I really felt about him. I might like him, but I don’t know if it’s just familiarity. Maybe he isn’t supposed to be my other half, but to stay one of the crew. Be my family just in name. “I don’t know….ugh…feelings are so complicated.”

“What feelings?”

That startled me and I jumped away from my laptop. I had been searching for different furniture options. Stephen was standing next to it now. “Oh. Stephen, you startled me. Make your presence known when you are walking up. Geesh…” I giggled.

“Sorry Katie. I thought you could hear me. Will do next time. But what feelings are difficult?”

“Oh. Never mind that. Did you need something?” Change the subject or I was about the change to a vibrant red color over my face.

“Yeah. Your dad is sending us to Home Depot. His words. I do the work you are the bank,” he shook his head a laughed.

My heart fluttered. Nope. I’m not going to do this now. Also I don’t know if he is a believer or not. Obviously if he’s not nothing would start. I pushed my feelings down deep, gathered up my bag and headed to the car. I didn’t even wait for Stephen; I just went.

“Are we good? You seem to be ignoring me lately? Did I do something wrong?”

I sighed, “No. you’re good. I’m just confused. Once things are figured out I’ll go back to normal. You can just ignore me too,” I climbed out of the car.

We just walked in silence until we again were at the spot where we met. Stephen ran over to it and squatted down. “Look familiar?”

I laughed. “Yes. Only you are cleaner now.”

“Good. You smiled,” I almost didn’t catch that since he whispered. Stephen stood up dusting himself off.

“Stephen!?!”

I turned to see a young woman run up and hug Stephen. Stephen just stood there glued to the ground. His arms hanging by his sides. He seemed uncomfortable.

“Stephen. Do you know her?” I had stepped up and touched Stephen’s arms.

Stephen reacted. He shoved the woman off of him and grabbed my wrist pulling me behind him. “Stay quiet. Don’t speak,” Stephen whispered to me over his shoulder.

I was stunned but not as shocked as the woman across from us. She looked confused, hurt, and starting to get angry.

“Wow Stephen. That’s no way to treat your old girlfriend. Just because you found someone new doesn’t mean I’ll ever go away…” the woman spoke but her words slurred a bit. Like she was drunk.

That hurt me; I didn’t know he had liked someone before. I tried to walk away, but Stephen held me firm behind him, even pulled me closer to his back. The muscles in his shoulders were tense. He didn’t trust her…so I decided to stay quiet and still.

“Amanda. Why lie? We were never together. You would just follow me around trying to get me to buy you booze. I’m good now. I have a job, a great boss, and…” Stephen’s body shifted, “good friends now.”

I didn’t expect him to say he loved me or anything. But friends…friends mean no feelings. I think I just got my answer. I felt my heart sink, until Stephen’s grip on my wrist softened and then tightened again. What did that mean?

“So I still have a chance huh? Just a friend…” Amanda chuckled with snorts.

“Never had a chance. Never will have a future chance. Just leave Amanda. I’m working right now. If you harass us again I’ll call the cops. Just remember there is no booze in jail.”

Amanda didn’t like that last part the most. She glared in my direction but still walked away.

Stephen’s body finally relaxed. His grip on my wrist also loosened.

I didn’t really want to, but I backed away from Stephen. “So we should go do what Dad wanted us to do,” I started to walk towards the entrance. “Why does something always happen when we come to this Home Depot. Maybe we should find a new one.” I was almost to the doors when I noticed that Stephen was still standing where I left him. I walked back to him, “you good? Can we do what we came to do?”

Stephen continued to be silent. I thought he was ignoring me like I had told him to do, but the look of pain and confusion on his face told me otherwise. He was trying to mull something over in his heart and mind.

“Stephen?” I again touched his arm.

He jumped at my touch. But when he saw me he latched onto my hands. “How am I supposed to listen to the voice calling out to me? What if something bad had happened? I listened and you could have gotten hurt. She could have hurt you. Is this how you feel every time? Why would you do this to yourself? Can I make it stop?…”

He was rambling! I just pulled him towards me and hugged him. From what I gathered from his spattering, was that God was trying to help him, to reach him, but he didn’t know what to do or if he wanted to. “God, please help him,” I sent out a silent prayer. Stephen’s body began to slow and then he just collapsed into my arms. He was lifeless. He was breathing, but he was unresponsive. I dragged him over to the spot where I had first met Stephen years ago and just sat there with him. God was doing his thing, but in a calmer way. Stephen and God we’re probably having a full on discussion and it took all his energy. I pulled my phone out, “Hey Dad. Could you come over here please.” I summarized what had happened. “You are just better at talking to people about becoming a Christian. I think you would be able to help Stephen. Can you come please?”

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll be there in five.”

…The End…

Digital Art
By: emily2jane
05-25-24
‘Joy’